Bern Sterner rainbow over New York City as captured on the CBS Evening News during the Eve of September 11, 2001
I watched the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 unfold live on t.v. I will never forget. I will also never forget the chivalry of Mayor Giuliani and President Bush, our law enforcement, firemen, and countless volunteers who rushed to the Twin Towers, the Pentagon, the field of Pennsylvania to help. The event consumed Americans for a very long time.
The United States of America mourned and prayed. We became more secure for a time. We rebuilt and life carried on.
Then we became complacent again while Satan got a foothold. He played on our fears, our vulnerabilities whilst taking away our sense of reason, patriotism, and reverence for God. In due time we opened ourselves up to new threats that will someday bring us to our knees again perhaps more severely — I am sure of it.
Who will save us from this evil? There is only one answer for all of us. The answer has nothing to do with our leaders and our public policies. No new world view or world order will stop it. The answer begins in our hearts: believing in the One Who transcends this evil.
Who will save us? Jesus Christ, that’s Who. He is the only One with the power to overcome evil.
(That’s a period at the end of that last sentence.)
Lying in the dusk immobile on the asphalt was not the place I had intended to be on Sunday night. It was only the second time I had attempted to ride my bike this year and it ended in a bit of a disaster when my toe clip malfunctioned . . .
Lying on my chase lounge icing my sore, bruised, scraped elbow the next day came with a pretty view of our garden. Both the clematis and the wisteria had started climbing the 8-foot trellises that flanked the flagstone patio. From every angle but this one, their foliage plus the hydrangea, Japanese maple, dwarf mugo pine, and two goldenthread cypress blocked the view of the neighbors. Perhaps in another year the landscaping plan will have achieved its goal of complete privacy!
Lying on the grass after dizziness set in post-crash last night, all I could see above me was a few buzzing mosquitos against the early night sky. I had no idea the extent of my injuries. How would I make it home? We were two blocks from our house and I had not yet moved my left arm in searingly sharp pain. Steve hovered nearby, having dismounted his road bike, waiting for a word from me.
Lying in bed this morning, the wretched convulsive episodes were particularly long. They jarred my tender left arm and beaten-up spirit. The tears flowed easily: the big crocodile type ones that come from deep within. “How much more trauma could my broken frame handle?” I wondered. Probably “all of it” would be the Biblical answer but definitely not in my own strength! The Lord breathed life into me once again and helped me get up out of bed when my world stopped shaking. It was afternoon: time to get breakfast I guess.
Lying on the treatment bed in physical therapy today, I was glad that my PT was a competitive cyclist. Like my husband, he had crashed his bike a couple of times as a consequence of the toe clips of his cycling shoes not disengaging from the pedals. Jason made it sound like a normal occurrence. When you must stop suddenly and the quick turn of your ankle fails to disconnect the cleat that attaches your foot to the pedal, you can do nothing to brace yourself from falling. You simply fall straight down sideways to the hard asphalt or concrete below you. Your elbow usually ends up taking the brunt of the impact. Yup. For me this was followed by my knee, hip, shoulder and head. Thank the Lord for my helmet!
Sitting after dinner talking with my beloved Steve this evening, we reviewed the accident. There were misunderstandings between us that needed to be clarified and a plan put in place should an acute situation like this come our way again. This incident was unlike the medical episodes I encounter every night that often require his physical assistance or supervision. Yet it was very difficult to separate the two types of stressors. We agreed: all we really wanted was a nice activity that we could share together. Instead something went terribly wrong . . . again! So sad.
Reliving the whole ordeal yielded two truths that made this experience significant for our future times together. First, when I was crying in pain I was also scared not knowing if I had any serious injuries (as I still couldn’t move my left arm), struggling to get myself up off the ground the second time, and unsure how to position myself to walk home with my bike. Steve had offered to go get my truck to bring me home. Some other ideas he had ended up stirring some resolve within me to force myself to do as much as I could on my own. Even in this time of mini-crisis, I would not fall victim to another major setback in my health. I cried and groaned in agony for two blocks, stopping periodically as needed. I was going to make it home under my own power no matter what! This attitude carried me though the pain of later dressing and icing my wounds. (Gratefully nothing would be broken or even sprained!)
The next morning was difficult as already mentioned. The second truth was realized as I later was able drag my way through my daily routines. For many of us those routines might mean interacting with real people. For a largely homebound person that means checking social media! And what I found under my brief post on Facebook about the accident and my gratitude for no serious injury . . . was as humbling as it was empowering. My beloved made a comment in which he called me a “tough one.” Really? Yes really! And yes, I guess I am! He added a thought this evening that not everyone can keep on going with all of these struggles going on at once. His words meant the world to me. The person closest to me in this time of unbelievable struggle believes in me. He said I was tough!
