The Waiting Game

TREATEMENT UPDATE:  The new doctor I saw on Monday ordered more tests.  My treatment plan is thus delayed.  My response to high CBD hemp oil waxes and wanes.  At least it prevents seizure attacks most of the time when I am in a completely controlled environment and can arrest them some of the time when they break through.  But if someone enters my bubble at home with but a speck of perfume or exposure to mold in a water damaged building then there are fireworks!  So I’ve got three more weeks of guessing what the heck to do . . .  Holding on and talking to the Lord a lot.

Or holding it?  Gotta laugh too.

The Waiting Game
The Waiting Game

Long before sun up

Recovering from a serious illness sure can make your daily schedule wacky!  I know that I’m not alone when surfing Facebook and find a few lone rangers out there overnight in the various Lyme and Mold forums.  Tis sweet.  Often I get my best thinking, creating and writing done just before sun up.  I used to say it was, “making lemonade out of lemons.”  Yeah, o.k.  I’m just glad to have some moments of clarity no matter when they come!

Here’s the latest fruits of my labors.  Something good from Trinity Jewelry by Design:

Think Spring!
Think Spring!
DSCF9448
Black leather wraps in style!

We all have but one past

“We all have one past, but many possible futures,” stated Canadian hockey player Guy LaFleur, in an interview at his retirement (as quoted in the February 2014 newsletter of RZIM ministries).

24 However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.  (The apostle Paul speaking in Acts 20:24)

Let your eyes look straight ahead; fix your gaze directly before you.  Give careful thought to the paths for your feet and be steadfast in all your ways.  (Proverbs 4:25-26)

Oh to be able to empty myself of yesterday and walk forth into tomorrow with great expectation!  To live in the moment with hope that what comes will be filled with the Lord’s tender mercies and grace is to really live freely in Christ.  And to know that the struggles of the day will work itself into a beautiful tapestry of my eternal life that has already begun, well, that’s really head-y man!

When I was researching yet another new dietary approach to the illness I endure, I realized how many times I have done this work before.  Over and over again I have sat here at our computer and continued to research solutions to the treatment failures in the past.  I admit that the new ideas don’t always come from the Lord, however.  Who else would come up with a way to make turnips to fit a Candida, mold-free, and low oxalate diet?  (Chuckle.)  I believe it is the Lord who inspires the best of what comes from me through the Holy Spirit and then provides just enough energy to get me there.  For example, I had an unexpected, Divine appointment with a friend who happened to be in the lobby of our doctor’s office on Friday.  She needed prayer badly!  The Lord in his mercy used me to step out in faith and pray with her right then and there.  The fellowship moved each of us.  The moment would have been missed if the Lord had orchestrated the events for me to leave the building just a few minutes earlier or later . . .

But really, until I started writing this I always thought that deep down inside I was someone who carried the events of my sordid childhood on my sleeve.  My utility to this world was somehow limited because of my past.  I thought that the facts that I came from a broken home, witnessed and experienced abuse, grew up lacking basic provisions at times, and didn’t find Jesus Christ until I had spiraled out of control as a young adult limited who I would eventually become someday.   Even if my outward appearance showed a measure of success, the inner woundedness kept me from enjoying it.  For example, I have had to remember to smile:  the joy just isn’t there a lot of the time to beam out from within me.  This should have changed when I found Jesus and entered into a personal, saving relationship with Him.  He redeemed my sin and began to fill the emptiness in my heart reserved only for Him.  Why wasn’t it enough?

I’m not sure I have the answer to that just yet.  I do know that sometimes we are our own worst enemies, eh?  We get in the way of what the Lord has planned for our lives, the opportunities he places before us and noticing the lovely little niceties he sprinkles around us to show us His love.  His love is always around us.  It’s my opportunity to let more of it dwell within me and let my eyes find it around me too.  And when that happens, more of Him flows through me to others, to my work, to my walk in this life with Him.   I can see that it is happening despite my weakness; I just haven’t recognized it enough.  I’m worried about appearing humble and making sure I “keep the gate closed” on the sordid remnants of my past.  Maybe I don’t need another few years of psychotherapy to figure it all out.  I just need to wait on Him.  He is leading me more than I realize!  And if that means anything to you, well let’s give God the glory!  Like Patsy Clairmont says in her book of the same title, God Uses Cracked Pots (1991) like me.

We all have one past.  Healing the hurts from our past requires grieving, reflection, restoration, and the passing of time.  But carrying it around and letting those wounds drag down the current day that has enough challenges of its own is a mistake.  Cut the ties to the past and live mindfully in the present.  Don’t deny who you are or your unique story.  Tell it to others who need to hear . . . talk about it with your heavenly Father who has sustained you to grow you into the man or woman you are today.  The possibilities of an amazing future awaits, adventures big and tiny, and we don’t want to miss them do we?

Say, I saw a gathering of robins (that signal the first sign of Spring in the Midwest) playing in a couple of feet of snow the other day when I was coming home from that doctor appointment.  I was exhausted as I turned the corner in my truck and some yucky stuff happened later that evening.  All of these events were in the mix of the activities of my day.  The bottom line is that the robins are back!  That is just sweet enough to warm my heart and the tips of my fingers in my fingertip less gloves as I type into the wee hours of the morning (until it’s time to take my final saliva sample for a lab test at the correct time interval, that is!).

Talk about cracked pots . . .  JJ

Bein’ Grateful

be gratefulJust a little something in honor of my 7-Day Dietary Challenge:  Candida + mold-free + low sulphur.  Sish!  Here we go again!  And still grateful to have something else to try.  Squash anyone?  Noooooooooooooo!

