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A missed opportunity to minister

Published on April 20, 2016April 20, 2016 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

James 1:2-8 (NIV)

²Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Perhaps it is a weakness in my character that requires refinement? To witness the love of Christ to others in our times of trial serves as both a powerful witness for Christ and perfector of our own faith. Heck, with the amount of suffering I have endured, I don’t want any of it to be wasted. Or repeated! So today I wonder if it is possible that I have missed one particular situation of opportunity: the Emergency Room. Finally my broken heart has calmed down enough to consider the possibility . . .

Ten times I have landed in the ER in the past 4 1/2 years. The first time was at the beginning of this illness with the viral hepatitis that started it all. The next nine trips were all for wretched, continual seizure attacks that would not stop. Most times the ER Docs could get them and the pain that accompanied them to stop with a combination of fluids and some kind of medication. Often the medication made me worse. Usually I would walk out of there about 5 hours later as a beaten puppy with an exhausted husband faithfully at my side. And sometimes I even got a break in the convulsive episodes for some of the subsequent 24 hours. This became less true with each subsequent visit.

Twice during my severe distress, barely able to punch out a few words when having difficulty breathing and my “brain on fire,” I have sworn at the person who I thought was not helping me. Not cool. Even a person with Tourette’s Syndrome or senile dementia has some responsibility to try to find reasonable means to communicate his or her needs. My frustration got the best of me and I forgot who I belong to in Christ. I forgot Who was in charge those nights in the ER. I forgot who allowed these refining fires into my life for my highest good. I lost the image He gave me of His tears as He hung from the cross for me. I ceased to remember the gifts, the crown of glory that awaits those who are in Christ Jesus. I certainly did not remember that even these ugly things were working together for my good (Romans 8:28) even when amongst the staff at the hospital. And my witness for the One Who saved me was tarnished for sure. In my own strength, I failed to get my needs met and failed to minister. We left this past Friday night with me weeping, still seizing, and unable to walk . . .

Sure, I am human: weak, limited in strength and in power. I pray and my husband prays continuously for all aspects of this illness. I submit to the will of Christ. I could also describe for you the victories, the growth, the good things that have happened amidst the traumatic. For example, Friday night after an IV treatment for chronic Lyme disease was supposed to be for salvaging what remained of my birthday. That did not happen when I spent the evening in the emergency room. I was sick all day on Saturday and Sunday. Even so there were sweet gifts at dusk on each of those days and in the morning on Monday when I got to work in my garden again; for that I am grateful. My spirit soars out there dontcha know . . .

Here is the scripture that is convicting me on a Tuesday. See if you can follow where my heart, where my spirit has led me:

2 Corinthians 6:4-10 (NIV)

⁴Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; ⁵in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; ⁶in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; ⁷in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; ⁸through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; ⁹known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; ¹⁰sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

Such is the opportunity for ministry of the Gospel of Jesus Christ for those who suffer. It’s not all about us. My Lord, help me in your grace to use the witness of Your own life and the apostle Paul who wrote these words to strengthen my own ministry in times of need for your glory. I have failed and want to do as You would have me do no matter what happens to me. Please strengthen my beloved Steve as well. Thank you for his care, love, and companionship in the best of times, the worst of times. Bless him oh please. He has been so good to me.

1 Peter 5:4, crown, glory, submit, His will, crown of glory, thy will be done, purpose, suffering, hope, Jesus Christ, reward, heaven

Into the wintry night a knock cometh at the door

Published on February 15, 2016February 15, 2016 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

The gals knocked on our front door unexpectedly tonight from the cold of night. Do you know where the Murphys live, they asked? We did not but sure noticed the cheerful nature of these young ladies. Could they share a special Valentine’s Day message with us just the same? Of course, answered my husband. What followed was a friendly banter of the differences between the Mormon faith and a Biblical belief in Jesus Christ alone as Lord and Savior of the world. It was too cold for the chat to go on long and our home is a safe zone for fragrances-n-chemicals so we could not invite them inside. They understood. Gratefully, I was able to locate our neighbor’s correct address before they parted which they accepted after my hubby engaged them in a sweet chat of everyone’s hometown.

