Jonah was an Old Testament prophet called by God to warn the people of Nineveh to repent. God’s judgment was eminent unless they changed their evil ways. Jonah burned with anger because he did not like the people of Nineveh and thought they should not be the concern of the almighty God. So instead of going to Nineveh, he headed off on a ship to Tarshish instead. A mighty storm rose up, threatening the ship and crew. In time they found out that it was because of Jonah that their lives were at stake. At Jonah’s suggestion, they tossed him into the sea and the storm ended. Jonah was taken up by a mighty fish and spent about 3 days inside before repentance of his own disobedience towards God. Eventually Jonah went to Nineveh, he warned the people, they repented, and their lives were spared. Jonah still wasn’t happy . . .
******************
I was making some new necklace designs the other day, very late at night. Things were not coming together well as I had to re-do a simple slider knot at least five times before I got it right. Then I made the same mistake again on another piece! Do you have a “little tiny voice” that sometimes nudges you in the direction you should go? Yeah, it was yapping at me to save a particular scrap of hemp cord in case I would need it for another part of the new collection. Fooey, I thought. I have other colors and I really wanted to make some gift ties with the white cord not save it for something else that was not in front of me. So I didn’t save the cord. It was the last piece of that color and it got used as part of a gift box packaging that was sent out the next day. I did not think about it anymore. Or rather I did not think about it any more until I had to repair a mistake in one of the new necklaces six days later.
I lost an hour of my life trying to correct my mistake with anything but the white cord remaining in another gift tie. I could not believe how many goofy mistakes I was making trying to avoid getting out the bag of gift ties, untying a braided strand, and using a proper length of cord to make the repair. Finally I laid down my will. It wasn’t working. Repairing the wrap knot and saving the jewelry piece required me to dig out the supply that had been within arm’s reach all along. Sigh. Alright then. Hunker down and take care of it already! Moments later I was done. But what had happened to me? It’s just a piece of jewelry for crying out loud! Yes, and I might as well have been a stubborn 2 year old for how I was acting. I’ll never get that hour of my life back again. The only person to blame is me, not some illness brain fog thang.
Has this ever happened to you, Gentle Reader? Hopefully the stakes were not as high as a nation threatening to be destroyed because of the selfishness of a wayward prophet. There probably were consequences of some kind though: consequences that were unpleasant or harmful, wasteful. Sure, we need to be gentle with ourselves when we make mistakes, live for a time in denial, procrastinate, and the like. And yet when we are outright defiant to that which we know we should do we are hurting ourselves and maybe others too. It’s a sign of immaturity, a lack of self discipline. While we sometimes may need to delay making the right choice in a situation for a variety of reasons, let’s hope we get to task when there is a leading is from the Holy Spirit: my tiny voice inside of me. He has my best interests at heart even for the small events of life. He cares for all of the details of my life just as He cares for the nations of the world. That’s just how mighty our God is: the great I AM.
Dear Heavenly Father, I am weak this night. I am still capable of heeding the counsel of the Holy Spirit that ministers to my every need. Thank you for the incredible gift of your indwelling Spirit. I lay down my will this night in awe of Your love for me and majesty. Strengthen me for both the mundane and more important tasks in the days ahead. Grow my trust in you. And if it is Your will, heal me of my infirmity so that I may be used for greater things. Thank you for Your Word to teach us, guide us each day. I love you Lord. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Adjustable Friendship Necklaces from Threads of Hope and Trinity Jewelry by Design
This past winter I gave it a try for about 3 months after discovering some research linking reduced seizures to consumption of a particular type of cannabis oil. When I found out that there is an industrial hemp oil with only trace amounts of THC and that it would be legal for me to purchase it in my State, I purchased a bottle online. I worked with the manufacturer and a couple of Facebook groups on dosing. My initial results were very encouraging!
Within 2 weeks I required increased drops of HCBDHO to receive the same benefit. This fit the profile of many other users of the product. Some required nearly 1/2 bottle to stop their seizures even if a child was taking it. There are lots of details here so I refer the Gentle Reader to previous posts by searching CBD oil on this site. In general as time wore on, the benefits diminished no matter what the dosing. Also in time I started having bad dreams then bizarre nightmares. The nightmares frightened me. I could not figure out why they were happening! Then I read that some folks are sensitive to even trace amounts of THC: the compound in cannabis oil that creates a high when taken in products that have a higher percentage of this cannabinoid. Well I wasn’t having a good time at all!
