faith in the Lord – Page 4 – Jesus is for the Wounded

New Treatment Approaches on the Horizon

Published on April 29, 2013April 29, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

I’ve been back in our home from a for just over a month now and generally feel better. We remediated our home for water damage and what turned out to be a minimal amount of mold. My noxious symptoms were better when I first came home and as of last night, they are much worse. May I explain?

While our home is as clean as it can possibly be, there are always multiple factors, internal and external to address when battling chronic illness. I was staring at the ceiling praying one afternoon this past week after a series of low grade seizure attacks for which I could not identify any particular trigger. The bedroom window was slightly open for fresh air and I had not changed anything recently in my diet, supplements, or Rife treatment programs. I talked to the Lord, praying, for a long time. Not sure how to describe what followed: a suspicion that the lingering yeast infection may have a role in the severity of my ongoing symptoms.

So I did what any dutiful patient would do, I called my husband at work! Well that’s probably not the best use of his employers time; it was the sweetest voice in the darkness that I could find at the moment. Steve looked up “yeast infection and seizures” and found a connection. We hypothesized that the yeast has crossed the blood-brain barrier, contributing to this seizure-like complication that has remained elusive. I knew that I had an undiagnosed recurrence of a urinary tract infection as well, again! (Labs results are pending.) Geez, what if there’s yeast in there too? Other lab testing has already showed that candida is still in my digestive tract. All this seems impossible with my limited diet: no sugar to feed it and several rounds of treatment in the past!

I do not consume added sugar in any foods; no desserts, sweeteners, 1/4 serving of fruit every other day, and only limited servings of gluten free grain carbohydrates. But there are sugars listed on the labels in some of my pharmaceutical-grade, doctor-recommended, and biomeridian-tested supplements. Oh my! At first, I felt betrayed. How could my healthcare practitioners who recommended these supplements and all of the foods that I was consuming not see that there still might be a problem? The feelings didn’t last long as I decided that I need to get to work FAST. These seizure attacks have gone on long enough. IT HAS BEEN A YEAR!

Turns out there are 8 grams of sugar in the daily dose of the powder probiotic I had just restarted. Turns out there were hidden sugars in other supplements and even the 4 ounces per day of coconut yogurt I enjoyed that is labeled as “plain.” Tuesday was a wretched morning after a nice dinner the night before with friends. Further investigation found that my dinner included a smaller-than-usual serving but slightly sweetener form of coconut yogurt, the 1/4 serving allowance of fruit, plus the probiotic later that evening. I did not usually have all of these together on the same night until then. Later in the week, my LLMD said that when the reaction is delayed until the next morning, it might be due to the fermenting of the sugars and yeast. When I woke up and got moving on Tuesday, the seizure attacks could have been triggered by the combination of activity, increased heart rate/blood flow, and the yeast having a party in my brain. I was ripe for an attack, literally.

I may not have all the details correct on how this all works. I don’t need to have it down exactly to know what to do! Immediately I replaced the probiotic; checked the ingredient label for all of my supplements and made adjustments; abandoned the plain coconut yogurt; and cut out even complex grains to one serving or less per day. Within a day I started running anti fungal and Candida programs on my Rife machine. Guess what happened? I felt worse. The first part of today was a nightmare. Is this what they call a herx reaction (i.e. symptoms caused by the toxins of dead organisms before they can be flushed from the body)? Who knows. I have to restrict my diet further anyways. This is still war. I am fighting for my brain and when I cannot breathe in the middle of an attack, it feels like I am fighting for my very life.

Steve wondered today if another factor to consider are changes in barometric pressure that occur when it’s stormy outside. Further research shows that persons with epilepsy and migraines often can have setbacks with changes in barometric pressure. Gratefully, I don’t have epilepsy. Only problem with the weather connection is that there is nothing a person can do about the weather! (We sang a song about this in Mott High School Chorale. All we can do is “just complain!”)

