Tag: hope in the Lord

Enough Weirdness Already!

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I realize the last posting was a bit weird.  Please forgive me.  This is how my mind works sometimes:  trying to be funny, sincere, and well, express myself in some creative way.  The result this week:  an odd blog posting!

And now for today.  The Lord is laying on my heart the reality that I may not be able to return to my profession of occupational therapy.  To work in healthcare requires an incredible ability to serve others under stressful circumstances; work in environments laden with noxious smells, microorganisms, temperature and sound variations; meet a wide range of physical demands from extensive sitting to heavy lifting; and to continuously learn, apply, and re-evaluate extensive amounts of technical/scholarly information on a daily basis.  This is impossible with the ongoing neurological complications of Lyme Disease and Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome.  On the positive side, the need to be adaptable, resourceful, and creative in OT has graciously remained during this time of illness.  These skills have been instrumental in helping me cope with the chronic illness that continues.  The other skills come and go.  Maybe they will come back?  Who knows.  This is a big realization.

Thankfully I do not need to make a decision about my career this evening!  (However I do keep my licensing and continuing education requirements current, you know.)  The Lord is also laying on my heart my next project within my home business, Trinity Jewelry by Design, so I will focus on that for the next few months.  I’m thinking of developing some sports-related products that may be attractive to the kayak paddling community.  If some additional research looks promising, I may move forward quickly now that it’s canoe and kayaking season in much of the United States.  I do continue to learn a lot about using the internet, my online shop, networking, and the administrative requirements of a home business.  Watch this blog for new developments as you will be among the first to get the news!

Since Steve and I never really know the stability of his employment as they undergo more changes this year, we remain open to the larger issues of where we will live and what work will carry him into retirement.  We are not concerned about these types of unknowns, really.  It would be challenging if the Lord leads Steve in any career moves at this time in our lives yet we both have experienced successful job changes and relocations under a variety of positive and negative circumstances.  Jesus is already there, ahead of us in space and time with a plan for our lives.  So glad for that!  For example, I lived in the suburbs of the 3rd largest city in the US (Chicago) before I moved to marry Steve in the Fort Wayne, Indiana area.  In a city .04% the size of the Chicagoland area, I found the best husband, best doctor, best home, best quality of life, and best Bible teacher that I have ever had in my life!  I had no idea all this was possible!  Wow.  God is amazing and provides for our every need no matter where we are on the map.  (Proverbs 3:5-6) Very humbling, for sure.

So enough of the weirdness.  Enough of the need to know.  Enough of the need to control this or that.  Enough of the worry and strife.  I am going to stay in the moment and enjoy the crazy thunderstorm outside no matter what affect it may have on my illness or even if it blows out the power and this blog is lost forever.

I think I will be prudent and sign off now . . .  :J

One order of gratitude coming right up!

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DSCF7927You all who are healthy out there listen up:  you got it good!

I finally had an evening that was nearly normal for most of it and it was indeed good!  Celebrating the wedding of the son of some friends of ours seems like an ordinary part of life to most of us.  The story went  like this:

We met our friends’ kid as a teenager, he fell in love and 3 years later, we were invited to a magnificent wedding banquet in the quaint Heritage Barn out in the country!  My husband Steve and I gratefully got one of the few invitations to the wedding.  We enjoyed holding hands together during the ceremony, gazing deeply into each other’s eyes from time to time while reminiscing own wedding vows not too long ago.  Shortly thereafter we were seated at our assigned place setting in the adjacent hall; a lovely table arrangement of hydrangeas nearly blocked the view of the other guests yet set the stage for a candlelit dinner as night fell softly outside.  The food was delicious and probably even tasted better because of the 3 -piece string ensemble filling the air with classical genre fit for a king.  The newlyweds smooched with a ring of a cow bell and as the mother of the groom squirmed.  All was well with the world.   White-on-white flowered wedding cake followed for the guests in the dance hall, followed by traditional ballroom dancing and some rip-roaring square dancing too!  The building was a refurbished barn so ’tis fitting to end the magical evening with barn dancing for young and old alike.   The couple later departed through a canopy of floating rose petals then drove off in a “smart car” just large enough to contain her wedding gown!  The night ended as the full moon shined through the thin cloud cover of the crisp evening sky.  Congratulations Brock and Hannah!  Your new life together has begun.

