Recovery from Serious Illness: Lyme, CIRS, & More – Page 88

It’s only a matter of time

Published on August 25, 2014August 25, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Let’s see. If I had a timer going for a few events these past few days, this is how I would measure up:

Friday: Made dinner. 1 1/2 hours.
Saturday: Unloaded compost with hubby and tinkered with a few garden tasks. Made dinner. 3 hours.
Sunday: Sat outside. Posted some new jewelry on Etsy and surfed the net. All day.

The rest of the time was characterized by self care, supreme sickness and recovery. Who knew that seizure attack episodes on Friday and Saturday could take on a violent, writhing character for 10 minutes straight of unbelievable hell? I am so very glad that the other episode of 2 hours of non-stop seizing plus aftermath would not take me to the emergency room in the middle of the night, early Saturday morning. Alas, my beloved got a few hours of sleep. But today it’s just sad that I missed my husband’s shooting class. All of this is a really big bite in the shorts, I tell ya.

As it turns out the most difficult issue for me to face during these last almost 3 years of illness is a “waste of time.” I value the meaningful use of my time more than money, people, places, and things. It’s just how I am wired and I don’t want to spend a 60-minute counseling session trying to figure out WHY! This aspect of illness really cuts to the core of my being. I will, however, submit my will to the wisdom of my Heavenly Father. Perhaps it is a supreme opportunity to soften this issue of time measuring value for me. Value is not measured by time in the eyes of the Lord. Value is measured by simply being. (Now that’s another topic for another time!) Maybe today I should explore the topic of time in a walk through His Word?

God created time. Genesis 1:14 ¹⁴And God said, “Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years,

Time will end, thereby increasing its value. Revelation 10:6 King James Version (KJV) ⁶And sware by him that liveth for ever and ever, who created heaven, and the things that therein are, and the earth, and the things that therein are, and the sea, and the things which are therein, that there should be time no longer:

There is a time for everything, good and bad. Ecclesiastes 3:1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

Time is measured by God. All things happen in His appointed time. We are to wait patiently for His divine timing of both the events of our lives and the events prophesized in the Bible. Daniel 12⁷And I heard the man clothed in linen, which was upon the waters of the river, when he held up his right hand and his left hand unto heaven, and sware by him that liveth for ever that it shall be for a time, times, and an half; and when he shall have accomplished to scatter the power of the holy people, all these things shall be finished.⁸And I heard, but I understood not: then said I, O my Lord, what shall be the end of these things?

⁹And he said, Go thy way, Daniel: for the words are closed up and sealed till the time of the end.

¹⁰Many shall be purified, and made white, and tried; but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand.

¹¹And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the abomination that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days.

¹²Blessed is he that waiteth, and cometh to the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days.

¹³But go thou thy way till the end be: for thou shalt rest, and stand in thy lot at the end of the days.

We have no idea when things will really happen or not happen. Better to keep our eyes fixed on the Lord our God. The most important event is His return in glory. Mark 13³²“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. ³³Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come. ³⁴It’s like a man going away: He leaves his house and puts his servants in charge, each with their assigned task, and tells the one at the door to keep watch.³⁵“Therefore keep watch because you do not know when the owner of the house will come back—whether in the evening, or at midnight, or when the rooster crows, or at dawn. ³⁶If he comes suddenly, do not let him find you sleeping. ³⁷What I say to you, I say to everyone: ‘Watch!’”

God ordains certain tasks in the lives of believers at certain times until our days are over. When in doubt we are to fast and pray that the Holy Spirit may counsel us, lead us, comfort us through our days. Esther Chapter 4. ¹⁴For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father’s family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”¹⁵Then Esther sent this reply to Mordecai: ¹⁶“Go, gather together all the Jews who are in Susa, and fast for me. Do not eat or drink for three days, night or day. I and my attendants will fast as you do. When this is done, I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish.”

Our time is to be spent gaining wisdom among other tasks He ordains for us to do. Psalm 90:12 ¹²Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom

We are to spend our time in meditation on the things that matter most. This requires inactivity! Philippians 4:8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Time spent with the Lord is infinitely multiplied as He is timeless. 2 Peter 3:8 ⁸But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

God orders the steps, the events of our lives for His divine purposes. They are not random. They are not without meaning or purpose. Proverbs 16 ⁹In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

His plans include blessing, a future and a hope. In this promise we can find rest. Jeremiah 29. ¹¹For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

And yet we are to live fully in the moment and consider the future according to His will. James 4 ¹³Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” ¹⁴Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. ¹⁵Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

Not only are the events and timing of our lives planned as part of His will. They are ordained for His glory! Ephesians 1. ¹¹In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, ¹²in order that we, who were the first to put our hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.

