Leaning on Proverbs 3:5-6 today as I face the reality that is mine. Then again, only the Lord knows the path, the bunny trails, the destination and the ice cream stops along the way. Ice cream. Hummmm. I sure hope there’s ice cream in my future!
Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (NIV)
So glad I could enjoy my husband’s kayak race today. His daughter, Christina, and I cheered him on from the shore of the ol’ St. Joe River, taking pictures and listening to paddling stories from the timekeepers (Roger and Martha). Seems simple enough: a typical Saturday outing for our household perhaps.
Er, no. THIS IS HUGE!!! When you wake up with a crushing feeling in your chest that you’ve had for days and tic attacks after a night of broken sleep due to both, it’s a blessing from the Lord to be able to go anywhere! And seeing my beloved River Bear in his element is a real treat for me. My husband is so cool. And I got even got to yell at the top of my achy lungs, “Gooooooooo Steeeeeeeeeeeeeve!” He won today in the USCA K1 Unlimited class as well as had the fastest overall time. The day was warm and sunny. All was good.
The afternoon didn’t go so well as I tried to rest with hopes of helping at the Purdue Extension Office plant sale this evening. Oh well. Cancelled that. Sometimes you give up one thing for another. Life is like that sometimes.
Praise be to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that can never fade. This inheritance is kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. 1 Peter 4:24-25
Yes, we endure hardships in our lives. Yet this is not all there is and that can be a tremendous relief and source of hope. A breath of fresh air. In this life we can choose give our lives to that which fails us and fades or trust the One who is worthy and promises us life everlasting, riches beyond our wildest imagination. I have placed my trust in more than I can see, feel, hear, taste, touch in this life: God almighty, maker of heaven and earth through a personal relationship with His son, Jesus Christ. So if I get a piece of happiness today it is a sweet blessing; thank you Lord. But I will never give up a piece of happiness for true joy that comes through faith in Jesus Christ. He transcends our world and our lives for the prize in the ultimate race: an inheritance that can never fade with Him eternally in heaven. Today and tomorrow I say, “Go Jesus!”
And with odds like this, maybe you will say, “go Jesus” too?
Here is where I am at today, in the arms of my Lord. Tough night. Tough day. And He knows and cares for me always. Thank you Jesus!
So glad the Lord gave me the presence of mind to cancel a Methacholine Challenge Test today. I feel exhausted from the prospect that I could have died had I gone through with the test . . .
Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. John 14:1
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
In the process of diagnosing asthma, a Doc orders a pulmonary function test. If your lung capacity is deficient for either the intake or exhalation of air, you may have a problem warranting treatment or at least a rescue inhaler. Since I started having severe chest pain and compression symptoms at the end of March, the LLMD ordered this test for me. I completed it about a month ago with findings suggestive of mild asthma. Hmmmm. I’ve never had breathing problems before and the onset coincidentally occurred during the stress of relocating back to my home after mold remediation. I was scared. A lot was at stake. We had spent thousands of dollars to remediate our home, much of it not covered by insurance or the gift of friends. How was I going to do after 76 days away from home? Turns out that I did o.k. initially then the noxious symptoms gradually returned. Oh well.
We have continued to narrow down and eliminate the potential triggers over these past two months so I can get well. This takes time and there have been some successes and failures alike. As long as there is an underlying Lyme Disease process (that I am not well enough yet to treat directly), I will have some sickness every day. But the bottom line is that I did not have difficulty breathing or feel like an elephant was sitting on my chest until the last week of March, 2013! The LLMD ruled out a heart attack. Then a negative lab finding for a complication of mold illness suggested that I might benefit from a particular prescription medication, not covered by insurance. I tried it and am receiving some benefit, gratefully. The chest pressure is less most of the time.
Today was an exception. I had a particularly severe reaction to our ol’ church building last night resulting in about 45-minutes of intermittent seizure attacks and marked chest symptoms. I was still pretty sore today despite taking the medication for the latter symptoms. So when hearing the risks of the Methacholine (MC) Challenge Test today including a full blown asthma attack, I got really scared. The MC progressively constricts your airway while a respiratory therapist takes measurements of your breathing. Holy cripes! If your values go down 20% then they give you Albuterol to open your airway. Well isn’t that dandy. I was given Albuterol as part of the test protocol during the Pulmonary Function Test last month and did not notice any difference in terms of breathing easier. Thankfully, I had a respiratory therapist who was willing to talk with me in detail today about the test, his experiences, my PFT findings; we agreed about the extreme likelihood that I would react negatively . . .
I feel like I stared death in the face today. If I would have reacted, it would have not only been a full blown seizure attack AGAIN, but the risk of respiratory arrest. Holy crap! Remember the cartoon I posted awhile back about feeling like a lab rat? This lab rat could have been no more. Something stirred within me and I crossed out my name on the consent form and wrote, “patient declined test.”
The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction. Proverbs 1:7
When I have a seizure attack with chest compression, I do not breathe for several seconds. It is by the grace of God alone that my breathing re-starts! If I try to initiate active movement, such as trying to inhale, the volitional initiation of movement triggers another seizure attack. A similar reaction happens when trying to talk or move as the attacks are occurring. Eventually I collapse and need to rest. Much time needs to pass thereafter before I can function on my own or someone else has to lift me up and begin to move me. Sometimes I can initiate fine motor movements and not gross motor movements (such as walking or bearing weight on my legs). Usually my biggest challenge is simply trying to breathe again. Hyperventilation comes first then deep breaths and labored respiration. Normal breathing is last. Thankfully I am not alone in these crises even when I am “alone” . . . .
3 The Lord sustains them on their sickbed
and restores them from their bed of illness. Psalm 41:3
This doesn’t really sound like asthma to me. How about you? Perhaps some aspects of it are like asthma. Google it and see whatcha think! Such a crazy game this is at times. There just might not be a winner but perhaps an overcomer in my heart?
So my new sport this evening is first to write until my exasperation with the complications of Lyme Disease are more on the computer screen than in my head and shattered heart. Sorry if this bums you out, gentle reader and spectator. This day was a bad one. The sport of living with long term illness continues as I try to listen to the Holy Spirit and all the advisors/coaches He has sent to get through the game of life. I am crying as I write this. Crying out to the Lord. You the spectator have witnessed the athlete getting injured. Not only is my chest still sore but my heart is bruised as well. Thankfully, this too shall pass . . .
27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27
7 Be patient, then, brothers and sisters, until the Lord’s coming. See how the farmer waits for the land to yield its valuable crop, patiently waiting for the autumn and spring rains. James 5:7
I talked to my precious husband on the phone from the parking lot of the hospital this afternoon. God bless that man! I was exhausted and barely realizing the significance of my experience inside that building when his kind words soothed my soul. Steve has asthma and has had a Methacholine Challenge Test in the past. He was worried for me, praying for me. He agrees that it was too risky to complete it and ’twas better to have refused it. After we talked I still had a few errands to run, prescriptions to pick up, supplements to purchase, and of course: just a couple more plants to take home from a mom-n-pop nursery. So glad Young’s had the Sweet Marjoram I haven’t been able to find anywhere else in the area. Just saying the name, “Sweet Marjoram” makes me feel better.
Now that all of this is “off my chest” I can go do what I do best. It is dark now but that never kept me from gardening before. Besides this time it’s planting two planters and I can do that in our garage on my very cool potting bench. My husband’s son, Daniel, gave me that awesome bench 5 1/2 years ago. Love it.
Sounds like Steve’s home. Sigh. All is well. Thank you for following my story too.
Jesus is for the Wounded 
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