Tag: Lord

Trust God. Love People.

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I thought I would be feeling better by now.  After all, we remediated our home for mold at great expense and disruption to our lives.  The Lord provided a good part of the resources to cover many of these expenses; in time He will replenish all of our resources.  In the meantime, our home looks lovely as it’s really clean and the carpeting/vinyl flooring now sports a Canadian Maple engineered hardwood.  Wow.  I really like it!

But I still have knife-like headaches and feel sick.  I fear seizure attacks every evening, especially when falling asleep or waking up in the morning.  Thankfully, I haven’t had one in the last day and one-half.  I got pretty close with multiple nauseating “pre-tic” episodes yet no full-blown neuromuscular events.  Thank you Jesus!

So why am I so down?  Who knows.  It’s part of dealing with chronic illness and part of deepening my faith in the One who has crafted this life of mine.  I must stay in moments more tiny than ever before, where I can find peace, comfort, and even joy.  I must stay with a grateful heart and humility.  However, to strive harder to do any of these things will hurt me.   I’m just not that perfect!  Guess I won’t work on the house any more today, like putting up drapes that were dry cleaned.  All of this stuff of life can wait.  My time is now with you, gentle reader, and with my Savior.

Prayerfully I seek so much when the point is really just to dwell with the one true God, the person Who is God:  Jesus.  Yes, it blesses Him to pray and is my calling as a believer, to make my needs known.  It grows my  faith and keeps me in a right relationship with the sovereign Creator, to look to Him for answers and not the people/places/things of this world.  Love people.  Hold places and things lightly as they are transient.  Instead, I shall put my trust in the Lord who transcends them all infinitely.

In His bigness that is inconceivable in my finite mind, my Lord and Savior has a plan for even this headache, this difficulty functioning, these tears held back so I can see the computer screen.  And if He has a plan for me despite my misery, He has a plan for you despite yours too.  The Lord cares.  The Lord cries with you and me.  The Lord loves us more than anyone or anything in this life.  We are His when we confess our sin, seek forgiveness, and once (and forever) accept Him as Lord and Savior of our lives.  That is all you and I have to do!

How do I know all of these things?  I mean, people blog anything these days, seeking notoriety for their own meaningless thoughts that would never stand a test of time let alone eternity.  I know these things and these things are true because it is written in His Word.  It is written on our hearts that yearn for unfailing love.  It is written in our minds that yearn for answers, for truth.  It is reflected in the beautiful complexity of creation all around us.  Chaos Theory did not know that I needed to catch a glimpse of the bluebirds flying back to our bird feeder my first morning when I felt “in shock” after being away from home 76 days!  It was His omniscience!  It is the absolute truth to the mystery of  our questions of:   “what is life?” and “why are we here?” And it is woven into each and every yearning soul.  We know and believe because He has revealed Himself to us in His Word.

Have you been in The Word lately?  Follow me to a place where you can start reading about the One in Whom we both can place our trust.  I’ll meet you there.  I know it’s late or you’re busy or you gotta go to the bathroom!  Just take a minute to start.  It could change your life.  It just renewed mine . . .

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+1&version=NIV

Day 76: home again, at last!

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Home Sweet Home. There’s no place like home. Home is where the heart is. You get da picture! PTL! :j

The trip of faith that made a difference

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DSCF7473You will find a tale of two contrasts in the top photo:   Aunt Lori and I in our outrigger canoe paddling in a bayou, Tarpon Springs, FL; and photo below:  wearing a respirator mask in my home.

Here is evidence of the victory over illness that began when we traveled last week from our home in Indiana.  I was able to paddle a decent length for the first time in over a year!  And paddling in our OC-2 was particularly sweet as my husband had just finished repairing the hull.  (It was damaged at the USCA Nationals in 2011.  The risk of racing, I understand!)

