How do you measure a year?

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September 18, 2014 was a day when I rediscovered the power of friendship at a new level.  ‘Tis fitting that we would spend our time reading the Psalms as we shared our lives with each other then tenderly prayed together.  Perhaps this is what women who love the Lord Jesus Christ do, eh?  Except that we were not meeting for a weekly video Bible study at church followed by coffee and treats.  This one touched our hearts more at home . . . literally!

In the past I have enjoyed Bible studies the best when we all meet in each other’s homes.  There is no better way to fellowship than to be immersed in the family pictures, dog hair, and dirty dishes of the ones you come to love in Christ.  In due time the host and hostess let go of having a clean house for everyone each week as we focus on what is really important:  opening up the truth of God’s word.  Prayer time was always my favorite.  The bonds between us became palpable as we lifted up each other’s hurts and victories before the Lord.  I do hope we glorified Him in doing so.

When serious illness struck my life October 11, 2011 my life slowly changed to one of almost total isolation.  Oh there were many visits to medical professionals, clinics, labs, hospitals, and pharmacies.  They were all very nice people, of course.  Going to Walmart became a rare “date night” with my beloved husband when I could not drive myself.  The highlight of my week often became buying groceries; somehow I ended up spending a little more money there than I probably should have perhaps in an attempt to find some alternative type of comfort.  Somehow new pair of sweats or comfy top would jump into the shopping cart on occasion as well!

Then the Lord inspired me to break the isolation beyond this blog.  I had some casual connections to a few of you Gentle Readers which delighted my soul, by the way.  How could this become more personal?  I published a blog in September of 2014 asking if anyone would be interested in starting up a Bible study/prayer time via Skype?  Perhaps there were other gals out there who were largely homebound like me and ready to connect before the Lord’s table.  Two gals graciously responded:  YES!

Each of us had different reasons for coming together.  Each of us had our own blogs and followings, outside interests, and experiences with our health.  We represented 3 different decades of life, 2 different countries and States, living situations either outside larger cities or in the country, and only one blonde.  (She is gonna kill me for writing that!)  We bonded quickly.

One gal who joined our group to be an encourager ended up facing one of the biggest health battles of her life this past year.  Two of us went in and out of relapses with illness and one endured a major upheaval in her husband’s job situation.  Two of us have also met face-to-face twice with hopes of a giggly reunion of all three of us perhaps this year?  I hope so!  Together we (have) cried, we laughed.  We prayed; we shared silly stories.  There were exchanges of recipes, websites, scripture, and more. We were encouraged by the love stories of the Psalms ministering to our feminine hearts.  And most of all we became friends.

So how do you measure the value of a year in life?  As this passionate theme song from the movie Rent speaks of sunsets, cups of coffee, laughter, and sighs, I do know that on Thursday night we three have shared them all this past year.  I agree with the chorus line to:  measure your life in love.  Because of you my dear ones, my year was richly blessed!

Thank you ladies for changing my life and ministering to me in a way that has made a difference.  May the Lord be glorified in all that we say and do, all that we write, and in the prayers that we lay before His throne of grace each week.  In the meantime,

“I am going to Rome.”

You two know what that means!  Happy one year anniversary!

Seeya next time ladies.  Love you, Julie

A Nice Overview of a Nasty Toxin Called Mercury

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mercury, mercury toxicity, mercury poisoning, amalgam, dental amalgam, neurotoxin, neuro, seizures, convulsions, dentist, root canals, dangers of, extraction, mercury freeSince I’ve been affected by the neurotoxin called “mercury” and have invested considerable time and resources into this topic, it seems appropriate for me to provide some resources here.  I have blogged about my own health issues related to mercury poisoning.  My beloved husband saw my telling test results, witnessed the process of detoxification, and has championed the benefits in improved health that have followed.  Then I realized that there is some background information that I may not have shared with him or in Hope Beyond.  Steve still has questions.  Maybe you do too, Gentle Reader?

