Tag: chronic illness

A Nice Overview of a Nasty Toxin Called Mercury

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mercury, mercury toxicity, mercury poisoning, amalgam, dental amalgam, neurotoxin, neuro, seizures, convulsions, dentist, root canals, dangers of, extraction, mercury freeSince I’ve been affected by the neurotoxin called “mercury” and have invested considerable time and resources into this topic, it seems appropriate for me to provide some resources here.  I have blogged about my own health issues related to mercury poisoning.  My beloved husband saw my telling test results, witnessed the process of detoxification, and has championed the benefits in improved health that have followed.  Then I realized that there is some background information that I may not have shared with him or in Hope Beyond.  Steve still has questions.  Maybe you do too, Gentle Reader?

Let’s start with a basic video from a scientific perspective of a lab.  Looks like mercury is indeed toxic and gives off dangerous vapors:
 
Now apply the information to a tooth in a human body and the typical scenarios people experience when it is in their mouth.  Note that other studies show body burden increasing within hours not just 30 days:
 
Here’s more detail about dental amalgams, its effects, and how the rest of the world has addressed mercury toxicity; this one is older and a little quirky.  They call for more research (and that research is now available):
 
But how can mercury affect the body?  Here’s another genteel overview from a dentist with some studies cited and an explanation of the general mechanisms of action.  She is one of many, many who have published videos on this subject.  Note the opening remarks about the lungs (which is where most mercury enters the body via vapors):
 
The dentist noted above also has a video series that is well thought out, easy to understand, and contains nice graphics with no hype graphics.
What has been discussed in the videos above is inorganic mercury.  To round out this introduction I must add another form which is “organic” or methylmercury from fish.  Check out this case study from a city devastated in Japan by mercury from industrial waste.  If you watch my videos on YouTube you will see how I can relate to the wretched convulsions of Minamata Disese.  Skip to other videos in the series on Minamata Disease for additional history too:
 
In the future I will chronicle my own discovery of mercury poisoning, the best treatment for me, and how reducing toxicity affected my health.  Just recently I have found that detoxing from mercury is the largest part of my restoration to health.  For the treatment approach that I would recommend as a fellow sojourner (not as medical advice!), please see the Mercury Toxicity Overview  page of this website.
And please be encouraged, Gentle Reader.  We are going to get well!  JJ

Known in the Gates: Part 3, The Man Next to Me

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https://www.facebook.com/227446947339836/photos/a.323357667748763.75624.227446947339836/823076851110173/?type=1&theater
From Facebook, June 4, 2015

When I was blessed in marrying Steve nearly 8 years ago, I often sought out Proverbs 31 in the Bible as a guidebook, a different kind of blueprint for how to love him in a manner that would honor the Lord and Steve the best.  Flash forward nearly eight years and enter the challenges of serious illness.  How do you “strengthen your arms,” “not let your lamp go out at night,” “watch over the ways of our household,” and support your man in the ways a Christian wife is called to when you simply cannot do much of anything?  By the Lord’s grace, that’s how!

Steve has become my whole world due to the isolation that came with a serious illness these past 4 years.  He is also the only one to whom I am called to serve during this season of my life second to the Lord himself.  I am no longer able to work in healthcare or serve others at my church.  At first this did not seem like enough.  Later on I stressed beyond belief to serve either one of them.  Now looking back I can say that each day I was given enough energy and clarity of thought to serve both as best as I could even in my times of greatest weakness.  These tasks are critical to fulfill the outcome cast in Proverbs 31:

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

I just hope I did my part as best that I could . . .

The Lord through His Word in Proverbs 31 and other places (in addition to the leading of the Holy Spirit) showed me how to function in these roles through the most serious illness that I could ever imagine.  In turn for Steve the Lord through His Word, leading of the Holy Spirit, and fellowship of select believers, gave my beloved the strength to care for me during a season of our marriage that was incredibly challenging for him as well.  For example lost or broken sleep virtually every night!  Steve has fulfilled his calling:  there is much fruitfulness in our marriage as a result.  I will write more about this in the future for sure.  I am so proud of Steve!

The part of Proverbs 31 that has helped me to feel less alone, to feel that there is a “Jesus with skin on” who remembers me and loves me too is in the verse that captures the Christian husband’s response to her faithfulness:

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.