So the illness profile that is Julie is a nightmare these days with some nice moments occasionally! Everything appears to have the potential to trigger a pre-tic state or a full blown seizure attack; these generally come when falling asleep or waking up in the morning. Yes, it is common with Lyme Disease to have numerous noxious symptoms that change at will and vary with each individual. The LLMD has added the diagnosis of Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome to the mix which describes the sickness that can follow after exposure to water-damaged buildings. Fibromyalgia came as a diagnosis in 1992 with chronic pain and issues with fatigue. While I have had many very happy and active days over these past 20 years, the clinical picture has gotten quite complex of late. Thankfully, there is a new approach on the horizon: VIP. Here’s the latest research:

http://www.survivingmold.com/docs/VIP_published_3_2013.pdf

I’m not the kind of person that sees a T.V. commercial about a new drug and goes to the doctor demanding that it be ordered for me. This time, I have pursued VIP after seeing this new research and talking with another person online who has benefited tremendously. VIP stands for vasoreactive intestinal peptide, a naturally occurring hormone in the body. My LLMD recommended it to me a year ago and we were unable to find it in the United States at that time. I now fit both the research protocol and the compound pharmacy protocol I found online that issues VIP in the United States. I really want to try it and am hopeful for some relief of these complications of illness.

I’ll write more about it as the order is processed Lord willing this week and as I begin treatment. The average time for a person to notice a benefit is two months. Sigh. Regardless, I am looking forward to trying this new treatment approach, now that there is reasonable clinical indication that it could help me.

Thanks for hanging in there with me. I’m lying low this evening after “doing it sick” today and baking some treats for others who have helped us so much this year. If you are nearby (and you know who you are!), feel free to call me for a tasty treat. Or maybe I’ll see you on Thursday with my plate of cookies for the National Day of Prayer remembrance at our church. I do hope I make it this year . . .

Did She See Them?

Published on April 27, 2013April 27, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

In my weakness, it is the Lord who helps me think of others not me! Many times this is a blessing for both of us. Today, this is my test of faith.

I am grateful to finally get the thank you card together for the staff of the hotel that we stayed at during the remediation of our home this past Winter. Now it’s time to bake lots of cookies and deliver them at the staff’s shift change for maximum sharing of the goods. Hey, I don’t want any of these fine folks to be left out! We’ve been back in our home a month and I still remember their kindness that cannot go unnoticed, even now that life has gone on . . .

If I am guided by the Holy Spirit to serve or give to someone else and I let it go by, then I am probably too preoccupied with the stuff of my life to focus on anyone else. When that happens, it is a sad moment indeed. I could easily make an excuse that would sound legitimate with how I feel these days. But that would be cutting out the strength that the Lord adds when I am too weak to do anything. If He gives me the insight that I need to reach out to someone else, do something above my abilities, give more than I feel comfortable, then He will also provide the “goods” needed to complete the task. He leads us unto good works as an outpouring of His Spirit in us, sometimes as a manifestation of our spiritual gifts and other times by His grace as noted in His Word:

He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Psalm 23:3b

If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1 Peter 4:11

“And Jesus, looking upon them, saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.” Mark 10:27

I see that following His lead is for my good as well as it brings me close to Him:

Philippians 1:6 says, “Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (NIV).

I may feel like crap yet I know from my experience of this past year that if I just start in the right direction, He will be faithful to help me complete the work to which He leads. When the task is completed, the next step, perhaps a more difficult one begins. Yeah, letting go of the results, the human need for appreciation and recognition is a tougher one for me.

Such is the case with the red tulips. I don’t really know if she ever saw them, planted for her back in time. After all, she has her own calling and tasks to complete. Sometimes it hurts for my sacrifice of precious time and energy to go unnoticed. It hurts even more when it is repeated and that largely comes when I haven’t gotten it right the first time, trying something again and hoping for a different result the second time. In the Twelve Step program, they call this “insanity!” Expecting different results is also magical thinking and rarely helps in reality. There’s so much more missing in this relationship with this gal than red tulips. Flowers simply may not have been on her radar at all. Lord, help me let this ol’ memory go.

