humility – Page 3 – Jesus is for the Wounded

Great things He hath done

Published on January 22, 2015January 23, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

⁵Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

⁶Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
    but my ears you have opened
    burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
⁷Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
    it is written about me in the scroll.
⁸I desire to do your will, my God;
    your law is within my heart.”

⁹I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;
    I do not seal my lips, Lord,
    as you know.
¹⁰I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
    I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
    from the great assembly.

¹¹Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me. (Psalm 40; NIV)

After speaking in adoration, gratitude, humility, and transparency, King David seeks compassion from his Lord and savior Jesus Christ.  He has been literally chased by his enemies to the cold, darkness of living in caves.  His very life, his promised kingdom, and all he knows is at stake yet he begins this song with faithful praise.  Thereafter he presents his request for the Lord’s mercy and protection.  Although not quoted here, this psalm of King David goes on to pray for the salvation of his people and desolation of his enemies.  In the end his hope that the Lord be glorified through it all.  Yes indeed.  Wow.  What a tremendous example for me!
Adoration.  Thank you almighty God for all that you have provided to this day.  I see your omnipotent power in the sequencing of events of my life to bring me into the best of fellowship to you my Lord and King.  I praise you here and forevermore.  You have provided exceedingly for my real needs.  The greatest evidence is in love of my life that is now here; I am honored to be at his side, his beloved too.
Gratitude.  For my times of sickness you have given me a warm bed in which to convalesce, healthy food, good medical care, and infused your strength into my weary frame to do the tasks that are needed each day.  No matter how I may be feeling, the facts remain true that you care for the details of my life and are here with me.  I am never alone.  Most of all your love changes my sorrow into joy.
Humility.  The striving, the determination of my youth were eventually broken well into my adulthood so that I might realize the plans you have for me.  Hurt has yielded to forgiveness and freedom.  Following the lead of my earthly kinsman redeemer instead of my own desires has brought me into the fullness of what it means to follow you.  Much goodness has come from all of these.  The motto that began the leap of faith to finding Jesus years ago has come true:  letting go and letting God reign in my heart must remain above all else.
Transparency.  You gave me a fondness for writing long ago, mentored by my own mother (a naturally gifted writer).  This blog has seen me through much suffering and challenged me to return my eyes to Your majesty, Your creation, and more.  I have learned that the truth about life is often separate from what I can see.  Lord keep me soft to submit to Your ways like the clay who gives its essence to the master potter craftsman.  Surely goodness shall be the result for Your glory.
 Prayerfulness.  I do ask for healing of this wretched illness that plagues me for hours each day.  Guide me in my interactions with others when frustrated by so many things; may I be a light for my true hope that is in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Bring rest and lead my husband, Steve, in the decisions we are facing.  Grant him wisdom at home and at work, as a father to his four wonderful adult children, and as a leader in our church.  Thank you for his faithful witness to so many of what it means to be a man after Your own heart.  And please bless the fellow sojourners you have brought into my life, especially my Skype Bible Prayer partners Karan and Sherry.  Such sweet fellowship is salve to my soul.
Great things the Lord hath done in my life since I met my first Gentle Reader about three years ago.  Thank you for coming alongside me for the ups and downs, bunny trail side trips, victories, and more.  Know that I am praying for you as I write this, that the Lord be with you this day too.  He is so good and worthy of our praise.  Perhaps King David said it best later in Psalm 40 like this:
16 But may all who seek you

    rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who long for your saving help always say,

    “The Lord is great!”

Car guys young and old

Published on January 3, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

I don’t care how old you get

Or what you end up tinkering with

As long as you save the best for last

And that is me, I do believe I will be happy!

Happy new year and many blessings to my beloved Steve. Your love, devotion, selfless acts of service, and witness for Jesus Christ deserve a post all of your own. I am so very grateful to the Lord for the privilege of being married to you! Rock on my dear. Shall we put together another year of adventure?

