Now that’s making lemonade out of lemons!

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Now that’s making lemonade out of lemons!

I’m grateful to have gone for a walk this evening with my hubby, Steve, and our pup, Elle.  I had to walk gingerly as the headache wasn’t yet gone.  At least this time I didn’t have to stop and catch my breath three times!  Overall I’d say that taking a walk is not a bad recovery from 14 total hours with seizure attacks over the past day.  Lord have mercy!  The Francisca Battistelli concert and warm up acts were too loud for my central nervous system, I guess.  Not even the Bose headphones were able to protect me.  Thankfully, the music was good . . .

So, to quote a credit card commercial, “what’s in your wallet?”  I mean, from where do you draw your reserve when you don’t have the physical, emotional, mental resources to face the obligations of the day?  When your mind or body act out in pain or sorrow, from where do you draw your strength, your hope?  For me it is from the Lord Jesus Christ.  I cry out to the One who called me, saved me, knows me, hears me, comforts me, and has a promise and a hope to deliver me some day.  I may not be dancing in the rain tonight, but I am coping reasonably well even while the tears are raining down my cheeks.  And when my cheeks are dry again, my Lord helps me get moving again, not me.  I am too weak.  In response I say,  “thank you.”  Thank you for sustaining me this wacky day.  Thank you for sending me my angelic husband to care for my needs when I could not get out of bed.  I know that this too shall pass and the worst has indeed passed for now.  I know there’s someone out there that needs hope too.  I want you to know that in this moment, I am good . . .

28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[i] have been called according to his purpose.  Romans 8:28

And you can be good too, if but on the inside . . .

Trust God. Love People.

I thought I would be feeling better by now.  After all, we remediated our home for mold at great expense and disruption to our lives.  The Lord provided a good part of the resources to cover many of these expenses; in time He will replenish all of our resources.  In the meantime, our home looks lovely as it’s really clean and the carpeting/vinyl flooring now sports a Canadian Maple engineered hardwood.  Wow.  I really like it!

But I still have knife-like headaches and feel sick.  I fear seizure attacks every evening, especially when falling asleep or waking up in the morning.  Thankfully, I haven’t had one in the last day and one-half.  I got pretty close with multiple nauseating “pre-tic” episodes yet no full-blown neuromuscular events.  Thank you Jesus!

So why am I so down?  Who knows.  It’s part of dealing with chronic illness and part of deepening my faith in the One who has crafted this life of mine.  I must stay in moments more tiny than ever before, where I can find peace, comfort, and even joy.  I must stay with a grateful heart and humility.  However, to strive harder to do any of these things will hurt me.   I’m just not that perfect!  Guess I won’t work on the house any more today, like putting up drapes that were dry cleaned.  All of this stuff of life can wait.  My time is now with you, gentle reader, and with my Savior.

Prayerfully I seek so much when the point is really just to dwell with the one true God, the person Who is God:  Jesus.  Yes, it blesses Him to pray and is my calling as a believer, to make my needs known.  It grows my  faith and keeps me in a right relationship with the sovereign Creator, to look to Him for answers and not the people/places/things of this world.  Love people.  Hold places and things lightly as they are transient.  Instead, I shall put my trust in the Lord who transcends them all infinitely.

In His bigness that is inconceivable in my finite mind, my Lord and Savior has a plan for even this headache, this difficulty functioning, these tears held back so I can see the computer screen.  And if He has a plan for me despite my misery, He has a plan for you despite yours too.  The Lord cares.  The Lord cries with you and me.  The Lord loves us more than anyone or anything in this life.  We are His when we confess our sin, seek forgiveness, and once (and forever) accept Him as Lord and Savior of our lives.  That is all you and I have to do!

