Tag: faith

When the healing comes

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Sure has been a wild ride of late.  Here’s a treatment update.

After almost 4 months of treatment, I have improved 28 points on the Multiple Systemic Infectious Disease Syndrome Questionnaire of Lyme Literate Medical Doctor (LLMD), Dr. Richard Horowitz!  Thank you Jesus.

Lord willing, later this week I will transition from IV infusions of antibiotics from an outpatient clinic to home health care.  Our insurance company denied treatment beyond 28 days, leaving us with a massive bill if my secondary insurance will not cover ongoing treatment.  Since it will take several weeks to find out the verdict, we cannot keep paying $900 per treatment, 3 times per week while we wait!  Hiring nurses (from a home health care agency and one in private practice) on a private pay basis plus ordering supplies and medications online will reduce the price to around $300 per visit.  Planning this transition has required considerable time, stress, attention to endless details, and work!  The orders are in process with many steps to follow in the next 2 1/2 days.  A LOT HAS HAPPENED IN THE PAST 5 DAYS to make this happen.  Thank you, Lord, that my brain has come back online just in time.  Whew!

I just found out that DNA testing from Fry Labs shows that I do have the FL 1953 protomyxzoa rheumatica (a fungal infection) that can be found in 50% of patients with chronic illness.  This parasite survives in the body in the impervious gel-like biofilms that also make Lyme bacteria difficult to eradicate.  My LLMD has recommended a combination antifungal (prescription) and biofilm-busting (nutraceutical) protocol that he says could render me very sick for a minimum of 4-5 weeks.  Most patients have tremendous recovery thereafter; gratefully I am hoping that the binding agents I have discovered will be an effective adjunct to this treatment plan and reduce the die-off or “herx” reactions.  Steve and I are prayerfully considering how to proceed as we were hoping to visit family for an important event out-of-State in a few weeks now that I am “not as bad.”  Please pray too!  I am soooooo ready to start living again!

Working with a brilliant naturopathic physician via Skype to review my epigenetic data, lab tests to date and medical/treatment history has finally led to some nutraceuticals that I can actually tolerate.  Soon I hope to add specifically formulated IV and injectable nutritionals to the home infusions (instead of driving to a clinic we were considering far from home twice per month).  And the excitability of my central nervous system is starting to come down at last:  generally fewer and shorter convulsive episodes every day for the past 2 weeks.  This has not happened in the past 4 1/2 years until now!  PRAISE THE LORD!  Experimentation with an Iodine Loading Protocol has further enhanced my results.  I have to think that I am on the road to recovery at last . . .

Steve and I are encouraged, humbled, grateful, and watchful as the events of these past few weeks have unfolded.  I have been able to get out for a walk once per week and work in the gardens around our home some.  Some of the pain and headaches that I battle every day have improved; I don’t really complain when it’s related to digging in the dirt as the sun is going down . . . I feel blessed to have had the friendship and support of a couple of friends here for rides to-and-from the hospital for treatments lately too.  And we are starting to plan some of the activities again that we used to take for granted in the past:  think Steve’s kayak races, the Tin Can Ranch (travel trailer), and the pup in tow as well.

When the healing comes by Lisa Bevill

Enjoy this lovely song that reflects the hope that is becoming clearer for me.  I hope that if you are struggling, you will lean on the Lord, Jesus Christ to see you through and keep your eyes on the goal what ever that may be for you.  He knows and loves you, cares for the desires of your heart too, Gentle Reader.  There are sprinkles of His goodness all around us no matter what the circumstances.  Let not the first time we recognize this as only when the healing comes.  Let today, this moment be a reminder that the waiting, the “pressing on” as Lisa sings, is an important part of the journey too.  Praying for you this night.  JJ

A missed opportunity to minister

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James 1:2-8 (NIV)

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Perhaps it is a weakness in my character that requires refinement?  To witness the love of Christ to others in our times of trial serves as both a powerful witness for Christ and perfector of our own faith.  Heck, with the amount of suffering I have endured, I don’t want any of it to be wasted.  Or repeated!  So today I wonder if it is possible that I have missed one particular situation of opportunity:  the Emergency Room.  Finally my broken heart has calmed down enough to consider the possibility . . .

Ten times I have landed in the ER in the past 4 1/2 years.  The first time was at the beginning of this illness with the viral hepatitis that started it all.  The next nine trips were all for wretched, continual seizure attacks that would not stop.  Most times the ER Docs could get them and the pain that accompanied them to stop with a combination of fluids and some kind of medication.  Often the medication made me worse.  Usually I would walk out of there about 5 hours later as a beaten puppy with an exhausted husband faithfully at my side.  And sometimes I even got a break in the convulsive episodes for some of the subsequent 24 hours.  This became less true with each subsequent visit.

