Tag: faith

A Pause in the Middle of the Storm

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Best ceremony photo

I am grateful to report that I received my Advanced Master Gardener designation from the Cooperative Extension Office of Purdue University, Fort Wayne yesterday. God is good.

To become a Master Gardener in a University-affiliated program in the United States, a person takes a three-month course, six hours per week, successfully completes all class assignments and projects, takes a comprehensive exam, and completes 48 hours of related volunteer work.  Each additional rank of recognition, requires additonal volunteer hours and educational classes.  For me, the volunteer work and training was accomplished while undergoing treatment and complications of Lyme Disease!  How does that work?  By the grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ alone!

Sometimes I would stop at the Extension Office to water the Vegetable Garden in the cold or extreme heat because it needed me to do so as one of the members of the Vegetable Garden team.  Sometimes I went to an educational class a “shred-over-nauseous” in the evening just to get out of the house and be around people.  And the Lord allowed me to sit at my computer last Winter and research a beautification project for my housing association . . . to help me get out of bed!  I remain grateful for this opportunity to accomplish something meaningful to me and even more grateful for the love and support of my husband, Steve.

Steve encouraged me to cut back on my work schedule and take the Master Gardener class before illness first struck in October of 2011.  After that it was the friendship of our special project group within the class that kept me going as viral hepatitis set in:  Jim Battin, James Poiry, Sue Hauck, Cindy Trygg, and Beth Fiato.  Sue Hauck is in the picture above, to my left (I’m the gal in black) and Cindy Trygg is in the audience:  two sweet gardeners extraordinaire that took an interest in me and kept the friendly connections going after the class ended.  When I began treatment for Lyme Disease in January of 2012, Fran and Karen Yorio and Bill Diedrich joined what was to become the Willow Run Community Association Beautification Project and kept it all going with great support and feedback when the going got tough for me.  Later in the year, Cindy, Jim Neuhouser and Jo Ellen Smith allowed me to work at my own pace and sometimes alone late in the day to hang in there this past summer with the Veggie Garden team.   These crazy hours of volunteering and ongoing training, with the support of kindred spirited Master Gardeners and Interns, helped me earn this designation.  Thank you!  You da best!  I could not, would not have been able to do anything without your friendship.

Last night was a pause, a moment to reflect, despite the ongoing chaos that is in our home right now.  We ate banquet food and listened to a presentation on prairie management from Blue Heron Ministries, Inc.  Just that we were out for a special night then returned to the hotel room to crash while our home begins the mold restoration process.  Throughout this past 1 1/2 year, I am grateful to know that gardening, one of my favorite passions (with Steve being number one, of course!) will be there when the dust settles (and goes away!) in our home.  Maybe this Spring I’ll plant a commemorative specimen to represent this amazing journey of discovery, of healing.

Hmmmmm . . . Any ideas what that should be?  :J

The Drama Continues: Sleeping Location #12 in 16 Days

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“Praise You In This Storm”  (Casting Crowns)

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still rainingAs the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away[Chorus:]
And I’ll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can’t find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
“I’m with you”
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus x2]

Listen Live:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ype1xE0wzsg

Reference:  Psalm 121

When in doubt, take a nap!

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Gotta Sleep Some More!
Gotta Sleep Some More!

I must apologize for the wacky edits on this posting!  I’m on a borrowed computer, borrowed time.

The Bible tells us that man makes His plans and it is the Lord who orders our steps.  Proverbs 16:9.  Indeed. I was hoping to do so much yesterday in my home to help my husband and myself.  Today marks 2 weeks of displacement from our home, first from a vacation then second due to complications of Lyme Disease.  Yesterday I had hoped to return home for a few hours wearing my trusty pink respirator mask and pack up the Christmas decorations with the help of a dear friend.  Er, no.   Instead my husband and I suddenly moved me out of the hotel and into the home of a sweet family and their baby.   I had to leave the hotel because the furnace wasn’t working and the maintenance guy triggered the spewing of burning electrical wires into my room trying to fix it.  We temporarily moved to another room in the middle of the night and 5 degree weather just to sleep.  Just seizure attacks this time, in both rooms, no neurological collapsing and a temporary headache.  I guess that’s good?  Still, time to move on again!