Let’s start with a basic video from a scientific perspective of a lab.  Looks like mercury is indeed toxic and gives off dangerous vapors:
 
Now apply the information to a tooth in a human body and the typical scenarios people experience when it is in their mouth.  Note that other studies show body burden increasing within hours not just 30 days:
 
Here’s more detail about dental amalgams, its effects, and how the rest of the world has addressed mercury toxicity; this one is older and a little quirky.  They call for more research (and that research is now available):
 
But how can mercury affect the body?  Here’s another genteel overview from a dentist with some studies cited and an explanation of the general mechanisms of action.  She is one of many, many who have published videos on this subject.  Note the opening remarks about the lungs (which is where most mercury enters the body via vapors):
 
The dentist noted above also has a video series that is well thought out, easy to understand, and contains nice graphics with no hype graphics.
What has been discussed in the videos above is inorganic mercury.  To round out this introduction I must add another form which is “organic” or methylmercury from fish.  Check out this case study from a city devastated in Japan by mercury from industrial waste.  If you watch my videos on YouTube you will see how I can relate to the wretched convulsions of Minamata Disese.  Skip to other videos in the series on Minamata Disease for additional history too:
 
In the future I will chronicle my own discovery of mercury poisoning, the best treatment for me, and how reducing toxicity affected my health.  Just recently I have found that detoxing from mercury is the largest part of my restoration to health.  For the treatment approach that I would recommend as a fellow sojourner (not as medical advice!), please see the Mercury Toxicity Overview  page of this website.
And please be encouraged, Gentle Reader.  We are going to get well!  JJ

Known in the Gates: Part 2, The Inside Story

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One of the movies that has really resonated deeply with me is, The Breakfast Club.  Please see my previous post for the catchy theme song that underscored the film and one of the most poignant scenes that is also pertinent to Part 2 of this 3-part blog.

In Part 1, I described the isolation that I have felt when enduring a serious illness and how the Lord still gets me through the toughest of days.  His Word is my greatest comfort; the leading of the Holy Spirit and His presence are my greatest companions.  I ended with a question,

But how well does he really know me?

Sure, my Lord crafted me before I was born and set forth all that I would be, all that I would endure and accomplish.  His Words in Psalm 139 declare that He knows my “innermost being.” Does this include the longing of my heart as well?  If it does, why has He allowed me to become so dreadfully isolated?

Maybe someday I will get to see why so many family and friends have chosen to “walk on by” me as it says in the theme song of The Breakfast Club.  Have I not been a good friend?  Maybe I was not.  I remember about two years into this ordeal someone contacted me and asked me about getting together for coffee.  I replied “yes” and then I never heard from her again.  My spirits had soared then crashed and burned.  For believers in Jesus Christ, the answer to the “why” question is usually left for eternity.  We simply may never know “why” this side of heaven.

Those of you not living in isolation may not have any idea how much Satan uses this experience to tear a person down.  He can prey upon all of our negative emotions and be allowed to create havoc in our lives.  (Yes, ultimately God is still in charge!)  Yet I know that it’s really not about resisting Satan or about losing the people in my life.  I resist the devil and his demons with the sword of the spirit:  the Word of God as described in Ephesians 6:10-17.  People come and go in our lives and that is the normal ebb and flow of life.  It really is about my response to the taunting, the loss of these relationships.

My challenge has been particularly great due to the effect that this chronic illness has had on my brain.  Responding to Satan’s lies and the loss of relationships has been affected by the change in brain chemistry that came with chronic illness.  My ability claim victory in the name of Jesus Christ and fully embody the companionship of my Lord have been affected.  Satan’s lies have been magnified.  My social skills have eroded.  My ability to think clearly has been altered.  And I struggled to override these skill deficits but could not, even if I tried.  Allow me to explain.

Only recently did we discover that excessive neurotransmitters called catecholamines (epinephrine, norephinephrine, and dopamine) are likely contributing to my mood changes, thinking and communication skills in addition to possibly causing the convulsive episodes.  This is happening due to the expression or “turning on” of polymorphisms (SNPs) or breaks in several enzymes that help form my DNA code.  The DNA code is the instruction manual or blueprint from which the body functions.  Everyone has a unique combination of broken SNPs that get turned on by illness or significant stressors in the environment (such as exposure to mold).  For me the factors included everything that I have written about in this blog:  biotoxin illness/hepatitis, latent Lyme disease, Candida toxicity, mold illness, infected root-canaled teeth, and mercury toxicity.  That’s a lot of stressors!  These illness and environmental challenges became a trigger for disaster.  I even have the data to prove it, all of it!

methylation cycle, Dr. Amy Yasko, SNPs, Lyme disease, mold illness, mitochondrial, mito disease, methylation, B6 deficiency, CIRS, mold illness,
One version of a methylation cycle from http://ihateticks.me/2014/10/06/methylation-for-dummies/

For some people this process manifests as a Mitochondrial Disease or a disruption in the methylation cycle inside the nucleus of the cells of our bodies.  My thought life was affected.  My mood was affected too.  I had waking and nightly nightmares not based in any reality past or present.  Those were internal things that my beloved husband, Steve, and the healthcare community could not see very often.  Several healthcare practitioners labeled me as having a mental illness of sorts, often without even completing a mental status exam or workup!  Gratefully, Steve believed me.  They all saw the wretched convulsive episodes that have plagued me for hours every day for 3 1/2 years.  And Satan was allowed to enter into the whole dynamic with lies and attacks that I will definitely write about at another time.  Absolute mental and physical wretchedness.

