convulsions – Page 20 – Jesus is for the Wounded

I love Patrick Klein’s words from the Vision Beyond Borders newsletter this week:

Psalm 143:10-12 says, “Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. For your name’s sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.” Doing God’s will does not come naturally; our natural tendency is to satisfy our fleshly and worldly desires. We must be taught and transformed by God to do His will. When His Spirit leads us, it is on level ground. He alone can make crooked paths straight. Our duty is to remember that what we do is for His name’s sake. It is not about us. He alone can best determine how He desires for us to bring glory to His name. It is not for us to determine. Despite hardships, trials or persecution that may be allowed in our lives, God can preserve us and bring us out of our trouble.

Our only responsibility in all of this is to simply remember our role. We are to be servants of Christ. Often we grow weary because we are trying to do His part. We are trying to figure out where He is taking us rather than allowing Him to lead us. We are trying to figure out how to preserve our lives and bring ourselves out of trouble rather than allowing Him to bring us out. We are trying to silence our enemies and destroy our foes when that is not our work. We are not made for those things, and it is exhausting. Our duty is simply to look to God and serve Him, allowing Him to do these things for His servants! We don’t have to strive, we simply have to come to Him. His yoke is easy and His burden is light; we will find rest for our souls. May we faithfully seek Him, serve Him and remain completely in Him, trusting Him to show us each step!

Thank you Patrick. Last night I started using yet another binding agent (Zeolite) to try to encapsulate and detox mercury from my weakened frame. Afterwards I felt very weird! We were Skyping with my husband’s daughter in Thailand and it was all I could do to chat a bit, smile a bit, and keep my shoulders from hiking up to my ears! The nightly seizure attack episode was significantly shorter and I fell asleep at a more reasonable time, around 1:30 a.m. Hell was waiting for me this morning and returned with more violence a couple of hours later. Can you say “mad as a hatter?” Well if you were a hatmaker in the 19th century you might be more familiar with mercury poisoning than the current medical profession. So let’s see if we can figure this one out, eh?

#1 Trust in the Lord and lean not on our own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

#2 Follow the clues and think about how chelation works for mercury and heavy metals. Most protocols require regular treatments for a given interval of time, sometimes as often as every 4 hours. (See the Cutler protocol.) The rebound occurred about 12 hours after the first dose of a true chelating agent.

#3 Consider a repeat, low level dose at regular intervals to bind and remove the newly circulating toxins.

#4 Relief came within minutes when the detox agent was consumed with lots of water.

And after resting, eating, sitting out in the lovely Fall sunshine, I am upright. This is good. I am also extraordinarily humbled by some incredible blessings this week and will end with four to match the points enumerated above:

#1 Unfailing love in the eyes of my intended beloved, Steve. When I am in his arms no matter what the circumstances, I feel the love, care, and compassion of my Heavenly Husband too. Thank you Jesus for Steve. Please love and bless Him. Cover our marriage with your grace. May others see a good work in all of this for your glory Lord.

#2 Treatment options that provide some relief. I believe that the pattern of suffering is about to change for the better and we are exceedingly grateful.

#3 Wisdom that ultimately comes from the Lord. I have learned so much these past 3 years and have received blessings, gained new skills, met new people, cleared out some excess baggage, and found a voice that I pray will glorify you here.

#4 Hope. No matter what the burden may be (and we both need not look far to see horrific burdens that our brothers and sisters in Christ must bear for their belief in Him), He will prevail. As a new friend, Karan Gleddie, brought to light this week we are to “set (our) minds on things above, not on earthly things.” (Col. 3:2) Therein we too will find our hope, our peace, our happiness. And as Patrick reminded me, we are to serve with the strength of Christ for His namesake. With our eyes on Christ all things are possible.

Gentle Reader, how may I pray for you today?

I am so glad I stumbled upon a videotaped performance this evening of the talented and zany Christian communicator, Patsy Clairmont. My own strength is waxing and waning at the moment so she provided the little something extra I need to make it through to tomorrow.

In her show, Patsy described her search for words to comfort a dear friend battling cancer and found it in Genesis 1:3. Here God reveals to us through Moses the beginning of the story of life as we know it:

1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.²Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

³And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. ⁴God saw that the light was good, and he separated the light from the darkness. ⁵God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” And there was evening, and there was morning—the first day.

Patsy points out that the first words the Bible records of God speaking are for there to be light. Ah yes, light dispels the darkness and guides our way; light is a symbol of God’s glory and presence throughout the Bible, and so much more. Intended as a meditation for her friend, the simple message of the verse, “let there be light,” became a joyful encouragement to both of them. I invite you to view the You Tube video for the moving story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-HpRO8g9Qds

This evening was a dark one for my beloved husband, Steve, and me. He’s exhausted from the demands of work and his heart breaking as he watches his wife thrash about with convulsions every night. I am broken, depleted and in a good deal of pain most evenings from the same and the seemingly lack of direction in my treatment. It seems that every time I start on a new course of treatment for Lyme, Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome or the myriad of related conditions I get sidetracked or have to stop due to increased convulsions. The current pattern of some form of these “seizure attacks” is for them to occur about three times per day on average with one miraculous 23-hour break earlier this week. Go figure.

I need the verse, “let there be light” to wash over my burdened soul this night. I need my Jesus to be the light of my sore heart, the light of my weary steps. I need my doubt to be transformed by blind faith in His shining light. I need there to be light.

And so I say to you as I write this in the middle of the night, scared to go to bed for fear of more attacks, “Let there be light.” And to my heavenly Father, “Let there be light.” And to those exasperated by the duration of my illness, “Let there be light.” And to all of those who are weary, “Let there be light.” Together we can find His light and know what that means in our own lives as the night gives way to the day . . . zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz