convulsions – Page 18 – Jesus is for the Wounded

The decision to be tooth-less?

Published on January 29, 2015January 29, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

It’s not like I am planning another wedding or something. I’ve done that twice and twice is enough! If a couple of teeth are missing I just can’t smile or laugh really BIG so the void in my mouth is noticeable. Not that anyone would be looking at my molars anyways! I suppose there are the exceptions for some of you out there . . .

Then my beloved teased me that I might have trouble eating bacon and potato chips. Not! I grew up with a GIANT bag of Better Made potato chips on the refrigerator and a dad who had to have a generous helping every day plus ice cream. When we visited his parents where they lived in the Irish Hills, between the view of the lake and the country kitchen was another HUGE bag of Better Made potato chips on the frig. So if I have two opposing teeth anywhere in the yard then there will be Unsalted Kettle Chips too! And bacon, just because we can.

Don’t you love Facebook? Or maybe you hate Facebook? Perhaps you would love to hate Facebook a little more since it can be such a “time eraser” extraordinaire. Well anyways, I have joined many groups who have the answers to this or that ailment I have faced over the past few years. Recently I joined the “Bottoms Up” group to learn more about digestive health, only to realize that I did not want pictures of worms in feces gracing the screen of my smart phone if I were to check it when dining out somewhere. Yuck! TMI for sure. Delete! The mercury, root canal, mold avoidance, Lyme disease, methylation, candida, etc. peeps have all greatly contributed to my vast brain swell of mixed anecdotal/psuedo research information. There’s a cause and cure for everything right there in my newsfeed. Even business opportunities, rudeness and meanness fit in where pretox/detox really should dwell. But I digress.

These forums have been part of my lifeline too. I have made some sweet friendships with gals who run in the same groups. Members have helped shorten my learning curve and evaluate relevant research, news articles, and success stories. Many folks really do get well! Then they drop out of the group and the rest of us left behind try to figure it all out before we also leave the comfort of the group nest as well. Hey, I won’t mind moving on if I can take a few happy FB Friends with me, eh? Currently they are helping me navigate the potentially painful decision of whether or not to have two teeth with root canals extracted. These puppies may be a source of years of discomfort from hidden infection, possibly contributing to some of my chronic health issues. I am already in the preparation stage of mercury chelation which certainly wreaks havoc in one’s brain and body. Gratefully my brilliant functional medicine Doc is leading the way along with acute spiritual discernment from the Lord and my beloved hubby.

This treatment crossroad is more confusing than some others. Extensive testing has not revealed hard data on the need to extract two teeth (yet it just doesn’t seem like complications of a sinus infection or trigeminal nerve inflammation either). Travel would be needed to a skilled biologic dentist who can meet my needs for extra TLC should we decide to proceed. The requirement for all of this extensive screening became extremely clear this afternoon after a very bad appointment with a recommended, local oral surgeon in a musty office! Bad, bad. Steve and I prayed about all of this as we navigated a particularly rough evening for me tonight, placing our trust again in the Lord to guide us. I’ll make a few more phone calls tomorrow. At least a dear friend gave me the tip of a concoction with cloves to manage the moderate pain in my gums. Cool beans. It worked quite well!

So for now I’ll be eating bacon and potato chips on the right side of my mouth and cutting up other delicacies into small bits so as not to trigger seizure attacks or pain. Thank the Lord for our VitaMix which chops, whips, cooks, and practically washes the dishes for you afterwards! Like teeth, little things can mean a lot to a gal like me. See how good my Jesus is: providing for my every need and heart’s desire too. Avocado-coconut smoothies anyone?

As I close I must profess that through it all God is good. All the time. God is good! JJ

Great things He hath done

Published on January 22, 2015January 23, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

⁵Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

⁶Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
    but my ears you have opened
    burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
⁷Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
    it is written about me in the scroll.
⁸I desire to do your will, my God;
    your law is within my heart.”

⁹I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;
    I do not seal my lips, Lord,
    as you know.
¹⁰I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
    I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
    from the great assembly.