But now the gig is up!  Two days ago I woke up from a lovely nap after starting to treat this condition.  I had my first 16 hours seizure-free!  It’s as if someone turned on the lights in my brain!  Not only do I have a formula for correcting the brain-part of the process but the prayers of deliverance against the spiritual warfare are taking hold.  The cascade of negative mental, physical, social, emotional, and spiritual suffering is beginning to turn around. Lord willing, I am going to get well!

My Jesus knows all about every aspect of what I have described here.  He also knows the desires of my heart.  How do I know this?  My prayers long before this illness began was to become whole.  I had been broken by the consequences of a hard life:  events out of my control.  Many times during trauma the Holy Spirit would bring encouraging scripture to me that kept me moving forward.  Yeah, finding hope and finding myself has come through horrible, ongoing isolation and trauma.  I have worked hard to recover from so much suffering in my heart, my mind, my body.  Each step of the way has been both painful and meaningful.  Yet I tell you, Gentle Reader that nothing has been wasted!  I have learned to trust the process in EVERY CIRCUMSTANCE under the protection of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  And now the desires of my heart are being realized.  Cool beans.

So how does one rebirth the desires of one’s heart?

Jer 29.11b

To be continued in Part 3 . . .

Known in the Gates: Part 3, The Man Next to Me

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https://www.facebook.com/227446947339836/photos/a.323357667748763.75624.227446947339836/823076851110173/?type=1&theater
From Facebook, June 4, 2015

When I was blessed in marrying Steve nearly 8 years ago, I often sought out Proverbs 31 in the Bible as a guidebook, a different kind of blueprint for how to love him in a manner that would honor the Lord and Steve the best.  Flash forward nearly eight years and enter the challenges of serious illness.  How do you “strengthen your arms,” “not let your lamp go out at night,” “watch over the ways of our household,” and support your man in the ways a Christian wife is called to when you simply cannot do much of anything?  By the Lord’s grace, that’s how!

Steve has become my whole world due to the isolation that came with a serious illness these past 4 years.  He is also the only one to whom I am called to serve during this season of my life second to the Lord himself.  I am no longer able to work in healthcare or serve others at my church.  At first this did not seem like enough.  Later on I stressed beyond belief to serve either one of them.  Now looking back I can say that each day I was given enough energy and clarity of thought to serve both as best as I could even in my times of greatest weakness.  These tasks are critical to fulfill the outcome cast in Proverbs 31:

23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
    where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

I just hope I did my part as best that I could . . .

The Lord through His Word in Proverbs 31 and other places (in addition to the leading of the Holy Spirit) showed me how to function in these roles through the most serious illness that I could ever imagine.  In turn for Steve the Lord through His Word, leading of the Holy Spirit, and fellowship of select believers, gave my beloved the strength to care for me during a season of our marriage that was incredibly challenging for him as well.  For example lost or broken sleep virtually every night!  Steve has fulfilled his calling:  there is much fruitfulness in our marriage as a result.  I will write more about this in the future for sure.  I am so proud of Steve!

The part of Proverbs 31 that has helped me to feel less alone, to feel that there is a “Jesus with skin on” who remembers me and loves me too is in the verse that captures the Christian husband’s response to her faithfulness:

11 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.

Yes.  Throughout these 4 years of significant challenges in every area of our lives together, Steve has trusted me.  He trusted me when he married me and he trusts me now.  His confidence is such a precious gift when my spirits were so low and my self-doubt so high.  My husband has heeded his own call to love me as Christ loves the church in the most loving way imaginable.  My beloved husband believed me that I was truly sick and believed in me no matter what that looked like.  (For example, when I said that I would be o.k. though still seizing for the five-hundredth day this occurred when he is late leaving for work after caring for me that morning.  O.k.?  Really?)  Steve has championed my attempts to keep going, to search for clues as to how to get well, to get up after yet another defeat.  Steve is my hero on this earth.  Period!

