This past winter I gave it a try for about 3 months after discovering some research linking reduced seizures to consumption of a particular type of cannabis oil. When I found out that there is an industrial hemp oil with only trace amounts of THC and that it would be legal for me to purchase it in my State, I purchased a bottle online. I worked with the manufacturer and a couple of Facebook groups on dosing. My initial results were very encouraging!
Within 2 weeks I required increased drops of HCBDHO to receive the same benefit. This fit the profile of many other users of the product. Some required nearly 1/2 bottle to stop their seizures even if a child was taking it. There are lots of details here so I refer the Gentle Reader to previous posts by searching CBD oil on this site. In general as time wore on, the benefits diminished no matter what the dosing. Also in time I started having bad dreams then bizarre nightmares. The nightmares frightened me. I could not figure out why they were happening! Then I read that some folks are sensitive to even trace amounts of THC: the compound in cannabis oil that creates a high when taken in products that have a higher percentage of this cannabinoid. Well I wasn’t having a good time at all!
Eventually I stopped taking HCBDHO altogether. Now that I am sensitized to it, I do not intend to take it again. The risk of altered thought processes in my precious sleep (that I desperately need to recover from these wretched daily seizure attack episodes) overrides the small improvements that remained after 3 months. The benefits did not outweigh the risks. I am majorly bummed that it did not work for me. Nothing has worked for me. No combination of things have worked for me. I cannot tolerate treatment that works for others without ramping up to violent convulsions. Detoxing is impossible without noxious, severe side effects. Talk about being boxed into a dark corner without a flashlight. Will hope ever shine through again?
Sure it will. Lately I’m experimenting with magnesium threonate and may try a particular brand of Tahitian Noni Juice. The latter helped Kurt and Lee Ann Billings, the authors of Mold: The War Within, who did not do the typical protocols of cholestyramine, activated charcoal or benonite clay to get well. Yup, all of those three caused me noxious, severe side effects as well. Sish. I am very glad that there are new things to try despite the dead ends of my medical team at the moment. Thank you Lord that you are always my hope with or without Tahitian Noni: my forever guiding light Who uses the hardships for Your glory . . .
So for those of you considering using high CBD hemp oil (from industrial hemp) or other cannabis products (from hemp classified as medical marijuana), I encourage you to learn all you can at informational sites such as the following Scientific Review of the research literature: You are also invited to “Like” my facebook page which contains all of the pertinent research that I did when making my decision to try HCBDHO. The articles include the legality of industrial hemp products and the difference between them and medical marijuana. Here’s a link to get you started: Seizure Free Zone on Facebook
5 Now a man named Ananias, together with his wife Sapphira, also sold a piece of property.2 With his wife’s full knowledge he kept back part of the money for himself, but brought the rest and put it at the apostles’ feet.
3 Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land?4 Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”
5 When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened.6 Then some young men came forward, wrapped up his body, and carried him out and buried him.
7 About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened.8 Peter asked her, “Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?”
“Yes,” she said, “that is the price.”
9 Peter said to her, “How could you conspire to test the Spirit of the Lord? Listen! The feet of the men who buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out also.”
10 At that moment she fell down at his feet and died. Then the young men came in and, finding her dead, carried her out and buried her beside her husband.11 Great fear seized the whole church and all who heard about these events.
Now that’s a serious consequence for lying! A death sentence! In the early Christian church, believers were giving freely of their wares and wealth for the cause of spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I love our pastor’s commentary on this story (Paul Mowery). He explains that the point of the story is not that everyone had to sell everything they had to live as followers of Jesus Christ. The point is that Ananias and Sapphira were hypocritical in their outward gesture of donating the money from the sale of their land then holding back a portion for themselves. They were “lying by omission,” or making an appearance of generosity that was not completely true. They paid for their masquerade with their lives as the Lord was purging sin from the early church. To have a pure message of honesty and transparency was critical in the beginning of a movement that would change the world forever.
To die for one’s actions or beliefs is the highest exchange rate for one’s actions that can possibly be paid. What could be greater in this life? That is why the Lord gave His own life at the cross in exchange and atonement for our sins. He gave the greatest gift He could possibly sacrifice so that we may be forgiven of our transgressions and live in fellowship with Him forever in heaven. Gratefully we often get a second chance to make things right, seek forgiveness, and so on when we fail in our Christian walk. We don’t usually die for our sins, per se. Should I face death for my actions someday I do hope that it will be for my faith in Jesus Christ and not as a consequence of my mistakes. Or as a hypocrite. Gentle Reader: have you thought about such things?
Hmmmm. The ultimate exchange rate is death. Today I can relate to a lesser one too. Let me explain.
Yesterday I was given an opportunity to participate in an outdoor show of Master Gardener artisans and their handiwork. Gratefully I was among five vendors on display in the Woodland Garden of the Allen County Extension Office (Indiana) as part of our annual Garden Walk. I enjoyed putting together a new display of the best creations from Trinity Jewelry by Design, visiting with my fellow Master Gardeners, and meeting many avid gardeners/shoppers who came by. A few went home with some of my jewelry to the delight of my heart! The weather was mild and the cost was only a small donation and a few bug bites! The morning was lovely indeed.
T J by D in the Woodland Garden, Allen County Extension Office, Garden Walk July 19, 2014
However I knew I was over my activity limit as we were cleaning up afterwards: I could hardly hold my face together to smile. By the time I got into my truck to drive home I wasn’t sure just how I would make it home. If I relaxed even a tiny bit it felt like my body would erupt into seizure attacks. If I rallied enough energy to drive home with the utmost intensity of focus I would probably make it the 25 minutes o.k. but face more intense seizure attacks later on. I opted for plan B.
The next 21 hours after I got home were hell on earth. Sure I was unable to unpack my truck and take care of the dog before crashing onto our bed. Then I came unglued with a long episode of seizure attacks yet gratefully not the worst of late. The exhaustion from 3 hours of sleep the night before somehow reduced their intensity. Well, o.k. Thank you Jesus for the 4 more hours of uninterrupted sleep that followed! Unfortunately, things did not go so well as I was waking up. When a feeling of “tazoring” greets the disorientation of a deep sleep, all is not well with the world. I lain in bed with tic attacks on and off until midnight. When I got up to finish a light meal thereafter I’d wished I was back in bed! Convulsions are dangerous sitting at the kitchen table and it certainly worried the pup quite a bit too. Oh yeah, Steve was standing by as my daily night in shining armor, just in case he needed to carry me back to bed. Nope. Made it on my own this time.
The middle of the evening was quite interesting as well. Steve and I now agree that his paddling on the murky waters of the St. Mary River in Fort Wayne this morning provided an insidious, noxious exposure for me. He had taken numerous precautions after returning home from his victorious kayak race. As it turns out, one shower and change of clothing was not enough. This dear man took a second shower with a second clean towel and change of clothing for me despite exhaustion from racing and mowing the lawn while I was sleeping! Yes, Steve is a saint! Figuring all of this out was very intense for us with both a heated exchange of words and extremely violent convulsions. The three episodes of the latter included screaming in torment at the top of my lungs! I could not help it. My brain was on fire and the vocalizations just came out. Those of you who do not believe that hell is a real place have never experienced a glimpse of it here on earth. The Bible talks about weeping, gnashing of teeth, eternal fire, and eternal torment. I say get right with Jesus NOW! You don’t want this forever if you don’t!
I woke up about 6 times with the tazoring thing. The last episode was shortly after I awakened Sunday morning around 11:00 a.m. Steve had already gone off to church so I lain there alone. Sometimes I just can’t sort out what is more terrifying: the symptoms themselves or experiencing them when home alone? Both are wretched. By the grace of God I managed not to panic as I have been through this torture hundreds of times before. Yes, that’s hundreds with thousands of individual incidences! The number is just enough to know that based upon my experiences, they will not kill me and at some point I will be able to function at some level. That level came shortly thereafter as I made my way to the bathroom then finally to the kitchen to satisfy my ravenous appetite. At least these episodes burn a few calories! Sish. Very weakly , today began.
So four hours of near normalcy (just one tic attack during the Garden Walk) was an exchange for 21 hours of hell plus some sleep. Not a very good trade-off I’m sure we would agree! And this is simply how life goes for me. I set in motion a will to participate in the event on Saturday knowing that for it to be possible would be a miracle. For at least 5 days prior to yesterday’s event, I had 1-2 hour seizure/tazor episodes from 8-10 in the morning in addition to nightly episodes. Falling asleep Friday night was typical: exceedingly awful as usual. Most every day this past week, morning activities had to be cancelled in response to either the episodes or the recovery time needed thereafter. Today I am exceedingly grateful for having the opportunity to participate in two activities that I love (i.e. gardening and jewelry-making) with sadness about missing Steve’s kayaking race.
Ah yes, the canoe and kayak race hosted by my husband. This is the last of the races to be held in our town for the United States Canoe Association Indiana points races and I had already missed the other one by a couple of hours. The reality is that I simply could not risk standing by the side of the murky St. Mary River with a biotoxin illness near other racers accessing the river. The noxious aerosols and risk of exposure were too great. I do try to avoid seizure attacks in public you know! I had checked out the riverbank earlier in the week on Tuesday before discussing it with Steve and making a final decision. Given my response to Steve after he came home, I knew that I had made the right, albeit difficult choice. Life is like that sometimes.
Further, while my own experiences often shared on this blog are particularly wretched, they are NOTHING in comparison to the sacrifices denoted above or in the Biblical record. I have not lost my life in my own rites, my own rates of exchange of one activity for another. I chose to participate in the Garden Walk out of an attempt to cope with illness, not to separate my self from the fellowship of the Holy God. My actions resulted in consequences. The result of my actions were not based upon sin but upon living in a fallen world because of mankind’s sin. Disease and strife exist because of the sin of two people in the Garden of Eden at the beginning of time. They were redeemed by God as we are redeemed by believing in God through His son, Jesus Christ. He makes all things new, bringing ourselves in eternal fellowship with Him when we humble ourselves and confess our transgressions, believing in what He did for us at His throne of grace. We also know that when He comes again in glory for His own that He will wipe out disease and strife forever. Knowing all of this gives me confidence that in the things that matter the most and that I have made the best decisions for my circumstances, for my life. Most importantly I have chosen to follow Jesus, Lord and Savior of my life. Someday I will be free from all of this suffering and there no longer will be an “exchange rate” of sorts. All there will be is JOY. Yes, joy!
You know, Gentle Reader, I’m hoping that these things that I write about are somehow of benefit to you. Please don’t spend more than a moment empathizing about me when you can spend the rest of your days experiencing joy with me for all of eternity. Look beyond this blog to the One who introduced me to you. I am so grateful that we have come together this day. May the Lord bless you! As He does I hope that you will choose to come closer to the One who paid it all for both of us. I want to meet you someday and in the family of Christ it will happen no matter how far apart we are in this moment. Then we shall walk together in fellowship with our King in the most exquisite of gardens for a millennia of days . . .
And that my friend is my “Hope Beyond” for this blog. Love to you, Just Julie
I’m headed to the gardens on Saturday, this time for the Garden Walk at the Allen County Cooperative Extension Office in Fort Wayne, Indiana. This year I’m volunteering in the Everlasting Cutting Garden as part of my role as an Advanced Master Gardener, however I’ll be wearing a different hat this weekend. Lord willing I’ll host a table in the Woodland Garden’s first artisan display. Yes, Trinity Jewelry by Design is on the road again!
Here’s a sneak peak at some new items I’ve added recently, getting creative in the middle of the night! The black leather bracelet has already sold but we have more styles in the Leather Wrap Bracelet section online at: Trinity Jewelry by Design. I’m also working on a cool adjustable necklace collection that integrates the friendship bracelets from Threads of Hope with colorful rondelle beads (think Pandora) and hemp cord. You are invited to follow me on Facebook for the latest designs and special offers by following this link: T J by D on Facebook.
If you’re in the area be sure to stop by between 10:00 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. Take care, Just Julie
Threads of Hope triple-wrapped friendship bracelet
Handmade and adjustable double leather wrap bracelet
Mrs. Wesolowski would turn over in grave if she saw this title and its dangling participle. So sorry my late English teacher. It’s even a song title and a great pop tune as well:
Tonight I got to go back in time to my working days. I had the privilege of talking on the phone with 2 ladies via conference call that I worked with over 10 years ago. The two of them are long time friends from college. As for me, “P1” was the Certified Occupational Therapy Assistant (COTA) in a skilled nursing facility (SNF) where I was her supervising Occupational Therapist. She was hard-working, dedicated, thorough, and very kind with all of our rehabilitation patients. We had lots of memorable moments and a few we would rather forget as well. It’s all in the mix when you serve others in the zany, fast-paced people business of healthcare.
“P2” was also a COTA in another SNF when we met, providing quality therapy services over the weekend. We laughed and got an incredible amount of work done with residents we hardly knew when covering for the regular therapists. On call work isn’t for everyone when you have to provide billable services in a place where you can hardly find the resident’s rooms in an unfamiliar setting! What I remember most about P2 was our 1 1/2 years together when I assisted her with a Fibromyalgia Support group she founded for Central DuPage Hospital. I learned a lot from P2 as she cared for those who attended as friends, as sojourners, emphasizing the importance of keeping our focus on wellness, not just illness when battling chronic pain.
I am so grateful that P1 put this call together tonight. We got to talk “shop” for the first time for me in a long time. They also understood the administrative details with which I have struggled in my brother’s care after a stroke 3 months ago. With P2 we share a strong interest in gardening: in the past P2’s home was a registered bird and butterfly sanctuary in the west suburbs of Chicago (a very unlikely place for a natural retreat!) With P1 I share overcoming a traumatic event at our place of work when an administrator verbally attacked her in front of a regional rehabilitation manager who did nothing to defend P1. She ended up resigning to save her dignity and avoid having to travel many miles between two facilities with the second one even further from her home. I respected her tremendously for moving on. We lost a dedicated employee that day but I gained a friendship that has endured more than this . . .
Their sons are now nearly grown and I have moved 200 miles away to another State to remarry and start a new life. P1 is back in occupational therapy in a SNF near her home and P2 provides Ai Chi water classes to those seeking peace through gentle movements and relaxation techniques. Both apply everyday what it means to be trained in the field of occupational therapy: adapting to the challenges and opportunities of life, enriching the lives of others, connecting with those we hold dear. I do miss working as an occupational therapist. I also recognize that I am grateful for the skills I learned in O.T. that I use everyday to cope with an ongoing, serious illness. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time to relive some of those days when a twinkle in the eye of an older adult was my greatest reward for a job well done. Or when I hear a whoot! whooot! from behind a closed door from a patient who has just regained the ability to care for himself because of the therapeutic relationship with his seasoned COTA. Those were the days, eh ladies?
As we move forward in life the focus must always change at some point. I do wonder if I will get to share a cup of coffee or tea with P1 and P2 in person? Or maybe we will walk in P2’s garden along the wetland in her backyard and marvel at the 80 birdhouse gourds she might harvest once again. We probably will never work together again and that’s cool too. But hey, let’s never lose touch o.k.? You have filled my heart with goodness this night and I appreciate you too so very much. Seeya on Facebook. Love to you both, Just Julie
When I was going to college we used to say that many gals were there more to look for their “MRS” degrees than prepare for a career. Then when I went to graduate school we used to say that our Master’s thesis was 90% perspiration and 10% inspiration. And as life carried on, while grateful for my education and degrees, I realized that what I would accomplish in life had little to do with either. Who I became had more to do with what I was willing to endure in the refinement of my character as a believer in Jesus Christ than anything else . . .
Psalm 23 (NIV)
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, 3 he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. 4 Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. 6 Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Yea for those who call Jesus Lord of their lives; ruler of their hearts; and the Way, the Truth and the Life we have so much goodness to see us through. This was never more clear to me than earlier this evening. Brace yourselves as this is not for the faint of heart.
Around 9:15 p.m. I was having one of the most wretched seizure attack episodes and spiritual battles since becoming sick 2 1/2 years ago. Nothing in particular triggers these battles of late: for the last month this has been my nightly rite of passage into the next day. My screams of terror, violent writhing, head banging, and pleading for the Lord to deliver me continued non-stop for over an hour. My beloved came near to check on me at a moment when my nerves were on edge like a dry ember along a raging fire. I cried out in sudden frightfulness when surprised by his silhouette in the darkness. Later he returned to check on me again, clarify what had happened, and continue to pray for deliverance from the hell that I was enduring. I had a sense that more wretchedness was welling up inside me so he was willing to grab the camera and videotape the horrifying moment in time. Then all was quiet. I lain on the bed exasperated with exhaustion. My voice was hoarse, my frame sore from the thrashing about. I was fried yet awake at the same time. Man did my neck and shoulders hurt! (sigh)
It’s times like these I have to ask myself if I am even going to make it through the evening. Sometimes I am not sure based upon what I am experiencing. I have to push through the binding down as I am seizing to even breathe while holding a pillow around my head (to avoid injury). What in the world causes this? Sadly the worst was not over: it just needed to take a new form. The spiritual attacks ramped up next as Steve returned so I asked him to hold me tightly. He prayed aloud, sang a few hymns, and made sure I was safe as I wrestled with the effects of the attacks. The new seizures, vocalizations, gut-wrenching tears went on for another 30 minutes or so with a few breaks for us to catch our breath, thankfully. And then the worst was over. A few zips, tic attacks, and guttural utterances slipped through with some low level shaking that looked a lot like shivering. The whole episode had started with shivering before it escalated into full body wrestling. Good grief.