Eventually I stopped taking HCBDHO altogether. Now that I am sensitized to it, I do not intend to take it again. The risk of altered thought processes in my precious sleep (that I desperately need to recover from these wretched daily seizure attack episodes) overrides the small improvements that remained after 3 months. The benefits did not outweigh the risks. I am majorly bummed that it did not work for me. Nothing has worked for me. No combination of things have worked for me. I cannot tolerate treatment that works for others without ramping up to violent convulsions. Detoxing is impossible without noxious, severe side effects. Talk about being boxed into a dark corner without a flashlight. Will hope ever shine through again?
Sure it will. Lately I’m experimenting with magnesium threonate and may try a particular brand of Tahitian Noni Juice. The latter helped Kurt and Lee Ann Billings, the authors of Mold: The War Within, who did not do the typical protocols of cholestyramine, activated charcoal or benonite clay to get well. Yup, all of those three caused me noxious, severe side effects as well. Sish. I am very glad that there are new things to try despite the dead ends of my medical team at the moment. Thank you Lord that you are always my hope with or without Tahitian Noni: my forever guiding light Who uses the hardships for Your glory . . .
So for those of you considering using high CBD hemp oil (from industrial hemp) or other cannabis products (from hemp classified as medical marijuana), I encourage you to learn all you can at informational sites such as the following Scientific Review of the research literature: You are also invited to “Like” my facebook page which contains all of the pertinent research that I did when making my decision to try HCBDHO. The articles include the legality of industrial hemp products and the difference between them and medical marijuana. Here’s a link to get you started: Seizure Free Zone on Facebook
5 Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property.2 With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.
3 Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land?4 Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”
5 When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened.6 Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him.
7 About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened.8 Peter asked her, “Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?”
“Yes,” she said, “that is the price.”
9 Peter said to her, “How could you conspire to test the Spirit of the Lord? Listen! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also.”
10 At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband.11 Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events.
Now that’s a serious consequence for lying! A death sentence! In the early Christian church, believers were giving freely of their wares and wealth for the cause of spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I love our pastor’s commentary on this story (Paul Mowery). He explains that the point of the story is not that everyone had to sell everything they had to live as followers of Jesus Christ. The point is that Ananias and Sapphira were hypocritical in their outward gesture of donating the money from the sale of their land then holding back a portion for themselves. They were “lying by omission,” or making an appearance of generosity that was not completely true. They paid for their masquerade with their lives as the Lord was purging sin from the early church. To have a pure message of honesty and transparency was critical in the beginning of a movement that would change the world forever.
To die for one’s actions or beliefs is the highest exchange rate for one’s actions that can possibly be paid. What could be greater in this life? That is why the Lord gave His own life at the cross in exchange and atonement for our sins. He gave the greatest gift He could possibly sacrifice so that we may be forgiven of our transgressions and live in fellowship with Him forever in heaven. Gratefully we often get a second chance to make things right, seek forgiveness, and so on when we fail in our Christian walk. We don’t usually die for our sins, per se. Should I face death for my actions someday I do hope that it will be for my faith in Jesus Christ and not as a consequence of my mistakes. Or as a hypocrite. Gentle Reader: have you thought about such things?
Hmmmm. The ultimate exchange rate is death. Today I can relate to a lesser one too. Let me explain.
Yesterday I was given an opportunity to participate in an outdoor show of Master Gardener artisans and their handiwork. Gratefully I was among five vendors on display in the Woodland Garden of the Allen County Extension Office (Indiana) as part of our annual Garden Walk. I enjoyed putting together a new display of the best creations from Trinity Jewelry by Design, visiting with my fellow Master Gardeners, and meeting many avid gardeners/shoppers who came by. A few went home with some of my jewelry to the delight of my heart! The weather was mild and the cost was only a small donation and a few bug bites! The morning was lovely indeed.
T J by D in the Woodland Garden, Allen County Extension Office, Garden Walk July 19, 2014
However I knew I was over my activity limit as we were cleaning up afterwards: I could hardly hold my face together to smile. By the time I got into my truck to drive home I wasn’t sure just how I would make it home. If I relaxed even a tiny bit it felt like my body would erupt into seizure attacks. If I rallied enough energy to drive home with the utmost intensity of focus I would probably make it the 25 minutes o.k. but face more intense seizure attacks later on. I opted for plan B.
The next 21 hours after I got home were hell on earth. Sure I was unable to unpack my truck and take care of the dog before crashing onto our bed. Then I came unglued with a long episode of seizure attacks yet gratefully not the worst of late. The exhaustion from 3 hours of sleep the night before somehow reduced their intensity. Well, o.k. Thank you Jesus for the 4 more hours of uninterrupted sleep that followed! Unfortunately, things did not go so well as I was waking up. When a feeling of “tazoring” greets the disorientation of a deep sleep, all is not well with the world. I lain in bed with tic attacks on and off until midnight. When I got up to finish a light meal thereafter I’d wished I was back in bed! Convulsions are dangerous sitting at the kitchen table and it certainly worried the pup quite a bit too. Oh yeah, Steve was standing by as my daily night in shining armor, just in case he needed to carry me back to bed. Nope. Made it on my own this time.