How do I know all of these things?  I mean, people blog anything these days, seeking notoriety for their own meaningless thoughts that would never stand a test of time let alone eternity.  I know these things and these things are true because it is written in His Word.  It is written on our hearts that yearn for unfailing love.  It is written in our minds that yearn for answers, for truth.  It is reflected in the beautiful complexity of creation all around us.  Chaos Theory did not know that I needed to catch a glimpse of the bluebirds flying back to our bird feeder my first morning when I felt “in shock” after being away from home 76 days!  It was His omniscience!  It is the absolute truth to the mystery of  our questions of:   “what is life?” and “why are we here?” And it is woven into each and every yearning soul.  We know and believe because He has revealed Himself to us in His Word.

Have you been in The Word lately?  Follow me to a place where you can start reading about the One in Whom we both can place our trust.  I’ll meet you there.  I know it’s late or you’re busy or you gotta go to the bathroom!  Just take a minute to start.  It could change your life.  It just renewed mine . . .

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John+1&version=NIV

‘Twas the Night Before Moving

Sung in my heart this night to the tune of “Twas the Night Before Christmas” by Don Williams

‘Twas the night before moving

And all through the hotel room,

Not a creature was stirring

The dog smelling rank, for lack of da groom.

The clothing all packed

By the door with other stuff,

In hopes that the cleaning

At home would soon be enough!

The couple will nestle at last

All safe in their own bed

While visions of dollar signs

Will forever dance in their heads.

And the contractor is gone

Who took care of the rug

He can finally settle down

For a long Spring evening’s, er, nap.

When out in the lawn

Tomorrow shall bring such a clatter

As Julie drags in boxes-n-bags

To create an end to the matter.

Away to the window

No longer cracked to air out the mold

We’ll put back together the place

Steve and Julie once again will call home.

The moon on the breast
Of the new fallen snow
Gave the lustre
Of midday
To object below.

(Just love the imagery of the original poem as the snow melts one last time this season.)

When what to my wandering eyes

Should unexpectedly appear

A check from USAA

To cover some of the new gear!

Away to the window

I’ll fly like a flash,

To see my Spring bulbs a popping

Alas not the hotel staff, smoking their midday stash.

With a little tear of happy

So lively and quick

I’ll know in a moment

No longer in my home will I be quite as sick.

More rapid than eagles

My heart begins to swell for my Lord

As I whistle and shout,

“Praise be to the Lord!”

Now Dashing Stevers,

Dancing Christine

Prancing Sonny,

On Comet Dale J.,

Cupid Stevers (again of course)

On Donder Stay Inn staff

An blitzen bloggies out there:

To the top
Of the porch
To the top
Of the wall
Now dash-away
Dash-away
Dash-away all.

****

Let us spring a new song
To His sleigh, to His throne,
Give worry a whistle to go away
The Lord’s sleighdom flies for you & me alone.

“But wait,” I hear Him exclaim
As He lifts me to my next place,
“Happy Wednesday to all
And to all a goodnight.”

Are We There Yet? Part 2

Nope.

Today is day 67 since leaving my home with my hubby in a leap of faith.  I was deathly sick with complications of Lyme Disease and had just become aware of the mitigating factors of mold in my home.  My husband, Steve, and I had left town for about a week when turnaround in my health began for the better.  We are forever grateful for the prayers, friendship, wisdom, and online community that have been instrumental in surviving this incredible time in our lives.   And still, we are not “there yet.”  Here’s the story:

We left town less than a week after receiving the results of an ERMI test from http://www.mycometrics.com.  The findings:  our home was in the 60-65th percentile of homes with mold exposure.  When my health improved after leaving our home, we quickly initiated a “mold claim” with our homeowners’ insurance company, arranged for an inspection from a mold remediation company, and kept me in a hotel room until we had further direction as to how to proceed.  The inspection was completed at the same time of a visit a field adjuster from our insurance company.  Cool beans.  Both agreed that the damage was a residual effect from water damage in 2009; we would be eligible for the full amount of reparations from our insurance policy.  Only problem was the difference from the estimate to the policy limits would place us $6500 in debt.   Strike one.

