Tag: response

Heal the wound, Heal the heart

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While I don’t claim to be an expert in medical wound care, I have seen enough nasty, smelly, screamingly painful open sores when I worked in healthcare to know that we can learn much from their process of healing. I submit to you that the stages of healing that occur when one’s body works to heal after an injury or surgery run parallel to other types of wounding that happens in life. Further, the risks for complications such as infection or swelling (aka edema) can be symbolic of the “secondary damage” that not only impedes the healing process in both but introduces entirely new problems that must be addressed as well. I have seen in my life that injury, damage, or wounding from various types of abusive behaviors have the same characteristics, the same impacts, the same risks for complications and the same potential for healing in due time as wound care management. These wounds can heal and the scar or scars fade if handled correctly. And while it all can take a little more time than we might like, the process can reveal wondrous truths and blessings as ordained by our Heavenly Father, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Heal the wound

Check this out from Wound Source:

The stages of wound healing are a complex and fragile process. Failure to progress in the stages of wound healing can lead to chronic wounds. Factors that lead up to chronic wounds are venous disease, infection, diabetes and metabolic deficiencies of the elderly. Careful wound care can speed up the stages of wound healing by keeping wounds moist, clean and protected from reinjury and infection.

Generally, remodeling begins about 21 days after an injury and can continue for a year or more. Even with cross-linking, healed wound areas continue to be weaker than uninjured skin, generally only having 80% of the tensile strength of unwounded skin.

This recovery assumes that the appropriate treatments and dressings are applied right away, any open wound is kept moist, naturally occurring inflammation is controlled, and

a new network of blood vessels must be constructed so that the granulation tissue can be healthy and receive sufficient oxygen and nutrients. 

Appropriate compression is applied with proper bandaging, elevation, and reduction of factors that can contribute to swelling. The presence of edema itself is a risk factor for new injuries and complicates the healing process tremendously when dealing with an open wound. According to the EO2 wound care technology company, whatever the reason for the edema, it WILL impair healing through several mechanisms. All of these factors need to be managed well for processes such as granulation and epithelialization to occur. These steps continue at various levels even when the surface wound has closed and things are looking better. The entire amazing physiological process is a testimony to us of the magnificence created by God in our human frame. We can overcome our injuries, our vulnerability to re-injury and complications, whilst moving towards recovery and leaving minimal scarring behind. And even the worst scars do fade in due time.

Heal the heart

Recently I was reflecting on the impact of abusive behavior at various times in my life. The impact was devastating and took on virtually ALL of the characteristics of the injury and damage of a medical wound. Both types of wounds require a careful healing process. In the distant past I defined the abusive behavior that I experienced as that which violated my rights as a human being and professionals labeled as sexual, physical, ritualistic, or verbal abuse. I don’t wish to get caught up in the semantics or seriousness of each type here; all are profoundly impactful.

An individual KNOWS when another person has crossed a line that should never have been crossed and profound damage has occurred even if it takes days, weeks, months, or years to fully realize it. The recipient feels traumatized and goes through a tender, complex grieving and recovery process to heal. For example, the difference between an expression of emotion and abusive behavior can be like a person who uses 1) mean verbiage versus 2) repeated verbal hammering in a tone that purposefully tears down the victim who is yelling “STOP! STOP!” A simple apology may not be enough for the beaten puppy of a person to get past the incident, particularly when the behavior has been repeated. The relationship between the two parties has changed. The recipient is injured, damaged, and wounded kind of like a 3rd degree burn to the soul. Special care and bandaging are needed for as long as it takes for the wound to heal.

Some of my own experiences of abusive behavior happened before I became a Christian: a born-again believer in Jesus Christ. Some of them happened afterwards. Gratefully as unto the Lord, most have healed completely while a few have left their scars. There is nothing unusual about that. My purpose here not to belabor my own experiences but to share with my brothers and sisters in Christ what is and what is not abusive behavior then a model for how a person overcomes it. The Biblical Counseling Coalition provides some definitions as follows.

Abuse entails physical violence (Acts 16:19), threats of physical violence (Eph. 6:9), persecution (Matt. 5:44), sexual mistreatment (Judg. 19:25), reviling (Luke 6:28; 1 Pet. 2:23), speaking evil (James 4:11), or being under the misused power of another person or group of people (Gen. 16:6; 1 Sam. 2:16; Ezra 5:12).

Check the link that I provided above for a more detailed discussion on this topic. Focus on the Family describes emotional and verbal abuse specifically and at more length on their website HERE. They add that

Wounds that typically accompany emotional, physical and sexual abuse must not be ignored. Both men and women inflict verbal abuse, but women tend to be more often on the receiving end of this destructive behaviour. What may seem innocent and infrequent at first can escalate.

All forms of abuse follow a pattern that, left unchecked, will only increase over time. Injuries from verbal and emotional abuse can run deep and leave lasting scars. Many emotionally and verbally abused people reason that, because there are no bruises or broken bones, their abuse must not be serious. But it is. Fortunately, support and resources are readily available to guide individuals into safe, loving relationships. In their well-received book Boundaries, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend state that, “Our pain motivates us to act.” If pain motivates you to act against emotional and verbal abuse, then listen and act.

We can easily see the many parallels between the topics of wound care and recovery from abusive behavior. The pain of each motivates us to act, to fix the situation. What appears on the surface may not reveal all of the layers of injury, damage, wounding that must heal to withstand the testing of the tissues or trials that inevitably follow in life. Choosing to do the work of repairing any remaining wounds of my own experiences required 1) heeding the Lord’s unveiling of my eyes that what actually occurred was damaging and 2) following the leading of the Holy Spirit to move towards restoration. Part of heeding this ongoing process includes writing this blog today. In the past my care also included significant Christian counseling, support groups, Christian books, and the like. Forgiveness, seasoning in my walk with the Lord, restoration of relationships, compassion for others, and spiritual discernment are among the gifts, the fruit for doing the work of recovery.

So what are some specific parallels between healing a physical wound and recovering from abusive behavior?

  • Stop the source of injury. In wound care they call this hemostasis where the body begins to clot your blood to stop the bleeding. In personal relationships this may include setting some ground rules, some boundaries, or simply separating from the other person for a time. The thrombus or clot must hold lest it become dislodged and result in a more bleeding, a more serious injury. Similarly, the two parties in conflict must, in my humble opinion, work to stop attacking one another. Yes, the recipient has responsibility here too.
  • Inflammation in wound healing controls bleeding through swelling and helps prevent infection by bringing fluids/nutrients to the site. Inflammatory words are exceedingly difficult to control when emotions are running high in an abusive situation. There can be fallout and setbacks while the two parties seek to figure out the best way forward, if each are committed to actually go forward together. Bringing in a mutually agreed upon 3rd party is much-needed medicine at this time to help tone things down. The effect of inflammation may hurt for an unknown period of time and look as ugly as an open sore desperately trying to turn a corner towards healing. Proper “bandaging” and self care for emotional wounds must begin in a responsible manner.
  • Wounds are kept moist and hydrated as new cells called collagen and its matrix begin to form. In contrast, the two parties that are able to work together to address the woundedness can do simple things to care for the other parts of the relationship, their shared responsibilities. The darkness still needs to be addressed and treated correctly and what this looks like may change as the two go forward. The antagonist in the story must stop the abusive behavior and create safety in which the protagonist can flourish. New “medicines,” new habits, and new means of communication are needed. Figuring this out takes time. It may actually may be the party that was hurt the most who lovingly leads the two of them through the process of forgiveness and restoration to a better relationship.
  • An even longer phase of wound healing is that of maturation. Find your own parallels in this summary from Wound Source:

During the maturation phase, collagen is aligned along tension lines and water is reabsorbed so the collagen fibers can lie closer together and cross-link. Cross-linking of collagen reduces scar thickness and also makes the skin area of the wound stronger. 