Yes.  Throughout these 4 years of significant challenges in every area of our lives together, Steve has trusted me.  He trusted me when he married me and he trusts me now.  His confidence is such a precious gift when my spirits were so low and my self-doubt so high.  My husband has heeded his own call to love me as Christ loves the church in the most loving way imaginable.  My beloved husband believed me that I was truly sick and believed in me no matter what that looked like.  (For example, when I said that I would be o.k. though still seizing for the five-hundredth day this occurred when he is late leaving for work after caring for me that morning.  O.k.?  Really?)  Steve has championed my attempts to keep going, to search for clues as to how to get well, to get up after yet another defeat.  Steve is my hero on this earth.  Period!

One of the greatest challenges of life in general is the quest for significance.  Now let us return to the theme of this 3-part blog.  For a Christian husband to be “known in the city gates” as it says in Proverbs 31 is one reason why a Christian wife should serve her husband well.  We must respect our husbands in private and in public so that they in turn may be respected in the workplace.  We want this!  To make this effort to respect our husbands is important no matter the circumstances in which each of the partners find themselves.  Yes, the wife may be sick at home; be home raising the children; have her own career, tasks and accomplishments yet all of these are to be in concert with supporting the spiritual leader of their household.  This is a tall order handled to be with prayer for sure!

For me it has been very hard to be second:  to support Steve while remaining in the shadows of life when I am also number 112 or so by so many people that used to be a vibrant part of my life.  I had to bring this identity crisis to my Heavenly Husband over and over again.  It was the precious relationships with my Heavenly Husband first and my earthly husband second, where I have found the ability to keep them in the right order!  Jesus was my perfect companion at all times.  Steve needed to be away for work, spiritual feedings at church, and some recreation too.  I had to let go of the temptation to pull on Steve too much.

I simply could not have as much time with Steve as in our first years of marriage since I could no longer participate in activities that we liked to pursue together.  My Heavenly Husband filled my needs.  He gave me this blog, new friends, and an online jewelry business.  My Lord revealed Himself to me in ways I had never experienced before.  And when Steve came home, our reunions were always sweet.  I had endured a thousand wretched times alone.  It’s just the way it had to be for us.  In due time that would not create trauma for me.  I realized just how tangible having Christ with you can really be . . .

In Christ and in love with my beloved Stevers, I have found who I truly am, who my Lord has created me to be.  I have found love beyond measure.  I am never alone regardless of the circumstances.  In completing the tasks to which I am now called, our household works well and is peaceful overall.  I get to live Shaunti Feldhaun’s wise words as noted above.  And no matter what the circumstances, whether I return to work in my profession as an occupational therapist or whether I am home recovering from a setback of sorts, my call will be to stand alongside and possibly behind my husband.  My heart is full.  Both are lovely places to be!

And that my Gentle Reader is a great discovery indeed.  This is God’s design for marriage.  In the end the only “gates” where it is truly important to be known will be the open door where I will someday meet my Lord, Jesus Christ and He calls my name.  So sweet.

Will I meet you there too?  JJ

He said I was tough

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Lying in the dusk immobile on the asphalt was not the place I had intended to be on Sunday night.  It was only the second time I had attempted to ride my bike this year and it ended in a bit of a disaster when my toe clip malfunctioned . . .

20150824_143000Lying on my chase lounge icing my sore, bruised, scraped elbow the next day came with a pretty view of our garden.  Both the clematis and the wisteria had started climbing the 8-foot trellises that flanked the flagstone patio.  From every angle but this one, their foliage plus the hydrangea, Japanese maple, dwarf mugo pine, and two goldenthread cypress blocked the view of the neighbors.  Perhaps in another year the landscaping plan will have achieved its goal of complete privacy!

Lying on the grass after dizziness set in post-crash last night, all I could see above me was a few buzzing mosquitos against the early night sky.  I had no idea the extent of my injuries.  How would I make it home?  We were two blocks from our house and I had not yet moved my left arm in searingly sharp pain.  Steve hovered nearby, having dismounted his road bike, waiting for a word from me.

Lying in bed this morning, the wretched convulsive episodes were particularly long.  They jarred my tender left arm and beaten-up spirit.  The tears flowed easily:  the big crocodile type ones that come from deep within.  “How much more trauma could my broken frame handle?”  I wondered.  Probably “all of it” would be the Biblical answer but definitely not in my own strength!  The Lord breathed life into me once again and helped me get up out of bed when my world stopped shaking.  It was afternoon:  time to get breakfast I guess.