¹¹Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me. (Psalm 40; NIV)

After speaking in adoration, gratitude, humility, and transparency, King David seeks compassion from his Lord and savior Jesus Christ.  He has been literally chased by his enemies to the cold, darkness of living in caves.  His very life, his promised kingdom, and all he knows is at stake yet he begins this song with faithful praise.  Thereafter he presents his request for the Lord’s mercy and protection.  Although not quoted here, this psalm of King David goes on to pray for the salvation of his people and desolation of his enemies.  In the end his hope that the Lord be glorified through it all.  Yes indeed.  Wow.  What a tremendous example for me!
Adoration.  Thank you almighty God for all that you have provided to this day.  I see your omnipotent power in the sequencing of events of my life to bring me into the best of fellowship to you my Lord and King.  I praise you here and forevermore.  You have provided exceedingly for my real needs.  The greatest evidence is in love of my life that is now here; I am honored to be at his side, his beloved too.
Gratitude.  For my times of sickness you have given me a warm bed in which to convalesce, healthy food, good medical care, and infused your strength into my weary frame to do the tasks that are needed each day.  No matter how I may be feeling, the facts remain true that you care for the details of my life and are here with me.  I am never alone.  Most of all your love changes my sorrow into joy.
Humility.  The striving, the determination of my youth were eventually broken well into my adulthood so that I might realize the plans you have for me.  Hurt has yielded to forgiveness and freedom.  Following the lead of my earthly kinsman redeemer instead of my own desires has brought me into the fullness of what it means to follow you.  Much goodness has come from all of these.  The motto that began the leap of faith to finding Jesus years ago has come true:  letting go and letting God reign in my heart must remain above all else.
Transparency.  You gave me a fondness for writing long ago, mentored by my own mother (a naturally gifted writer).  This blog has seen me through much suffering and challenged me to return my eyes to Your majesty, Your creation, and more.  I have learned that the truth about life is often separate from what I can see.  Lord keep me soft to submit to Your ways like the clay who gives its essence to the master potter craftsman.  Surely goodness shall be the result for Your glory.
 Prayerfulness.  I do ask for healing of this wretched illness that plagues me for hours each day.  Guide me in my interactions with others when frustrated by so many things; may I be a light for my true hope that is in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Bring rest and lead my husband, Steve, in the decisions we are facing.  Grant him wisdom at home and at work, as a father to his four wonderful adult children, and as a leader in our church.  Thank you for his faithful witness to so many of what it means to be a man after Your own heart.  And please bless the fellow sojourners you have brought into my life, especially my Skype Bible Prayer partners Karan and Sherry.  Such sweet fellowship is salve to my soul.
Great things the Lord hath done in my life since I met my first Gentle Reader about three years ago.  Thank you for coming alongside me for the ups and downs, bunny trail side trips, victories, and more.  Know that I am praying for you as I write this, that the Lord be with you this day too.  He is so good and worthy of our praise.  Perhaps King David said it best later in Psalm 40 like this:
16 But may all who seek you

    rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who long for your saving help always say,

    “The Lord is great!”

If I get to see you . . .

Published on January 16, 2015January 18, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

If I get to see you in the coming year, please understand that I will be singing songs of joy in my heart! Social isolation has been one of the most devastating effects of serious illness from these past 3 years. Should the Lord allow the circumstances for me to get out for an activity other than medical or a trip to the grocery store, I CELEBRATE!!!

So if I might ask for a few accommodations when we get together and you graciously oblige and I still get sick then blame any negative symptoms you may witness in me as the consequence of illness and not you! Very few folks live in a “clean room” like we have here at home. I did not clean at this level either until it was a matter of survival. Steve did not engage in my extreme mold/contaminant behavior strategies until two years ago. These strategies are necessary for this season of our lives together. Overall I do better when we follow certain guidelines resulting in less reactivity, the worst of which are fewer seizure-like and convulsive episodes which continue daily. We are implementing some “due diligence” from what we have learned to reduce my suffering with the goal of eliminating this illness altogether. We believe that the Lord has allowed these trials for mysterious reasons and ultimately His glory. He is good!

Both Steve and I recognize that there are definite signs that I am getting better. We have trained our eye to search for even tiny changes in the pattern and intensity of episodes, pain, and reactivity to keep us hopeful that one day I will be well. It is happening! So please don’t be discouraged when either one of us might mention that I had a rough night or you witness a significant setback. Recovery is a long, jagged line of progress, setbacks, and lateral “bunny trails.” The overall trending is positive!

The most important accommodations that would be helpful if we get together are as follows.

Meeting in a public place: Select a place with less noise and less loud music. Newer buildings are generally better than older ones; please no historic buildings or ones with known basements or crawlspaces and history of flooding. Restaurants that make their own food with fresh ingredients are better able to modify dishes to meet my food sensitivities. This rules out most fast food places! Letting me know the name and phone number of the establishment ahead of time will allow me to contact them with my needs and make the experience of ordering food more pleasant for both of us! Please do not wear cologne or perfume that day. I will need to greet you and depart with a “virtual hug” to avoid exposures to hidden elements that might be on your clothing or coat. Forgive me if I sometimes forget this step in the joy of the moment when I see you!