Recognize that, in the words of Bay Care Health, the healing process will vary among individuals and will depend largely on the cause and severity of the wound. I submit to you that all types of wounds are the same in this regard. And as we noted above, the new collagen fibers are vulnerable to re-injury but their re-formation makes the area of the wound even stronger. This process in wound care may take up to a year. We know that while the body never really forgets an injury and neither does the mind, its power over us can change significantly. The things that happen in our past become our story, our testimony of the Lord’s amazing grace in our lives.

When I was working as an Occupational Therapist, we told our patients in rehabilitation all the time when they got discouraged that recovery is usually a jagged line with lots of ups and downs. They had to work through their fears of getting re-injured, having delays due to complications or a re-occurrence of a disease process, and grieve the losses associated with an extended hospitalization and rehabilitation process. Like my older friend Wanda used to remind me in a 12-step support group, “you gotta feel it to heal it.” Range of motion exercises after a shoulder surgery are excruciatingly painful and so are flashbacks of abusive behavior. It’s like the surgery or incident is happening all over again. But it’s not. Eventually the body and the heart starts to heal with ongoing and proper care. Lord willing, most folks do get better. We come to realize that setbacks, hurts or new injuries are just one part of living in a fallen world with fellow sinners just like us. We learn so much in the process. Thank goodness the Lord Jesus Christ helps us to overcome it all!

Interpersonal relationships seem to me to go through the same wound-healing process as restoration comes, as trust is earned: it “takes what it takes” to get there. The prevention of pressure wounds in particular includes daily skin checks. This entails looking for areas of redness over bony areas of the body and making immediate changes to reduce the pressure, nourish the tissues. Could we say that better care of our personal relationships with a better daily maintenance plan can help raise the threshold over which unwanted behavior spills over? I do believe so. Are we following our home exercise programs, our Spirit-led care plans? I could go on but you probably get my point by now.

Gentle Reader, there’s so much to say on these topics and I am not an expert on either one. I am a fellow sojourner to those who have experienced both and I have seen the power of the Lord in healing all kinds of devastation. Let our salty tears be the saline, the healing salve that washes us clean indeed. May the cross-linking of our entanglements in this life give way to the redeeming grace of our risen Lord Who restores us through and through. For His glory! Amen. JJ

1 Corinthians 2:9, No eye has seen nor ear has heard, healing wounds

We are the People

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In the book of Esther in the Bible, we learn of the near-miss annihilation of the Jewish nation because of the lies and deceit of one influential man, Haman. He first convinced King Ahasueras that Queen Esther’s Uncle should be targeted for generational feuds between their ancestors; not only Modecai but his entire people-group must be destroyed. Haman’s pride swelled as he bragged about his accomplishments to everyone, knowing his sinister plan about to unfold. But one sleepless night, God revealed to King Ahasueras through the reading of the King’s annals that Mordecai actually needed to be heralded as a hero for saving the King’s life years ago. Queen Esther and her people fasted then orchestrated events in which she could reveal the truth to her King. Haman and then his ten sons ultimately were hung on the very guillotine he had constructed for Mordecai! But what about the Hebrew nation? The edict by King Ahasueras to allow the people of Persia to destroy the Jews, including Mordecai and Queen Esther, would need to be addressed. The King turned to some very astute scribes to make the situation right, knowing that an edict by the King could not be reversed or rescinded. The Persians so feared the Hebrew nation (blessed by God) that many became Jews themselves. On the day which later became known as Purim, the Jews avenged their attackers, annihilating 75,000 Persians in their midst. The celebration of their victory continues to be celebrated to this day as the Feast of Purim.

I submit to you that metaphorically speaking, conservatives in America who believe in God are like the avengers of the Jewish nation of Persia. The parallels between this story in the Old Testament and the Presidential election in our nation are remarkable to me (with some important exceptions of course). Surrender to evil and its political ideology that is now out in the open in America, acting in unison like a Hamanian plot to destroy the once United States of America, is now set in motion unless we fast and pray like the beautiful Queen Esther. Then we must act accordingly. If we do not, I sense that we too will perish. The nation we love and our freedoms will be gone forever. Perhaps our President will seek the Lord’s wisdom some sleepless night, his modern-day legal scribes will figure out how to save our Republic, and Patriots will stand up for the freedoms that we hold dear. Will we “avenge” our attackers with truth and strength as unto the Lord such that observers will come to faith in the God through whom our nation was founded? You see I am going beyond an election here, don’t you? Of course I am. We are in a battle between good and evil, Gentle Reader. As the superpower of the world, I submit to you that the hearts of mankind are at stake right now, manifest in the events unfolding right now. The world is witnessing our nation falling apart and are all affected by it at some level.

