Recovery from Serious Illness: Lyme, CIRS, & More – Page 98

Life as I know it

Published on April 13, 2014April 13, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

Sitting on the edge of change is a precarious place. One does not know if change will actually arrive yet she (or he) can be hopeful, patient, exceedingly frustrated . . . .

In honor of the Bundy family, Nevada USA

There’s a scandal going on in the wild West of the United States this week, as the federal government’s Bureau of Land Management attempts to overtake the ranch and cattle of a family that has used the lands for decades. Under the guise of protecting an endangered turtle, the government is not only rounding up cattle but cutting off water supplies; federal authorities are superseding State land rights and intimidating the family with physical force. The conflict has incited anger from local ranchers and national militia in addition to the Tea Party (political party). Underneath the issues may be a US Senator’s covert, personal involvement in building a solar power plant on the land in a $5 Billion deal with China. This all comes at a time of unprecedented changes in our country. A juicy story indeed.

This is an incredible time to be alive. This is an incredible time to be an American. This is also an incredible time to be a Christian. We can easily look to the incredulous shift of power in our country from the citizen to the increasingly tyrannical government, laden with moral and civil/financial corruption, to see that life in these United States has changed. The effect of Obamacare; immigration, voter and currency “reforms;” and more just may eventually make democracy in America a distant memory. Sure there may be pockets of freedom. However, that freedom is shrinking every day. Can you say, “microchip?” Don’t get me started on that one! If this blog goes away suddenly then you will know that the NSA (National Security Agency) has removed my First Amendment rights to free speech. While that is not o.k., there are more important topics to me which will never be silenced . . .

My incredibly wretched health challenges these past two years have reinforced beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is in control of everything. He has been with me on my bed of sickness, making Himself real to me and sustaining me through it all (Psalm 41:3). I draw my faith from the Bible. Through His Word, the Lord our God tells you and me through the story of Moses that those who believe in the Lord are to:

⁶Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Deuteronomy 31

Those words ring true today as well. I have cried out to my Jesus during wretched, daily seizures and He helped me, comforted me. My faith and resolve are strengthened not weakened despite the difficulty. Further I am encouraged that when tyrannical kings came up against the Lord’s chosen people through the ages, He reminded them over and over again in the words of the prophet Jeremiah:

¹⁹They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord. Jeremiah 1:19

This rescuing may be from illness or other trials of life; the rescuing may be from the consequences of something much worse to what beyond our control: the wretched effects of sin and living in a fallen world. The rescuing may not come until the day we die yet IT WILL COME! After all it is because of the sin of mankind that we suffer. Gratefully we are not alone in our suffering. Gratefully there is an antidote to our suffering such that someday we are assured that it will end! Related to our personal suffering, the Apostle Paul concedes that his own health issues were used by God for good:

Now I rejoice in what I am suffering for you, and I fill up in my flesh what is still lacking in regard to Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of his body, which is the church. (Colossians 1)

From these inspiring words I draw strength to persevere when my body is failing me. What can I do? I can write about matters that transcend the mundane issues of my day or even the crises blasting forth from every news channel. Want Christian news? CNN? Facebook news? Tonight Show news? It is everywhere bombarding us with allegory, truth, and propaganda alike. In the end this kind of news will not matter. The God of the universe reigns above all. He will come again in glory to rescue His own, to make things right. That is Good News! We can trust in His Word on this since before time began He told us, “I am.” Evidence of his sovereignty goes beyond evidence of intelligent design. Evidence of a loving and righteous God dwells within your heart and mine. Think about it! Otherwise we would not wrestle with themes of morality, existence, meaningfulness. If God did not exist, I would fight my illness with whatever snake oil came along and the Bundy family would use their crisis merely to incite a riot (or worse, civil war) to achieve survival of the fittest and not to seek what is “right.” Our search for what is right ultimately helps us hold out for the hope of heaven where all things will be made “new.” (Revelation 21:1) In the meantime:

⁸Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things. ⁹The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9)

The power to do these things on our own exceeds our humanity. The Lord adds His infinite increase though the work of the Holy Spirit dwelling within us when we come to faith in the Lord, Jesus Christ. This blog will make little sense to you, Gentle Reader, apart from Christ. I submit to you that finding the gifts of the Spirit in these alarming times [peace, love, joy, patience, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, self control (Galatians 5:22-23)] are great rewards for becoming a Christ-follower. These rewards transcend and redeem our personal suffering, the troubles around us, the regrets buried in our hearts, and so much more.

¹¹For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Those who know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior have an undeniable asset in these times. We know Who the victor will be in all things and this includes those things that are evil. As some recite in the Twelve Step Programs of recovery from addictions, we will know that “this too shall pass.” (See Revelation 21:4) In the meantime we are to live our lives seeking the Lord and living as He commanded, guided in love by the Holy Spirit.

The decision to follow Christ has led me to the only way I could have survived many sorrows. I submit to you that it is a great way to live life as I know it in the times that try our souls.

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Here’s a meditation for believers to transcend the times, straight from the Word of God. I pray that the frustrations posed by our tumultuous days will draw us to His throne of grace in sweet fellowship and will be used to bring glory to the Father Who loves us beyond what we can ever imagine. In all things:

⁹Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. ¹⁰Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. ¹¹Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ¹²Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ¹³Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

¹⁴Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position.^[c] Do not be conceited.

¹⁷Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. ¹⁸If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. ¹⁹Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. ²⁰On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

²¹Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12)

Happiness is a Warm Puppy

Published on April 10, 2014April 10, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Sometimes when it’s just me, my Heavenly Husband, and the pup at home I look for happiness and feel gratitude in my immediate surroundings. Receiving a long look from a pair of puppy dog eyes goes a long ways at times like these. Enjoy some canine humor and some pics of Elle, Steve, and me from the family photo album too!