The middle of the evening was quite interesting as well. Steve and I now agree that his paddling on the murky waters of the St. Mary River in Fort Wayne this morning provided an insidious, noxious exposure for me. He had taken numerous precautions after returning home from his victorious kayak race. As it turns out, one shower and change of clothing was not enough. This dear man took a second shower with a second clean towel and change of clothing for me despite exhaustion from racing and mowing the lawn while I was sleeping! Yes, Steve is a saint! Figuring all of this out was very intense for us with both a heated exchange of words and extremely violent convulsions. The three episodes of the latter included screaming in torment at the top of my lungs! I could not help it. My brain was on fire and the vocalizations just came out. Those of you who do not believe that hell is a real place have never experienced a glimpse of it here on earth. The Bible talks about weeping, gnashing of teeth, eternal fire, and eternal torment. I say get right with Jesus NOW! You don’t want this forever if you don’t!
I woke up about 6 times with the tazoring thing. The last episode was shortly after I awakened Sunday morning around 11:00 a.m. Steve had already gone off to church so I lain there alone. Sometimes I just can’t sort out what is more terrifying: the symptoms themselves or experiencing them when home alone? Both are wretched. By the grace of God I managed not to panic as I have been through this torture hundreds of times before. Yes, that’s hundreds with thousands of individual incidences! The number is just enough to know that based upon my experiences, they will not kill me and at some point I will be able to function at some level. That level came shortly thereafter as I made my way to the bathroom then finally to the kitchen to satisfy my ravenous appetite. At least these episodes burn a few calories! Sish. Very weakly , today began.
So four hours of near normalcy (just one tic attack during the Garden Walk) was an exchange for 21 hours of hell plus some sleep. Not a very good trade-off I’m sure we would agree! And this is simply how life goes for me. I set in motion a will to participate in the event on Saturday knowing that for it to be possible would be a miracle. For at least 5 days prior to yesterday’s event, I had 1-2 hour seizure/tazor episodes from 8-10 in the morning in addition to nightly episodes. Falling asleep Friday night was typical: exceedingly awful as usual. Most every day this past week, morning activities had to be cancelled in response to either the episodes or the recovery time needed thereafter. Today I am exceedingly grateful for having the opportunity to participate in two activities that I love (i.e. gardening and jewelry-making) with sadness about missing Steve’s kayaking race.
Ah yes, the canoe and kayak race hosted by my husband. This is the last of the races to be held in our town for the United States Canoe Association Indiana points races and I had already missed the other one by a couple of hours. The reality is that I simply could not risk standing by the side of the murky St. Mary River with a biotoxin illness near other racers accessing the river. The noxious aerosols and risk of exposure were too great. I do try to avoid seizure attacks in public you know! I had checked out the riverbank earlier in the week on Tuesday before discussing it with Steve and making a final decision. Given my response to Steve after he came home, I knew that I had made the right, albeit difficult choice. Life is like that sometimes.
Further, while my own experiences often shared on this blog are particularly wretched, they are NOTHING in comparison to the sacrifices denoted above or in the Biblical record. I have not lost my life in my own rites, my own rates of exchange of one activity for another. I chose to participate in the Garden Walk out of an attempt to cope with illness, not to separate my self from the fellowship of the Holy God. My actions resulted in consequences. The result of my actions were not based upon sin but upon living in a fallen world because of mankind’s sin. Disease and strife exist because of the sin of two people in the Garden of Eden at the beginning of time. They were redeemed by God as we are redeemed by believing in God through His son, Jesus Christ. He makes all things new, bringing ourselves in eternal fellowship with Him when we humble ourselves and confess our transgressions, believing in what He did for us at His throne of grace. We also know that when He comes again in glory for His own that He will wipe out disease and strife forever. Knowing all of this gives me confidence that in the things that matter the most and that I have made the best decisions for my circumstances, for my life. Most importantly I have chosen to follow Jesus, Lord and Savior of my life. Someday I will be free from all of this suffering and there no longer will be an “exchange rate” of sorts. All there will be is JOY. Yes, joy!
You know, Gentle Reader, I’m hoping that these things that I write about are somehow of benefit to you. Please don’t spend more than a moment empathizing about me when you can spend the rest of your days experiencing joy with me for all of eternity. Look beyond this blog to the One who introduced me to you. I am so grateful that we have come together this day. May the Lord bless you! As He does I hope that you will choose to come closer to the One who paid it all for both of us. I want to meet you someday and in the family of Christ it will happen no matter how far apart we are in this moment. Then we shall walk together in fellowship with our King in the most exquisite of gardens for a millennia of days . . .