Time is moving quickly. What will each of us be celebrating this Christmas? A feast like that of Purim or a pre-packaged COVID snack after the funeral of the once beautiful United States of America? We have survived a pandemic, riots in our streets, loss of small businesses that employ most of America, political upheaval unprecedented in our history, and paradoxical surges in our economy and military strength. We have brought peace to the world while the foundation of our own nation is crumbling. Now we the people have voted and it doesn’t even count. What a horrible way to end the year 2020! But it’s not over yet. There is something we CAN DO for the fate of the beloved nation where we shall live out our days. The Jewish nation stood up for what was right and all of the people of Persia lived in peace and prosperity for ten years until King Ahasuerus was murdered. (Yes, even after deliverance from evil, someone eventually succeeded in stealing the leader’s throne.) Our story is just as messy. People will die no matter who our President is and what political party is in power. The situation is just that volatile. The ultimate question for me is will we the people be avengers for the Lord, Jesus Christ as we fight for the nation He has given to us?

This year marks the 75th anniversary of the raising of the flag at Iwo Jima, commemorating the final stages of the Pacific War theater of WWII.

More Like a Dependence Day

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When living in the Midwest where pyromania is out of control on Independence Day, the chemically sensitive like me gear-up for the occasion. No, not raffia pumps with ribbon ties and sparkling earrings in red, white, and blue but full-on painter’s masks in pink and yellow! Not even a coronavirus can get to me now! Other days it’s the proverbial N95 mask instead. I depend upon these tools for survival. You are only as good as your tools, right?

When a tooth extracted during the shutdown of the pandemic didn’t heal according to plan, IV ozone treatments cleared things up nicely. It only cost an additional $450! Flash forward to week 9 and FRAGMENTS of bone and tooth start pushing up from the gums that are still sore and sensitive to temperature. It’s normal, right? So I pulled out all 3 of them, cleaned up MORE PUS, rinsed with saline and the remaining antibiotic rinse I had plus some liposomal vitamin C. No prob. Things have quieted down now that I employed the problem-solving skills granted by the Lord, that I have come to depend upon. Thank you!

When convulsive episodes persist eight years later after their onset and every Practitioner consulted has not found their root cause or treatment, I take to my clinical research tools once again. Many symptoms and a new look at prior medical testing now indicate a need to revisit a cardiology work-up. And while recovering from two particularly heinous episodes today, a friend mentioned something on Facebook that will likely direct me to my next specialist. I asked my Family Practice Physician for a referral. Let’s do this. I shall depend upon you again my brilliant Doc, to help me put this together in search of a cure.

And when overly-focused on my own traumas and dramas, the recent passing of the last member of my immediate family not-withstanding, I realize that it is not my own life that is in chaos BUT THE ENTIRE NATION IN WHICH I LIVE. There is a shroud of evil darkening the patriotism and freedoms of our once United States of America. The life I am trying to live has been forever changed and the way in which I have tried to live it is increasingly changing. Political mayhem gave way to a pandemic and escalated into anarchy, the latter coming soon to a street near you. How then are we to live? We could say so much here yet I contend simply that you better depend upon Jesus now or forever hold your breath, your teeth, your head, your mind lest you too go mad.

This may have been our last Independence Day. One day soon may be our eternal days in Dependence upon that which we do not desire. As for me, dependence on the Lord is the only way to live, the only way to survive the evils of living in a fallen world, a world quickly falling into utter darkness. I may go down for good tomorrow due to illness factors or the random firing of an angry mob. Regardless, the outcome will be the same. I’ll be in paradise with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, healthy and forever free.

We still have some choices Gentle Reader. Upon what have you decided to depend? JJ

The Case of a Christian Who was Wronged

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An analysis of sin, our fallen world, and Biblical truth is critical to understanding what to do when things go wrong in the life of a born-again believer in Jesus Christ. We are all human and will make mistakes, some with dire consequences in our own life or the lives of others. Such philosophical gymnastics is not my strong suit but heeding the discernment of the Holy Spirit is mine for sure. And the Lord’s leading was clear recently. When faced with a recent dilemma of how to handle a potential case of medical malpractice, I turned to the ears of a Christian friend, God’s Word, writers smarter than me, journaling and prayer. Here’s the life-changing story.

A thyroid condition very likely was mismanaged for twenty-nine years of my adult life.

There were at least five Medical Doctors involved in the management of my thyroid condition over the course of my adult life. The Doctor completing a routine physical for my first job out of college made the diagnosis of hypothyroidism when he palpated nodules on my thyroid. I was a young woman, horrified and scared! I was told (in those days of the Merck Manual and before the internet) that thyroid nodules were relatively common, benign, and needed to be treated with medication. After all, hypothyroidism runs in my family! The drugs that each Doctor gave me changed over the years but the basic treatment plan never did: suppress the thyroid with synthetic hormones and “monitor” the nodules. This process was difficult at times when they switched me to more natural preparations or when a Doc suspected that there was an interaction going on between female hormone and thyroid hormone levels. However, nothing would be as “difficult” as the daily convulsive episodes that very likely were related to this issue decades after the original diagnosis.

Enter here 8 years of a serious illness portrayed by dozens of disabling symptoms, the worst of which was seizures every single day that began late that first year. At times they were so violent that screams erupted from deep within me often followed an inability to breathe and sometimes passing out in bed shortly thereafter. The head-banging and severity of high-velocity, involuntary movements created significant orthopedic injuries, taking me in-and-out of various manual therapies because (of course) I could not tolerate pain medication. My activities of daily living were strained and altered beyond belief; any noxious sensory stimuli, the time of day, and seemingly unrelated triggers set off the episodes often for hours per day. I awakened with them and a headache, body aches every day. I fell asleep with them. I tried to live around them as best I could after hours of recovery. I was up all night after the worst episodes and when trying to avoid them. 5:00 a.m. found me crashing into bed only to serve my 30-60 minutes of penance before passing out into fitful sleep. It was a living hell.

Only by the grace of God did I survive this time in my life. Sometimes I would have to wait for hours before my limbs would work right to drag myself to the bathroom. Other days if these waking seizures occurred when my gracious husband was home, he had to carry me to the bathroom, feed me, or drive me to the emergency room. Our life was hell much of the time and it tested our marriage in every way possible. Steve never knew what state he would find me in when he returned home from work . . .

Significant testing, research, treatments, expense, extreme avoidance strategies, travel to one specialist or another, sleep deprivation, and more characterized those eight years always hoping for some level of recovery. I didn’t only try CBD oil but SIX BRANDS of pharmaceutical-grade CBD oil at two different stages of this illness. One summer I plastered a hallway wall with dozens of sheets of paper including: a daily calendar, symptom and extensive treatment record, functional medicine charts, genetic testing results, and anything else I could think in a search for trends or clues. I was largely bed-bound in 2015 and spent 2016 receiving IV infusions of antibiotics through costly home health nursing care. Treatments would ease my worst symptom for a limited time then stop working with exception of oral Prednisone. The only problem with using steroids is that they are contraindicated in osteoporosis (which came along as part of this journey as well). I had to reserve PRN Prednisone for only the worst episodes each month because my primary Doctor would not order it more frequently.

Three years ago, a Naturopathic Physician came the closest to finding the “root cause” of the serious illness when he tested for and diagnosed an autoimmune thyroid condition. Bio-homeopathic injections (among other treatments) brought most of the labs within normal range but there was no appreciable change in my symptoms. I continued the injections just the same at a considerable out-of-pocket expense. Eventually I learned to give myself the injection, saving me an additional $20 per shot. It was pretty incredible that I was able to administer the subcutaneous medication when needle sticks of any kind generally triggered violent convulsive episodes! Somehow I got it done.

So this year when I finally made it to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, and after pleading with the neurologists to let me see one of their endocrinologists, a friendly, Indian Doctor NAILED IT. I didn’t have an autoimmune disease. He said I was on too much thyroid medication! I have hyperthyroidism not hypothyroidism. A quick review of the literature found that it is hyperthyroidism that coincides with multi-nodule goiters in addition to half a dozen of the other symptoms that I was experiencing. The treatment is vastly different from anything I had ever been prescribed for 29 years! He immediately cut my medication in half while I waited for the new prescription to arrive in the mail. And within days, over six symptoms began to improve with the most significant being reduced convulsive episodes. It is now 4 weeks later and the trend continues. I have had several days free of seizures and dozens with barely a little zip of a tic!

The change in my life is nothing short of shocking. I discuss the other findings from my work-up at the Mayo Clinic HERE and the beginning of this entire saga HERE. There are videos of the episodes HERE with my hope to share my faith in Christ Who alone has helped Steve and I endure the worst of days. I would have died without Him! This blog came about to help me cope with this serious illness. The Lord carried me to hundreds of appointments over the years, helped me make dinner or my husband’s lunch when my head was pounding, or even walked with me to simply open up the back door to let out our pup out each day with thousands of seizures going on and on.

Then this week I wondered what I should do about the oversight, even incompetency of those five Doctors whom I trusted but gave me the wrong diagnosis and the wrong treatment? Maybe the “best practice” for the management of multi-nodule goiter and hypothyroidism have changed since they went to medical school/over the past few decades or maybe it’s just that they forgot the basic standards of care? Why didn’t they refer me to an endocrinologist for more comprehensive care? A second opinion? I never thought to ask to see a specialist as they all made it seem that ordering and reading the lab results were routine parts of my diagnosis. I researched my condition extensively but never even thought to search out an endocrine diagnosis that they did not give me. Repeat thyroid scans and testing were ordered somewhat irregularly and only tiny changes were ever made to compounded prescriptions because I was so “sensitive.” No one ever questioned the original diagnosis, why my lab values never stabilized and continued to worsen this past year, or why I could not tolerate medication changes. I needed a completely new treatment plan.

Each of my current two Doctors asked about the findings of my consults at Mayo Clinic. Both of them minimized the change in diagnosis! They minimized the need for a drastic reduction in medication, a potential complete change in treatment plan, and the impact of hyperthyroidism on the hellish illness that eluded both of them. Neither apologized nor assumed any responsibility for missing the mark. So as my mind has become clearer, my thoughts have turned to the topic of medical malpractice. After all both of them were negligent. As I considered this I became increasingly angry, hurt, betrayed, hot! A Christian friend suggested that I spend some time in prayer and Bible study, seeking wisdom; it didn’t take long to find 1 Corinthians 6 and multiple Christian writers discouraging the believer from lawsuits against fellow believers. Yes, both Doctors profess to be Christians. But what about their professional accountability? What about what happened to me? How do I ever see them for a medical visit again? Wow, Lord, settle my soul . . .

I’ll share here a part of what I found to be the best advice and perspective for persons who are believers that considering a medical malpractice intervention. It comes from James Druckenbrod in the November 1991 issue of The Linacre Quarterly (a publication of the Catholic Medical Association and the denomination from which I found the most extensive writing on the topic of the Christian response to medical malpractice).


. . . from a Christian ethical perspective, it becomes apparent that something basic is wrong with a society that so easily, and more frequently, can blame its “helping” professions for errors, and receive restitution in unlike kind (money rather than health or life). Either the “helping” medical profession falls short of its professed ethics to heal the sick, or society falls short of its understanding of what healing in modern times is all about. Or as this paper will suggest, both groups fall short of the gospel imperative of charity that becomes the way that the Christian communities display the vision of the Kingdom of God to a modern, pluralistic, and secular society. An underlying thesis is that medical malpractice has resulted from the secularization of the vocation of medicine. In the process of secularization, the basic social unit of the doctor-patient relationship, the spiritual union of God, doctor, and patient has been severely disrupted. The doctor as well as the patient and society have all contributed to this disruption by each taking their own advantage of the changes. A possible solution to medical malpractice for the Christian patients and doctors can be found in a return to gospel imperatives of trust in God, and obedience to God’s commandments.