We contacted the original company who had completed the water restoration in 2009 and by the grace of God, this visit coincided with a consultation from an industrial hygiene testing firm.  Steve got talking with both of the reps and determined that the damage was most likely due to closing the vent under the master bathroom cabinet and not the water damage; condensation had built up under the cabinet which backs to the cooler wall behind it, from the garage.  We went ahead with some expensive testing and contacted our insurance company with the update.  The claim would now be limited to reimbursement for a limited amount of hotel expenses, and only if this was approved by special managers at our insurance company.  Well, it’s something.  Strike two.

The consulting firm used air quality measures to test inside and outside the home, unlike the surface testing methods of the ERMI test.  The latter is deemed more useful in the healthcare realm for mold sensitive individuals; the former is the industry standard for most workplace, school, and governmental testing.  The results brought no surprise:  the industrial hygienist determined that there were no significant levels of mold inside verses outside our home.  Well this is winter time in Indiana.  Duh?  Everything is dead outside the home this time of year!  The report would later recommend cleaning the duct work if someone in the home is allergic to mold.  But there’s dust everywhere in a home!  What about the drapes, walls, furniture, books,carpeting and so on?  Nothing mentioned about them.

We had the duct work cleaned and the furnace serviced anyways.  One company found a mysterious white dust in the duct work and both companies gave different answers for what it might be:  residue from rust in the galvanized steel duct work vs. drywall dust.  We knew that we could have it tested for another large sum of money or just have it cleaned.  Around this time, Steve and I talked to a waterproofing company rep at our local home and garden show and decided to have them give their opinion on our house.  We live on a slab and they said a couple of days later that it could be lime leaching from the concrete.  Yeah, whatever.

Because I was amassing a large hotel bill as more time was passing, we had decided to begin the process of preparing our home for sale “just in case.”  If we could not diagnose or remedy the irritant in our home, we would need to clean it up, disclose all the reports, and put it on the market anyways.  So Steve made a few repairs, we replaced the garage door, and the house got a thorough cleaning.  The place looked stunning.  All was completed when Steve and I wondered if I was allergic to the drywall.  Maybe it was Chinese drywall?  (Google that one for the controversy and class action lawsuit saga for homes built around the time of our home:  2005.)  After all, there was a noxious smell in the home when I moved in when we got married 5 years ago.  No one was able to smell it but me!  The smell went away when I proceeded to repaint the inside of the home as I gratefully redecorated our love nest for our new life together.

Then there was another “bunny trail” to distract us:  I was not reacting as much in the hotel room as in the homes of others with whom I’d tried to live during this temporary displacement.  The hotel room has an electric furnace.  Our home and the home of our friends has a gas furnace.  I researched byproducts of gas furnaces and related allergies.  We bought a CO detector and put in in the house.  Later we would put it in the garage.  The detector was working fine in both locations without sounding it’s alarm.  Oh Lord, WHAT IS IT?  Strike three and we are out of our minds trying to solve the mystery!

One fateful Sunday night, we did a “smell test.”  I did not react to a sample of drywall.  I did not react to a sample of insulation.  I had not reacted to the blown-in insulation in the attic.  I reacted severely to the tweeny amount of dust on Steve’s coat that he had not worn since last Fall.   So the answer is:  the culprit is in the dust.  We have a mold claim after all.

By this point we had to make a decision about restoring our home or moving.  Our insurance company was unavailable to discuss reclassifying our claim back to the mold claim and the amount available in the policy for reimbursement.  He had last reported that he would only reimburse us for our initial hotel expenses with “manager approval.”  We went ahead and decided to replace the carpeting — another typical allergen — and get me back home.  If I still reacted to the house then we would move after that.  We just needed to keep moving forward.  Restoring another house would introduce too many unknowns even if we did all the same cleaning and replaced the flooring in the new place.  Better to go with a largely known entity with our compiled data from our home.  Although fewer, I was still having setbacks in the hotel that might be the ongoing recovery from Lyme; I am still 65% better overall, gratefully.   The hotel room has newer carpeting.  The dog was with me now and although I’m not allergic to dogs, I usually don’t share a hotel room with a German Shepherd!  It will have to do for now.  I am going home soon!