The Lord sees my heart and always notices. He notices every time, perfectly, on time, and in my personal heart language.

²³Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, ²⁴since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians

So Lord I pray that You:

²³Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139

Bring my motivations to light and help me to serve others in the language of Your heart not mine. Lead me in Your ways, strengthen me in my pajamas, and let any light that may shine on me be for Your glory alone. Thank you for the gift of Your Holy Spirit, teaching me, guiding me. For the glory of Your name Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.

Now where’s the sugar and vanilla?

It’s after midnight and the tilapia is chewy

Published on April 24, 2013April 24, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded8 Comments

The real title to this blog was to be: “To submit is divine,” but I thought that if I wrote that, no one would read it! Who wants to submit to anything? Hey, in my flesh and self-will, no way!

This day I had to succumb anyways to the nausea, headache, half-day of seizure attacks, and relentless sickness that is Lyme Disease and Candida. Oddly, it was lying in bed with my brain “fried” for hours and staring at the ceiling that the Lord gave me the quietness I needed to discover what might be making me sicker: every stinking grain of sugar. Most of us with Lyme, chronic illness and inflammation know the pitfalls of sugar. I’d already broken my denial on that one earlier last year. Sugar feeds Lyme and yeast infections (a common complication from antibiotic and bacteria-killing treatments), messes with metabolism, weakens an immune system already under attack, and simply won’t satisfy the angst of my flesh for long enough to bother with a treat anyways. And today it appears that some hidden sources are making me worse.

I am already on a “sugar-free diet” by the way! Desserts are long gone. I consume 1/4 serving of low-sugar fruit every other day, use only unsweetened products, omit artificial or herbal sweeteners (that contribute to headaches for me), cut out honey/maple syrup and so on. Turns out that there’s sugar hidden in my probiotic that is supposed to be helping me! Two doses I take daily equal 8 grams per day! Oh no! Coupled with the 2-4 grams in my “plain” coconut yogurt, my only real treat, that adds up to way too much! Now that’s a bite in the shorts for sure.

I started to suspect something wasn’t right a few nights ago when I actually began craving my late night supplement concoction mix of coconut yogurt to make the various supplement powders and tinctures more palatable. So instead I found alternate soft foods to use at night and allowed myself the coconut “treat” of 2 ounces only in the morning. Can you imagine the restraint it takes to open a luscious carton of yogurt and only eat 2 ounces? Yeah, I did it and felt a sweet victory. And now that yogurt is my enemy with the HCL Synbiotic Probiotic. I guess even the low sugar fruits must now go for a season as well. This is WAR!

To submit to a drastic dietary change is very difficult and takes time to integrate into a nutritional plan for healing. I wrote the “Extreme Dietary Survival Strategies” in the PAGES section of this blog to reflect the many guidelines I’ve already learned from others and from my own experimentation. Looks like there are some new ones to add! Geez o’ man. Instead of mixing my supps with dreamy plain coconut yogurt, I’ll have to use coconut butter or unsweetened vanilla almond milk. O.k. I can do it. If this change minimizes the symptoms that killed my day today, I will submit to a 100% sugar-free diet.

It is the nature of our flesh to want what we want, when we want it, and in the way or timing that we want it isn’t it? When we want it is usually right now! It is the nature of living in the United States where we have access to just about everything at just about any time of day or night, that makes it hard to delay gratification. It is the nature of becoming a mature adult in a civilized society to learn that planning ahead, hard work, sacrifice, and patience will get us much more than grabbing things within reach. However, beyond this it is the work of the Holy Spirit in the life of a believer of Jesus Christ that knows for certain that the perceived barriers in our lives are merciful paths to true freedom and peace, even joy. Such is the glorious mystery of living with Jesus in one’s heart, where He goes before us with love and grace every step of the way. In the end we will receive more than we ever dreamed possible as we bring glory to our Lord and Savior for waiting on Him. “The end” may not be next week; the end may transform into our eternity with Him as the crap of this earthly life has ultimately succumbed to His plan and purpose. Our wants and needs may even change!