I could fill many pages with all of the secular and Christian angles on the topic of medical malpractice with regards to what happened to me. And yet somehow through the past 8 years I always knew two things that: 1) someday the Lord would allow me to heal and 2) there was purpose and meaning in even the worst days of my suffering. It would not be wasted! Today I am going to choose to go with the mandate of 1 Corinthians 6 and the concept suggested above of charity; I will decline a medical malpractice lawsuit or taking my issue before “the church” in favor of lying it all at the throne of grace of my Lord, Jesus Christ. He is the Great Physician after all!

I do intend to approach each Doctor again about my care then write each of them a short letter on the matter. These actions will require much prayer and preparation. In the meantime, I still need their care in other areas of my health. But they aren’t touching my thyroid! For now I will reserve endocrinology issues for the Specialist at the Mayo Clinic who is helping to turn my life around. I just don’t trust anyone else with the new diagnosis of hyperthyroidism. Gentle Reader, perhaps you understand and agree? JJ

Connected in Grief

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Why is it that tragic news of a dear loved one has so many layers as we take it all in?

First there is the shocking disbelief that something so horrific could even happen.  But it did and it does.  The impact is not yet realized on this one for sure.

My beloved and I prayed several times as the news unfolded across the evening:  the details coming forth slowly, leaving more questions than answers tonight.

Then a little later when simply lying with my beloved for refreshment triggered my own symptoms of ongoing illness, the tears started to flow alas but not for me this time.

The words of bad news, of new loss and the crisis of loved ones unfolding hath opened  up old wounds from my own times like these in the past, when I had to travel quickly into a very painful unknown.

I cried some more.  Oh how I miss my little brother so!  I talked to him in the hospital when he was yet drunk and in the DTs of alcohol withdrawal.  Little did I know that he would become unconscious and pass away within 2 days thereafter of alcohol toxicity, multiple organ system failure.

Quickly my late Mother made travel arrangements for my brother and I, with me still shell-shocked from my former husband’s departure and death of my grandmother within 24 hours of each other, just 5 months earlier.  Travelling for another funeral out of state and into a lifestyle much different from my own was a culture shock on one level, a new loss to grieve, and a return to the drama of my childhood as well.  Oh how I wish I could have re-written it all!

My brother’s Memorial Service was bizarre:  held in the bar of a bowling alley with his people, his friends albeit fitting yet inappropriate just the same.  I wrote about it three years ago when I thought about the star that now holds the ashes of his once tender heart.  Many details are painful to recall here and to do so would be disrespectful to the memory of my now deceased Mother who was grieving in her own unusual manner at the loss of her son.  It was a painful experience for all of us to endure back then.  Some more sorrow got released tonight as it all came back to me again.

Robert, Rob, Lech, Colorado, Palmer Lake, deceased, brother
My little brother Rob. Love you and miss you Robbie!

My Intended Beloved had memories of his own to share this evening from the death of his sister, his late brother-in-law, and a distant relative too.  We don’t know how the current tragedy will fare as the night draws on into daylight for one weary family holding on, their loved one slipping further and further away from them.  Please join me in praying for each precious one.  The Lord knows who they are and what they need.  I don’t know either but one thing that I do know is this:  we do suddenly become connected to our brothers and sisters in Christ, even all in humanity when we tap into the suffering that goes on in life.  I do pray the Lord’s supernatural intervention in the situation at hand.  Only He can go beyond the layers which we now feel, we now see.

And in this we can all rest, Gentle Reader.  For the shortest verse of our Bible reminds us of His humanity too, His sharing and caring in our times of grief.  For Jesus wept too.  JJ

Jesus wept, John, 11:35, grief, Christian, suffering, crying out to the Lord, shortest verse