Jesus is for the Wounded

Mulching in the Dark

Published on June 4, 2013June 4, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Turns out that Graber Lumber in Spencerville, Indiana has sterilized and dyed hardwood mulch. I’d already had a headache for several hours when I decided it wouldn’t make it any worse to drive 23 minutes longer to go pick up a load. Turns out their stuff is great! It was so finely shredded that I lost hardly any of it on the road home. And that’s when temptation set in . . .

I haven’t finished re-digging the borders of our garden beds yet since my health is so inconsistent these days. My rule usually goes that I don’t purchase mulch or new plants until the Spring clean-up is completed. Well if I kept to that condition when my health is so up and down and down, I might not get the vegetables planted until June! So I do a little of this and a little of that depending on the energy expenditure and time required on any given day. Or should I say, any given night?

Gardening in the twilight is a peaceful thing. Once the smell dissipates from the DEET-laden bug spray (sorry the herbals just don’t work with me; I’m the kind of person who gets bitten through my clothing!) I move fearlessly into the night. I can’t see the spiders so they must not be there, right? My pant legs are tucked into my socks and my head and arms are usually covered too. Our German Shepherd pup stands guard on bunny watch until I can re-spray the rabbit repellant on a few key perennials. The weather is cooler plus I know my yard well enough to feel what I cannot see. Besides, this is the time of day when I feel the best.

I did make dinner for my hubby and myself and put it in the frig for later. I started washing our sheets again to try a new remediation technique for any lingering mold in hopes of preventing seizure attacks tonight. The only problem is that the heat in the dryer needed to be re-set and Steve wanted to go to bed early, before the bedding was dry and available. By the time he came to tell me about wanting to go to bed, some of the sheets were still damp and I was too dirty/mulchy to come into the house to figure out a “Plan B” for him. I simply had to keep going outside while I could go. Turns out he figured out an alternative sleeping solution and I continued my evening project: mulching in the dark!

So I gave in to temptation and finished mulching the front yard at 11:30 p.m. The lack of light didn’t bother me much and I doubt I messed it up too badly. Somehow the smell of freshly died dark brown hardwood didn’t bother me either. My headache got better. I guess it was meant to be? Yes, of course, that’s it.

There are two more flower beds and four trees that need the borders re-dug. I’ll have to get to that soon, to get the areas mulched and my truck bed emptied before the rain storm predicted for the end of the week. Lord willing, I just might be able to do it. Only problem is that most of the remaining areas are beyond the reach of any outdoor light source. I may have to bite the bullet and work during the daytime. No problem. Maybe I need some really dark sunglasses? ;J

What you didn’t say I’m glad I didn’t hear

Published on June 2, 2013June 3, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

When someone says to me, “you look good today,” I’ve decided to simply take that as a compliment. The cynical alternative would be to question the intent of the person and wonder if he or she is thinking one of the phrases in the poster above. Is he or she wondering if I am really sick if I am able fix my hair and wear make-up one day in the past week? No one sees me when I don’t feel well because I don’t leave the house! Oh well. As a friend of mine named Carol used to say, “it’s better to just leave it alone.”

When someone asks me if I’m back to work yet, I’ve decided to say that, “getting well is my full time job these days.” If the person probes further, I’ve decided to disclose that I spend 16 to 18 hours every day in health-related activities and appointments. That usually brings silence so I quickly change the subject to his or her job or other primary role in life. My husband advises me that people like to talk about themselves and usually have a great time with you if you ask a lot of questions about them. I do enjoy getting to know others so his approach works well.

When someone asks me how I am feeling, I’ve learned that a quirky response such as, “below average,” “stable,” “not as well as I’d like to,” or “I’m having a better moment” works well. I rarely feel well (or if I feel better at the moment it is likely to change within the hour!) so it’s tough to give the truth: a negative litany of symptoms that has gone on for 1 1/2 years! This crap-ola-ski is likely to continue for awhile so I’m going to pace my answers. (I told you I’m Polish right?!) I appreciate the question, acknowledge it and turn my attention to the other person. It’s pretty clear when a person cares for more information and sweet when this happens.

When I do get to share a little more of my story, I try to end it with gratitude. There is always something for which I can be grateful, for which we all can be grateful. Today was a day that stunk until about 1:35 p.m. The noxious symptoms persisted without a logical reason even after a post-treatment nap plus an additional rest period. In the afternoon I moved slowly into extensive amounts of cooking my special diet and cleaning up this or that. The sweats episodes did not diminish until later in the evening. I am however grateful for two cool things that happened today: 1) crafting an amazing baked lamb cabbage roll casserole (gluten/sugar/dairy/chemical free as well!) and 2) completing the netting and support structure for the blackberry raised bed to keep out the birdie scavengers. Cool beans. Steve and I had a sweet evening together later after finishing our respective projects today. Thank you Jesus! Lord willing, I will worship His holy name tomorrow at church . . .