Now you and I both know, Gentle Reader, the source of the strength that lies within me. It is not my own, it comes from the Lord. I embody His strength when I have none of my own. When my resolve can bring me no further, my Jesus’ hand covers mine over the handlebars and together we roll that crazy thing home. And when I had to wash open wounds it was the Lord showing me what to do, giving me the courage to do it too. My beloved helped me apply the compression bandages to keep down the swelling and pain. It was my Heavenly Husband who gave me the idea to use this kind of dressing of which I had never used before and was incredibly effective. Wow.
Lying in bed later on tonight I will have much praise for my Lord and for my beloved husband. My arm is working fairly well a day later and I will recover fully. I have learned a little more about the physical toughness that goes with the mental toughness of recovery from serious illness or accidents. Both will happen in this life to all of us. It is my prayer, Gentle Reader that no matter what situation you may find yourself in someday that you too will find the Giver of strength available to each us that knows no boundaries. I’d love to hear about your travels with Him too. Kind of like a bicycle built for two, eh? JJ
First ride this year: that’s me taking a quick ride around the campground, January 2015
The initial blog title rattling around in my brain for the last 24+ hours was, “You are THE ONE who really cares.” After all, when each of us is alone in the midst of a trial (particularly when it is medical), it is only you that bears the greatest burden of the suffering. Others offer comfort, prayer, helps of various levels, and if you are lucky will actually stick around for more than a few moments. But it is you, one and only, who must bear the pain . . . And that can be frightening to say the least!
Rather than rant about what to do with fear, give platitudes and verses with which to train your mind, and otherwise avoid ministering to the weeping heart, I will simply offer this:
Just lay your head on the lap of Jesus.
More than anyone, Jesus Christ knows what it is like to be killed, pained, abandoned, betrayed, falsely accused. He is the only one Who can be with you as the Holy Spirit, in your time of sorrow from its beginning until its end. He will never leave us or forsake us and always be there if we but call upon His name. He is worthy of our
praise
tears
anger
weakness
alms
thanksgiving. I was reminded of all of this just yesterday!
About 3:30 p.m. in the afternoon I was abandoned in a treatment room of my doctor’s office. The nurse practitioner (NP) had left the room after writing an order for me to get IV fluids and after “catching” me collapse during a short convulsive episode during the appointment. After all, that’s why I was there: to document the crisis, get the orders, and head over to the hospital for treatment thereafter. I was sitting there kind of dazed. Soon after she left the room (and after another nurse came into the room to revise the scheduling of some other appointments), I began to list to one side. There was a chair next to me with my purse and water bottle resting on it. The weakness increased and a few inches at a time, I began falling to my right side, coming closer to the purse on the chair. I could not speak. I could not brace myself. I could not do anything but be glad there was a chair next to the one upon which I was sitting so as to break my fall.
The next 20-30 minutes were very ugly. My body collapsed fully onto the chair next to me. My face smashed into the zipper of the purse while my glasses and cover-style sunglasses pressed into my face. I looked straight ahead with my head rotated completely to my left, straining my neck most uncomfortably. The front of my right ear was crushed underneath me on the purse whilst the back was free-falling unsupported; the back of my head pressed into the vinyl backrest of the metal chair. Not exactly pillow material! My right hip was twisted and pushed into the thinly padded, vinyl seat of the chair upon which I was sitting. The ringing in my ears had already increased with the headache that had been working its way into action over the past hour. Legs cramping, toe tips burning as much as my finger tips, and feet struggling to keep contact with the floor to stabilize my position . . . herein I would remain for the next 90 minutes.
I thought about many things. First, I prayed. I prayed again and again and talked to God about many things. Will they be coming soon? Do I hear them coming? Was I expected to go out to the nurse’s desk after the NP left the room or was she coming back with more instructions? I really could not remember since I was already in the brain fog of recovering from the earlier episode that she had witnessed before she left the room. Surely the staff would notice that I had not left the room yet? Or maybe not. I waited in that same treatment room (#4) TWO HOURS the last time I saw the NP before I stepped out to mention that I was in there waiting. “I didn’t know you were in there waiting for me,” she explained with her soft, sweet voice that I would learn never changes even in the midst of an emergency . . .