One of the greatest challenges of life in general is the quest for significance.  Now let us return to the theme of this 3-part blog.  For a Christian husband to be “known in the city gates” as it says in Proverbs 31 is one reason why a Christian wife should serve her husband well.  We must respect our husbands in private and in public so that they in turn may be respected in the workplace.  We want this!  To make this effort to respect our husbands is important no matter the circumstances in which each of the partners find themselves.  Yes, the wife may be sick at home; be home raising the children; have her own career, tasks and accomplishments yet all of these are to be in concert with supporting the spiritual leader of their household.  This is a tall order handled to be with prayer for sure!

For me it has been very hard to be second:  to support Steve while remaining in the shadows of life when I am also number 112 or so by so many people that used to be a vibrant part of my life.  I had to bring this identity crisis to my Heavenly Husband over and over again.  It was the precious relationships with my Heavenly Husband first and my earthly husband second, where I have found the ability to keep them in the right order!  Jesus was my perfect companion at all times.  Steve needed to be away for work, spiritual feedings at church, and some recreation too.  I had to let go of the temptation to pull on Steve too much.

I simply could not have as much time with Steve as in our first years of marriage since I could no longer participate in activities that we liked to pursue together.  My Heavenly Husband filled my needs.  He gave me this blog, new friends, and an online jewelry business.  My Lord revealed Himself to me in ways I had never experienced before.  And when Steve came home, our reunions were always sweet.  I had endured a thousand wretched times alone.  It’s just the way it had to be for us.  In due time that would not create trauma for me.  I realized just how tangible having Christ with you can really be . . .

In Christ and in love with my beloved Stevers, I have found who I truly am, who my Lord has created me to be.  I have found love beyond measure.  I am never alone regardless of the circumstances.  In completing the tasks to which I am now called, our household works well and is peaceful overall.  I get to live Shaunti Feldhaun’s wise words as noted above.  And no matter what the circumstances, whether I return to work in my profession as an occupational therapist or whether I am home recovering from a setback of sorts, my call will be to stand alongside and possibly behind my husband.  My heart is full.  Both are lovely places to be!

And that my Gentle Reader is a great discovery indeed.  This is God’s design for marriage.  In the end the only “gates” where it is truly important to be known will be the open door where I will someday meet my Lord, Jesus Christ and He calls my name.  So sweet.

Will I meet you there too?  JJ

Known in the Gates: Part 1, Not Forgotten

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For those of us around when the iconic movie of the 1985, The Breakfast Club, came out, we probably asked ourselves which character we liked the best.  Was it the one called Sporto, the jock?  Carl, the criminal?  Brian, the brain?  Molly Ringwald’s character, the princess?  Or maybe it was the outcast gal in black?  (what was her name?)  Here’s a little refresher with the song that still gets my heart rate going, my feet tapping!  How about you?

This is one of those songs that once you hear it, you won’t be able to get it out of your head for about a day!  Sorry.  I really like this song!  I really liked the movie too.  The character that resonates with me these days is Allison Reynolds played by Ally Sheedy.  If you don’t want to watch all of the clip below, kindly forward to the scene in progress around the 5:00 to 6:15-minute mark.  It’s where she confesses her deepest sorrow:

Yes, I get this type of sorrow.  Try being sick with a serious illness for coming up on 4 years and see who remembers your name?  See who identifies with your struggles?  See who bothers to ask, who bothers to call?  The numbers have dwindled for me for sure.  I have kept in touch with my closest friends from Illinois and made new friends in the recovery-from-this-or-that communities online.  My beloved husband (whom I met then married here in Indiana), Steve, has hung in there through with me the worst of the torment, the lifestyle changes, the failed treatments, and the thousand-plus nights with disrupted sleep.  (Watch these videos if you want to know what I am talking about.)  Some folks I know have graciously followed this blog through it all.  Thank you!  I am always delighted when I hear from one or two of them now and then.  Nice.  Well sort of.  It’s just not the same . . .

There is a place where I am known very well and keep in close contact.  There is a place where I have not been abandoned, ignored, discounted.  The place where I matter most and my closest companion is always there, always here with me.  That place is in the arms of my Heavenly Father through my personal relationship with his Son, Jesus Christ.  He never forgets about me!  I savor His words He speaks of me (and you too, Gentle Reader) from Psalm 139:

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

Oh how I wish I knew these words as a young woman when I first saw The Breakfast Club!  What matters now is that I get to lean on these words all of the time now in the quiet, dark places I have visited when alone with my Lord.  He has never forgotten about me.  I have always felt His presence even in my greatest hours of suffering.  He has spoken through the Holy Spirit often.  I have never felt “lonely.”  The Creator of the universe loves me!  I am so grateful.

But how well does he really know me?

To be continued in Part 2 . . .