Recovery from a long-term illness thang isn’t for wimps you know! Most people give up, settle for less, walk away from their faith in anything or anyone, become bitter and isolated, or worse. I choose to trust that this journey will not be wasted, that the Lord will use it for His glory if I keep Him out front, and I exercise some care in my speech and behavior. Rejoice if you see me out working in my garden! I’m probably sweating bullets, nauseated, dehydrated, and weak but getting out into the world anyways. We all know what it is like to have to carry on with life when we simply don’t feel well, don’t feel like carrying on with life. I just get it more often! Eeek.

Ahhhh. That’s better. Happy Spring y’all.

Enough Weirdness Already!

Published on June 1, 2013June 1, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded5 Comments

I realize the last posting was a bit weird. Please forgive me. This is how my mind works sometimes: trying to be funny, sincere, and well, express myself in some creative way. The result this week: an odd blog posting!

And now for today. The Lord is laying on my heart the reality that I may not be able to return to my profession of occupational therapy. To work in healthcare requires an incredible ability to serve others under stressful circumstances; work in environments laden with noxious smells, microorganisms, temperature and sound variations; meet a wide range of physical demands from extensive sitting to heavy lifting; and to continuously learn, apply, and re-evaluate extensive amounts of technical/scholarly information on a daily basis. This is impossible with the ongoing neurological complications of Lyme Disease and Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome. On the positive side, the need to be adaptable, resourceful, and creative in OT has graciously remained during this time of illness. These skills have been instrumental in helping me cope with the chronic illness that continues. The other skills come and go. Maybe they will come back? Who knows. This is a big realization.

Thankfully I do not need to make a decision about my career this evening! (However I do keep my licensing and continuing education requirements current, you know.) The Lord is also laying on my heart my next project within my home business, Trinity Jewelry by Design, so I will focus on that for the next few months. I’m thinking of developing some sports-related products that may be attractive to the kayak paddling community. If some additional research looks promising, I may move forward quickly now that it’s canoe and kayaking season in much of the United States. I do continue to learn a lot about using the internet, my online shop, networking, and the administrative requirements of a home business. Watch this blog for new developments as you will be among the first to get the news!

Since Steve and I never really know the stability of his employment as they undergo more changes this year, we remain open to the larger issues of where we will live and what work will carry him into retirement. We are not concerned about these types of unknowns, really. It would be challenging if the Lord leads Steve in any career moves at this time in our lives yet we both have experienced successful job changes and relocations under a variety of positive and negative circumstances. Jesus is already there, ahead of us in space and time with a plan for our lives. So glad for that! For example, I lived in the suburbs of the 3rd largest city in the US (Chicago) before I moved to marry Steve in the Fort Wayne, Indiana area. In a city .04% the size of the Chicagoland area, I found the best husband, best doctor, best home, best quality of life, and best Bible teacher that I have ever had in my life! I had no idea all this was possible! Wow. God is amazing and provides for our every need no matter where we are on the map. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Very humbling, for sure.

So enough of the weirdness. Enough of the need to know. Enough of the need to control this or that. Enough of the worry and strife. I am going to stay in the moment and enjoy the crazy thunderstorm outside no matter what affect it may have on my illness or even if it blows out the power and this blog is lost forever.

I think I will be prudent and sign off now . . . :J

The Washing Machine Just Told Me

Published on May 30, 2013May 30, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

The washing machine just told me that I couldn’t get dressed because I didn’t have any clean bras to wear! Enjoy some other musings . . .

The 8 Colors of Crayola Poster Markers Revealed

Published on May 29, 2013May 29, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Staying on track during the recovery from a chronic illness requires faith in the Lord for sure. From there are the little strategies that keep me sane like writing in a treatment journal. With so much going on from ever-changing meds., supplements, Rife programs, OTC remedies, nutritional strategies and the symptoms that follow, I would be lost without my handy Crayola Poster Markers! This also helps during appointments with my LLMD when he asks about the course of illness and treatment responses (or lack thereof).

Here’s my simple color key that helps me on track:

Bright pink = nightmares
Blue = headaches
Orange = tic or seizure attacks (thin line for tics; bold line for attacks
Yellow= new treatments
Green = pain, burning, movement anomalies
Red = overall sickness, sweats
Purple = new stuff
Brown = elimination, detox

Then there’s the traditional yellow highlighter = Beam Ray Rife Treatments and Duration

So there you have it. I’m on my second box of markers and the green one is running out of ink again. I thought it would be the orange marker pooping out first but it’s got the staying power I did not expect! So glad the bright pink and purple ones haven’t seen any activity for the last month. Those colors are best portrayed in my garden right now, thankfully! I got to retire the brown one a couple of months ago too. I’m sad that the blue one gets used most days and especially since physical therapy ended 2 weeks ago. I had improved and needed to use the blue and green markers less when P.T. was weekly but the insurance company doesn’t want to play nice with my Crayola buddies. Geez!