Time passed. It was hard to ignore the searing pain of the two pairs of glasses being pressed with my full upper body weight into the side of my nose. I could not move to get more comfortable. I still couldn’t speak. I tested this out and nothing happened. In a while when I tested it again, my arm would start shaking; if I tried my leg, my leg would start shaking. This is what I call, “neurological collapse” at it’s finest. I learned on in a Catamenial Epilepsy Facebook page that in true epilepsy (which I do not have) has a name for this phenomenon called, “Todd’s paralysis.” It can go on for up to 48 hours and mimic the signs/symptoms of a stroke. Todd’s paresis usually resolves on its own without any residual effects. I have experienced this complication at least once per week for the last 3 years. Gratefully, most of the time the residual effects for me resolve within 2 hours, at home, in the evening, and within reach of my beloved husband!
There is nothing I can do to quicken the process of recovery from an episode. It takes what it takes. Knowing this I tried to calm myself down and focus on my breathing despite my twisted posture. My rib cage was constricted so I did what I could to at least slow down each inhale, each exhale. I did what I could to keep my neck and shoulder muscles tensed a bit so as not to twist my upper torso any more extremely than it already was. I tried to relax the crushed tissues on my face so the pain would subside. This worked poorly. Suddenly the voices beyond the closed door seemed louder. Then I heard the doctor’s voice. This would be the time to try and vocalize something for help. My voice was weak. help. Help. I tried many times. Probably no one in the same room with me would have heard those first cries.
I redoubled my efforts. I took a deeper breath and vocalized a little louder, “Help!” Then I rested and made more attempts, “HELP!” Surely the door cannot be that thick! I can see a crack at the bottom between the wood of the door and the low pile carpeting. “HEEEEEEELP!!!” I cried again. My nose was running from the first time I had started to cry, dripping onto my purse. Fortunately it is made of an outdoorsy, washable fabric. Your mind thinks of all kinds of things when you are trapped.
Of David. When he pretended to be insane before Abimelek, who drove him away, and he left.
1 I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips. 2 I will glory in the Lord; let the afflicted hear and rejoice. 3 Glorify the Lord with me; let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. 5 Those who look to him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame. 6 This poor man called, and the Lord heard him; he saved him out of all his troubles. 7 The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him. 9 Fear the Lord, you his holy people, for those who fear him lack nothing. 10 The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. 11 Come, my children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. 12 Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, 13 keep your tongue from evil and your lips from telling lies. 14 Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.
15 The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and his ears are attentive to their cry; 16 but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to blot out their name from the earth.
17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
19 The righteous person may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; 20 he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.
21 Evil will slay the wicked; the foes of the righteous will be condemned. 22 The Lord will rescue his servants; no one who takes refuge in him will be condemned.
It’s easy to bemoan the slide of morality in the United States recently escalated by the legalization of gay marriage. What is natural to the human body has now been publicly adulterated by the unnatural. The institution of marriage, which was created by God, has been changed by a few willful and unlawful men who did not even create the institution of marriage. Alas another door has opened in our lives that will ultimately hurt everyone when his or her rainbow-colored eyes finally open to see it. But most of us will never see the damage coming until it is too late . . .
When the truth, the pain of what we have done to ourselves is revealed, we will mourn. Others will mourn the horror of what our complacency, our tolerance has produced. Further, things will go horribly wrong even for those who believe that free living is right: things that they could only imagine in a sex-slave murder mystery will come into their reality and hurt them too. And those of us who have attempted to shine a light or sound an alarm on the moral decline will realize that what we have tried to do could never be enough to change unbridled evil. Eventually, we all will grieve but for very different reasons.
So who will carry all of our tears? Who will carry your grief and mine? “Who” indeed.
Chad Ryan | The Journal Gazette Five-year old Braxton Davis joined the work crew 6.27.15 at Opechee Way and Nokomis Road, using his toy wheel barrow to remove leaves after a large tree fell in the front yard of his house at the Indian Village intersection.
The cute picture above denotes how we have trivialized the important issues of our day. The picture above denotes how we have traded our core values and beliefs for a picture of life that feels good in the moment. We have minimized the significance, the impact that our actions, our public statements, our private thoughts, the work of our hands can truly have in the larger picture of life. These are not a small issues. Eventually the magnitude and truth of who we are is always revealed. Eventually a tiny wheel barrow carried by a child that is supposed to help us feel good about hundreds of thousands of dollars of storm damage will be crushed by the tsunami of horror headed our way. Our world will never be the same for you and me beginning the events of June 26, 2015.
We cannot fix this. No one individual, you or me, can carry us through to a better future. No one: no President, no preacher, no crafty writer, no partner, no one can fix what is coming for us or carry our wheelbarrow of tears. We are alone to face the consequences of these actions. If we want the pain, the grief to stop then we will have to take our sorrow somewhere many of us have never gone before . . . But where?