So at the time of this writing, we are not “there yet.”  We are closer though!  A dear friend is installing a lovely Canadian Maple engineered hardwood throughout our home.  It is more than stunning.  The insurance adjuster just called to notify us that we are eligible for the full amount of the mold coverage in our policy plus a little more for some hotel expense incurred in the beginning before the field adjuster got involved in our case.  Overall, this is fair and a gift from the Lord.  We will pay off our expenses and simply replace a car payment with a flooring payment as one resolves and the other begins.  No problem.

Our story reminds me of the Dear Abby column from many years ago called, The Station.  http://www.inspirationalarchive.com/2810/the-station/   It’s a short read and a nice conclusion to the topic of our desire as human beings to have everything completed, resolved, answered to we can move on with our lives as we desire.  Well life really is never done, we don’t “arrive” until we face the Lord our Creator after we leave this life and pass onto the next.  This life is more about the journey.  The Station encapsulates it better than I can for sure.  I will say that I’ve learned a lot about myself, my beloved husband, and the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ during these past 67 days.  There’s more to come before I’m home here in Indiana.  Lord willing, I’ll be home soon.  What happens after that is in His hands.

And I do miss blogging.  I’ll write again soon and I promise it will be shorter!  :J

A Pause in the Middle of the Storm

Best ceremony photo

I am grateful to report that I received my Advanced Master Gardener designation from the Cooperative Extension Office of Purdue University, Fort Wayne yesterday. God is good.

To become a Master Gardener in a University-affiliated program in the United States, a person takes a three-month course, six hours per week, successfully completes all class assignments and projects, takes a comprehensive exam, and completes 48 hours of related volunteer work.  Each additional rank of recognition, requires additonal volunteer hours and educational classes.  For me, the volunteer work and training was accomplished while undergoing treatment and complications of Lyme Disease!  How does that work?  By the grace of our Lord, Jesus Christ alone!

Sometimes I would stop at the Extension Office to water the Vegetable Garden in the cold or extreme heat because it needed me to do so as one of the members of the Vegetable Garden team.  Sometimes I went to an educational class a “shred-over-nauseous” in the evening just to get out of the house and be around people.  And the Lord allowed me to sit at my computer last Winter and research a beautification project for my housing association . . . to help me get out of bed!  I remain grateful for this opportunity to accomplish something meaningful to me and even more grateful for the love and support of my husband, Steve.

Steve encouraged me to cut back on my work schedule and take the Master Gardener class before illness first struck in October of 2011.  After that it was the friendship of our special project group within the class that kept me going as viral hepatitis set in:  Jim Battin, James Poiry, Sue Hauck, Cindy Trygg, and Beth Fiato.  Sue Hauck is in the picture above, to my left (I’m the gal in black) and Cindy Trygg is in the audience:  two sweet gardeners extraordinaire that took an interest in me and kept the friendly connections going after the class ended.  When I began treatment for Lyme Disease in January of 2012, Fran and Karen Yorio and Bill Diedrich joined what was to become the Willow Run Community Association Beautification Project and kept it all going with great support and feedback when the going got tough for me.  Later in the year, Cindy, Jim Neuhouser and Jo Ellen Smith allowed me to work at my own pace and sometimes alone late in the day to hang in there this past summer with the Veggie Garden team.   These crazy hours of volunteering and ongoing training, with the support of kindred spirited Master Gardeners and Interns, helped me earn this designation.  Thank you!  You da best!  I could not, would not have been able to do anything without your friendship.

Last night was a pause, a moment to reflect, despite the ongoing chaos that is in our home right now.  We ate banquet food and listened to a presentation on prairie management from Blue Heron Ministries, Inc.  Just that we were out for a special night then returned to the hotel room to crash while our home begins the mold restoration process.  Throughout this past 1 1/2 year, I am grateful to know that gardening, one of my favorite passions (with Steve being number one, of course!) will be there when the dust settles (and goes away!) in our home.  Maybe this Spring I’ll plant a commemorative specimen to represent this amazing journey of discovery, of healing.

Hmmmmm . . . Any ideas what that should be?  :J