Tag: convulsions

The Missing Needle Nose Pliers

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

 flat nose pliers, jewelry making, o ring, jump ring, making jewelry

Husband asks:   Where are my needle nose pliers?

Wife answers after a long pause:  I might have sent them to Minnesota . . .

And then another looooooong pause follows with:  silence!

Sometimes the logic of the moment doesn’t make sense to anyone else but oneself.  Know what I mean?  Hey, I was selling my jewelry business this past Fall and wanted to send along all of the tools that the new owner would need.  I noted that there was a nicer pair of pliers in the tool cabinet so surely hubby-dear would agree that I should make my customer happy to have both pairs needed to successfully open and close jump rings?  Besides, I did ask him about it didn’t I?  He did not remember me asking him.  I did not remember it exactly either.  Well DeeAnn in Minnesota is happily making jewelry and that’s all that counts, right?

Well maybe not.  Within a day I made sure that we picked up for my beloved, a nicer Stanley-branded pair with ergonomic, non-slip grips at Walmart.  Win!  Win?

We employed a similar rationale four years ago when I never really recovered from acute hepatitis.  For more on that story, see the About Julie page here.  It seemed the right thing to do to use an alternative technology to treat Lyme disease when a trial of antibiotics left me wretchedly ill.  Sadly, the Beam Ray Rife machine hurt me, sending me into a tailspin.  There would be no easy solution(s) to this complication.  I developed seizure attack episodes within 3 weeks of running very short programs on the unit which exposed me to various frequencies of light and sound waves.  A dozen or more local folks using their own machines noted benefits.  I did not.  I sold it about 1 1/2 years later with a net loss of $1500 and what has become 4 years of daily convulsive episodes.  This weekend there have been 3 major and several minor wretched episodes within the last 24 hours.  Lord have mercy!

Beam Ray, Rife, sound, light, wavelength, alternative medicine, Ray Rife, Lyme disease
Beam Ray Rife machine

 

As you can read in the link noted above, we have tried many different kinds of valid treatments coached by skilled practitioners.  I have benefitted from taking down mold exposures and illness, mercury toxicity, Candida, parasites, and the extraction of 2 root-canaled teeth.  Even so I feel like a beaten puppy!  But now we know that they very likely are related to Chronic Lyme Disease requiring the use of powerful doses of IV antibiotics for many months.  Seven weeks into the treatment I can tell you that there are some positive changes.  Unfortunately I am having complications from the weekly IV infusions so later this week I will have a port surgically placed in my chest wall.  This becomes a direct-access site without the need for sterile dressings that irritate my skin or superficial phlebitis that has plagued my forearms for about 3 weeks.  (Thank the Lord that I discovered horse chestnut gel when the warm compresses did not help.)  I am also hoping there won’t be any more violent episodes with the treatments. Even intramuscular injections have been exceedingly difficult.  Whew!

So there ya go.  A funny story, an update, and a little hope beyond the saga of late.  Lord willing, I am going to get well!  And when I do I might just get out my own tools here in Indiana, not Minnesota, for digging in the garden.  By the way, Spring weather is forecasted for this week .  Since I won’t be tethered to an IV line I can safely get a little dirt underneath my fingernails if I am up to it before the surgical procedure on Thursday.  The garden pup is ready.  You could say that I’ve traded the needle nosed pliers for an aluminum shovel!  So let’s get to it . . .

I wonder how those carrots are doing that got left in the ground last fall?  Having a little extra time in the soil should make them as sweet as candy by now dontcha know?  :JJ

life began in a garden

So much to consider

Published on by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Phil 1:12, Philippians, trials, suffering, endurance, Christian, crisis, long term, illness, chronic, humor, gallows12 But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel.”  Phil 1:12

Just as this picture and this scripture present two extremes of perspective for the activities of life, they are united in one theme:  we shall rejoice with Christ as our guide!  Yeah, I know that is a stretch . . . but we do know that the God of the universe has a sense of humor too, right?  I mean he created aardvarks, zebras, and tse tse flies!  What’s up with that?  Oh I know that the Original Adam named them all but just how did he do that?  They were all such weird creatures!  So it follows then that humor can help us endure many kinds of extremes, even the ones you and I are facing today.

