Vampire Diaries 2

hebrews, Hebrews 13:5, abandonment, promises of God, alone, loneliness, scripture, depression, sorrow, loss, illness, sickness, hope

Tears going up and down a lot this day

On the roller coaster of emotion I find myself on:

Help cometh x2 but test results won’t satisfy

As here I sit with my neck aching all through my brain.

I tried.  I really tried to figure it out and failed.

The symptoms that remain still taunt my peace

Leaving scars, leaving woes, leaving loss behind the hope

And yet my breath prevails so in and out I will also go today

To match the pull of the vampire’s teeth left in my chest wall.

The infusions continue instead of a long-desired break

The bank will love us less, the medical folk perhaps more

Whilst someone’s Mercedes payment will be made

And my saga continues on Big Box Store hamburger.

Hope always seems just one more day out there somewheres

Leaving me here beat up from this morning’s episode of torment

A snuggle with my husband got transformed into caregiving

And more hours were lost in the aftermath once again.

At least my dog seems to understand as she nudges her nose at the leash.  “Can’t we go now?” her soft brown eyes contend.

Relief might come in the mail soon

Or maybe not; it’s hard to tell

So I’ll keep calling on my Jesus for now

His calling card never leaves and never fails any of us anyways. JJ

 

 

Vampire Diaries 1

The slew runneth through my veins

Three times per week, no less

Mixed with this concoction, drug, or natural element

Sigh . . . I hardly get a break ya know.

Mr. Herx visits more often now

Not a friend nor enemy per se

He just stays and goes to torment at will

Hi torn and tattered calling card left with me.

The blood letting continues in test tubes of hope

For finding the answer, the cause:

Is it toxo, tuli, or tricho in cahoots with Lyme

Or a known co-conspirator that eludes capture?

Maybe in another lifetime or appointment next month

Will I find more to Google in this Hide-n-Go-Seek

Followed by a witches brew so dastardly I seize

Within seconds of pounding it down in faith perhaps displaced.

Aye, is not therein the rub or the salve to quiet my soul?

My Lord sees it all and stands nearby knowing the time,

The place, the reason, the meaning, the end

And will show me what I need to know and when

It says so in His Word:  better written than a vampire diary ever could.

So reject that a proclaimed healer bearing a wooden cross

Will know more than the Spirit of assurance in which I rest

Who will answer these questions, not you nor I.

My vessel may not go on or somehow come into its needed repair

But my being shall live on as it should in Christ

With a testimony, Lord willing, to bring glory to Him Who made it so.

Yes, therein I shall rest.  He holds my tears filling the river of life

And turns beauty from ashes in the dawn of the coming day

For “hope beyond’ as this blog will continue to attest.  Come along with me Gentle Reader.

The day of His return and our restoration is coming soon.  There is hope!  JJ

 

Psalm 41.3

The full moon cometh

It ain’t over yet . . . but we are not giving up either.

Keep your eye on the ball

I remember hearing this advice when being introduced to softball as a girl.  It didn’t help my game much then but it does now!

Navigating the healthcare system when battling a serious illness requires patience, persistence, and push. (Now that motto DID help me when swimming my 1/2 miler!)  You are your own case manager, not your Doctor.  Getting this fact into perspective quickly was required for me to endure nearly five years of a long and winding road that first appeared to lead to no where.  I am still sick but some things are markedly better.  More about that fills the pages of this blog.  Now back to the brain dump that comprises the topic at hand . . .