Lying on the treatment bed in physical therapy today, I was glad that my PT was a competitive cyclist.  Like my husband, he had crashed his bike a couple of times as a consequence of the toe clips of his cycling shoes not disengaging from the pedals.  Jason made it sound like a normal occurrence.  When you must stop suddenly and the quick turn of your ankle fails to disconnect the cleat that attaches your foot to the pedal, you can do nothing to brace yourself from falling.  You simply fall straight down sideways to the hard asphalt or concrete below you.  Your elbow usually ends up taking the brunt of the impact.  Yup.  For me this was followed by my knee, hip, shoulder and head.  Thank the Lord for my helmet!

Sitting after dinner talking with my beloved Steve this evening, we reviewed the accident.  There were misunderstandings between us that needed to be clarified and a plan put in place should an acute situation like this come our way again.  This incident was unlike the medical episodes I encounter every night that often require his physical assistance or supervision.  Yet it was very difficult to separate the two types of stressors.  We agreed:  all we really wanted was a nice activity that we could share together.  Instead something went terribly wrong . . . again!  So sad.

Reliving the whole ordeal yielded two truths that made this experience significant for our future times together.  First, when I was crying in pain I was also scared not knowing if I had any serious injuries (as I still couldn’t move my left arm), struggling to get myself up off the ground the second time, and unsure how to position myself to walk home with my bike.  Steve had offered to go get my truck to bring me home.  Some other ideas he had ended up stirring some resolve within me to force myself to do as much as I could on my own.  Even in this time of mini-crisis, I would not fall victim to another major setback in my health.  I cried and groaned in agony for two blocks, stopping periodically as needed.  I was going to make it home under my own power no matter what!  This attitude carried me though the pain of later dressing and icing my wounds.  (Gratefully nothing would be broken or even sprained!)

The next morning was difficult as already mentioned.  The second truth was realized as I later was able drag my way through my daily routines.  For many of us those routines might mean interacting with real people.  For a largely homebound person that means checking social media!  And what I found under my brief post on Facebook about the accident and my gratitude for no serious injury . . . was as humbling as it was empowering.  My beloved made a comment in which he called me a “tough one.”  Really?  Yes really!  And yes, I guess I am!  He added a thought this evening that not everyone can keep on going with all of these struggles going on at once.  His words meant the world to me.  The person closest to me in this time of unbelievable struggle believes in me.  He said I was tough!

Now you and I both know, Gentle Reader, the source of the strength that lies within me.  It is not my own, it comes from the Lord.  I embody His strength when I have none of my own.  When my resolve can bring me no further, my Jesus’ hand covers mine over the handlebars and together we roll that crazy thing home.  And when I had to wash open wounds it was the Lord showing me what to do, giving me the courage to do it too.  My beloved helped me apply the compression bandages to keep down the swelling and pain.  It was my Heavenly Husband who gave me the idea to use this kind of dressing of which I had never used before and was incredibly effective.  Wow.

Lying in bed later on tonight I will have much praise for my Lord and for my beloved husband.  My arm is working fairly well a day later and I will recover fully.  I have learned a little more about the physical toughness that goes with the mental toughness of recovery from serious illness or accidents.  Both will happen in this life to all of us.  It is my prayer, Gentle Reader that no matter what situation you may find yourself in someday that you too will find the Giver of strength available to each us that knows no boundaries.  I’d love to hear about your travels with Him too.  Kind of like a bicycle built for two, eh?  JJ

woman on a bike, woman riding a bike, bicycling, biking, recreational riding, cycling, winter cycling, winter biking
First ride this year: that’s me taking a quick ride around the campground, January 2015

Just another day

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Today was much of the same:

Back to bed after hitting the wall, so to speak.

Hours later I cleared

And a phone call to my beloved at work

Got me in motion to do the tasks at hand.

The story doesn’t vary much . . .

Maybe an outing to test the waters may come

Only to push me back a few days and then

I wonder if I have really come forward much at all.

But “it takes what it takes” sometimes;

The good, the bad, the ugly like an old western:

I know the patterns at least so I cry less

Resting comes more easily as does opting out

‘Cause life is more about the meaning than the doing anyhow.

The last sentence in this prose

Must point beyond my tale of woe

For when a beloved friend faced losing a family member so dear,

I realized the blessings that abound in my life even so

Even so I will go on and things will get better of this I am sure.

It doesn’t have to be today you know!