Take for another example the thieves that attempted to steal gasoline from an RV.  This is a true story:  instead of tapping off the gas line they ended up tapping off the septic line instead!  When the fluid started flowing it was not fuel it was the polar opposite:  stool!  So sad.  Such a righteous punishment I must admit!  And as a grateful owner of a travel trailer all I can say is:  Tee hee with a smirk.  ;}

I cannot say that I can relate to the paradoxical themes of life with much right now with much lightness of spirit right now, however.  I’ll just keep it simple:  there’s some good and there’s some that is not.

On a good note I am grateful to report a widening of social contacts of late.  I’ve reached out to some old friends and some newer gals have jumped back into my world from my local church.  I appreciate the friends that I’ve met online (and you know who you angels of mercy are) and hope we can extend our fellowship.  All of this is good.  It’s amazing how all believers in Jesus Christ share a common unity even when the circumstances of our lives can be so different.  We all have our daily wants and needs; our Lord cares for the desires of our hearts tenderly and for these we can pray in earnest for one another.

On a less good note, new I.V. antibiotic treatments for chronic Lyme disease are going quite roughly.  Yup, revisiting Lyme since the persistent seizure attacks sure look like the episodes of others dealing with the neurological complications that can happen long after the acute infection has come and gone.  It was 4 years ago that I first started treatment for Lyme when things got sidetracked for treatment of mold and mercury toxicity, dental issues, Candida, parasites, and a possible oxalate burden exacerbating fibromyalgia pain.  Use of a Rife machine brought daily seizure attack episodes and treatment of Candida escalated them from 2 to 5 hours of convulsive episodes per day!  I was bedridden the better part of about 4 days each week this past Spring, Summer, and Fall.  So beginning in January I was started on high doses of IV Rocephin (antibiotic) and I remain sickly but out of bed more of the time.  This treatment coupled with the wintry temperatures below freezing have brought incredible pain.  However, the days that I am up until daybreak every night of the week has cut down; tinnitus, brain fog, and other executive functioning skills are sloooooowly shifting for the good.  Sometimes even the pattern of convulsive episodes shift as well (thank you liposomal melatonin!).  Just maybe these past 4 years have not been wasted after all!  It appears that each new treatment has prepared me for such a time as this:  we just might be able to treat this remaining beastly diagnosis and its co-infections to get well . . .

There is so much to consider.  Will I continue on antibiotics long term?  Will my health insurances help us out or cut us off next week?  Will I be able to get a port to spare my aching skin and forearms from repeated pokes and dressings that trigger more wretched episodes?  When would I transition back to more herbal-with-pharm-grade supplemental interventions?  Will the reactivity to mold and fragrances ever come down or do I have to go live in a pristine environment somewhere for a few months later on to fully detox?  How much more stress can my beloved husband, Steve, be expected to bear?  And how will we pay for all of this?

As the frigid Winter temperatures of the Midwest bring more of a sense of retreat than charging forth into the unknown, we are choosing to press on anyways with my treatment for chronic Lyme disease.  I just wear long underwear everyday to keep warm!  We are starting where we are with a local, Lyme-Literate Medical Doctor who has treated dozens and dozens of cases successfully.  I know that to be true.  I have met many of them when we had a local Lyme disease support group.  I noticed that each of us facing this dreadful disease had chosen a somewhat unique path to his or her recovery based upon the damage the infection caused to our bodies and our individual resources.  (See this link for more info on chronic Lyme.)  Perhaps my case was one of the more severe.  Perhaps the Lord had more than “recovery” in mind when He allowed this serious illness into my life.  There is so much to consider that simply was not on my radar over 4 years ago.

If you have found this blog by way of your own journey through chronic Lyme disease or some other serious illness, know that I am praying for you.  There is hope!  You are not alone, Gentle Reader.  Please comment below and allow me, if you like, to connect you with a larger community of those finding meaning beyond his or her diagnosis.  Our Lord, Jesus Christ, grieves for your suffering, your fear, your broken heartedness.  He sees you and will see you through what you are facing as He has done so for me and Steve.  He loves you more than anyone (including the furry pup above who has found his prize squirrel in the sunshine of a better day).

May we both smile some day in the arms of our Heavenly Father for having connected this day, for His glory.  And, um, when we get our prized prey I’ll just say, “please pass the catsup.”  Squirrel on the Bar-B-Que anyone?  Ewwwwww!  :JJ

The Price of Admission

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Garfield2016-01-15

Garfield tells it like it is and that is the way I like life to be as well . . .  No pretense here, ever!  He must be chemically sensitive too?  I digress . . .

