Tag: waiting

Things come into focus

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

The recipe just wouldn’t do:  this brew concocted for my veins

I winced in shock when I saw the potential for disaster next week

And made the call to express my concerns, my fears in shaky voice.

The Assistant was gracious, no complaints there but what about him

Whom had not been available yet directs my care via messaging

And has way too many details engaged to respond to my simple needs?

Just to stop the seizures and minimize the suffering is all I really want

But that is the golden coin just beyond my reach now matter how long

And how far, how often, how many, how little, how far-reaching the attempts have been.

You’d think after nearly 5 years since this hell on earth began in my tender frame

That one of these brilliant folk would have figured it out by now, but NO(!), longer I wait —

And believe me I have tried, have prayed, have laid down my sword along the way too.

Nothing of  note has come to pass although the hell is generally shorter and less robust

I still live in impending doom every day, still waiting for the spike that rocks my world

And consumes me as much as it frustrates; I hold on to the moments in time I have here or there.

Someday this suffering will be over, I am assured since it was not always here

My Lord, my Savior is coming back for me and His to make all things new and right

And that includes an end to my daily trials:  oh how sweet that day will be, maybe soon!

Until then Gentle Reader, say your truth whilst asking for what you need

Let those in the know hear you and stick with those who bother to care

And one day soon, the focus will be on something else than your strife, my dear, guaranteed, guaranteed.  JJ

Ecclesiastes, 3:11, beautiful, in His time, waiting on the Lord, patience, waiting, burdens, trials, God, Lord, Jesus, trust, Christian, answers

 

 

Vampire Diaries 5

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

The night cometh calmly then burst into flames

Carrying violence within my fame rather than that intended for rest

Sleep yet so elusive:  its nemesis pushes through the darkness

Leaving me quite empty, without a trace from where it came, no rhyme or reason to blame.

How can I go on?  Asks the Benadryl box to the other remedy he found;

When will she learn to give in or give up and let the beast win whether or not I am around?

The behemoth within begs as if breathing a hell all its own into my frame

Taunting perhaps by demons, images more frightening than a horror flick not ever seen.

“None of that matters oh sweet one writhing in My care

This season shall pass, I assure you, if you but hold on one more day

For all you have is this breath and this scene set before you but

Be wise tender child for your torment shall not go unrewarded in due time.”

“But when?  But why?  Have I not earned a better place in your heart?

Have I not earned the way home sans suffering?  Is it not yet enough?”

I have no answers for you just one request my chosen child full of grace:

That you trust me beyond anything you can imagine for infinity is where I am.

I love you most in the silence, the seizing of your heart really being remade anew,

The breaths that I hold rather than you, the nightmares that will become beautiful, I promise.

And then He spoke no more.  No more salve for my breaking outer shell

I was left more alone than one can ever feel:  seeing nothing ahead but His light up ahead.

Get up and start to move was all I could do with an emptiness burdening my mind

There would be no relief this night in the realm of the world around me, all that which is seen.

The relief came in my heart as I chose to yet still believe

That my Lord still loves me and always has no matter what it seems.

The refining fire has sent grief, with tears actually covering me from being consumed

So that one day I will know all the answers that I seek, when all is revealed.

Until then, Gentle Reader, these Vampire Diaries shall end

No need to rehash the trauma in a new form for don’t you “get it” by now

Or do you?  Do you see that suffering is not the place we should ultimately land

For it is in our hearts, in our spirits that we shall one day live in a world without end.

He hath prepared a place for us in which to dwell in exquisite grandeur

No weeping, no sorrow, no gnashing of teeth nor any trials will follow you:

The pain will be over.  He will lead me in goodness this way  I do believe too.

My God hath not forsaken me but saved me no less.

There will be hope beyond the cross as He hath said.

Know that He is with us always (now and forever) so carry on my dear friend

Wait just a little longer.  Can you do that for me as I will too til the end.

Oh how I love thinking of our jubilation together that glorious day coming soon He hath said!