This family where I am is as sweet as it gets.  I am safely tucked away in the gun room with the worldly possessions of a nomad all around me.  We could make this work.  Only problem is that I woke up with a dozen seizure attacks this morning.  What could it possibly be now?  I had unplugged the electrical cords wrapping around the bed and it bought me another hour of sleep.  This is a newer home with no known history of water or mold damage.  Is it the smell of gun oil?  Or the new insulating drapes on the window?  Lord, have mercy.  I gotta live somewhere! Time for a nap then a Dr. appointment later this afternoon.  Maybe the Lyme Literate Medical Doctor (LLMD) can help me figure it out.  My husband and I are at ourwits end.  I have tasted relief for 36 hours a couple of times in a few of the ELEVEN BEDROOMS in which I have slept this past month until something noxious happened.  All I want is somerest.  Is that too much to ask?  Well maybe I really want to be well.  Maybe I want it all.  Yeah, that’s it. Must be time for a nap . . . on the couch!

Stay tuned.  By now this blog is reading like an action-packed work of fiction with just enough plot reversals to keep us all guessing — and you are my editors, gentle readers.  Let me know if you have any ideas, eh?  Seeya later!  :J

Sometimes you wait

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Sometimes you simply have to wait for the next steps to be revealed.

Felt lost again today sitting in the hotel room, trying to function, and working my way out of the stress of being displaced indefinitely.  My husband, Steve, was able to contact the insurance company about out potential mold restoration claim and the word continues to be, “we are waiting on management” to make a determination.

Tomorrow I’ll meet a friend at my home, donn the respirator mask, and take down the Christmas decorations.  Thank you Cindy Jakacki-Null!  Later I may have an appointment to fix my hair; long overdue.  Life goes on, you know, and having things to do helps manage the stress of what still feels like a crisis situation.  I pray constantly and feel the Lord right here with me, ordering my steps, keeping me calm, helping me to shower and complete a load of laundry today.

That’s all I can do today.  Steve will be over later for dinner and stay with me.  I love and miss him.  I’m working on letting go of everything and living in a smaller increment of time than when I was very sick.  This situation and these feelings will pass.  I know this because I have been in this situation before and have seen the Lord’s incredible faithfulness, mercy, and blessing for His glory.  “It takes what it takes” for His purpose to be revealed in me and you.  I did enjoy some fellowship time at our church last night by the way; that was a huge accomplishment and the first time in many weeks . . .

My life was upside down in January of 2005.  The divorce I was forced into was finalized; my mom was suffering 300 miles away, the effects of lung cancer treatment; my car had died and needed replacement within a day; I had just settled into a new rental condo and a fire in an adjacent unit displaced me in a temporary apartment for four months.  I was traumatized by escaping through a firy stairwell.  While some of the circumstances were different, I felt lost then like I do now.  I was unable to tolerate the stress of working in a mental health hospital that requires each staff person to participate in take downs of out of control patients.  I sought outside help to sort things out.  Some time later, I confided in a couple of deacons at my church, psuedo-father figures, and asked them what to do.   They advised me to stabilize my situation through purchasing a place of my own.  Talk about a leap of faith!  I had not yet recovered from the emotional and financial ruin of divorce when the new crisis occurred.   I did what I had to do and moved forward on faith.

Soon thereafter, the Lord began the restoration process.  The empty rental apartment to which the insurance company had moved me provided no reminders of my former life and every opportunity to reflect, pray, renew.  Strange how things work together (Reference:  Romans 8:28).  I purchased a few simple items to make the place “home” and followed the Lord’s leading in re-creating my life.  Within a relatively short time, I was in a lovely new 2-bedroom condo in a very desirable area of town.  Financial blessings arrived in very unexpected ways:  gifts, insurance settlements, and more.  My new home was lovely and in many ways better than my town home in the past.  My balcony overlooking a lush courtyard was a menagerie of flowers, a window box from my childhood, a restored outdoor mirror, native grasses, sparkly beaded garlands, and a tea set for two.  The Lord provided me with yards and yards of cheap unbleached muslin from a local textile company to create a custom window treatment of which I’d always wanted.  Rich ceramic tile adorned the powder room in chocolate leather-distressed motif and in a sandy beach-like texture in the master bath.  My office reflected a Japanese company motif of which I had become fond with a sculpted cream carpeting.  Then came the mural . . .