He really cares: Part 2

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Please forgive me for leaving you hanging, Gentle Reader!  I left you hanging by a thread in this blog almost 2 weeks ago.  Clearly I made it out o.k. from the doctor’s office!

charcoal sketch, sketch of woman, side view of woman, head shot, female drawing, picture of lady

Since there were many hairy details in the horrible situation I was in on July 29th, I will shorten things up a bit here.  In my last post, I ended whilst lying on my side, paralyzed and inches from the floor after a convulsive episode in the exam room of a Physician’s Assistant (PA).  The second of two severe seizure attacks had occurred since entering this room and the second of two episodes of neurological collapse was in progress.  Eventually the PA returned and forgot everything I had ever told her about what to do in this circumstance; she even forgot that in the first episode (that she had witnessed) I was unable to speak or move.  All she kept asking was, “Do you want me to call an ambulance?”

Finally I was able to break through what was happening in my brain to express the greatest need in my life at that moment, “PLEASE REMOVE MY GLASSES!”  As she wrenched my neck and lifted my head I screamed in excruciating pain from having had my eyeglasses and sunglasses wedged against my face for so long.  Extreme sensory sensitivity accompanies the worst convulsive episodes; pain in particular is magnified as if you had tried to electrocute me!  So when the PA tried to remove them, it was as if a bolt of lightening had jolted through my face!  She asked again about the ambulance.  “Did I want to get up onto the table to be more comfortable?”  I could not speak or move at all.  Then she left.  A long time later she returned.  Then she left.  A long time later she returned.  Then she left.

To pray was my focus since the trained medical professional was of no help!  Thankfully after a long time, it was the Lord Who helped me twist and turn my torso so I could lie on my back across two chairs with my legs pulled up underneath me.  It took about a dozen tries before I could lift my head segmentally to reach a sitting position with my head supported by the wall behind me.  Never did a wall seem so comforting . . .

Eventually a nurse, the really sweet one, came into the room with a wheelchair so I could be taken to the bathroom.  Herein I benefitted from my training in transfer techniques as an occupational therapist.  My arms were starting to regain motor control but my legs were like dead weight .  I lifted them one at a time with my right arm (more functional than my left) off of the leg rests of the wheelchair and onto the floor, braced myself with the grab bar along the wall next to the toilet and pivoted myself around; I reversed the procedure with more adaptive techniques to do all of the things I needed to do in the bathroom.  By the time I was wheeling myself out of the bathroom, the really sweet nurse had returned to take me to the hospital in the building next door.  At last, over three hours later and feeling majorly beat up, I would be getting the IV fluids as ordered!

Unfortunately the IV “Lactated Ringers” didn’t help me much.  The nightly convulsive episodes returned followed by wake-up tazoring the next morning.  I was so beat up from everything.  The following evening I did make it to the grocery store when things had temporarily stabilized.  Such an ordeal!  Calming my anger at my medical providers has taken every day since then.  The doctor never mentioned it when I saw him last week.  He did not even ask if the IV fluids helped me to feel any better.  Sometimes that guy is just too focused on test results (or whatever) to examine the overall process of this patient’s sickness, the clues that might be hidden in plain sight.  Oh well.  The second appointment to review additional test results last week was cancelled (as are about 35% of his appointments).  A minor flare up of the ol’ anger distracted me once again, gratefully for less time . . .

So who really cares if I live?  Suffer?  Die?  I have spent the last 15 days meditating on this.  The real question emerged beneath these cries and it was not to find out if anyone really cares or not.  There are people in my life who love me and for this I am grateful.  The real question turned out to be whether or not I had submitted this illness to the Lord as a living sacrifice.  Who is really in charge here?  Did I offer it to the One Who sees all, loves me more than anyone?  Could I view laying this illness at the Lord’s mighty throne of grace as an act of both obedience and worship?  He calls believers to do this, by the way in Romans 12:1-2

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. 2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.  (Romans 12)

The Lord knows that our bodies are not perfect and that our world is not perfect.  Why would the God of the universe desire me to make alms to Him with my weaknesses?  He desires our devotion in all things and loves me and you just as we are.  But wouldn’t he rather have a tithe or act of service?  NO!  He is God not some distant authority figure or Santa Claus.  He loves us, has mercy on us, completes us, pours out His blessings, defends us, and promises to make good out of the fallen things of this world no matter how ugly.

1 Peter 5:6-11New International Version (NIV)

6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

I am holding out for the promise that lies within these words.  He will restore me in due time.  Who cares for me?  Who cares for you?  The Lord Jesus Christ, that’s Who!  In Him we will find rest no matter what may come our way.  We can be sure of it!  JJ