Meeting in your home: This is still a situation that I avoid since there are too many variables at this time that may cause serious problems. I cannot come over if you have 1) ever had flooding in your home of any kind from a leaky toilet to a wet basement or 2) have older carpeting. If you are willing to have me then please remove all fragranced products at least the day before we are scheduled to be together (such as plug-in or spray air fresheners, candles whether lit or not, potpourri, etc.) Keeping windows cracked open in cooler weather or open in warmer weather to allow fresh air inside always helps (unless someone is burning something nearby outside!) I prefer to visit in the area of your home without carpeting and sit on non-upholstered furniture. Wood, plastics, and leather are best.

Staying overnight: If we are invited to stay overnight then we will either bring our own linens, blankets and towels, or ask that you wash and dry everything in fragrance-free detergent and softeners (including dryer sheets). Please replace a moldy shower curtain liner with a new one! I will bring most of my own food and hand soap where possible. Providing non-cured, non-smoked meat cooked only with salt, plain oatmeal, plain salad-type vegetables or zucchini/cauliflower without seasonings will be a HUGE treat! I will always bring the extra condiments and food that I can tolerate.

Yeah, I know that this is a lot for a busy household to prepare! Thank you for helping us out with this stuff. Steve and I are exceedingly grateful to have recently obtained a travel trailer which has helped manage all of this tremendously well. (It is a lot of work for us too, I tell ya!) Both of our families and many close friends now live out of State so travel is necessary to see them. This single change in our mode of travel has allowed me to leave our home overnight much more safely and go places from which I have been cut off for most of the past three years. We are humbled and blessed! I really like having a mobile safe house that has already opened up my world, provided privacy during setbacks on the road, and aided sleep with a really comfortable bed that can be hard to find when away from one’s own humble abode at home. Thank you Jesus!

Visiting Daniel and Elizabeth in Alabama

We are hoping that the ongoing extreme avoidance and dietary strategies are temporary; some level of precaution albeit more relaxed than the current level will likely continue for some time. How long will we need to do all of this? We simply do not know. We believe the Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome (or Multiple Chemical Sensitivity) is due to mercury toxicity and we finally have the correct treatment protocols to get me well. I have excellent medical guidance and a proven treatment plan to follow. We are hopeful that I will be in better health within this year! I AM GOING TO GET WELL!!!

And that Gentle Reader, is much to celebrate! JJ

It is enough

Published on January 12, 2015January 25, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

We had decided to pack four gallons of water just in case something went awry during our second cold weather camping trip this season. The related online blogs recommended this among other tips such as purchasing a heated hose and waiting to un-winterize the travel trailer until we had traveled enough south to avoid freezing temperatures overnight. And so we prepared accordingly reviewing our long “To Do” list of stuff over and over again before heading out the door. Check!

Just before our departure, arctic temperatures plagued the entire country east of the Mississippi River from Michigan to northern Florida! Who knew that after driving nearly 800 miles due south we would still be facing weather more characteristic of Indiana than our first destination in the deep south of Fort Rucker, Alabama? We had run the propane heater in the Camp Lite a few times back home to minimize the out-gassing of the relatively new-used mini furnace. We intended to fire up both heaters (propane and electric) soon after hooking up everything upon arrival so we could sleep comfortably. Check! After all it would be about 5:00 in the morning when we got to stop number one.

For God is not the author of confusion but of peace . . . (1 Cor 14:33)

We did not count on the entire camper freezing over along the way! I grabbed the hair dryer and extension cord from the cab of the truck and proceeded to thaw out both door locks. Once inside I discovered that the four “emergency” one-gallon jugs of water were frozen solid as was the entire water system “winterized” with special RV antifreeze! We had our two sport-sized bottles of water 1/2 filled with us in the car and that was it. Closer investigation found some frigid water sloshing around in one of the gallon jugs so we gave it to our pup figuring she would not mind the temp. (Sure would hate to have to choose between man and beast on such a night!) Steve used a, er, warm water stream to punch a hole in the toilet ice seal to make it operational for the night. Check!