The rain started swiftly outside the bedroom window around midnight. The rushing sound of the water hitting the glass sounded more like my truck going through a car wash than a summer downpour. And then suddenly I felt a strong urge to go outside . . . into the rain. I needed to get up out of bed to try to put some closure on all that we had endured in the past 2 hours. Lying there could invite more aftershocks so I strained to get up. Alas I needed cleansing from the darkness.
Now I know why I selected the new black-n-white header photo for this blog. The picture shown above came into mind as I walked decisively outside and into the redeeming waters from heaven. Now I didn’t go crazy or anything with holy laughter or getting drenched by the chilly droplets pouring onto my weakened frame. Just for a few moments I stepped into the night to feel the cool wetness and look up into the sky above. Three times I retreated under the covered porch to warm myself slightly before stepping back out into the night. It felt good! My socks were getting really wet though so I removed them as I went back into the house on the way to a lovely warm shower. A little giddiness slipped into my steps as I realized how many decades it had been since dabbling in a summer rainfall. I thought of the girl in the black and white photo. Yes, little one, I understand your smile completely.
Gentle Reader let’s be clear on one thing: if there was a remedy for this illness of course I would take it in a heartbeat! While these episodes provide rich fodder for spiritual lessons and blogging, I’m cool with someday writing about gardening instead! Earlier today a root canal specialist doubted that there is any infection hidden in my gums causing systemic issues or chronic illness that would create waking seizures. Hey, my upper left jaw has been sore for many years so it was worth a shot to have it ruled out. Sure I’ll see an oral surgeon in a couple of weeks for a special scan just to make sure of things. Looks like it might be another dead end to a “bunny trail.” I guess I just need to wait on the Lord for a time until he leads me beside “waters” that will “quiet” the unrest in my central nervous system. I’ll see my Lyme literate medical doctor on Friday for a status update. We have so very much to discuss with the ER visit 2 weeks ago and recent worsening of symptoms. The arduous process of managing my care thus continues.
And yet in the worst moment of this evening, the one where it’s as if Satan himself taunted me to give in to his schemes instead of trusting in my Jesus, a teeny tiny voice inside me uttered that I will continue to trust in the Lord regardless of the suffering. Steve reminded me of how Job of the Old Testament questioned what was happening to him even as he waited on the Lord in horrible circumstances. Then when God reminded Job who He is: His mastery over all He created, His almighty power, omniscience, and omnipresence, Job fell to the ground despite his gaping wounds to submit in worship. I wonder if he heard a tiny voice stir inside his spirit as well? I am just so very grateful that this inner voice, the leading of the Holy Spirit within those of us who believe, remains no matter what the trials may bring. I heard it today and His refreshing words comforted me like the healing rains outside my window. Thank you Lord that You are here with me like You were with Job. You are the same today as yesterday and worthy of our praise. YES, I will trust in You!
So if you think you too are facing circumstances that create perspiration and exasperation I encourage you to hang on until the inspiration comes. Specifically, Gentle Reader, I encourage you to hang on to the Shepherd who refreshes the soul and will bring comfort in due time. We must remain vigilant in keeping our eyes fixed on the face of Jesus Christ lest the evil one gain a foothold in our hearts, our minds. Put on your spiritual armor (Ephesians 6:10-17) with the holy scriptures and he will flee in the name of Jesus Christ. I guarantee you that warm fellowship with the One who loves you more than anyone will minister to your needs completely. Hang tough. Greener pastures are coming soon! JJ
Jesus is for the Wounded 
You must be logged in to post a comment.