To get well from a serious illness, one consistently pursues recovery as if he or she is on a journey, not sprinting as if in a race.  My journey of late has included a trial of molecular hydrogen, nebulizing sea water to ease a chronic sinus infection, and experimenting with a Glutamate-Aspartate Restricted Diet (GARD).  Yeah it’s never just one thingy with me!

Some additional research and a consultation with my Doc suggested a link between the GARD, sinusitis, and latent Lyme disease that might be addressed with a course of antibiotic treatment.  Yes, IV or IM Rocephin may address all three.  Rat studies have shown that Rocephin can lower glutamate levels thus helping to raise seizure threshold.  Since I am a card-carrying lab rat anyways it seemed logical to go for a trial of antibiotics for a week then re-evaluate my tolerance for it during my next Doc appointment in 7 days.  Very likely the treatment will continue for several weeks.  Today was treatment day #1.

I began this process pressing forth to complete a lab test beforehand so as not to skew the results with the upcoming antibiotic.  The preparation required a restricted diet of only 2 foods for 24 hours, fasting, and some stressful sampling procedures all ending just one hour before the first IV treatment at the hospital.  The Lord sustained me as I assembled the kit and wolfed down a supremo salad that I had prepared the night before.  I left our home shortly after the FedEx truck picked up the completed test kit while giving our dog something to bark, bark, bark about.  The wings of my Savior, Jesus Christ carried me to the hospital on just 3 1/2 hours of sleep:  less nervous and ready to blast the heck out of whatever might be keeping me sick.  Let’s do this!

Not so fast though!  Just before heading into the Outpatient Clinic I had a violent expulsion of stool!  Whaaaaat?  Good golly!  Looks like the Lactulose test prep was taking effect all at once!  Now what should I do?  I was soiled through all of the layers of clothing I had worn to keep warm.  Fortunately this all happened in a hospital where they have linens and hospital scrubs available.  Alright so I cleaned up, put on the call light, confided my plight to one of the nurses, changed my fashion motif a bit, and returned to my chaise lounger a little wet, a little shook up from everything.  let’s do this?

The biggest hurdle for me in receiving the 50+ IV treatments and 50+ lab draws I’ve had these past 4 years has always been the needle stick procedure.  Virtually every time a needle either goes in or out it triggers massive convulsive episodes.  Fortunately Jennifer, the RN, has more tricks for poking rolling, spindly veins than anyone I have ever seen for care.  The first stick failed resulting in the usual shakes and shouts.  So we just waited until my world calmed down and I got a few more moments of the best distraction ever under my belt:  HGTV on the little swing-away monitor at my station!  Watching Island Hunters and the like has saved me from tears many times for sure.  (Such a treat!  We don’t have cable service at home.)

Gratefully the second stick was successful.  Gratefully there were no ill effects during the infusion just fatigue.  Gratefully I was able to run an errand to the meat market secretly in wet jeans underneath my scrubs before returning home.  Gratefully the nap came easily after showering and without seizure attacks.  The hell returned later in the evening but overall I got away with at least one fewer episode today.  God is good.  He carries me through so much!

I ask the Lord often why things always have to be so difficult for me?  I really don’t get any answers other than to know that He sees my suffering and promises to love me through it all.  That love is tangible in the graciousness of my beloved husband, Steve, who listens to my stories and sees me through the roughness that characterizes some part of every day.  Perhaps someday I will get to see why the “price of admission” for me to get through my life has been so devastatingly high.  This stuff ain’t for wimps ya know!  In the meantime I will carefully wrap the IV in my arm before showering, clean myself up, run more loads of laundry, and shed some tears along the way.  I am not alone and know what to do.  I have been through IV treatments before and so have many of my fellow sojourners.  We can do this!