Hooking up the water and electric did not go well either. The water spicket had frozen beneath the towel that our southern/Aussie host (formerly from Indiana) had prepared before our arrival. Hmmmmm. When the crochety 30 amp electrical hook-up proved to be broken, Steve plugged us into the standard outlet to get us through the night, thus preventing draining our battery overnight. Oh well, we could live without hot drinks in the microwave: we had the warmth of each other after all . . .

But our bedding felt like it had just come off the train from Siberia! Steve bundled up head-to-toe in Smart Wool and collapsed into bed. I tried to join him but the nighttime unpleasantries I often face reared their ugly head first. Eventually the buzzed feeling I had from the late night excitement, convulsions and checking of Facebook yielded enough fatigue to turn everything off in my head for a few hours. Even the sound of street noise 50 feet from our pillows drifted into the distance. We had made it to see my hubby’s darling youngest son and his wife the next day and I was glad. Check!

Many are the plans in a person’s heart but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails. (Proverbs 19:21)

Who knows why our lives are so difficult these days. The last two times this past year we gratefully were able to camp with the conveniences of a travel trailer in colder weather we certainly prepared as best we could. It’s not like we did not know what we were doing! I perused and posted questions on multiple camping forums to learn from more seasoned travelers. We purchased some special gadgets and kept snow pants, hats and gloves nearby; Steve donned his biking/paddling headlamp upon arrival like a pro to keep his hands free during the late night procedures. I had enough food prepared in individual and meal-sized portions to keep me compliant with my special diet and the skilled driver nourished for most of our first few days away from home. We did the best we could to avoid disaster and this is just how it goes sometimes!

The next day was a blur for me. Yes, we said hello to Daniel and Elizabeth when they stopped by in their Honda Fit (everything is so cute about these two!) midday. I had not eaten breakfast yet and needed some more recovery/rest time so Steve took off with them while I headed back to the tin can ranch. What happened next can only be called a near-death experience! That one deserved its own blog story so I won’t go into it here.

What is clear is that my writing block of late is definitely broken with some new experiences ordained by my Jesus albeit AFGE if you will (aka “another fun growth experience”)! As in the Wizard of Oz when Dorothy turns to her dog Toto after the great tornado, I’ll say it here, “Toto, we are not in Kansas anymore” and that is good. My social and geographical isolation enduring illness at home is now broken for a time. What matters now is faith in the Lord and obedience for His will and I know that His goodness shall prevail. Yeah God!

. . . keeping the commandments of God is what matters. Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called. (1 Corinthians 7:19b-20)

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:18; 28)

Be encouraged Gentle Reader. The two partial bottles of water were all we needed that night anyways. It was enough and in our hearts we knew it all along. JJ

For this I have seen

Published on December 29, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

The darkest time of night

Brings hope in ways not the norm:

When breathing is restored and the room stands still

My mind clears and my Lord speaks in ways never heard before.

He knows my frame

And delivers me once again

With less pain overall these days

And more wisdom than trauma for all the suffering.

For alas I can go

To such a wretched place

Time and again whilst wondering “why?”

Only to find hidden answers just for me, in the those tender places.

Not all makes sense

And that can be o.k. in the end

When I know the Lord is at the helm

And uses my suffering for His glory, my healing, to bring light, and more.

No, it was not wasted

When I found you who came along

This way with me where the blackest times of night

Served to shine streams of sunshine into days once lived in shades of gray.

Oh to keep mediocrity!

That would be dreadful indeed.

To never see beyond vanilla, boring landscapes

Creeping traffic in the middle lane when the Audubon beckons in a Ferrari 458.

Mach 1 with your hair aflame

Is bound to singe your eyebrows too

But how will you know if you are truly alive my dear

If you have not seen, tasted death along the edges of life truly lived whoot, whoot?

Because when it is over

A job will be waiting for you as me:

To tell our stories to those stuck in the dark

Or on an exit ramp on the wrong road they once thought went nowhere too.

There is always more

Even when our breaths are numbered

When we each see the door to the last destination

And can no longer wonder if we did too much or too little when our past cannot change.

The door to eternity awaits us both dear one:

With adventure of which we cannot conceive;

A place filled with wonder and no more tears

Where our heart will be home, finally, at last.

Will you risk this to be true and come to Him?

Will you lay down your fight, the need to know

To let Jesus Christ be your true reason to live:

The Alpha and Omega, the beginning and end.

Even when in our hearts we must let Him reign

Leading our thoughts and quieting all our fears

Adding His increase when no strength remains.

Finding this kind of peace transcends all we see:

We will find more than the mind can imagine for

We will live at peace I tell you for this I have seen.

:JJ

Gotcha! ;J

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