Twice during my severe distress, barely able to punch out a few words when having difficulty breathing and my “brain on fire,” I have sworn at the person who I thought was not helping me.  Not cool.  Even a person with Tourette’s Syndrome or senile dementia has some responsibility to try to find reasonable means to communicate his or her needs.  My frustration got the best of me and I forgot who I belong to in Christ.  I forgot Who was in charge those nights in the ER.  I forgot who allowed these refining fires into my life for my highest good.  I lost the image He gave me of His tears as He hung from the cross for me.  I ceased to remember the gifts, the crown of glory that awaits those who are in Christ Jesus.  I certainly did not remember that even these ugly things were working together for my good (Romans 8:28) even when amongst the staff at the hospital.  And my witness for the One Who saved me was tarnished for sure.  In my own strength, I failed to get my needs met and failed to minister.  We left this past Friday night with me weeping, still seizing, and unable to walk . . .

Sure, I am human:  weak, limited in strength and in power.  I pray and my husband prays continuously for all aspects of this illness.  I submit to the will of Christ.  I could also describe for you the victories, the growth, the good things that have happened amidst the traumatic.  For example, Friday night after an IV treatment for chronic Lyme disease was supposed to be for salvaging what remained of my birthday.  That did not happen when I spent the evening in the emergency room.  I was sick all day on Saturday and Sunday.  Even so there were sweet gifts at dusk on each of those days and in the morning on Monday when I got to work in my garden again; for that I am grateful.  My spirit soars out there dontcha know . . .

Here is the scripture that is convicting me on a Tuesday.  See if you can follow where my heart, where my spirit has led me:

2 Corinthians 6:4-10 (NIV)

4 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; 5 in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6 in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; 7 in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; 8 through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; 9 known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything.

Such is the opportunity for ministry of the Gospel of Jesus Christ for those who suffer.  It’s not all about us.  My Lord, help me in your grace to use the witness of Your own life and the apostle Paul who wrote these words to strengthen my own ministry in times of need for your glory.  I have failed and want to do as You would have me do no matter what happens to me.  Please strengthen my beloved Steve as well.  Thank you for his care, love, and companionship in the best of times, the worst of times.  Bless him oh please.  He has been so good to me.

1 Peter 5:4, crown, glory, submit, His will, crown of glory, thy will be done, purpose, suffering, hope, Jesus Christ, reward, heaven

 

 

From one mystery to another

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Just when you think you’ve finally gotten on the road to something good the path can be blasted with a tempest beast of a hurricane, sending you smashing to the ground without a life preserver or anchor!  But do not despair.  The Lord Jesus Christ is still on the throne precious one.

Isaiah 55:8 New King James Version (NKJV)

8 “For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.

The close of our evening in the wee hours of the morning was exceedingly traumatic, puzzling, and desperate.  This sure is a mystery given that I have had some better blocks of a few hours at-a-time now that I am 3 months into IV treatments with antibiotics for chronic Lyme disease.  Even an iodine protocol and infrared sauna treatments appear to be promising adjuncts to my treatment plan.  Ahhhh, so much progress has been made these past 4 1/2 years yet still there are plenty of wacky lab findings:  we’re talking dangerously low amounts of key nutrients,  hormones, and healthy gut bacteria.  Yet I have less pain some days, improved clarity of thought, and an ability to do some housework or gardening about once per week.  The days largely spent bedbound have diminished from 4 to 1!  And my score on a chronic Lyme symptom scale has gone down from 73 to 46.  These are good!

James 1:2-4New King James Version (NKJV)

2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

Some call setbacks that occur over a course of treatment “herxheimer” reactions.  I call them a “healing crisis.”  That is, until the particular breed of hell is so traumatic that extra healing is needed from the crisis itself on top of the serious illness.  I’m talking about seizure attacks marked with screaming at the top of my lungs.  Let’s add writhing movements lifting me off the bed as if embodied by a demon and intense, hysterical episodes of wailing with gushes of tears.  What the heck is going on here?  Flashes of terrifying scenes fill my “mind’s eye” alternating with the blackest darkness you can imagine.  I press into the abyss with cries out to my beloved “Jesus” when I can, when I my mind allows me to do so.  He is my only hope.  Prayer mixes with shock.  Breathing, prevention of injury, and concern for my hubby nearby fill any cracks in my thought processes when they return.  Steve and I both leave the scene broken when the hell finally stops (tonight after over an hour had punched its way by us).

This all means that chronic/neuro Lyme disease is in my central nervous system and brain.  This probably means that the treatments are now changing my neurochemistry and affecting the structures of my mind.  This definitely confirms my worst fear that the path out of this hell to healing will be worse than the journey that got me here.  So wretchedly sad.  I guess I’ll just pray that the Lord strengthens me and Steve to get through it, pleading for mercy as we did tonight.  Somewhere out there will be a message to inspire others yet again tonight that is not the case.  This is a murderous mystery, killing every sense of sanity and magnifying many senses of suffering.  I am o.k. in this moment, thankfully.  It’s amazing what I can do sometimes on 2 hours of sleep just before the sunrise.

Psalm 119:147-149New King James Version (NKJV)

147 I rise before the dawning of the morning,
And cry for help;
I hope in Your word.
148 My eyes are awake through the night watches,
That I may meditate on Your word.
149 Hear my voice according to Your lovingkindness;
O Lord, revive me according to Your justice.