The escape of faith started with a lovely visit with my husband’s cousin, Christine Oswald and her family in Atlanta, Georgia.  Their four girls are adorable!  From there we travelled to Florida so my husband could participate as the Indiana delegate to the United States Canoe Association.  Meanwhile I gratefully enjoyed having lunch at Hellas on the Sponge Docks:  authentic Greek food that matched my narrow dietary regime.  Amazing.  From DSCF7517Tarpon Springs we made our way to remote Patrick, South Carolina (near Florence) to the hideaway log cabin of Ed & Kinsey and little Gunnar Artfich.   We really enjoyed some meaningful fellowship and are pretty sure we now have the answers to Obamacare, gun control, and preparing for the End Times.  Thanks guys.

Preparing for the trip was a nightmare as I had a neurological collapse earlier that day, two medical appointments, was recommended not to drive, drove anyways to the grocery store, and cooked my special foods for hours with the windows open.  The latter was to attempt to minimize the exposure to mold enough that I could prepare the special anti-seizure diet and pack as needed to get away for a few days.  I was sooo sick!  The Lord gave me a supernatural dose of adrenaline to start the process then finish the next morning despite a “hammer headache” and seizure attacks.  This gal was getting out of town if it killed me!

The trip did not kill me.  The trip began to restore me.  Within 48 hours, all of my symptoms had either diminished or temporarily reversed.  The antibiotic and fungal medications started to work (thanks to a run to CVS pharmacy at 2:30 a.m.!  Too bad the credit card got cancelled because we were out of State.  Sometimes I wish computers didn’t think so much!)  I had mini flare ups here and there.  HOWEVER, THE PATTERN OF DAILY 3-4 HOUR SEIZURE ATTACKS AND COLLAPSES WAS NOW BROKEN!!!  This is the miracle for which we desperately prayed in the doctor’s office on January 8th.  We praised the Lord and had a great time.  I finally started to sleep a little more too.  Amazing.

We are now in the reality of returning home.  My last post reflects the crying and feeling of being overwhelmed that has characterized these last three days.  I arranged to stay in a hotel-with-a-kitchenette for two nights beginning at 4:30 a.m. when I got there.  Steve went home as he was getting a sinus infection and needed to take care of things at our home then return to work the next day.  Turns out that I would not see him again for almost 2 days, too long.  While traveling, we were without internet access for the first half of out trip then was finally able to share a prayer request of our need for a place for me to stay.  We are one accord that I cannot live in the house that is killing me!  We had begun the process of filing a claim with out homeowner’s insurance since the mold causing the severity of this illness was from an incomplete clean-up of water damage by a restoration company in January of 2009.  The immediacy of the housing need and time of arrival back in Indiana necessitated a hotel expense.

After much prayer and consideration in my “lost” state of mind, I selected the home of one of two friends that appeared to meet my needs:  no water damage, no chemical fragrances, kitchen access, and distance from the internet router (an issue for some folks like me with Lyme Disease).  I unpacked, made a late dinner, and went to bed around midnight.  At 4:22 a.m. I was awakened by severe seizure attacks that would not subside!  Oh no!  Fear gripped my heart.  I don’t want to go back there!  What shall I do?  What is causing it?  I stayed up for 2 hours then went back to bed, hoping to catch my host couple in the morning.  The seizure attacks returned and sleep alluded me.  The old “hammer headache,” ringing in my ears, stomach ache and more began to escalate.  We really never figured out what caused this surprising setback:  was it the iron bacteria in the water or some residual from a basement flood 9 years ago?  With sadness, I had to pack up and head back to the hotel.  There I was able to sleep peacefully once again, albeit a short time until the next appointment this afternoon.

Our “ace-in-the hole” to meet a housing need for the estimated 2-months needed for the mold restoration project was the newly renovated home of another couple we know.  Sounded like it would be ready within 2 weeks and sitting empty until it would be sold in the Spring.   We toured the sweet, older home by a lovely wooded park; everything inside was to be new.  Unfortunately we found an area of drywall in the basement that had been cut away due to mold damage.  All it took was our friend tapping on the tattered insulation in the basement-smelling basement and I was in crises.  I went outside for some fresh air, stepped back inside by the screen door, then hurried back out before the major collapse ensued.  Gratefully I was able to yell for Steve.  By the time he reached me in the side yard, my gait was stumbling, I was crying, and the seizure attacks were ramping up.  All I could do was blurt out, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry” and yield with horror to the loss of control of my body.  Steve assisted me to the car and transferred me back into the passenger seat.  Decision made:  can’t live here!

