progress – Page 2 – Jesus is for the Wounded

My body will tell you tonight: it’s quite an accomplishment to finish our Spring and Fall yard clean up projects all within 24 hours! Whaaat? Such is life these days. All completed just in time for the long soaking rain storm outside my window as Winter approaches . . . the maiden tulip bulbs are going to be real happy in their new home!

I am exceedingly grateful to be functioning somewhat better despite the ongoing noxious episodes that occur most days. Then there were two noxious-free “holidays” within the past four days. THIS IS HUGE GUYS AND GALS! I haven’t had more than a one-day break per week since living in the hotel at the beginning of the year when we were remediating our home for mold. Looks like the IV magnesium treatments (counted #20 today) and sugar/sweetener-free cholestyramine are beginning to work a wonder inside of me. I am grateful and humbled.

Despite all of this good news for some reason I needed to cry a bit today. This year has been especially traumatic. When I’m in one of those hour-long to several-hour-long episodes my ability to think and reflect is gone. My mind is blank. No processing occurs of what is happening to me. I have heard patients with dementia describe his or her mind this way. There just aren’t any thoughts. Gratefully I do not have dementia. I often wonder, however, if there will be synaptic damage from the almost 2 years of seizure attacks. Then again, maybe the neurons just needed a little Spring cleaning, resetting, and the like. Anyways, I believe that to grieve the loss of my health is, well, healthy. Perhaps it will pave a comprehensive path to healing?

The end of Psalm 139 reads:

²³Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
²⁴See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

I have heard an application of this passage that it can describe the need to reflect upon and grieve a past trauma as part of a God-honoring healing process. The Lord knows me and my circumstances in addition to the outcome. By opening my mind and heart to His merciful grace under the shadow of His wings, I will find rest. I have prayed many times to “get” the purpose of all of this suffering and wondered if I was “there yet.” I asked my husband Steve, my God-honoring spiritual leader, if he thought there was anything I was not seeing. Was there some sin or character flaw that required repentance? Steve was gracious when asked these questions. We both saw the little lessons and unexpected blessings that were the “silver lining” to this illness. We have not become embittered. We have drawn even closer together and to Christ. Whew. Thankfully.

Blogging started as online journaling and has become so much more. I do hope that my writing will be used for God’s glory and point people who are going through serious trials, to the person of Jesus Christ. To the Gentle Reader out there, you have also helped me find a plan and a purpose for this time in my life. The process has become as meaningful as the lessons learned. One lesson learned yesterday: don’t leave a wheelbarrow full of mulch out in the yard! Put it under the covered porch. Six times it got rained on and rained in. Geez that was one heavy wheelbarrow!

A little humor helps fer shur. And my Stevers is a great model of the value of silliness in the middle of the crap-o-la-ski. (You were missing my Polish, I know, so here ya go!) Thanks for hanging in there with me. Wish I could hug ya, eh? :J

Here’s a brief update in my continuing adventure of recovery from Lyme, fibro, mold, and whatever:

Saw a new chiropractor for 7 visits and while the treatment got rid of my headaches and increased my overall ability to move, I had seizure attacks every visit! I finally got word this past week that Dr. N did talk to my LLMD as I had requested. Still Dr. N referred me to another chiropractor for more “comprehensive” care. That did not work out so well. (See posting from Tuesday!) I’ll probably go back to Dr. N after a few more magnesium treatments and after I’m able to drive 30 minutes to his office several times per week.

Began treatments of IV magnesium on Friday the 13th; spent the evening with seizure attacks/convulsions followed by 7 hours of tic/seizure attacks into the morning. Yipes! Had a better day by the time Sunday came, albeit weak from the previous 2 days. (Only had one episode that night, on the way home from our Sunday church home group.) Getting the IVs started has become an arduous, painful process with a minimum of 2 wretched sticks before the RNs find a suitable vein. What follows on the day of treatment or the day after appears to be a herx reaction or healing crisis of sorts. This treatment is scheduled to continue for a month; supplemental magnesium is a promising treatment for me despite the difficulties. I’m praying that the Lord sustains me and that my tender vessels endure it! Tomorrow I’m going to let them give me the PRN narcotic pain med. with the treatment. I just need a break from these awful neck headaches that come from the wrenching head-n-neck motion during attacks. Gratefully, there is improvement with one fewer attack per day, barely a few tics last night and significantly less chest compression pain! Yes!

Rife or Beam Ray treatments are on hold. My tolerance for this sound and light wavelength technology was decreasing so it’s on hold for now.

Waiting in the wings is a new round of low dose antibiotics after some lab testing pending soon to rule out a new UTI. Got lots of itchy, burning, ringing, stinging, stabbing, aching symptoms all over right now possibly flared up by the stress of the IV treatments. “Rest” is my focus at the moment in my weakened state. I do make dinner most nights, however!

A neurology appointment is now scheduled for October 1st at the Indiana University Medical Center in Indianapolis. IU is the go-to place for persons in the Fort Wayne area needing a special consultation. So to Indy we will go at 5 in the morning. Hey, if my beloved can take off at 6 in the morning for a kayak race, 5 should be a piece of cake, right? Gooooo Steeeeeeve! As for me, well I might still be up from the night before!

Steve and I are grateful for some help with a meal once per week from the lovely ladies at our church. It seems like the night they bring dinner something bad happens later on, like an emergency room visit 2 1/2 weeks ago. Their generosity is a real blessing and it sure breaks up the isolation for me when they stop by!

Well that’s the main stuff or at least the news for the masses. If you wouldn’t mind praying for us that would be great. My heart is tender for Steve right now because we had to cancel our trip to see his grandson for Jackson Rees’s first birthday and to see some dear friends in South Carolina. I really need Steve in the evenings when the attacks and physical episodes of collapse are usually quite nasty. This would be too much for a female friend to handle if a gal was staying with me at night and Steve went out of town by himself.

Steve has travelled alone 3 times since this process of illness began for me nearly 2 years ago. We have cancelled a trip before but rarely decline local invitations. Steve just goes to them without me and that is cool with me. Travelling to Arkansas this past summer was very hard on me despite a couple of nice visits during the 5-day trip. So to cancel the South Carolina/North Carolina trip is just what we have to do this time, although it’s a bummer. JR is going to get a big box in the mail real soon! Anyways, if you wouldn’t mind praying a prayer of sustaining grace (for me) and strength (for Steve) that would be super. The Lord has helped us and even blessed us. We are trusting Him and hopeful for all He has in store for us. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Take care all,

Just Julie