With love, JJ

Ecclesiastes, 3:11, beautiful, in His time, waiting on the Lord, patience, waiting, burdens, trials, God, Lord, Jesus, trust, Christian, answers

 

Lift me up my Lord

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Psalm-23 4

Lift me up my Lord, my King!

Don’t leave me here alone forgone

I am dying inside as one they have abandoned

Despite my attempts to serve, to obey, decaying inside all the while.

There is no reserve

To bring to life anymore

The light left me long ago when wretched darkness

Became the friend I never wanted and never invited to stay.

The desperation drips with tears

The emptiness has no where left for an infill

The days blur meaninglessly from one to the next

The prayers still go unanswered by the God who has always known best.

Grant me some goodness

Oh Lord of my heart, my King

I’m drowning here with no-nowhere left

To Google, to turn, to ask, to keep me going ’til the day You will speak.

Have I not done the things that are set

The ones I thought you showed me to do?

Yet the suffering ramps louder than my screams with each seize

Take me from this hell please oh Master of my heart.  Isn’t it my time?

waiting, wanting, scripture, Bible, patience, trust, suffering, His will

Humbly, I will wait.  JJ

Vampire Diaries 2

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

hebrews, Hebrews 13:5, abandonment, promises of God, alone, loneliness, scripture, depression, sorrow, loss, illness, sickness, hope

Tears going up and down a lot this day

On the roller coaster of emotion I find myself on:

Help cometh x2 but test results won’t satisfy

As here I sit with my neck aching all through my brain.

I tried.  I really tried to figure it out and failed.

The symptoms that remain still taunt my peace

Leaving scars, leaving woes, leaving loss behind the hope

And yet my breath prevails so in and out I will also go today

To match the pull of the vampire’s teeth left in my chest wall.

The infusions continue instead of a long-desired break

The bank will love us less, the medical folk perhaps more

Whilst someone’s Mercedes payment will be made

And my saga continues on Big Box Store hamburger.

Hope always seems just one more day out there somewheres

Leaving me here beat up from this morning’s episode of torment

A snuggle with my husband got transformed into caregiving

And more hours were lost in the aftermath once again.

At least my dog seems to understand as she nudges her nose at the leash.  “Can’t we go now?” her soft brown eyes contend.

Relief might come in the mail soon

Or maybe not; it’s hard to tell

So I’ll keep calling on my Jesus for now

His calling card never leaves and never fails any of us anyways. JJ

 

 

Vampire Diaries 1

Published on by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

The slew runneth through my veins

Three times per week, no less

Mixed with this concoction, drug, or natural element

Sigh . . . I hardly get a break ya know.

Mr. Herx visits more often now

Not a friend nor enemy per se

He just stays and goes to torment at will

Hi torn and tattered calling card left with me.

The blood letting continues in test tubes of hope

For finding the answer, the cause:

Is it toxo, tuli, or tricho in cahoots with Lyme

Or a known co-conspirator that eludes capture?

Maybe in another lifetime or appointment next month

Will I find more to Google in this Hide-n-Go-Seek

Followed by a witches brew so dastardly I seize

Within seconds of pounding it down in faith perhaps displaced.

Aye, is not therein the rub or the salve to quiet my soul?

My Lord sees it all and stands nearby knowing the time,

The place, the reason, the meaning, the end

And will show me what I need to know and when

It says so in His Word:  better written than a vampire diary ever could.

So reject that a proclaimed healer bearing a wooden cross

Will know more than the Spirit of assurance in which I rest

Who will answer these questions, not you nor I.

My vessel may not go on or somehow come into its needed repair

But my being shall live on as it should in Christ

With a testimony, Lord willing, to bring glory to Him Who made it so.

Yes, therein I shall rest.  He holds my tears filling the river of life

And turns beauty from ashes in the dawn of the coming day

For “hope beyond’ as this blog will continue to attest.  Come along with me Gentle Reader.

The day of His return and our restoration is coming soon.  There is hope!  JJ

 

Psalm 41.3