Seems strange that in the wee hours of the morning after some chewy tilapia, my mind would finally clear. My tears have finally been wiped away. The realization that to submit is to live is now here: the authorities, the situations, the delays in my life are Christ-ordained and designed for my best self, best life after all. I do not claim to understand why I or you must go through all of this suffering, loss and pain in the way that we each experience it. Let’s pray about it. The answer to the “why” question is often left to the mysterious unanswered questions of life. I do claim to know the One who reveals Himself to me in His perfect timing with gentleness and love. I do claim to have faith in my Jesus who has promised me that He will be with me through it all.

I’ll betcha tomorrow is going to be a better day.

Let’s wait with great expectation together, k?

Then I Saw Her Face

Published on April 21, 2013April 21, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

“Then I saw her face. Now I’m a believer. Not a trace . . . of doubt in my mind.”

If I followed the lyrics to this song by the Monkees, it would lead to a love song. For me, these words do not communicate “love” today. They communicate understanding.

It began with violent twitching of her limbs, marked by cramping that pulled her right hand into a claw. No matter how she tried, she writhed but could not get the fingers to straighten or get the twitching to stop. She waited, apologized for delaying our medical appointment, and her symptoms did not change. Somehow the involuntary movement pattern eventually broke enough to begin the special testing protocol for me and for which she was trained. It is her job to help others with chronic illness but now she is in need as well.

Pain created postural rigidity that was visible as marked stiffness as I sat near her. The degeneration of her spine escalated the pain that was already present that day. Words of encouragement only encouraged me as I stayed with her and as the episode unfolded into new symptoms. Administering the testing procedures which required operating a computer and test equipment were impossible; she could not hold the probe or operate the keyboard accurately. She wanted to help me, to proceed, and could not. She leaned up against the wall as she offered to talk about my health concerns. Perhaps we could turn the visit into a consultation of sorts? She had tremendous knowledge to share from her expertise in electodiagnostic testing, alternative health research, and recent work with a masterful local physician. Together they had helped many improve their lives. That same doctor had encouraged me to return for testing. It simply was not to be today.

I asked her a few questions and appreciated the information that just might give me as much insight into the next steps of my own health challenges as the testing might have done. O.k. So we were both getting somewhere for a moment. Perhaps she could rescue the appointment that is her vocation and livelihood and I could go forward with new insights into my treatment plan? Nope. Not meant to be. Within moments, she was unable to speak, straining for words. Attempting to speak or move, worsened the lock down on her ability to function. The internal tics were visible to me sitting near her. There was nothing else to do but pray. So calling upon the Father in the name of Jesus Christ, I prayed for her, for me, for all who deal with chronic illness. Her symptoms softened. But the damage was done. It would take her hours to recover. Our visit was over. Into my truck she hobbled, and into her house she limped. The office staff would graciously drive her car home sometime later. The appointment and her day were now over.

This is another face of Lyme Disease, multiple autoimmune disease, chronic inflammatory response syndrome, chronic pain, and the consequence of living in a fallen world. Some of us have an easier time as we journey through life and some of us do not. All of us will suffer loss, some type of emotional or physical pain, and unwelcome changes during our lifetime. I have come to know that how we handle it may not be determined by the extent of the trauma. Oh it seems insurmountable a the time. How we handle it can be determined by the extent of our faith in a plan and purpose for our lives that transforms our life experience.

Even episodes as severe as the one I describe here can be transformed into grace when we understand that our lives are not about comfort, good stuff, fleeting happiness. It takes what it takes to turn our eyes back to the One Who made us and understands what is going on when our lives, when our world make absolutely no sense to us. And He will not allow frustration forever or unmercifully. In His Word, He promises that all can be used for His glory. In time and in the end, we will see that our suffering is not wasted . . . The path to this type of faith and understanding comes from seeking Him through His word and not this blog. Or any blog. Go to His Word, my friend and there you will find rest!