On the way home I realized that only once during the entire ceremony and reception was I aware that I am battling a devastating disease that could take years to beat.  Only for a moment did I wonder if I would find anything to eat from the dinner buffet that would match my Candida Diet requirements; the al dante’ green beans and baked chicken breasts would satisfy my hunger just fine.  Only once did I leave the dance hall to retreat to the stone fire circle where a bonfire covered me with as much warmth as my coat might have but it was in the car parked somewhere in the field beyond.  Only once did I wonder if the music was too loud for me only to realize that I would not be having seizure attacks upon returning to the car at the end of the evening.  The usual noxious after-affects of too much sensory stimulation, having not enough food that I could eat, smoke from the bonfire, sitting in an old restored building, and being out late would not bother me very much at all.

Wow.  You who are healthy and never think about such things got it good!  And tonight, so did I!

Thank you Jesus for an edifying wedding ceremony that focused as much on your sacrifice and saving grace as the wedding nuptials of two of your precious children.  Thank you Lord for working out so many details through the work of so many people and your Holy Spirit to bring such a lovely wedding ceremony together for all of us to enjoy.  Thank you my Jesus for allowing me to experience the wonderful fellowship of our friends in Christ as we celebrated this wedding tonight.  I am humbled and grateful for this afternoon and evening.   This taste of goodness reminds me of Your goodness.  It was and is just the right encouragement I need to keep going when the times are more difficult.  For your glory and in Your name I pray.  Amen.

Now I lay me down to sleep

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DSCF7881 DSCF7883 DSCF7887Now I lay me down to rest

I prayed I’d pass tomorrow’s test

I did not die before I waked

Now one less test I’ll have to take.

And so I prayed last night, that regardless of the late hour that I went to bed I would make it through leading a craft at our local Lyme Disease support group meeting.  We made green hemp Lyme Awareness bracelets in recognition of Lyme Disease Awareness month.  Things went well and sometime later this afternoon will be time for some real sleep.  But of course there’s a few errands to run despite my fatigue.  No problem.  I’m used to functioning this way:  spacey, spent, sore, and half awake!

Bittersweet it s the experience of sharing a craft activity with friends on this same journey of recovery from Lyme Disease.   ‘Twas cool that I got to plan some of it with a dear friend earlier this week.  A sweet part of our time together today was the fellowship while sharing a simpler version of the jewelry that has become my home business. We got to talk casually while keeping our fingers busy creating something pretty.  And yet another sweet part was meeting a goal from my business plan for Trinity Jewelry by Design:  to teach a class in jewelry making.   Wow.  I thought it might be for a local craft store someday.  This works well too.  Check!

A more bitter part of today is the reminder of my inability to work as an occupational therapist.  Using therapeutic activities to help others recover in rehabilitation settings was part of my job as a Masters level clinician.  Today was a much simpler version of those type of activities without the billing, documentation, staff, or time pressures.   An activity analysis could show that the variety of exercises and tasks between the two would be similar but are usually more complex in OT.  To perform at a level needed for employment every day would be way above where I am now.  However I must say that it was nice to dabble in that realm some this morning.   And we did have fun!

You just never know what perspective a new day will bring.  Reminiscing on my former work life can be difficult at times.  Yesterday I watched a webinar on home safety for persons with neurocognitive impairments.  This used to be my area of expertise!  I had a small business 16 years ago teaching fall and injury prevention programs to community groups, sponsored by medical equipment vendors.  Then more recently I had used state-of-the-art evaluation and treatment protocols to assist patients and families with both physical and cognitive impairments to live in the least restrictive environments.  I enjoyed working with patients, families, caregivers, and colleagues to develop plans to promote the best function, the most accessible environments, the best quality of life.  I suppose those skills are still there in my background somewhere!  I suppose it wouldn’t take too much research and review to get back up to speed again.  I just don’t know at this time in my life if this is what I am called to do anymore when I am well?

”Tis a good thing that everything does not need to be resolved on a Thursday!  What I can say is that this morning was a decent one and good things happened.   I really appreciate praying with two gals afterwards and we could not do that in a work setting for sure!

Better get going.  There is shopping to do and two Lyme bracelet orders waiting to be filled.  I’ll sign off grateful in this moment and trusting the Lord for the ones to follow.  He is good and is already there in tomorrow.   ‘Tis a good thing that He is here with me now as well!

The Perfect Moment May Never Come and That’s O.K.

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(Imagine the song, Sitting on the Dock of the Bay)

Sitting in the lobby some

I’ll be sittin’ when the computer screen comes back on.

Watching the updates from home

Then I watch my life go away again . . .

(Refrain)

Oh I’m just sittin’ at the place of grace

Watching the time go away,

Sittin here with pup at my feet

“Wasting time?”  Oh yeah again.

(First Verse)

I left my home in Huntertown

Headed for recov’ry from mold

I had nothing to hope for

Looked like nothing would come my way!

(Repeat Refrain)

BREAK

Looks like everything’s gonna change!