My Story in Brief

Here’s a brief overview of my wacky journey to date, written for another blogger.  I’m hanging tough as this time of illness continues, leaning on the Lord and witnessing His grace in my life every day.  I have so much for which to be grateful!  You too?  :J

First Name: Julie
Age:  53
Gender:  Female
Where do you live?  Fort Wayne, Indiana

When/Where do you suspect that you contracted Lyme?  My doctor suggested it as a possibility in January of 2012.  He’s a family practice physician and chiropractor.

When did you first begin to feel ill or start to notice strange symptoms?   I have had fibromyalgia since 1992 in addition to some thyroid and female/hormonal issues.  Regardless, I was the fittest I had ever been in my life when I became extremely ill with viral hepatitis in October of 2011, after kayaking in a local reservoir.  When was unable to recover as time passed, my LLMD suggested underlying Lyme and that I read about mold illness too.

What were they?  The worst symptoms included:  ongoing nausea, increased muscle pain and headaches, decreased activity tolerance, worsened ringing in my ears, back pain, lightheadedness, extreme fatigue, fractionated sleep, and genital, stomach,  and dental pain.

How many doctors did you see before reaching an accurate diagnosis?  If you start from the fibromyalgia diagnosis in 1992, the number would be around 60 including chiropractors and a naturopathic physician.  If you start with October of 2011, it would be 2:  the emergency room NP and my LLMD.

Were you misdiagnosed with anything prior to being diagnosed with Lyme? If so, what?   It’s unclear if the myriad of health issues over the past two decades are related to Lyme Disease or not.  I started treating for Lyme (first with antibiotics then a Rife machine; supplements too) after confirmation of the diagnosis from biomeridian or electro-dermal testing in January of 2012.  A year later we discovered that we had mold in our home and remediated our entire home.  I had a significant history of mold exposure in a work setting about 6 years earlier and a genetic disposition that favored mold illness more than Lyme disease.  Another year later and currently, a systemic yeast infection (level 3 of 4 levels) has taken center stage in my course of treatment.  The treatment of Candida has been as difficult as that for Lyme or mold!

What are the main symptoms that you experience currently?   Virtually every day I feel like I have the flu, experience muscle and joint pain, endure headaches/neck headaches, and battle weakness and fatigue.  The other symptoms noted above persist as well.

The WORST SYMPTOM by far is that of seizure-like episodes!  The first episode happened one month after the onset of viral hepatitis.  Then I had no episodes until I began treating for Lyme disease with the Rife machine and after the initial trial course of 5 weeks of antibiotics.  Seizure attack episodes thus began around April of 2012 and have gradually worsened since then:  generally up to 4 hours per day!  If I did not have a personal relationship with the Lord, Jesus Christ, I would not be able to endure this personal hell. 

What does your treatment regimen look like?   I can no longer tolerate virtually all of the supplements or compounded medications for Lyme or mold illness without the seizure attacks escalating into convulsions!  I have maintained an increasingly and very strict Candida and mold-free diet for the past year.  Treatment focuses on Candida (rotating anti-fungal meds. & supplements as tolerated); I am no longer able to tolerate the compounded medications of Dr. Shoemaker’s protocol for Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome (www.survivingmold.com)


How much do your symptoms prevent you from living a normal life? 
My life is severely restricted to chemical/fragrance-and-mold-free environments and settings void of loud music and bright lights.  I have not attended our church in about 8 months as it is a water-damaged building.  Physical deconditioning restricts former activities including kayaking, bicycling, walking and gardening.  I am grateful for the occasional exceptions and was able to maintain some raised bed gardens this past year.  Yeah God!  Travelling is particularly difficult and severely exacerbates seizure attack episodes no matter what precautions we try!  After 30 years as an occupational therapist, including adapting my career with various events of my life, I have not been able to work in 2 years.  I miss working!

What do you like to do in your free time and how is this different than before you were sick?   As tolerated, I blog in the middle of the night at:  http://www.justjuliewrites.com on topics incorporating my faith in God and hoping to encourage others with my story of recovery from chronic illness.  I am grateful to have published an eBook this past October entitled:  Hope Beyond Lyme:  The First Year   In August of 2012, I started making macramé hemp jewelry to keep myself sane; today I am grateful to offer jewelry from two missionary organizations helping families at risk.  A donation will be made to Ianna House (a residence for persons with Lyme Disease) for all Lyme disease awareness items purchased at:  Trinity Jewelry by Design.


What do you want people to know about Lyme?   
Examine carefully and journal your symptoms (response to treatment, etc.), do online research especially at http://www.ilads.org including vector-borne co-infections, join online Lyme forums, do  IGenex testing (www.igenex.com), find an experienced Lyme AND mold literate physician (s), and consider several treatment options as you begin this long journey to healing.

What are you most thankful to have gained, or what important lessons have you learned, from your experience with Lyme?   I don’t know how anyone can recover from this difficult illness without two things:  1) the love, care, and support of other people in your life and 2) faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ who loves you, sees your suffering, grieves with you, and will carry you through the ups and downs of this difficult journey.  He is our true source of hope!  When struggling with hours of seizures at night, He meets me there every time and comforts my weary heart, my weary soul, my weary frame.  Sharing my faith with you is my reassurance that this experience won’t be wasted!  I welcome your thoughts and would love to meet you, Gentle Reader, through my blog (www.justjuliewrites.com) or on Facebook at:  Hope Beyond Lyme.  Take care, Julie