In the center wall bisecting the unit, the true healing work began with a 15-foot collage of natural papers.  Words of poetic inspiration had become my writing therapy at that time and became the centerpiece of the design.  I had never done anything of this scale before and have not had a desire to attempt another project like it since then.  By the end of the year, the work was complete.  I had also finished a course with a healing prayer ministry about this time.  Yes, it was time to celebrate so much.  We held a special service in my home with the inner circle of friends who had witnessed and the Lord used to facilitate the transformation within me.  The inscription on “the wall” in drop-down area in the living room read simply in the words of Winnie the Pooh:  “I likes me best when I’m with you.”

Within a year, the next party in my home was an engagement party.  Wow!  How much fun we had with the scavenger hunt to help everyone become acquainted with the love of my life, Steve Horney.  The place was packed!  When I look at the pictures of that special evening one characteristic was clear:  everyone was smiling brightly!  Me too.  Tee hee.  The Lord had restored the years the locusts had eaten (Reference:  Joel 2:25).

So it is with great faith and a weak, recovering frame, that I wait expectantly on my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  He was my strength in 2005 and is my strength now.

I think my laundry is done.  Talk atcha later . . .  :J

P.S.  The week before the fire in the earlier condo apartment, I had just finished painting a different mural on a center wall.  The design was a metaphorical representation of a bridge, symbolizing moving from one chapter in my life to the other.  I had hoped to paint a silhouette of a woman on the wall, pointing towards an outside window but couldn’t find a suitable design to copy.  Sunday night, January 19, 2005, I had just finished my laundry, cleaned my apartment and was settling down with my favorite snack when the fire alarm went off.  Turns out I would never return to live at that apartment again.  Many weeks later in relaying this story to some dear friends, they had a poetic explanation for me of the incomplete design:  I became the woman on the wall, crossing over the bridge to my new life.  Yes, I believe so!  Thank you Jesus for my new life and for being there with me every step of the way.  That frightful night you reminded me of my life verse that I gratefully depicted on the new mural in the new home.  Please see Jeremiah 29:11 for the hope we all have when we but believe in Him who saved us.

The trip of faith that made a difference

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DSCF7473You will find a tale of two contrasts in the top photo:   Aunt Lori and I in our outrigger canoe paddling in a bayou, Tarpon Springs, FL; and photo below:  wearing a respirator mask in my home.

Here is evidence of the victory over illness that began when we traveled last week from our home in Indiana.  I was able to paddle a decent length for the first time in over a year!  And paddling in our OC-2 was particularly sweet as my husband had just finished repairing the hull.  (It was damaged at the USCA Nationals in 2011.  The risk of racing, I understand!)

The escape of faith started with a lovely visit with my husband’s cousin, Christine Oswald and her family in Atlanta, Georgia.  Their four girls are adorable!  From there we travelled to Florida so my husband could participate as the Indiana delegate to the United States Canoe Association.  Meanwhile I gratefully enjoyed having lunch at Hellas on the Sponge Docks:  authentic Greek food that matched my narrow dietary regime.  Amazing.  From DSCF7517Tarpon Springs we made our way to remote Patrick, South Carolina (near Florence) to the hideaway log cabin of Ed & Kinsey and little Gunnar Artfich.   We really enjoyed some meaningful fellowship and are pretty sure we now have the answers to Obamacare, gun control, and preparing for the End Times.  Thanks guys.

Preparing for the trip was a nightmare as I had a neurological collapse earlier that day, two medical appointments, was recommended not to drive, drove anyways to the grocery store, and cooked my special foods for hours with the windows open.  The latter was to attempt to minimize the exposure to mold enough that I could prepare the special anti-seizure diet and pack as needed to get away for a few days.  I was sooo sick!  The Lord gave me a supernatural dose of adrenaline to start the process then finish the next morning despite a “hammer headache” and seizure attacks.  This gal was getting out of town if it killed me!

The trip did not kill me.  The trip began to restore me.  Within 48 hours, all of my symptoms had either diminished or temporarily reversed.  The antibiotic and fungal medications started to work (thanks to a run to CVS pharmacy at 2:30 a.m.!  Too bad the credit card got cancelled because we were out of State.  Sometimes I wish computers didn’t think so much!)  I had mini flare ups here and there.  HOWEVER, THE PATTERN OF DAILY 3-4 HOUR SEIZURE ATTACKS AND COLLAPSES WAS NOW BROKEN!!!  This is the miracle for which we desperately prayed in the doctor’s office on January 8th.  We praised the Lord and had a great time.  I finally started to sleep a little more too.  Amazing.