At least now there is fresh bacon in the house.  And that Gentle Reader is a mighty good thingy!  I am sure Garfield would agree!  JJ

Next up: Molecular Hydrogen

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Abstract

Molecular hydrogen (H2) has been accepted to be an inert and nonfunctional molecule in our body. We have turned this concept by demonstrating that H2 reacts with strong oxidants such as hydroxyl radical in cells, and proposed its potential for preventive and therapeutic applications. H2 has a number of advantages exhibiting extensive effects: H2 rapidly diffuses into tissues and cells, and it is mild enough neither to disturb metabolic redox reactions nor to affect signaling reactive oxygen species; therefore, there should be no or little adverse effects of H2. There are several methods to ingest or consume H2; inhaling H2 gas, drinking H2-dissolved water (H2-water), injecting H2-dissolved saline (H2-saline), taking an H2 bath, or dropping H2-saline into the eyes. The numerous publications on its biological and medical benefits revealed that H2 reduces oxidative stress not only by direct reactions with strong oxidants, but also indirectly by regulating various gene expressions. Moreover, by regulating the gene expressions, H2 functions as an anti-inflammatory and anti-apoptotic, and stimulates energy metabolism. In addition to growing evidence obtained by model animal experiments, extensive clinical examinations were performed or are under investigation. Since most drugs specifically act to their targets, H2 seems to differ from conventional pharmaceutical drugs. Owing to its great efficacy and lack of adverse effects, H2 has promising potential for clinical use against many diseases.

Learn more at:  Molecular hydrogen as a preventative and therapeutic medical gas.  And:  The Molecular Hydrogen Foundation.

I was recently introduced to molecular hydrogen in a webinar endorsed by Quicksilver Scientific (QS).  QS sells a product that makes tiny amounts of hydrogen gas when you drop a tablet in a bottle of water.  I posed a question to Dr. Chris Kessler, the speaker that night and before long I was off in a new direction investigating this “new” yet well-researched element.  Along the way I found these statements which made the topic very personal to me.  While I do not claim to understand these mechanisms very well, when I see similar words and phrases repeating themselves in documentation written by those who do understand them I take note.

In Wikipedia I found a discussion of four major hypotheses to explain the profound fatigue after an epileptic seizure.  Remember that I do not have epilepsy, per se, yet this literature often explains the symptoms that I experience.  [This may answer the questions a family member of mine (retired anesthesiology nurse) recently had when I described being bedridden 12-18 hours per day due to 2-10 hours per day of convulsive episodes.  Yes, indeed!]  One mechanism that pointed the potential benefit of hydrogen gas in raising seizure thresholds stated the following:

While not an example of active inhibition, acidosis of the blood could aid in ending the seizure and also depress neuron firing following its conclusion. As muscles contract during tonic-clonic seizures they outpace oxygen supplies and go into anaerobic metabolism. With continued contractions under anaerobic conditions, the cells undergo lactic acidosis, or the production of lactic acid as a metabolic byproduct. This acidifies the blood (higher H+ concentration, lower pH), which has many impacts on the brain. For one, “hydrogen ions compete with other ions at the ion channel associated with N-methyl-d-aspartate (NMDA). This competition may partially attenuate NMDA receptor and channel mediated hyperexcitability after seizures.”[2] It is unlikely that these effects would be long-lasting, but by decreasing the effectiveness of NMDA-type glutamate receptors, high H+ concentrations could increase the threshold needed to excite the cell, inhibiting the seizure and potentially slowing neuronal signaling after the event.

That last sentence was the most intriguing part:  suggesting that high concentrations of hydrogen gas could be a mechanism preventing further seizures after an episode.  This not only could explain the fatigue but to me raise the possibility of hydrogen ions preventing a reoccurrence altogether?

Now singling out the concept of oxidative stress, it was easy to find research that supports the idea of oxidative stress being a factor in many types of seizure activity.  Here is one summary (abstract) of an extensive review article:

Combined, this review highlights pharmacological mechanisms associated with oxidative stress in epileptic seizures and the potential for neuroprotection in epilepsy that targets oxidative stress and is supported by effective antioxidant treatment.

A person can find research to support just about any hypothesis these days.  I tend to look for findings published by public/non-profit and not private organizations/companies; review articles that summarize many related studies; topics with lots of published studies in peer-reviewed journals; and of course consistency of themes, mechanisms and findings.  Individual studies are best when conducted with larger sample sizes, and whose conclusions state both positive and negative implications of the results.  The smaller studies and case histories have some benefits as well when you can see the exact protocols used and I can relate to the characteristics of the subjects.  You know, test dummies like “lab rats” and zebra fish  . . . NOT!  :J

There was one negative implication for me that I found should some upcoming testing implicate the presence of a Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO).  I am battling right lower abdominal pain that has yet to be diagnosed.  Gratefully the pain is decreasing with tolerance of addition of an enteric-coated probiotic and bacteriophage version of another pre/probiotic.  Good golly this gets complicated!  If the release of hydrogen gas (which is found with methane gas in the diagnosis of SIBO) is a bad thing as some suggest then I will need to revisit this whole idea of molecular hydrogen as a treatment intervention.  Oh dear, aren’t we talking about a different kind of bad gas here?  Not sure yet.  Eeeeek!