Hang with me, Gentle Reader.  We are not giving up.  We still have faith and still have hope.  You don’t give up either with the challenges in your life too, k?  We are holding out with the hope of blissful eternity for those in Jesus Christ and working our way back to the current day from there.  The suffering, the trauma, the horror just makes for a better ending when telling a magnificent story.  And when in my mind’s eye I also see the tear on the cheek of my Lord as He hung dying on a cross for me and you, I know that somehow, supernaturally, I will be delivered to a better place someday.  How about if we meet there?  So much goodness awaits us.  I’ve really got to tell you about the Summerwine bush that is budding from where I transplanted it to my compost pile, ready for its new home this Spring . . .  Someday it will burst forth into bloom (like me) once again!  JJ

summerwine, horticulture therapy, healing garden, healing, plants, deciduous, bushes, ornamental, flowering, blog, hope

 

A matter of perspective

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Monday’s perspective:

The level of sunlight raises up then down in the hallway beyond my bed
Like a child playing with a dimmer switch, how I know where these thoughts have led!
How can I get up and face the world one more, yes one more day?
When so much suffering met me here or there, no matter where the level of light has shone along the way?
Still one cannot judge the next moment based upon the past…
You just cannot predict when joy, when peace, when hope will come at last?
Simmer down inner child and let the sovereignty of your Lord speak.
You must remember how He delivered you in the past when you were so weak.


Your fears, your toils were measured by My drops of blood while I hung on that cross
I saw, I see, I weep, and I am always right there when you feel lost.
Hitch your heart to Mine choosing faith that freedom will come in due time
Watch for My answers, My leadings, My deliverance some now, some beyond a simple rhyme.


There is hope. There is more. There is a heaven, I promise as I know you have seen.
Walk towards My light dear one: what’s coming is greater than what has been . . .

Friday’s perspective:

In time the beatings diminish

And you catch your breath to finish

The week that held too much, oh dear

Gave way to Friday and better news to hear.

Things moved forward:  medical tests and even some healing

Living more in the facts by golly with less in the “fearful feelings.”

I might even go out soon:  making plans for the days ahead Lord willing

Better get the pup.  It’s time for a ride to pick up the bacon, the drugs, the groceries:  excuses good enough to put off another day the cleaning!

May the Lord bless your weekend, Gentle Reader.  JJ

Into the wintry night a knock cometh at the door

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The gals knocked on our front door unexpectedly tonight from the cold of night.  Do you know where the Murphys live, they asked?  We did not but sure noticed the cheerful nature of these young ladies.  Could they share a special Valentine’s Day message with us just the same?  Of course, answered my husband.  What followed was a friendly banter of the differences between the Mormon faith and a Biblical belief in Jesus Christ alone as Lord and Savior of the world.  It was too cold for the chat to go on long and our home is a safe zone for fragrances-n-chemicals so we could not invite them inside.  They understood.  Gratefully, I was able to locate our neighbor’s correct address before they parted which they accepted after my hubby engaged them in a sweet chat of everyone’s hometown.

Later Steve and I prayed for these two.  Certainly their friendliness and encouraging messages were a breath of fresh air on a chilly wintry night in the Midwest.  They were far from home on their 18-month mission trip rite of passage, so to speak, of their Mormon culture.  We hope that they will look beyond their culture and traditions, however, to a saving faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ who brings eternal redemption and joy through the foundational truth found in the Bible.  We find evidence of our faith in verses such as:

Romans 3:23New King James Version (NKJV)

23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,

1 Timothy 1:15New King James Version (NKJV)

15 This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners,

Romans 5:8New King James Version (NKJV)

8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 6:23New King James Version (NKJV)

23 For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

John 3:16New King James Version (NKJV)

16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.

In these truths we believe in Him alone as the perfector of our faith, His work on the Cross, and then build the foundation of our faith.  I am proud of Steve for engaging these gals with his personable style and sharing of some key points that we hope they will reflect upon further.  We hope they will find hope in Jesus Christ and not their religion.  In sharing with them, Steve moved beyond standing in frigid temperatures in an open doorway and got into the most serious of conversations with two total strangers rather quickly.  What topic could be more important for a Sunday night chat?

On this Valentine’s Day, I submit to you that the greatest love offering of all was given by our Lord, Jesus Christ when he demonstrated that love through His death and resurrection on the cross at Calvary.  Salvation and eternal life come through Him alone.  May He be glorified for the good that may come for being willing to stand and speak when a knock at the door cometh . . .

Gentle Reader, if you are wondering who God is and how to have a relationship with Him through Jesus Christ alone, please write to me here or comment at the Hope Beyond page on Facebook.  Or just pray this simple prayer and let me know if you do, k?  With love, :JJ

Heavenly Father, I know that I am a sinner and have fallen short in my life.  I am sorry.  I recognize that you are God and came to earth to save me from the ultimate consequences of my sin through Your death and resurrection.  Please forgive me.  Be my Lord and Savior this moment for always.  In Jesus Christ, amen.

cross of jesus