O.k. I think I’m getting a better perspective on things! Not only does my Lord and Savior care for all of the details of my life (Psalm 139), He carefully constructs the timing of everything as well. When I am up late at night writing this blog I remind myself that it is an honor when someone reads what I have written. You, Gentle Reader, have chosen to spend some of your valuable time with me. And if I have succeeded at any level to bring each of us closer to the throne of grace, the love of Jesus Christ, well that is time well spent indeed for both of us. To Him be the glory. May He mark our time for His purposes. After all, it’s only a matter of time. There is so very much more . . . JJ

Don’t Give Up: Timely Reminder!

Published on August 23, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

A Pig for Sale

Published on August 21, 2014August 21, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Only in Indiana. Or maybe in any other State with farming. Well that would include all 50 States. I guess it’s just new to me . . .

The Facebook page for selling stuff in my town had a posting for a pig for sale: $300 for the live beast. I actually thought about it for a moment! The biggest issue would be finding a place to store all of that meat. Our lil’ freezer just ain’t big enough for my hubby’s ice cream and my bone broth in addition to a virtual bevvy of pork! Darn. I’ve been missing BBQ ribs for some time now!

I suppose that someone else with a chest or upright freezer will jump on the offer. Maybe our neighbor who bought our used freezer will find it in her budget to feast on Porky Pig for the rest of the year? Or maybe not. But if she invites us over for some Famous Dave-style ribs I am sure that we would oblige! We will even bring my Grandma’s famous potato salad. Yeah I won’t forget the horseradish, pickle relish, and bacon grease (aka “secret ingredients”)!

We live in a time where you can buy and sell just about anything. With the diversity of our world and our accessibility to most of it via the internet, we can get much of what we want for a price. Do you want someone to paint your business logo on his hairy belly and sing a song for you? Just check out the gigs on http://www.fiverr.com and it will be yours for the price of a latte’. My preference for that one would be “NOPE.” That is, in the physical realm. There are other realms for which I would need a song you know. And tonight my heart realm can’t buy me even a lullaby for peace of mind. My heart is breaking and there simply is not much I can do about it but pray.

My brother, Mike, whom everyone else calls Michael, continues to live in a wretched inner city nursing home after a serious stroke. He is four months post-CVA and three months enduring the “3 hots and a cot” provided by a one-star facility. I flipped when I found out that he had an infectious rash on his hemiplegic hand! I asked his fiancé and Mike to check for signs of bed bugs and call the State Ombudsman immediately if they found any signs of them. Mike’s roommate itches too. Hopefully it will be a case of an allergic reaction to the laundry detergent. But why would the bumps become infected? Good golly. Water (no juice, milk, or coffee) for breakfast, a delayed response for significantly elevated blood pressure, and no follow-up whatsoever on a 6 cm kidney tumor ARE ONLY THE FIRST THREE items in the long list of substandard care complaints. So sad.

Lisa, Mike’s precious fiancé, is at her wit’s end trying to get Veteran’s Administration or Medicaid benefits processed correctly to change his situation. She faithfully visits him when she can, brings him home-cooked food, and follows up the paperwork nightmare as Mike’s legal guardian. Just when I wonder if things moving forward fast enough or why she hasn’t returned my phone calls I find out that she has started a new job to try an better their overall situation. She is such a trooper. Thank the Lord for Lisa’s love and care for her Michael. And our cousin, Lisa, helps out where she can as well. Cousin Lisa is an optometrist for the nursing home and has more than once been able to positively influence his care by her presence, her visiting, her dipomacy, her support of fiancé Lisa. They are doing the best they can and that is both a gift and all I can ask from 200 miles away.

This is such a curious situation, you know. I am an occupational therapist with over 30 years of professional experience including patients with the very same medical condition as my brother. Yet due to a severe illness I am enduring, I cannot even visit him! The dirty conditions of his living environment would surely trigger seizure-like attacks for me. Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome, Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, or whatever you want to call this nightmare is keeping me from seeing my brother. And this is the Lord’s plan for both of us right now. I don’t understand it. My heart is hurting. I would be honored to work more closely with Mike, even provide supplemental therapy or visits. I cannot do it right now. Oh sure, I send him something in the mail occasionally or make a phone call to his facility and get placed on hold for a very, very long time before actually getting through to anyone less than 50% of the time. We are all doing what we can and waiting on the Lord. It’s just so very frustrating for each of us!

So if you’ve got an extra 300 bucks to donate to our cause, kindly send it to St. F—— Nursing Center in D—–, room 207. Leave the pig and get my brother out of there please! They might not notice Mike missing for awhile since a piece of meat is a piece of meat when you don’t care much for the sweet sense of humor that used to characterize my tall lanky sibling. Oh geez, I’m getting a little upset here aren’t I? Well at least the pig will stomach the food a little better without complaining. Like the Cheerio’s commercial said many decades ago, “he’ll eat anything! Hey Mikey!” Yeah but it won’t be Mikey. One day Mikey will be gone from the place he and his fiancé are calling, “the dump.” May the Lord pour out His grace on those left behind when he does go.

I just hope that moving day will be soon. O.k. I’m done venting. Gotta get back to praying. JJ

Handling loss is a skill for living well

Published on August 18, 2014August 19, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

Some disappointments this past week have reminded me of the importance of handling “loss” well. Change is a certainty in this life and many of us have had more than our share of both the voluntary and involuntary fare. Change often means letting go of something or someone we cherish. For the Christian we can view change as part of becoming more like Christ, maturing in our faith, and working out the details of our lives with the Lord. It is necessary! And all too often it doesn’t feel well though.

Here are 5 changes that came in rapid-fire succession for me lately:

A counselor that I have been seeing to handle the grief of this serious biotoxin illness I’m dealing with, suddenly discharged me from her care. A week ago Tuesday I had a major seizure attack episode in her office and had to leave abruptly. The episode went on while standing outside the front door to her office then continued as I struggled to get back into my truck. An hour and a half later I was able to leave to return home. She checked on me multiple times during the event and even called me a few times to discuss our next appointment. Until that day she had been opening the window in her office for me to increase air circulation before our starting time. When she did not do so until I was about to walk into her office (on a rainy, humid afternoon), the scented “warming candle” residuals, soil aerosols from her live plant, and possible contaminants embedded in the office carpeting were too much for me. She is now unwilling to meet me in a nearby library conference room since her driving time simply would not be reimbursable, won’t fit into her busy schedule. So for now it’s bye bye Julie.
For the third year in a row I had to miss my husband’s United States Canoe Association Nationals due to illness. I am sad. I love watching Steve compete in his surf ski (racing kayak) and missed both of his races including the exciting trial class event with our outrigger canoe. It sounds like there was a photo finish as he crossed the finish line and I was not there to take it all in or take pictures. Sigh. We love taking road trips together. Even if we could have afforded the expense of travelling together, I cannot tolerate the fragrances of hotel rooms, conditions of camping, or the unknowns of renting a travel trailer. Such is life with Multiple Chemical Sensitivity and Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome! I stayed home with our German shepherd pup in our “safe home.” Parts of the two full days were actually better by the way: I got to dig in the dirt of a new garden bed. The second day was terrifying however with two, severe, hour-long episodes while home alone. My Jesus saw me through when I thought I would stop breathing. I did not. My husband needed this time away. Besides, having someone stay with me or check on me in the end dangerously increases risks to my health. We made tough choices indeed.
I realize that the isolation that accompanies this illness is killing my spirit. I sense my social skills eroding. Sitting in my truck in a cemetery adjacent to a Garden Walk event on Saturday, I nearly panicked because I was late and there were cicadas plunking my windshield as I tried to wrap up a phone call with Steve! I had not talked to anyone but my dog for 24 hours so I was glad for his call. However, I had felt awkward and alone getting ready. And I know that these were just feelings. The evening out went fine with barely a few tic zips, enjoyment of select entrees, and meeting some really nice fellow gardeners. It’s just that the social part of my life is so unnatural, absent, and different now. Just like when I went through a divorce, lots of people have left my life once again. Reaching out has been tough when it’s so complicated just to get together. I will keep trying though. I have to . . .
An occupational therapy (O.T.) recruiter for an agency for whom I used to do contract work called me TWICE this past week! I guess they really needed someone! Oh how I miss working. Last night I did the equivalent of 4 hours of (free!) continuing education credits for my O.T. license, inspired perhaps by the phone call earlier. Maybe someday there will be an equivalent at-home professional job that I can do that will utilize my skills. Just gotta get rid of some daily seizure attack episodes first, eh? Today they lasted most of the day. My “job” was to take a shower and make dinner. Done. Don’t need an App to keep track of this kind of schedule, I tell ya! Sish.
Most of the time my worship is in isolation. For a long time I looked to my husband to try and fix this one for me. Why wasn’t he trying to find a church for us in a newer building that wasn’t water damaged? My criticism of him and “our” church goes on from here; it is not good. I have tried to fill the void with a read-the-Bible-in-a-year App, Christian radio talk shows, following various ministries via email or Facebook, interacting with other believers via the same, and continuous prayer throughout the day including praying with Steve. But I crave real Christian fellowship. I crave Women’s Bible Study. There wasn’t even an outdoor baptismal service with our church this year and the annual hot dog roast will be a “no” in October due to the noxious exposures from the campfire. (The smoke was hell for me last year.) My heart is breaking on this one. I know the Lord sees it too. I trust Him. Just today I got the sense that I may need to reach out a little more and not wait for someone else to fix it. I contacted our “Encouragement Ministry” leader about starting something with others who are home bound and I am waiting to hear back from her. Hopefully it will be soon!

While we could discuss the solution to these problems the more important point here right now is that I know that each of these will bring goodness in due time. I have realized the promise of the Lord “restoring the years the locusts had eaten” (Joel 2:25) after my life fell apart in 2003. Joy returned and reminders of it are all around me. I have chosen to write about these things in hopes that you will pray alongside me for the Lord’s will and redeeming grace for these recent losses. Perhaps you, too, have loved and lost much while enduring all kinds of trials. Please let me know about them and I will pray for you.

Gentle Reader: we are to stand firm on the foundation of our faith in Jesus Christ who will:

Make all things new. (Revelation 21:5)
Direct our paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
Extend His love, compassions, and faithfulness in newness every morning. (Lamentations 3:22-23)
Remember us in our low estate with love that endures forever. (Psalm 136:23)
Reward us for our faithfulness. (Matthew 6)
Bless those who are good stewards of time, talents, and resources. (Luke 16 & Matthew 25)

And so much more. I am encouraged. My Jesus sits on the throne of my life and the throne of grace. He will make beauty from the ashes (Isaiah 61) which are the losses that characterize living a full life here with Him as our Lord and Savior. I trust His Word on this and hope that you will too. Let us rejoice with great expectation for the goodness to come!

Isaiah 61

¹⁰I delight greatly in the Lord;
    my soul rejoices in my God.
For he has clothed me with garments of salvation
    and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness,
as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest,
    and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.
¹¹For as the soil makes the sprout come up
    and a garden causes seeds to grow,
so the Sovereign Lord will make righteousness
    and praise spring up before all nations.

The wrong kind of dirt

Published on August 13, 2014August 13, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

My mom loved to work in her garden. I didn’t quite understand this when I was a kid since it was my brothers and me that were edging and weeding in the steamy summer heat while she was at work. Then as we got older and moved away, it became clear that she lived for all things green. One of her favorite pastimes was locating a treasured plant she would find at a place like the Detroit Zoo or Bordine’s Nursery. The former often meant contacting the head groundskeeper and convincing him to give her a cutting or two . . . He usually did!

Her creepiest horticultural prize was the Devil’s Tongue or Vodoo Lily. In the summer it brought forth a low growing tree-like canopy of tropical green leaves. She would dig up the bowling ball-sized corm in the fall and put it in a cardboard box in the coat closet off the kitchen. By mid winter there was a nasty looking spotted pink “tongue” growing straight up from the root ball! Grotesque! But that wasn’t the only reason it was in the coat closet! A sour stench emanated from the plant as it died back again until planting time in the Spring. Crazy stuff. As the years wore on my mom’s garden was so well composted that she no longer had to bring in the corms for the Michigan winters. Thank goodness. That prevented the gross surprise of touching that beast when rummaging around in the bottom of the dark closet for our snow boots!

Flash forward ten years. Not long after I moved out of State, married and bought a townhouse did I begin digging up the grass on three sides of our unit. A full-sized red twig dogwood bush went in first: snagged for just $15.00 on the last day of the fabulous Chicago Garden Show downtown. I got to drive my Toyota Corolla through the showroom floor of Navy Pier to pick up my treasure in the midst of the mayhem as vendors were breaking down their displays. I was elated! She was a beauty and grew more lush every year, tamed only by my garden shears. Yes, I too loved the hunt of a good plant discovery! Eventually my garden wrapped completely around our home and was one of the winners in the inaugural year for our town’s Beautification Awards. So cool.

Sadly I had to leave my first garden with the departure of my former spouse. Gratefully some friends provided a surrogate home for a couple of prized perennials, the Hawaiian punch peony bush, and a few garden tools. Then happiness returned four years later when I was able to bring them to my new life in Indiana where I am living now. You should see the size of the stella d’oro daylilies this year! The peony has struggled then finally put forth three blooms this year. It’s in a more protected location now and I am hopeful that it is going to make it after all. Hmmmm. That’s just like me in some ways . . .

Isn’t it amazing how life begins and began in a garden? I love the symbolism the Lord uses from nature in His Word, such as His reference in John 15 to being the vine and we are the branches. We are to abide in His provision and submit to His pruning in the various seasons of our lives so that we will flourish as His own. Unfortunately there are some “sour grapes” out there too! My past is spotted with schemes from the devil’s influence on people who have hurt me and kept me from flourishing for a time. Then there’s the consequences of living in a fallen world filled with both life and death, good and evil, joy and suffering. As many of you, I have known many sorrows. Through it all I am grateful that I did not stray very far for vary long before coming to the throne of grace in repentance, for nourishment. In due time, my relationship with Jesus Christ has brought forth much goodness, beauty from ashes, restoring the years the locusts have eaten.

So why did I write this fluffy piece when the world is falling apart in a hand basket? I read that a rocket from Hamas that would have annihilated much of Israel was miraculously blown into the sea today. And Russia has amassed 45,000 troops on the Eastern border of Ukraine posed for an invasion. ISIS commits unspeakable war crimes against humanity in Iraq while refugees in Sudan live year after year with raw sewage about their feet. Race riots are escalating in Missouri and our President is the figurehead of policies designed to systematically destroy the United States of America. With headlines like these and the everyday wretchedness for me of my head thrashing about in seizure attacks for 2 to 5 hours, it’s tough to find anything but dirt in the world around me. But thankfully there is more than dirt.

If there was not so much darkness in our midst we would not seek or recognize the light. We would also not cry out for God to save us. We probably wouldn’t think we needed Him if everything was o.k. As many of you, I recognize that we do need Him very urgently. And thankfully we know that He will come again in glory to save us, to make all things right, and to reign forever as Lord over all. We just need to focus on the right kind of dirt.

It is the soil that provides the nutrients that the plant needs to survive under the covering of sunshine that drives the processes of the natural world. Similarly we need to trust in the Word that our God gave us as spiritual food for our souls, the only part of us that will live on after all is said and done here on this Earth. We need to trust in His covering of grace that will bring us into the light of His presence forever, grace that was given by His brutal death and Divine resurrection. We need to trust that He cares for the details of our lives no matter how crazy, how unfair, how evil this life appears. We also need to find rest from time to time in that which gives us peace to endure the challenges of life when they come.

The Lord will extend His love uniquely to each of us in the language of each of our hearts so that we may have hope in these dark days. Will He speak in a gentle voice as you pray or watch the sunset tonight? Will you see Him in in the smiling eyes of a loved one or as you remember the rhythm of a favorite psalm? Will the rush of wind at your back bring humble thanksgiving for all He has given, even a new this or that? Will He show you His power when you are too weak from illness to raise your hand to say goodbye to a friend for the last time? Yes, He will be there for all who seek His holy name.

Our God is personal and He loves us. He is worthy of our praise and worthy of our trust. In the meantime, let us be wise stewards of the time and resources we have here. Let us begin with our relationship with the Giver of life and work our way from there. As for me I’ve got 30 minutes where I think I might be able to go dig in the dirt out back and marvel at the handiwork of my Savior. This is the right kind of dirt for me. Seeya later. Let’s go pups! :J