Flooring, cleaning, meds, bills will ne’er be the same

I can’t do what 10 Facebook friends tell me to do

So I guess I’ll remain in Grace.

(Final Verse)

Sittin’ here resting my bones

And this loneliness has left me a bone

Enough hope to get me through the next day

With promise of a sunny recovery.  Oh yeah I’m just

(Repeat Refrain)

Here’s the song for reference.  One of the first I learned to play on guitar many decades ago.  Guitar?  Now there’s another story for another time . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rd3rA89VhtA

Temporary Stability at Last!

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DSCF7494
Steve and Julie at Sunset Beach in Tarpon Springs, Florida, January 13, 2013

Looks like I’ll be staying at a local hotel for at least the next week now.  Whew.  Eight days or more in a row in one place, glory be to God!  Eight days in a row, that is, to get stronger since taking a turn for the better from a devastating neurotoxin illness complication of Lyme Disease.

After checking out the apartment options I could find in our town, a visit to my top pick this afternoon yielded another neurological collapse.  That rules out the apartment option altogether now.  Temporary displacement will need to be in a hotel-type of environment instead of an apartment or home with a history of water damage/chemical use.  Maybe someday I will become a human noxious mold or smell-o-meter.  Or maybe not!

I have not had this neurotoxin-type of collapse reaction since 1) touring a friend’s home last weekend who didn’t know he had mold in the basement or 2) since relocating from my home January 9th.  I must avoid these exposures for awhile if I am to get well.  Mold is dearth for me at this time.  Chemicals like carpet cleaners in a newly cleaned apartment that is closed up for the Winter is a close second!  Gratefully I recovered from the chemical/unknown toxin exposure today within 30 minutes and had a nice dinner out afterwards with my beloved husband, Steve.  He even had difficulty breathing in both the apartment and stairway up to the unit.  Geez.  All in a day.  How was your day today?  Sometimes I wonder how people tolerate so many chemicals in their living environments?  Then again, I’ll bet some of them pop a lot of pills and don’t even think about it.

I hope you gentle readers think about it!  I have lived using environmentally “clean” products most of the time for about 15 years now and never regret the extra expense or hassle.  Most everything a person needs is available at Walmart or similar Big Box Stores for just a little more money.  Baking soda is cheap at the warehouse discount stores and is a great bathroom cleaner!  With so much toxicity in our environment from pesticides to genetically modified foods and household chemicals, it’s worth it to reduce the load on our systems when we can!  May we never know what we prevent, no?

Sure miss my home, my husband’s sweet daughter Christina, and my dog, Elle.  I had fun tossing the ball for our pup in the backyard tonight then had to donn my respirator mask again to come back into the house.   My home!  Hopefully we will hear the verdict from the insurance company this week.  Hopefully they will cover the expense of restoring the mold damage from an incomplete clean-up from water damage they paid for in January of 2009.

Gratefully, the Lord has provided extra special support from three couples these past two weeks and we are humbled.  I’m sad it didn’t work out to stay with two of these fine families.  I’m sad that I am missing the casual “house time” with Steve as husband and wife.  We are together most nights; it’s just not the same.  Sometimes it feels like we are dating again with sweet reunions when we meet up again.  Maybe it’s time for some renewal five years into our marriage?  I do feel that being on my own more has strengthened my self confidence more quickly as I have needed to become quite independent when living at the hotel suite!  After all, I lived successfully as a healthcare professional in the Chicago suburbs before meeting Steve.  Flash forward six years and this serious illness zapped my confidence.  The restoration of my health has helped a lot:  I am so so blessed!

Things have happened so fast, recovering 65% from serious illness in a matter of days.  I have had to rely on Steve for so much for the prior 15 months since becoming ill October 11, 2011.  That’s getting fixed now and that is good.  I love being Steve’s wife, Steve Horney’s life partner.  I love being strong for him too, more of an equal partner.  (The kitchen floor desperately needs cleaning you know!)  We have had our long season of illness and it’s been an unimaginable strain at times.  However, never did I feel less loved.  Steve is my hero, my Jesus with skin on.  Like I’ve said in the past, he is my “knight in shining aluminum.”  (Now that’s another cool story!!!)  I’m looking forward to loving him, serving him even better now.

Temporary stability is a good thing.  In the end, it’s all we have, this moment in time when our feet are on the ground where we are sitting or standing, considering every good thing.  King Solomon lamented in Ecclesiastes that most of the stuff of life is meaningless in this vapor of life on Earth compared to eternity with the God of the Bible.  Hmmmm, I do believe in Jesus Christ as God and my Lord and Savior; hold out for the hope of heaven; and am glad to say that this moment in time is a good one!

I think I’m going to go find someone to hug.  Oh Stevers . . . .