Reaching out to my King tonight. He loves me so. He loves you so.
Really, He does. :J
Tag: endurance
How do you measure a year?
September 18, 2014 was a day when I rediscovered the power of friendship at a new level. ‘Tis fitting that we would spend our time reading the Psalms as we shared our lives with each other then tenderly prayed together. Perhaps this is what women who love the Lord Jesus Christ do, eh? Except that we were not meeting for a weekly video Bible study at church followed by coffee and treats. This one touched our hearts more at home . . . literally!
In the past I have enjoyed Bible studies the best when we all meet in each other’s homes. There is no better way to fellowship than to be immersed in the family pictures, dog hair, and dirty dishes of the ones you come to love in Christ. In due time the host and hostess let go of having a clean house for everyone each week as we focus on what is really important: opening up the truth of God’s word. Prayer time was always my favorite. The bonds between us became palpable as we lifted up each other’s hurts and victories before the Lord. I do hope we glorified Him in doing so.
When serious illness struck my life October 11, 2011 my life slowly changed to one of almost total isolation. Oh there were many visits to medical professionals, clinics, labs, hospitals, and pharmacies. They were all very nice people, of course. Going to Walmart became a rare “date night” with my beloved husband when I could not drive myself. The highlight of my week often became buying groceries; somehow I ended up spending a little more money there than I probably should have perhaps in an attempt to find some alternative type of comfort. Somehow new pair of sweats or comfy top would jump into the shopping cart on occasion as well!
Then the Lord inspired me to break the isolation beyond this blog. I had some casual connections to a few of you Gentle Readers which delighted my soul, by the way. How could this become more personal? I published a blog in September of 2014 asking if anyone would be interested in starting up a Bible study/prayer time via Skype? Perhaps there were other gals out there who were largely homebound like me and ready to connect before the Lord’s table. Two gals graciously responded: YES!
Each of us had different reasons for coming together. Each of us had our own blogs and followings, outside interests, and experiences with our health. We represented 3 different decades of life, 2 different countries and States, living situations either outside larger cities or in the country, and only one blonde. (She is gonna kill me for writing that!) We bonded quickly.
One gal who joined our group to be an encourager ended up facing one of the biggest health battles of her life this past year. Two of us went in and out of relapses with illness and one endured a major upheaval in her husband’s job situation. Two of us have also met face-to-face twice with hopes of a giggly reunion of all three of us perhaps this year? I hope so! Together we (have) cried, we laughed. We prayed; we shared silly stories. There were exchanges of recipes, websites, scripture, and more. We were encouraged by the love stories of the Psalms ministering to our feminine hearts. And most of all we became friends.
So how do you measure the value of a year in life? As this passionate theme song from the movie Rent speaks of sunsets, cups of coffee, laughter, and sighs, I do know that on Thursday night we three have shared them all this past year. I agree with the chorus line to: measure your life in love. Because of you my dear ones, my year was richly blessed!
Thank you ladies for changing my life and ministering to me in a way that has made a difference. May the Lord be glorified in all that we say and do, all that we write, and in the prayers that we lay before His throne of grace each week. In the meantime,
“I am going to Rome.”
You two know what that means! Happy one year anniversary!
Seeya next time ladies. Love you, Julie
Just another day
Today was much of the same:
Back to bed after hitting the wall, so to speak.
Hours later I cleared
And a phone call to my beloved at work
Got me in motion to do the tasks at hand.
The story doesn’t vary much . . .
Maybe an outing to test the waters may come
Only to push me back a few days and then
I wonder if I have really come forward much at all.
But “it takes what it takes” sometimes;
The good, the bad, the ugly like an old western:
I know the patterns at least so I cry less
Resting comes more easily as does opting out
‘Cause life is more about the meaning than the doing anyhow.
The last sentence in this prose
Must point beyond my tale of woe
For when a beloved friend faced losing a family member so dear,
I realized the blessings that abound in my life even so
Even so I will go on and things will get better of this I am sure.
It doesn’t have to be today you know!
Lost in Space
I’ve been up late several nights in a row now, updating my eBook whilst blogging on home safety for my new company: Two Step Solutions LLC. While that may appear wildly productive the timing is just too odd for it to actually be that way for me. I am discovering a few unusual things as I examine this new work, this current blog that you are reading, and the tragedy of illness resistant to treatment.
First, my professional writing lacks clear focus. I add too many words and the flow is not there. Oh the subject matter gets covered yet it is not yet up to par. The short articles I am putting out there are intended to build credibility in my profession and an audience for the time when I want to launch my home safety product. Perhaps I need a check-n-balance system before publishing each piece? Yes, something like that.
I am so very dry with ideas to write about that aren’t a re-hash of the saga, the illness. Sure, I have tried to end each blog with something reflective, insightful, Biblical, creative, humorous or otherwise useful. It is simply getting harder to do so when the head-banging that accompanies convulsive episodes goes on FOR HOURS EVERY DAY! You have heard about all of the test results pending. I continuously try new treatments that make sense to me. The outcomes continue to be disastrous. Sure there is hope on the horizon. But for now it is AWOL!
And if a test showed a particular course of treatment that worked, one could be encouraged as he or she ingested/applied/bathed/drank/swallowed it. As for me, hundreds of remedies, diets, treatments, scans, procedures, therapies, adjustments later . . . I am discouraged. Tens of thousands of dollars later . . . I am discouraged. Moving about while beat up on 3 hours of sleep is virtually impossible yet I was called to do it today anyways. My will has tanked. Yes, I am broken and discouraged.
Lost in space. There is no real sense of time here. It comes and it goes with little of meaning to measure it by. The foam in our bed is permanently dented in both places from my dwelling there. Steve and I pray. I cry a lot. I hear that others pray out there somewhere and yet do not contact me anymore. I am invisible for the most part. And that’s just how it goes when you have dropped out of life for a few years. Even blue jeans from Walmart start looking good when I can finally get out of the house on Wednesdays. Eeeek! I am an Eddie Bauer gal dontcha know?
I probably should not publish this. Well stay tuned. I am bound to bump into some kind of life eventually, eh? JJ
The moments that matter
When things are not right or even worse
We cry out to the air and wonder, “who is there?”
“Can anyone hear me on my bed of sorrow?”
“How long will this go on, how long?”
Oh the angst for enduring what simply should not be . . .
I could bemoan much pain in my heart this day:
From my spirit through my tender frame.
But why? What will I gain by wallowing here?
As I listen to a friend who sounds like me over the waves,
I hear wisdom that comes with her years.
She doth declare that in her own time of prayer
The Lord spoke to her so gently.
In all of those times of suffering,
When surely no one cared He said,
“I was there with you.”
And her heart was full, no place untouched.
So today let’s heed this wisdom
Should we, too seek and hear His voice.
Don’t just want for the pain to end.
Reach into the moment to His love so grand.
Find people with mercy for the darkness of our lives
For we all have a burden to carry, each one.
And let us come together in prayer, in fellowship, in praise.
But most importantly
Kneel at the throne of grace often
In adoration of the Person who sees you always.
For Jesus loves you always.
And turn these into moments that matter for all time.
They will be sweet, and soften the burdens we will endure.
We can go on when held by His hand.
Yes, we can indeed.
JJ
Jesus is for the Wounded 
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