Sometimes a burger at Five Guys Burgers is just the ticket.  By the time we got there, I was slowly regaining motor control and my speech rate was returning to normal.  The headache was subsiding and the embarrassment, well, still there.  Thank the Lord that beef is o.k. on my diet once per week!  Five Guys Burgers are organic beef you know!  Even sipped my husbands cherry coke twice.  I needed comfort big time!

It’s now evening and I’m sitting at my home computer with my new respirator mask digging into my face.  This is the only way for now that I can do anything in my home of the past five years.  I gathered a few more things to take back to the hotel room and am grateful that Steve will be joining me tonight.  Oh how I miss him when he is away!  Thankfully my Heavenly Husband was my companion when I needed him to make most of these moves with all my provisions and luggage, up a flight of stairs.  Thankfully I own a truck which makes it all a lot easier.

This continues to be a wild ride.  And yet, the miraculous answer to prayer is here.  With great expectation and no clue as to the next chapter in this saga, I will leave my home again tonight.  Sure miss being with Steve each day and even my dog, Elle.  I do know this, that the Lord knows the desires of my heart and has granted them in marvelous ways in the past.  Exceedingly.  He has not changed and never will.  Thank you for joining me in prayer and faith.   (Reference:  Proverbs 3:5-6, Jeremiah 29:11)

The Difference a Day Makes

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Each day since leaving town last week, suddenly by the way, has brought renewed health and hope.

Briefly:  my husband Steve and I had an opportunity to travel and get me out of our house with mold damage so off we went!  Within 48 hours I was 60% better!  We are amazed and encouraged for the first time in over a year.  This is HUGE.  No more collapses & inability to walk and limited seizure attacks.  No more stomach aches and limited headaches.  No more nightmares and the foot burning, ringing in my ears, muscle aches,  insomnia, and profound fatigue are significantly reduced.  We are praising the Lord and hopeful for the rest of the journey to healing.

Our next 2 months will be focused on the restoration of our house from replacing carpeting to cleaning window treatments and surfaces in our home.  I will need to live away from the house {and my beloved 😦 }beginning with our first night back in Huntertown, Indiana in two days.  There are many unknowns, including if our insurance company will help us at all; some visible mold is in an area that was not properly cleaned after water damage in January of 2009.  The expenses are frightful.  Then we will retest our home and see if I may return.  By that time we will know the status of my husband’s job . . .  Treatment for Lyme Disease can now begin.

So much to be thankful for and so much to lay before the Lord.  In this moment, I am humbled.  We desperately cried and prayed for direction and the Lord has provided both and more.  God is good.  All the time.  God is good.  Be encouraged.  He is still on the throne!

After the Wedding

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Many Christian weddings call upon the Apostle Paul’s marvelous description of love to help us know what love really looks like.  Sound familiar?

1 Corinthians 13

New International Version (NIV)

13 If I speak in the tongues[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. 11 When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. 12 For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

When you see love in action, you know that it truly exists.  While love is the hallmark of God’s gift of marriage, we know that it exists in many other relationships too.  I must write that I have seen it again today like so many days these past five years.  To see love as created by God himself, is to fully be alive.  To feel loved by another, is to know that God exists.  To love in return, is what I can do to say thank you.  To love before I see it, before I feel it, before I can give it, is to become an instrument of the Lord.  All are humbling and wonderful.

Today was a particularly difficult day.  More noxious symptoms occurred than usual and many continue at this moment.  And yet I feel no less loved than any other day from my beloved husband, Steve Horney.  He is my Jesus with skin on today and for that I am more than grateful.  I . . .   I . . .   I . . .    All I can say is thank you and I love you too!

If you were not in my life, my dear Stevers, I would have my Heavenly Husband to help me through this day.  He knows what days this has been true in my past and what days He will be my Rock in the future.  Wow.  Today I have both.  God is good.  All the time.  God is good.