I love you truly, Just Julie

The Woman in the Mirror

Published on October 14, 2014October 14, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

Who is that woman in the mirror?

I see her in a different view these days with less distortion than in days gone by.

The form of her face is increasingly unfamiliar with advancing age and the effects of illness.

When gazing into a full length silhouette I have less of a critical eye as the pounds have dropped over time. This was not always so.

Close in and the imperfect details are no longer masked as I became allergic to make-up or unable to attend to the details of the perfectly plucked brow. The latter used to be so relaxing to craft.

Instead I see the markings of days in the sun, storylines from broken nights of sleep, puffier cheeks for unknown reasons, shoulders elevated with enough muscle tension to throw out the shoulder pads in that dated blazer, and a jaw set in a pattern marked more by pain or grief than joy.

But wait. There is something more! Will you look at her eyes? When she will dare to look with more than a fleeting glance I can see deeply into her soul like never before. There’s a softening, a knowing, a sincerity, a connection, a spirit-filled peace, a sense that the stuff of this world is just not that important anymore, a different brand of confidence. She might be o.k. just the way she is, no? Her eyes say so perhaps . . .

So funny, isn’t it how the role of the bathroom or pocket mirror can change over the course of our lives? As a teenager we strive to keep every bit of bang, drape of the shirttail, sparkle of the lip gloss and more just right. After all that dashing blond-haired dreamboat may just look our way today so we must be ready! The preoccupation continues until we actually land with that special someone at the Lord’s altar of grace and happiness; we may keep up appearances for a time then our image may fade as family priorities, career shifts, and the care of aging parents come crashing in. There simply are not enough hours in the day to have a perfect manicure all the time anymore!

I find myself in a curious variation of all of these themes. Many times I have hated the change in my appearance with the onset of a serious illness. Most of the time I was at a complete loss to do anything about it and had to nearly crawl out of the house with wet hair and no make-up. I was grateful simply to be upright and moving! By the time I became better at managing the symptoms of illness, the routines of daily grooming had already eroded. It was just easier to go al naturale and spend the precious moments in which I was able to function on more important tasks. Comfortable shoes became the norm every day even when I had acquired some cute low-heeled boots or slides. The latter accentuate the calves don’t you know, in a lean, long leggy look anytime of year. Nope: that was generally off my radar until very recently.

Was it the discovery of a mineral-based make-up line that peaked my interest in stepping things up in my primping department? Was it the opportunity to go out a little more that prompted me to look good for my hubby-boo? I’m thinking that it is just plain fun to dress up again, allowing the inner peace to percolate out into the mainstream here and there a bit. And if I do or if I don’t, it doesn’t matter as much anymore. THAT IS VERY FREEING INDEED!

After all, the woman in my mirror has grown into more self-acceptance than ever before. Psalm 139 means a lot to me even in the face of serious illness when I know that this is how my Lord crafted me and is the place from which He will call me into His presence someday. One day all this will be perfect so why sweat the small stuff now? Taking care of myself and my appearance also reflects well on my husband according to the Proverbs 31 lady. She wears purple! The woman in the mirror is to be a solo consideration, not comparing the reflection to any magazine cover or member of the sisterhood. Instead of comparing ourselves to others, we are to humble ourselves before our brethren (Phil 2:3-4). That will keep our hearts pure and beautiful no doubt. Further we are to carry into the world our own treasure chest of talents and giftings (Galatians 6:4-5) then boast only in the One who made us this way (1 Cor 1:30-31) all for His glory not ours. Wow: delighting in His creation (me) which is a testimony to His own reflection and the work of the Holy Spirit living in each of us who know Him as Lord and Savior. Oh how I long to see the face of my Jesus someday!