  • Getting labs written and drawn for treatment coordinated between 3 healthcare providers and their respective offices has required hours of work this past week.  At this time we are good to go for everything to come together tomorrow.  It is no small matter to have to drive to my primary Doctor’s medical office to obtain the corrected piece of paper then scan and email it to the office of my home infusion nurse.  (Two phone calls confirmed that an incomplete copy was faxed to her agency 2 days ago.)  These results will be valuable for my appointment with the naturopath in about 3 weeks via Skype.  Gotter done.
  • Researching a new theory about a latent infection that may be contributing to this illness has become a new project.  I will allow several weeks for all parties to review my report and, if appropriate, order, interpret, and advise on the laboratory testing that would follow.  This process should take over a month.  Meanwhile the wretched illness continues.  Gotter started.
  • Adjustments in my treatment protocol above the core prescriptions, occur on nearly a daily basis led by what I can tolerate at any given time.  Detox remedies get rotated and new treatments that are prescribed take weeks to fine tune, if tolerated at all.  Beginning a new treatment often takes several weeks by the time I find it either online, order it from one of 3 compounding pharmacies (locally and across the country), correct mistakes made about 20% of the time, and find the best timing to work with the rest of my treatment plan.  Prayer helps a lot.  Just started something that I ordered almost 3 weeks ago.  Parts 2 and 3 are still pending.  Oh well.  Gotter in.
  • Not all the testing that is recommended needs to be done RIGHT NOW.  After hearing back rather quickly from my naturopath about my concern that I might be dealing with a latent toxoplasmosis infection, he recommended 2 new lab tests.  One would cost over $900 out of pocket and the other would likely be covered by insurance; both cover important yet different aspects of my care.  But hey, if we figure out what infection is causing my symptoms and kill it then I won’t need to know how it is affecting trafficking of various neurotransmitters.  The problem will already be solved!  I made the decision; the next steps are in play including copying my primary Doctor on everything.  (His email system failed so I drove my report to the office today.)  Getting her moving forward.
  • Behind the scenes, the ordering, billing, organizing, preparing, and administration of IV infusions-with-related-supplies continues.  I had a question after reviewing the mighty bill from my home infusion company.  I thought they may have over-billed me 15.75 hours at the cost of $945 (which equals the cost of 2 weeks of nursing care!).  They billed me one way at the Start of Care and another way the subsequent weeks.  Over the course of 2 weeks of various chats with my home infusion nurse and 3 staff at the agency, it turns out that we both misinterpreted our initial  agreement:  the written contracts have blank spaces.  They have chosen to bill me at a lesser rate given that their billing methods changed in January of this year and prior to my Start of Care with them.  The savings to me and my husband will be substantial.  Gotter blessing!
  • Sometimes supplies get sent with errors.  This happened twice this past week.  Gratefully I have come to trust the overall process and not worry about some delays too much.  In one example, it actually hurt less to use a smaller gauge Huber needle to access my port when it was sent by accident.  The infusion did not take that much longer so my nurse and I agreed to continue using the one sent by mistake.  We tried this in the beginning and did not have this good of a result.  Flash forward 3 months.  Yellow is my new color instead of white or red!  Gotter figured out!
  • So who is minding the hen house?  All of these exhausting details?  This serious illness I am battling includes chronic Lyme disease but who is tracking my progress after 6 months of IV infusions of antibiotics?  The last appointment with my LLMD focused on other labs instead of ones related to the co-infections of Lyme disease.  Geez oh man!  I should be ready to focus on the co-infections Lyme by now since there is still one major problem to solve:  the convulsive episodes at night and in the morning have not stopped yet.  WHO CARES ABOUT THE OTHER LABS?  The LLMD says that the updated and gold standard, Igenex lab results have not come into their office yet.  Alright so we wait.  Then as I was checking out with the nurse after my appointment my LLMD handed me a piece of paper upon which was written the name and brand name of an herbal tincture to add next for Babesia (a co-infection).  He says it will help with the symptom of night sweats and yes he put it on my clinical report sometime after he had left the room.  I guess I will figure out where to order it from, the dosing, and the schedule.  No problemmo.  Got this one in the bag so to speak like so many others.

Surely I am a “problem child” of sorts for some of my healthcare practitioners.  My condition, orders, and treatment are not written verbatim in any text book.  Is that not the joy and challenge of practicing medicine?  Especially when your client is paying you CASH?  An informed patient partnering in her care is your best patient, right?  I try to be nice about everything and express gratitude for their care.  However it is with respect that I say in my heart that dear practitioner, ultimately “you are not the one in charge of my care.”  My Jesus is!  And under His guidance, I am!  My husband and spiritual leader has much to say in this journey as well!  We are in this together for better, for worse right?  Indeed!