And that my friend is my “Hope Beyond” for this blog. Love to you, Just Julie
I’m headed to the gardens on Saturday, this time for the Garden Walk at the Allen County Cooperative Extension Office in Fort Wayne, Indiana. This year I’m volunteering in the Everlasting Cutting Garden as part of my role as an Advanced Master Gardener, however I’ll be wearing a different hat this weekend. Lord willing I’ll host a table in the Woodland Garden’s first artisan display. Yes, Trinity Jewelry by Design is on the road again!
Here’s a sneak peak at some new items I’ve added recently, getting creative in the middle of the night! The black leather bracelet has already sold but we have more styles in the Leather Wrap Bracelet section online at: Trinity Jewelry by Design. I’m also working on a cool adjustable necklace collection that integrates the friendship bracelets from Threads of Hope with colorful rondelle beads (think Pandora) and hemp cord. You are invited to follow me on Facebook for the latest designs and special offers by following this link: T J by D on Facebook.
If you’re in the area be sure to stop by between 10:00 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. Take care, Just Julie
Threads of Hope triple-wrapped friendship bracelet
Handmade and adjustable double leather wrap bracelet
Mrs. Wesolowski would turn over in grave if she saw this title and its dangling participle. So sorry my late English teacher. It’s even a song title and a great pop tune as well:
Tonight I got to go back in time to my working days. I had the privilege of talking on the phone with 2 ladies via conference call that I worked with over 10 years ago. The two of them are long time friends from college. As for me, “P1” was the Certified Occupational Therapy Assistant (COTA) in a skilled nursing facility (SNF) where I was her supervising Occupational Therapist. She was hard-working, dedicated, thorough, and very kind with all of our rehabilitation patients. We had lots of memorable moments and a few we would rather forget as well. It’s all in the mix when you serve others in the zany, fast-paced people business of healthcare.
“P2” was also a COTA in another SNF when we met, providing quality therapy services over the weekend. We laughed and got an incredible amount of work done with residents we hardly knew when covering for the regular therapists. On call work isn’t for everyone when you have to provide billable services in a place where you can hardly find the resident’s rooms in an unfamiliar setting! What I remember most about P2 was our 1 1/2 years together when I assisted her with a Fibromyalgia Support group she founded for Central DuPage Hospital. I learned a lot from P2 as she cared for those who attended as friends, as sojourners, emphasizing the importance of keeping our focus on wellness, not just illness when battling chronic pain.
I am so grateful that P1 put this call together tonight. We got to talk “shop” for the first time for me in a long time. They also understood the administrative details with which I have struggled in my brother’s care after a stroke 3 months ago. With P2 we share a strong interest in gardening: in the past P2’s home was a registered bird and butterfly sanctuary in the west suburbs of Chicago (a very unlikely place for a natural retreat!) With P1 I share overcoming a traumatic event at our place of work when an administrator verbally attacked her in front of a regional rehabilitation manager who did nothing to defend P1. She ended up resigning to save her dignity and avoid having to travel many miles between two facilities with the second one even further from her home. I respected her tremendously for moving on. We lost a dedicated employee that day but I gained a friendship that has endured more than this . . .
Their sons are now nearly grown and I have moved 200 miles away to another State to remarry and start a new life. P1 is back in occupational therapy in a SNF near her home and P2 provides Ai Chi water classes to those seeking peace through gentle movements and relaxation techniques. Both apply everyday what it means to be trained in the field of occupational therapy: adapting to the challenges and opportunities of life, enriching the lives of others, connecting with those we hold dear. I do miss working as an occupational therapist. I also recognize that I am grateful for the skills I learned in O.T. that I use everyday to cope with an ongoing, serious illness. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to relive some of those days when a twinkle in the eye of an older adult was my greatest reward for a job well done. Or when I hear a whoot! whooot! from behind a closed door from a patient who has just regained the ability to care for himself because of the therapeutic relationship with his seasoned COTA. Those were the days, eh ladies?
As we move forward in life the focus must always change at some point. I do wonder if I will get to share a cup of coffee or tea with P1 and P2 in person? Or maybe we will walk in P2’s garden along the wetland in her backyard and marvel at the 80 birdhouse gourds she might harvest once again. We probably will never work together again and that’s cool too. But hey, let’s never lose touch o.k.? You have filled my heart with goodness this night and I appreciate you too so very much. Seeya on Facebook. Love to you both, Just Julie
Jesus is for the Wounded 
You must be logged in to post a comment.