When a sweet gal recently complimented what I thought was my very plain appearance, I realized that the most important accessories I need to wear are a smile on my face and joy in my heart. The rest of my self image must transcend the beauty aisles at Macy’s. So I say now that my inability to keep up with appearances as in the past has actually moved me away from the glassy mirrors! These days I’d rather see myself in the eyes of a friend sitting across the coffee table than from any other place. Perhaps the Psalmist King Lemuel said it best from the wisdom of his mother:

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. (Proverbs 31:30)

Oh how I do pray that what you see here from me, Gentle Reader, is Him and not me. I would have never made it this far in my life without Him: that is for sure. The mirror would have shattered years ago with the crumbling of my own strength, my own inability to keep up with much of anything at all. May you always see Him in the people places and things around you. May you come to know the Lord, Jesus Christ of your life as you gaze into your own beautiful reflection too. It’s just how it’s meant to be my friend. JJ

The Turning Point

Published on October 4, 2014October 4, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

When you start to leave hell, it’s important to take stock of where you have been and where you are then leave all of your baggage at the turning point.

Hi Gentle Reader. This is my gentle wisdom to you as I gratefully and graciously turn the corner after 3 years of wretched illness. Much grieving has already gone before me and my beloved Steve. Much loss has already pruned that which is no longer critical to our lives. Much angst at our Lord’s merciful throne of grace has established Who is most important in our lives and that He was leading us through all of this. Much dashing of hopes in false turning points along the way has produced endurance for what appears to be the last leg of this race. And yes, much joy has returned despite the jagged line that is normal in the recovery phase. That’s o.k. WE HAVE HOPE!!!

Briefly, I am experiencing 50% improvement in my health after beginning treatment for very high mercury levels. This process will require a slow titration of chelating agents, detoxification with the gentlest of methods, much rest, and humility. Humility? Oh yeah, humility to stay watchful for the Lord’s leading each step of the way and to continue to lean on Him as my own strength returns. My husband has proven himself again and again as the Lord’s instrument, a capable spiritual leader in my life. I have many examples in my life how pride has gone before my downfall, you know (Proverbs 16:18). I don’t want any more “slips and trips” anymore particularly of my own creation!

As I have started to feel better and do more my devotional time has diminished. This is not good. So in response to this turning point, I aim to spend more time in the Word than I have in the past when feeling reasonably well. I aim to keep practicing gratitude: holding lightly any material blessings, fruits of my labors, times of fellowship and the like. I aim to smile more and complain less. After all, I faced death many, many times! These days the gift of time and space, my talents and gifts, and the people/places/things around me are a bonus. I have never believed that I deserved either the good or bad things that have happened in my life. They simply “are.” They simply “were.” It is with great wonder that I aim to explore each day for what may come.

How can anyone really see beyond a turning point anyways when he or she has never been on a given journey before? If we worry about it then we have chosen to believe a lie. No one knows the future so why make up something bad? Why not something good? I aim to squelch what is false with what is true from God’s Word:

³³But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6)

Nuff said. Steve and I enjoyed a long walk in the rain this evening with our pup. This picture portrays my heart inside. God is good. All the time. God is good. JJ

I am sure of it

Published on September 27, 2014September 27, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

Unlike the brain fog of this cartoon, I am going to get well. I am sure of it!

The second week into the use of an atypical chelating agent (Zeolite by Zeo Health) for very high mercury levels has brought more moments of mental clarity than I can ever remember in my entire life. Oh sure there are ongoing seizure attack episodes yet they are generally 50% improved overall!!!!!! I could not say this after any other treatment protocol attempted these past 3 years. I could not say this even after the initial relief from high CBD hemp oil (the industrial hemp counterpart to cannabis oil). I could not say this after antibiotics or Rife treatment with the Beam Ray. I did not say this after (27) IV infusions of magnesium last Fall. I could not say this after extensive and expensive mold remediation in 2013. Even after aggressive treatment for candida over 2 years, I could not say this. But I will say it again:

I AM GOING TO GET WELL!!!!!!