Know what I mean Gentle Reader?  Have you ever gotten a little crazy managing the details of your care or the care of a loved one?  Even the insurance company who holds the purse strings of coverage for services rendered are not in charge of what happens to each of us. Thank goodness as I have to deal with 2 of them!  So for those in Christ Jesus, in the end finding the best care, the best outcomes require us keeping our eye on the ball as unto the Lord and His will for our lives.

Perhaps that bears repeating, IMHO:

The best care requires us keeping our eye on the ball as unto the Lord and His will for our lives.

Maybe a new title is in order here:  Keep your eye on the Lord.  Always.  As it says in Psalm 55:22:

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

I believe it is the Lord who gave me the ability to search, to research, to write, to endure, to overcome the trials he has ordained in my life for His glory, for my highest good.  Lord willing together we are getting it done well.  What do you think?   JJ

1 Peter 4:13, glory, Lord, trials, overcomer, trust, endurance, fiery

 

 

It isn’t camping unless something goes awry

This trip was much like any other in terms of the massive preparation it takes to go camping!  There is always lots of kayak paddling gear to gather, packing, meal preparation for 2 distinct dietary requirements, mega supplements and meds to pop into pill boxes, “just in case” remedies to pack, and so on.  The miles go quickly as we travel most of the day and into the night, with destinations generally east of the Mississippi.  I’m especially grateful for the opportunity to catch up on the little things with my beloved Steve as he drives us along since it’s crazy busy getting everything else done before we leave!  Add the last minute deliveries of my hubby’s side business as a Stellar Kayak rep and you will see how we usually get about 4 hours of sleep beforehand but alas, I’ll let him tell that story!

Our German shepherd got sick after taking herself for a swim in Lake Michigan when delivering a kayak on our way home.  Two vent covers on the Camplite either blew off or severely cracked, respectively, on our way from Indiana to Wisconsin requiring a series of duct tape-style repairs.  The placement of water and electrical outlets on opposite sides of the campsite required a creative workaround in the dark when we arrived at our destination.  Sweltering heat and humidity nearly wilted me into a pile of mush until we found shade underneath the belly of a DC3 (airplane) on display along the air strip at the EAA AirAdventure.  In addition, my usual pattern of nightly/morning convulsive spells continued every night and morning yet were no worse considering the increased activity level and exposures related to all of our activities.  Two friends flaked on meeting us for dinner during our stay.  Bummer dude.

But wait.  There’s more!  We ran out of propane and overflowed our gray water tank at the 2-day mark.  A mysterious water spot left us sleeping on the bare mattress cover our last night that might be condensation outsmarting the air conditioner + dehumidifier combination we employed.  And lastly, the rain chased us home a day early, allowing us to deliver the aforementioned kayak for Steve’s customer who was unable to catch a flight to meet us to pick it up.  That became the reason for a 2-hour side trip to Door County from Oshkosh and the fateful swim for our pup, Elle.  But hey, the landscaped gardens of their lake home were better than the magazine photos I had brought with me to pass the time . . .

DC3, air show, Oshkosh, 2016, Air Adventure
Enjoying cool shade under a DC3

So when you decide to take up camping you also decide to take up flying by the seat of your pants!  Little goes as planned!  We have come to expect always arriving later than expected to our destinations, spending more on gasoline than meals/souvenirs/camping reservations, and getting out the tools or duct tape at some point before returning home.  If you ask me, it makes the trip more fun!  I’ll take the crazy stuff of life on the road any day to the ravages of battling a serious illness and am grateful that I get to do so with my River Bear in the Tin Can Ranch a few times each year. Now that the 9 loads of laundry are done, I just have to clean the CampLite.  Soon I’ll be ready to pop the question again like the old Microsoft commercials use to say,

Where do you want to go today?

Maybe one day I’ll meet you on the road Gentle Reader.  Please bring your own duct tape, just in case!  JJ

EAA, Air Adventure, air show, wife, husband, travel
Steve and Julie at the 2016 EAA Air Adventure