Later Steve and I prayed for these two. Certainly their friendliness and encouraging messages were a breath of fresh air on a chilly wintry night in the Midwest. They were far from home on their 18-month mission trip rite of passage, so to speak, of their Mormon culture. We hope that they will look beyond their culture and traditions, however, to a saving faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ who brings eternal redemption and joy through the foundational truth found in the Bible. We find evidence of our faith in verses such as:

Romans 3:23New King James Version (NKJV)

²³for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

1 Timothy 1:15New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁵This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners,

Romans 5:8New King James Version (NKJV)

⁸But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 6:23New King James Version (NKJV)

²³For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

John 3:16New King James Version (NKJV)

¹⁶For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

In these truths we believe in Him alone as the perfector of our faith, His work on the Cross, and then build the foundation of our faith. I am proud of Steve for engaging these gals with his personable style and sharing of some key points that we hope they will reflect upon further. We hope they will find hope in Jesus Christ and not their religion. In sharing with them, Steve moved beyond standing in frigid temperatures in an open doorway and got into the most serious of conversations with two total strangers rather quickly. What topic could be more important for a Sunday night chat?

On this Valentine’s Day, I submit to you that the greatest love offering of all was given by our Lord, Jesus Christ when he demonstrated that love through His death and resurrection on the cross at Calvary. Salvation and eternal life come through Him alone. May He be glorified for the good that may come for being willing to stand and speak when a knock at the door cometh . . .

Gentle Reader, if you are wondering who God is and how to have a relationship with Him through Jesus Christ alone, please write to me here or comment at the Hope Beyond page on Facebook. Or just pray this simple prayer and let me know if you do, k? With love, :JJ

Heavenly Father, I know that I am a sinner and have fallen short in my life. I am sorry. I recognize that you are God and came to earth to save me from the ultimate consequences of my sin through Your death and resurrection. Please forgive me. Be my Lord and Savior this moment for always. In Jesus Christ, amen.

cross of jesus

Let the numbers tell this story

Published on November 16, 2015November 17, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

While the numbers in my college statistics courses were fascinating and I applied them well in my Master’s thesis, I must admit that math was never really my forte. I’ll blame it on Mr. Courtright! Our Algebra II/Trigonometry course in high school was a constant source of frustration! John and a couple of the other male students would pour over the text book with him at the front of the room trying to understand the lessons he was supposed to be teaching that day. Yeah, you got that right: high school seniors trying to figure out advanced mathematics on the fly! I am so very glad that I never again had to sit through a traditional math class after that one!

Statistics are a different genre though. Statistics often tell a story that we can use to make sense out of the stuff of life. For example, landing one standard deviation from the mean (the average) in a bell-shaped curve can help us feel like things are going to be o.k. most of the time, in the right scenario of course! Enter here special numerals applied to my recent trip with Steve to Georgia and South Carolina that will tell this story better than I can even without a calculator! Oh how I wish some of these were more comforting than the majority of them though . . .

Over 7 days of camping in 2 locations, I was unable to leave the travel trailer 3 of the days due to illness.

My beloved Steve attended 2 of the 3 family wedding-related activities in Georgia and I attended zero.

We travelled over 2,000 miles in my truck with our 67-pound German shepherd, Elle, settled sweetly behind the jump seat of the King Cab. Such a great traveler she has become!

I prepared about 96% of all of my own meals making this trip more of a “business as usual” affair than vacation in the realm of food.

One hour of the five that I spent in our friends’ home on Monday was spent in continuous convulsive episodes on their couch. Thankfully the two young children had already gone off to bed when I crashed; graciously the three adults prayed over me for the Lord’s tender care as we all go forward from the significant stressors in our lives.