I have great compassion for this dear child of God and the experience that I witnessed on Friday. I have experienced much of the same symptoms in my own seizure attacks. Gratefully I don’t have the same type of cramping or mixed motor control issues. I am able to recover enough after an episode to drive home if needed and to care for my basic needs. The episodes come most days for me yet are generally of shorter duration than before my husband and I remediated our home for mold. Further, the Lord has provided the time, a loving husband, and just enough finances for this season of my life. My dear friend struggles more than I in these realms. I pray that she will seek her Heavenly Husband who will exceedingly provide for her too through Christ Jesus. In Christ, we both will ultimately find peace and hope.

Yes, on Friday I did not only see her face but the face of my Lord Jesus. In His face we will find all for which we long. What will you see?

Trust God. Love People.

Published on April 5, 2013April 5, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

I thought I would be feeling better by now. After all, we remediated our home for mold at great expense and disruption to our lives. The Lord provided a good part of the resources to cover many of these expenses; in time He will replenish all of our resources. In the meantime, our home looks lovely as it’s really clean and the carpeting/vinyl flooring now sports a Canadian Maple engineered hardwood. Wow. I really like it!

But I still have knife-like headaches and feel sick. I fear seizure attacks every evening, especially when falling asleep or waking up in the morning. Thankfully, I haven’t had one in the last day and one-half. I got pretty close with multiple nauseating “pre-tic” episodes yet no full-blown neuromuscular events. Thank you Jesus!

So why am I so down? Who knows. It’s part of dealing with chronic illness and part of deepening my faith in the One who has crafted this life of mine. I must stay in moments more tiny than ever before, where I can find peace, comfort, and even joy. I must stay with a grateful heart and humility. However, to strive harder to do any of these things will hurt me. I’m just not that perfect! Guess I won’t work on the house any more today, like putting up drapes that were dry cleaned. All of this stuff of life can wait. My time is now with you, gentle reader, and with my Savior.

Prayerfully I seek so much when the point is really just to dwell with the one true God, the person Who is God: Jesus. Yes, it blesses Him to pray and is my calling as a believer, to make my needs known. It grows my faith and keeps me in a right relationship with the sovereign Creator, to look to Him for answers and not the people/places/things of this world. Love people. Hold places and things lightly as they are transient. Instead, I shall put my trust in the Lord who transcends them all infinitely.

In His bigness that is inconceivable in my finite mind, my Lord and Savior has a plan for even this headache, this difficulty functioning, these tears held back so I can see the computer screen. And if He has a plan for me despite my misery, He has a plan for you despite yours too. The Lord cares. The Lord cries with you and me. The Lord loves us more than anyone or anything in this life. We are His when we confess our sin, seek forgiveness, and once (and forever) accept Him as Lord and Savior of our lives. That is all you and I have to do!

How do I know all of these things? I mean, people blog anything these days, seeking notoriety for their own meaningless thoughts that would never stand a test of time let alone eternity. I know these things and these things are true because it is written in His Word. It is written on our hearts that yearn for unfailing love. It is written in our minds that yearn for answers, for truth. It is reflected in the beautiful complexity of creation all around us. Chaos Theory did not know that I needed to catch a glimpse of the bluebirds flying back to our bird feeder my first morning when I felt “in shock” after being away from home 76 days! It was His omniscience! It is the absolute truth to the mystery of our questions of: “what is life?” and “why are we here?” And it is woven into each and every yearning soul. We know and believe because He has revealed Himself to us in His Word.

Have you been in The Word lately? Follow me to a place where you can start reading about the One in Whom we both can place our trust. I’ll meet you there. I know it’s late or you’re busy or you gotta go to the bathroom! Just take a minute to start. It could change your life. It just renewed mine . . .