Active H2, seizures, convulsions, epilepsy, molecular hydrogen, hydrogen, gas, oxidative stress,
Additive for creating molecular hydrogen in water

If my results with this new direction are positive, you’re gonna read about it Gentle Reader!  Gratefully a well-known researcher has agreed to assist me as a test-case, beginning with a product that generates molecular hydrogen (MH) via an additive in a bottle of water.  I understand that this additive relates to “alkalinity” more than the making of alkaline water, per se.  This process is also different from ingestion of hydrogen peroxide which, while touted as beneficial in the epilepsy communities, can be dangerous!  If MH balances anti-oxidants and pro-oxidants, modulates gene expression, has the potential to raise the seizure threshold, and has a beneficial impact on ph then those seem like good things to me.

Lord willing, I am going to get well!   I will write more later on this subject as I dig a little deeper.  And be sure to follow this blog for updates.  JJ

Romans 8:28, encouragement, encouraging scripture, all things work together for good, hope, hang in there

Torture, water-boarding and more: Part 3

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

[Eight hours have passed since I wrote Part 2 that chronicled the second phase of my recent hearing and vestibular testing at our local Balance Center.  Four hours of the eight were lost to persistent deep-brain convulsive episodes then passing out in exhaustion and tears for about 2 hours.  These episodes are different from those usually associated with epilepsy; I do not have epilepsy as I am awake, aware of my surroundings, sometimes able to communicate, and can often pinpoint the trigger of the living hell that follows.  (See this link for more information.)  The assessment was completed 1 1/2 days ago but its negative impact has lingered.  Here is my conclusion to this story with hopes of a little cathartic experience to follow as I use blogging to let go of the trauma that went before me.]

In Part 1 of this series I gave a brief history of the four years of illness that has precipitated the referral for testing at The Balance Center.  In Part 2, I shared the severe struggle I encountered with the first two parts of the second phase of test procedures rendering me useless on a treatment table with my own carbon mask covering my face, wretchedly seizing without end.  Eventually and by the grace of God the episodes finally stopped.  I learned that the 3rd phase of the testing would conclude in this third treatment room where I was lying and would normally take about 30 minutes to complete.  Alright, so again I rallied, sat up, got some new goggles calibrated, and got ready for battle.

The technician, “M,” had me lie back down on the treatment table for what appeared to be a simple process of keeping my eyes open in the darkened mask while she would be squirting some warm water into my ears, one at a time.  She said that the water would only be a couple of degrees warmer than my own body temperature but might feel much hotter than that.  She wrapped the left side of my head in A LOT of paper towels.  Then suddenly without any additional warning a massive blast of really hot water banged against my tender ear drum!  WTF?  (Seriously, I generally don’t swear so imagine something nasty like moldy f-ruitcake at this juncture!)  Then within seconds and before I could catch my breath CAME A SECOND BLAST of equally hot water!  Within 10 seconds I was massively dizzy, yes, the highest number on her 4-point scale, thank you very much!  How is this even possible?  What the heck could they possibly be testing through such a tortuous, water-boarding procedure?  I winced in more head and neck pain as the convulsive episodes immediately returned with a vengeance.  “Why Lord!?  Why all this suffering?” my heart cried.

I struggled as she kept telling me to keep my eyes open for two full minutes or we would have to repeat the sequence.  Oh dear not that!  All I wanted to do was close my eyes to retreat into the smallest cocoon in my mind and die.  (Someone please kill me now.)  Keeping my eyes open in a darkened room and blackened mask under these circumstances was more difficult that I can describe to you.  I was wearing my carbon mask PLUS the large black mask pictured in Part 2, much like Darth Vader in The Force Awakens!  Of course in the thick of the now-violent head banging it would be my only solace to close my eyes and hang on for a ride worse than a Mexican taxi driver racing along a dirt goat path along the side of a cliff.  (I know.  I have endured that too.)  I am not sure that I even breathed a peep for the remaining seconds.  “Please Lord.  Make it stop!” I pleaded in earnest.