The kids and I planted 32 daffodil bulbs the morning we left South Carolina, overplanted with dozens of anise hyssop seeds. Hooray! By Springtime the view from the kitchen window of their log cabin will be alive with flowers interspersed amongst the numerous towering pines.

daffodils, mini daffodils, buttercup flowers, Spring flowers

A threatening wind storm with gusts up to 40 MPH forced us to leave a day early for safety towing our Camplite on the highways to get back home. Just a few minutes after we arrived home at 4:00 a.m., the winds increased again closer to the estimate of 50 MPH by morning. We had blown in just in time, praise the Lord!

Nearly 4 days have passed since we got home and I have yet to clear out, clean out the rest of the trailer as needed after a week of travel. Steve completed the first 5 loads of laundry and about 3 more are left to go. I have been sick in bed for most of the past 3 days, sleeping in late to recover from the nasties which characterize this wretched illness.

Over a dozen doses of a new anti-microbial treatment (Biocidin LSF) have brought both relief and a flare up of symptoms at times: begun when travelling and continued back home when seeking a new direction, new relief, new hope for a future without illness. Two violent convulsive episodes followed on Friday after an appointment with a new specialist and a new lab test, respectively. Many more filled the 2 days that followed. Perhaps this week (and 2 weeks shy of the 4-year anniversary of the first waking seizure attack) there will be an answer to end this suffering? The odds are wearing thin lately for sure.

Yet through it all, I am reminded of the 3 days that my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ died and paid the price for all the negative numbers, the heartaches from what is not right in our world. He knows the mathematics of it all greater than I can ever imagine and holds it all tenderly in the palms of His hands, ready to redeem it for good when He comes again in glory. I choose to believe the promise that His precious thoughts towards me and you too, Gentle Reader, outnumber the grains of sand on the earth (Psalm139), giving us hope for a better tomorrow. For as He thinks fondly of the ones He loves, He also promises to wipe away our every tear someday (Rev 21:4) when the time is right: when time is no longer numbered in eternity with our Heavenly Father, God.

And that my friend is a story worth writing about. A world without limits. A love beyond measure. I just hope that when all is said and done, when it is time for rejoicing in the heavenly realms, that you will be there with me there too? Let not these numbers be wasted! Won’t you accept the love of Christ into your heart this day, this night too? Oh how I hope so dear one.

With love, JJ

White light and angels

Published on January 23, 2015March 12, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

They were tall, white angelic beings moving towards me amidst a glow of an even brighter light. I did not understand what was happening at the time as I was just waiting there with the figures floating towards me. More of them were to the right than to the left; or maybe I could not see them as if blinded by sunlight. But this was not sunlight.

I sensed them coming closer, around behind my right arm as if to escort me somewhere. I began to drift forward. Then I stopped. Why had I stopped? Was not this the right way to go? And then the words spoken to me were felt more than heard: it is not time yet. And they were gone. No light. No angels. Just the darkened images remained inside my mind that are always there when one’s eyes are closed. When I opened my eyes I saw the inside of the camper all around me. Most importantly, I WAS ALIVE!

Quickly realizing what had just happened, I groaned for strength deep within me that was not available in my listless frame. “I have to open the windows!” I exclaimed inside my head. Horror nearly immobilized me. Could I do it? Could I reach it? Which window? How do I open them? Let’s see, first I have to get up on my elbows to push myself up. Then lean forward to create momentum and reach out my arms to grab the back of the dinette. Slide forward and get my legs onto the floor to bear weight to stand. There, that’s it.

By the grace of God I was able to get the window opened and reach up to open the ceiling vent further before carefully collapsing back into bed. “Just avoid hitting your head on the bunk over you,” I thought to myself. Soon I could feel the rush of cool, fresh air on my face and arms. I took in a deep breath, reviving further. I was going to be o.k. Sigh. What the heck had happened to me?

Some might call it a near-death experience. Others might label such an experience as a hallucination from toxic fumes. I prefer to call it an experience in another dimension that I cannot fully explain. Perhaps a second chance at life. For several hours prior to this vision of sorts in my “mind’s eye” (not really seen as I looked around and not really imagined with my eyes closed) I had struggled with seizure attacks and convulsions. This happens about every week or so that I endure much of a day with continuous noxious episodes. This past weekend landed me with two days like this in a row! Such is life in the mysterious world of mercury and unknown toxicity. The typical episode triggers of hunger, thirst, needing to void, feeling cold, fragrances, waking up, falling asleep, mold, or food sensitivities did not apply that day.