We understand the dilemma inside our own home too, in another way. Last night was hell for me and Steve. In the middle of 3 1/2 hours of continuous convulsive episodes, I struggled to squeak out a request for him to carry me to the bathroom. I was also in the middle of a 24-hour urine hormone test procedure so imagine my shame in trying to figure out what to do when my hands or legs were not working right. Neurological collapse had settled in. Gratefully as soon as he got me upright and helped me with a sip of water, I could use my hands well enough to position the urine cup myself when sitting on the toilet. I was able to get the sample and dump it into the collection receptacle resting in the bottom of the tub next to the toilet. Steve then helped me back to bed just in time for the next round of head-banging, wailing, tears, and terrible pain. And so it went for the sixth night in a row.
I am grateful that when Steve is home, he is very capable of carrying me. He has done so a hundred times. He has held me through the ugliest of moments, fed me, clothed me, prayed, and artfully let his deft gallows humor fly at just the right moment in time when we both needed it! Then there were the thousands of times when he was not there and I still needed help. I needed to get to the bathroom but my legs would not move. My throat was parched from cries of sheer angst, hyperventilation, sweats episodes, and chronic dehydration. I wondered if my next breath would arrive or not. My tummy growled for hours and I could do nothing to satisfy the hunger. My brain became too numb to figure out what was in my ability to do or not anyways. Oh the neck pain from the seizing! Fearful thoughts, not my own, pushed into my mind by force of some electrical misfiring that goes with seizure activity. And I cried deeply, feeling alone.
In those moments, Jesus Christ carries me (John 16:32). I am not alone! Jesus Christ carries and equips Steve over and over again for the tasks at hand in our marriage (1 Peter 4:10). Jesus Christ will also carry those who do not know him whenever, wherever they finally reach out for help (Psalm 10:17). Our God, Jesus Christ, is worthy of our reach since He created us out of love: shown to all as He grieved bloody tears for our sorrow, our pain (John 11:35) that we endure in this life. He existed before the time, space, and material that characterizes our lives (John 1:1-4) and is the very reason that we are here. He loves us more than we can ever imagine and is always here for us, no matter what is going on around us (or within us!) (Matthew 28:20).
Further, we can never say that what freedoms we want, doubts we have about our lives, or the philosophy in our own minds will have anything to do with Who God is. God, the triune Holy Spirit, Father, and Son (Jesus Christ), is separate from mankind and is not subject to the constraints of this earthly life. Our ideas simply cannot match up. We will never fully understand Who He is with our finite minds so rejecting Him won’t get you anywhere worthwhile. The answer to our questions, our unmet needs in life is belief.
Because we are finite, we must place our belief in that which is infinite: true yesterday, today and tomorrow. The only entity that is infinite is God. He never changes. He is perfect, all-knowing and we are not. We can reach out to Him in with our tears, know that He cares (Psalm 139:17-18), know that He has our back (Jeremiah 29:11), and live on with hope for tomorrow amidst our trials, our heartache. It follows then that our victory over the heartaches of this life is in Christ alone: the Son of God. Jesus Christ, manifest in His Word (the Bible), reflected in His creation, and felt through the longing inside our hearts, is not bound by our limited view of the world. Jesus transcended this life when He died on the cross and rose from the dead. Jesus Christ will “carry” each of us through the mysteries of life to a better place when we place our trust in Him (John 3:16).
Our Lord Jesus Christ made the difference for me and Steve last night and a hundred other horrible nights. Jesus Christ will make the difference for you too in everything, Gentle Reader, whether you choose to believe in Him now or at another time. But why wait? Why not enjoy His transcendent peace, love, joy, hope, and more right now?
For the believer in Jesus Christ, it doesn’t really matter for our future, what is going on around us in the world right now. We will live infinitely longer in heaven with God than the time it takes to complain about a Supreme Court decision. Join me in doing what we can to love people, all people. Reaffirm in our minds that we ultimately place our trust in only one place: the Person of Jesus Christ. He is the One Who matters most. He is the One who will carry us from here into our blessed eternity with Him. And that is a celebration worth waiting talking about!
But, dear friends, remember what the apostles of our Lord Jesus Christ foretold. 18 They said to you, “In the last times there will be scoffers who will follow their own ungodly desires.”19 These are the people who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit.
20 But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit,21 keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. (Jude 17-21)
The Lord is the one who carries me for sure. What do you say we go together?
Jesus is for the Wounded 
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