We are now in the reality of returning home.  My last post reflects the crying and feeling of being overwhelmed that has characterized these last three days.  I arranged to stay in a hotel-with-a-kitchenette for two nights beginning at 4:30 a.m. when I got there.  Steve went home as he was getting a sinus infection and needed to take care of things at our home then return to work the next day.  Turns out that I would not see him again for almost 2 days, too long.  While traveling, we were without internet access for the first half of out trip then was finally able to share a prayer request of our need for a place for me to stay.  We are one accord that I cannot live in the house that is killing me!  We had begun the process of filing a claim with out homeowner’s insurance since the mold causing the severity of this illness was from an incomplete clean-up of water damage by a restoration company in January of 2009.  The immediacy of the housing need and time of arrival back in Indiana necessitated a hotel expense.

After much prayer and consideration in my “lost” state of mind, I selected the home of one of two friends that appeared to meet my needs:  no water damage, no chemical fragrances, kitchen access, and distance from the internet router (an issue for some folks like me with Lyme Disease).  I unpacked, made a late dinner, and went to bed around midnight.  At 4:22 a.m. I was awakened by severe seizure attacks that would not subside!  Oh no!  Fear gripped my heart.  I don’t want to go back there!  What shall I do?  What is causing it?  I stayed up for 2 hours then went back to bed, hoping to catch my host couple in the morning.  The seizure attacks returned and sleep alluded me.  The old “hammer headache,” ringing in my ears, stomach ache and more began to escalate.  We really never figured out what caused this surprising setback:  was it the iron bacteria in the water or some residual from a basement flood 9 years ago?  With sadness, I had to pack up and head back to the hotel.  There I was able to sleep peacefully once again, albeit a short time until the next appointment this afternoon.

Our “ace-in-the hole” to meet a housing need for the estimated 2-months needed for the mold restoration project was the newly renovated home of another couple we know.  Sounded like it would be ready within 2 weeks and sitting empty until it would be sold in the Spring.   We toured the sweet, older home by a lovely wooded park; everything inside was to be new.  Unfortunately we found an area of drywall in the basement that had been cut away due to mold damage.  All it took was our friend tapping on the tattered insulation in the basement-smelling basement and I was in crises.  I went outside for some fresh air, stepped back inside by the screen door, then hurried back out before the major collapse ensued.  Gratefully I was able to yell for Steve.  By the time he reached me in the side yard, my gait was stumbling, I was crying, and the seizure attacks were ramping up.  All I could do was blurt out, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” and yield with horror to the loss of control of my body.  Steve assisted me to the car and transferred me back into the passenger seat.  Decision made:  can’t live here!

Sometimes a burger at Five Guys Burgers is just the ticket.  By the time we got there, I was slowly regaining motor control and my speech rate was returning to normal.  The headache was subsiding and the embarrassment, well, still there.  Thank the Lord that beef is o.k. on my diet once per week!  Five Guys Burgers are organic beef you know!  Even sipped my husbands cherry coke twice.  I needed comfort big time!

It’s now evening and I’m sitting at my home computer with my new respirator mask digging into my face.  This is the only way for now that I can do anything in my home of the past five years.  I gathered a few more things to take back to the hotel room and am grateful that Steve will be joining me tonight.  Oh how I miss him when he is away!  Thankfully my Heavenly Husband was my companion when I needed him to make most of these moves with all my provisions and luggage, up a flight of stairs.  Thankfully I own a truck which makes it all a lot easier.

This continues to be a wild ride.  And yet, the miraculous answer to prayer is here.  With great expectation and no clue as to the next chapter in this saga, I will leave my home again tonight.  Sure miss being with Steve each day and even my dog, Elle.  I do know this, that the Lord knows the desires of my heart and has granted them in marvelous ways in the past.  Exceedingly.  He has not changed and never will.  Thank you for joining me in prayer and faith.   (Reference:  Proverbs 3:5-6, Jeremiah 29:11)