We had arrived in Alabama at about 4:00 a.m. after over 15 hours of travelling by truck, towing our travel trailer cross-country. Temperatures the next day were still around 40 degrees in the deep South when my beloved ventured off to see his son-n-wife at Fort Rucker Army base nearby. It was usual for me to stay behind after long ventures to rest up, hoping to visit with everyone later the next day. After sleeping about 7 hours I had made myself a breakfast of my special diet leftovers and yummy coconut almond milk. My tummy was satisfied yet I still felt groggy so I returned to our comfy bed. Gratitude filled my thoughts for having a safe place in which to retreat with all the provisions that I would need away from home . . .

Clearly some provisions I did not need after all! Our crochety campground water spicket was frozen solid so we were unable to hook-up fresh water to the camper and use the toilet as designed. Gratefully some of our emergency gallons of water were starting to thaw so we had a reserve for flushing the toilet and drinking the next morning. But unfortunately since we had departed from the frigid North the day before, we had to take our entire journey with a camper still winterized with “non-toxic” RV antifreeze. All of the drains and toilets were still filled with the scent of the pink stuff. Not thinking about the mixing of products, we used some windshield washer fluid to flush the toilet a couple of times. Then when I was concerned that the toilet waste solids would congeal, I tossed in a Bio enzyme pack, earth friendly of course, with barely a scent of pine or something. Pink and blue and green make . . . ? Something not nice, I now understand!

Before we crashed into bed, we had already opened the overhead vents to help control condensation inside our unit. What I did not realize is that a window I had also opened in the morning was above the venting for the propane furnace! I’m not sure what chemical compounds might have made their way back into our living space since the carbon monoxide detector had not been activated. Maybe I just don’t do well with propane gas altogether. Who knows? What I do know is that the noxious mixture nearly sent me to heaven!

Sadly after eating that morning it was all I could do to get to the bathroom and collapse onto the bed instead of the floor. I could not, did not move for a very long time. Slow thoughts of my inability to move, recognition of my awkward positioning, wondering how long Steve would be gone, the location of my cell phone all dawdled through my head. And they stayed there. There was nothing I could do about anything and I wasn’t even sure exactly what to do anyways. My thoughts were dulled into a kind of motionlessness that was similar to my poisoned body. In time the white light and angels came. In time I was able to get up as described earlier. In time Steve came home and found a broken shell of a woman recovering quietly in our bed. Many tears followed.

*************************************

Death is a funny thing. You think you know all about it from watching others pass away then transitioning into a waxy state lying in a wooden box placed in a funeral home parlor decorated like an old rerun of The Beverly Hillbillies. Sermons, Biblical passages, and Christian authors have much to say about this life and the next but until you face it yourself the words simply won’t mean much. The unexpected BENEFIT of having a severe illness that brings daily seizure attacks and convulsions is that every day I get to face death in addition to the newness of life. My breathing stops and it starts back up again. From a spiritual standpoint, THIS IS NOT A BAD THING! As a result, each day I take practically nothing for granted as life and some goodness are imparted to me. This process is extremely humbling. I have also learned that death is not something to be feared . . .

Many years ago a friend, Louise, shared with me an audio tape of Pastor David Jeremiah in which he stated,

“God’s man in the center of God’s will is immortal until God is through with him.”

Oh yes. I have now lived through many brushes with death and seen this to be true! So where do I go from here? I’m not quite sure, really. What I am sure of is that I will probably write about it! You will be the first to know my beloved Gentle Reader when the inspiration comes. Until then how about if we keep the windows open on the opposite side of the furnace, take care of ourselves as best we can and keep our eyes fixed on the Lord. The light of His love will surely shine upon us all the days of our lives until He calls us home. As for me, I will be ready. How about you? JJ