“M” graciously gave me all the time that I needed to start to calm down enough to try again.  Perhaps, she said, she could allow me to skip the cold water-boarding torture test if I could only repeat everything on the right side too?  Well that almost seemed like some good news at last!  And there would only be one more test after this one.  “One more?  O.k.,” I thought to myself.  “I am not coming back to this holocaust-for-a-day ever again so I had better decide right now how much of this I can really take.”  And in the life of a believer in Jesus Christ the answer is faithfully:  all of it.  “Somehow, my Lord has seen me through so much hell in my life already,” I reasoned.  “Please Lord, help me finish so I can go home.”

The last 2 blasts of hot water were slightly less traumatic in my right ear since I now knew what to expect.  (Imagine that:  you are about to get burned in one of your most sensitive parts knowing that it will spike dizziness worse than any world-famous roller coaster ride.  You know that it is coming as the train click, click, clicks up the steep hill of the Gatekeeper at Cedar Point or some such nonsense.  Good times indeed.)  In that back room of The Balance Center I braced for impact.  Smash!  When the two minutes thereafter were done I wept from deep within my soul once again.  There no longer was anywhere safe for me, without sickness or pain, anywhere on the earth.  I am not being mellow dramatic.  I was a machetied puppy in my spirit and broken in my weary frame.  Everything hurt grievously.

In due time I was able to sit up, transfer to a chair, and finish the final light bar test.  I have no idea how I did this.  Suddenly the technician’s tempo increased and she revealed that she wanted to take me to the lobby so that she could clean the room!  I knew that I had taken longer than most patients in completing the battery of tests.  And that’s when her sweetness kind of stopped.  She re-appeared with a wheelchair as I was still deciding if I was alive or dead?  Could I move my limbs to get up or had I digressed into the neurological collapse that often follows severe convulsive episodes?  More shaking, more head-banging followed this time sitting up and it had not stopped yet when “M” returned.  (Those attacks are the worst kind, by the way.  No protection for my neck when flailing up in space.)  If my central nervous system was in collapse-mode then I would require maximum assistance to move.  Moments passed.  I breathed as best as I could.  I really needed to walk out of there under my own power . . .

And so I did.  I sat in the lobby for at least 30 minutes then another 20 minutes in my truck before even thinking about driving home.  I could barely eat a few bites of the makeshift lunch I had brought with me.  The words “shell-shocked” apply here.  By the grace of God I rallied again and was able to drive home.  Within a few minutes of arriving safely I came unglued, raced to our bedroom screaming and crying, overcome with grief, unable to speak to my beloved husband in complete sentences about all that I had endured that day.  My mind unraveled.  Somehow I completed the mold-avoidance procedures we follow when returning from any public place.  Hot tears streamed down my face, mixed with the cleansing water from the shower head washing away the horror, revealing the sinus and neck headaches, unmasking the fact that no where in my body was free of pain.  The bed received me at once with more thrashing/hell that was required to unwind all the damage that had been done.  Eventually I passed out for about four hours . . .

********************

Somewhere in this journey that the Lord has ordained for my life will be a glorious story of redemptive grace.  A miracle perhaps.  Healing?  Wisdom gleaned from the years the locusts have eaten, so to speak.  Blessings?  Those are promises that we all can count on when we walk with the Lord our God through His Son, Jesus Christ (Romans 8:28).  We will know that our trials will not be wasted.  Something good will come from them whether in this life or the next.  When I am more recovered from The Balance Center ordeal I will speak about this with more confidence that I can today.  What I want you to know is that I am not giving up.  My heart raced and I was unable to breathe during one of the most violent episodes that transpired during the test procedures but I did not die.  That being said, it is again crystal clear there must be more for me in the future.  I am still here so why not get ready to really live instead?  I can deal with that one for sure.

And so can you, Gentle Reader.  But if you are “dead” in your sins then that is a different matter.  Why not choose life in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ who will one day replace all of this suffering with fulfillment of His promises?  Please contact me if you want to discuss this further.  Please allow my suffering to bring you renewal, bring you cleansing once and for all.  We simply do not have any more time to waste!

Godspeed.  JJ