There is only one person to thank for this new direction: the Lord, Jesus Christ. At a time when multiple factors have come together at last, the path has cleared and hope is restored over here because of His mercy and grace. A key factor in this process is humility. More on that in a moment. I also want to thank my chiropractor: Dr. Lee Nagel at DeKalb Chiropractic Center in Waterloo, Indiana. He had a hunch early on in my care that I was suffering from mercury poisoning. After all, two hair analysis tests revealed mercury and other heavy metal toxicity in the year 2000 and again in 2011 but both times my respective Family Practice Physician (FPP) minimized the results. Both times the Dr. thought I would be unable to tolerate a special type of detoxification protocol called chelation that would be required to remove heavy metals. So off we went each time in another direction instead until my life of hell began with viral hepatitis October 11, 2011 and escalated into daily seizures beginning in March of 2012.

Dr. Nagle had high mercury levels discovered by his cardiologist. His health improved after treatment thus placing mercury issues on his clinical radar. Dr. Nagle, father of three, is one of the most adventurist and athletic people I have ever met (behind my beloved Stevers of course!). His chiropractic practice rarely includes medical testing but he made an exception with me. Thank you! It took a month to get the testing protocol right then the results revealed the shocking reality of a probable root cause of illness for me: very high mercury levels. (Please refer to this excellent summary to learn more about this devastating substance. Original citation available upon request.) After a false starts with a quack-y Dr. who claimed to provide chelation, my current FPP is guiding me in the use of chelation and increasing other gentle methods of detoxification that have worked well for me. By the way, my FPP has also recovered from mercury poisoning that almost took his life!

All of this is very humbling after 3 wretched years of illness and 23 years of chronic pain aka fibromyalgia. While I do recognize that I have a new, long course of treatment ahead of me, I am exceedingly grateful to discover a root cause of much of my suffering. Holy cow! A successful outcome could help more than the seizures. Yeah God! Both Steve and I are really hopeful this time. And it is with mental clarity at 4:30 in the morning that I write this to you! So grateful for the 3-hour nap earlier tonight. Yeah, the weird sleep schedule continues a bit!

And now about humility. These entire three years have presented challenges requiring me to trust God for everything up to my next breath. I submitted to the loving care of my gracious husband as he needed to carry me to the toilet a hundred times; help me to shower, feed or dress me when I could not about once per week; carry me to bed often so he would be near as he tried to catch some sleep before work, rush me off the emergency room FIVE TIMES, and so much more. Oh Gentle Reader, have you sensed that I am a recovering Type A personality? A first born of my siblings in my family of origin? That I started working when I was 16 years old with babysitting jobs before then? That I am capable of taking care of myself thank you very much? This is the longest and most extreme period of need that I have ever experienced. I have had to let go of everything during these past three years. At another time I will write about facing death when my breathing would freeze multiple times during seizure attack episodes. And with all of this, I did not die of embarrassment or lack of oxygen. My Heavenly Father and earthly husband have carried me through to this next season of recovery. I AM HUMBLED! Thank you seems too small. I love you both!

Briefly, there were two other tasks I believe needed to be completed during this time: 1) learning to depend completely upon my husband for material needs and 2) realizing that the little activities I got to do here and there would become new skills, new relationships, and new activities that would become my future. Both were tasks that probably would not have come without grounding in Jesus Christ or needing to cope with the crises of severe illness. I probably would not have seen so clearly and (hopefully) fully submitted to the incredible character strengths of my beloved had I not become so broken. Steve is my spiritual leader and head of household and I am grateful. Long before we met I know what it took when my life fell apart in 2003 to soften me into the kind of woman that my beloved would choose to love. I now see more clearly what kind of man the Lord has provided for me to love in return. I AM EXCEEDINGLY BLESSED!

So join me, if you will, for an amazing adventure of recovery from serious illness. IT IS HAPPENING! So much fun awaits! Thank you for riding along with me. May we both praise the Lord for the good that is here now.

Hope is a good thing, eh? I am sure of it. JJ

Psalm 62:5-8 (NIV)

⁵Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
⁶Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
⁷My salvation and my honor depend on God;
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
⁸Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.