My Top 10 List: Tools of the Trade

Published on April 7, 2014April 7, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

I had a supervisor one time that said, “you are only as good as your tools.” She was referring to the splinting supplies in the occupational therapy clinic that included state-of-the-art warming trays. Thermoplastics used in making upper extremity splints must be heated to the correct temperature or they become gummy; they also might burn your patient’s forearm when it gets too hot! They had a thermometer on the splinting cart which was a luxury in those days. Now with so many choices of materials from which to choose at a variety of temperature specs, having the right tools is standard practice.

Splinting never was my forte but the advice stuck with me. My words came back to me when the men in my life would often repeat this phrase when faced with a decision of whether or not to add to the man cave “tool box!” Yeah, it was usually o.k. with me. Usually a new kitchen gadget jumped into the shopping cart too. 🙂 These days my tools relate more to gardening and my own health care. Here’s a new spin on the latter: your recovery is only as good as the tools you employ for recovery. This post is an addendum to an earlier blog entitled, Keeping Sane While Recovering from Serious Illness. With some tools that are tongue-in-cheek and not necessarily in this order, here goes:

1) Treatment journal, online or in a notebook. Keeping track of medications, supplements, medical appointments, changes in treatment plan, etc. is critical to success. Who wants to make the same mistake twice? My hand-written journal entries are more truncated these days since I’ve got my routine stuff down better and more social supports in place. I do go back to earlier postings and am grateful for some progress. Even if I am not doing better in other areas, I know that I am coping better overall; thank you Lord!

2) Smart phone. When stuck in bed I can still stay connected to the outside world via my social media favs, email, and text. The Bible App is awesome and keeps me in the Word on a daily basis with its Bible-in-a-Year reading program. On my mobile I can also look up what the heck is going on in my body and boost my lame brain with reminders of this or that on my calendar. I was a late-adapter to the world of 4G+ and cannot see going back to a flip phone anytime soon!

3) Fingertip less gloves. My hands and extremities get chilled in the evening. It’s a battle trying to do a few things when I am awake and feeling better in the middle of the night but feel like I’m freezing! The drop in body temp can trigger noxious symptoms so I needed to find a strategy for keeping my hands warm. I was Christmas shopping at Macy’s this past year and there they were in a colorful display: a table filled with mittens that had removable mitts so you could expose your fingertips. Your hands stay warm from the middle knuckles through the wrists. Success! These even come in handy when taking frozen foods out of the freezer or grocery shopping. Grocery stores give me the chills year round. Know what I mean?

4) A really warm fleece jacket with pockets. For the reasons noted above, I finally have something to keep me warm when roaming about the house later in the evening. The softness of the fabric is comforting too. What did we ever do before Polartec? Or maybe for you it is a handheld fan?

5) Fuzzy socks! Yes they are warm. It’s the cute designs and fun colors that make me smile a little when my feet are cold. My cow socks (which were a gift from when my Aunt Patty lived in Vermont) are my favorite. The thicker the better, over the ankle, and loose-fitting too. Such a simple pleasure.

6) Breakfast from a traditional lunch bag. Mornings are the hardest for me. Most days I awaken in elevated pain with noxious symptoms that make it difficult to use the bathroom let alone make breakfast. Finally the Lord led me to a solution of making my breakfast the night before much like I used to make my lunch to take to work each day. The freezer pack keeps it cold until morning. Many times I am eating food cold that others might microwave/heat up before mealtime but that is not a requirement for me anymore. I just gotta get food in my belly to feel better so a chunk of meatloaf for breakfast it is sometimes!

7) Making the effort to cook or purchase special snack foods that fit within my restricted diet. For example, I think I’ve finally mastered coconut flour pumpkin (or squash) muffins to comply with my Candida/mold-free/low oxalate diet. Pulling a little essence of home-baked goodness out of my breakfast bag in the morning with Earth Balance Organic Coconut Spread, I no longer feel deprived! The recipe is a bit challenging so I double it and freeze them for yummy goodness each morning.

8) Emergency remedies on hand at all times. For me this includes high CBD hemp oil and a charcoal-filter face mask that have arrested an oncoming seizure attack when in a public place more than once. We need to be proactive in managing the crises of our health condition where possible, saving the real emergencies for situations beyond our control, eh?

9) Slip-on shoes and slippers. Who wants to bend over and risk falling on one’s head when weak from illness and needing to cover one’s feet? Yeah, not me either.

10) Something or someone warm and fuzzy. Yes, this can include the stuffed kind or your man with generous amounts of chest hair to comfort us when needed. (O.k. maybe your lady in soft flannel pajamas would apply here instead!) When my beloved is not home our German Shepherd pup gets a little extra massaging. Who knew that a big, protective dog breed would love to cuddle? Elle, you rock.

Well there you have it: my top 10 list of recovery tools. Have some of your own? I’d love to hear about them! Please feel free to add your comments below.

Father Save Me From This Hour

Published on April 3, 2014April 3, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

Such was the cry of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ as He prepared to die a tortuous death on the cross at Calvary: before His glorious resurrection and what we have come to celebrate as Easter.

The sins of the world hung in the balance that day, separating us from the love of the Father in heaven. Until the time of Christ a Jew was required to bring sacrifices to atone for his or her sins and that of the family. Bringing sacrifices, keeping the Sabbath, and a plethora of Jewish holidays dominated religious life. These rituals and following the rule of law (including the Ten Commandments) was the only way to get to heaven before the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Then God’s Word teaches us that He came to save the world if we but repented and believed in His saving grace, His death and resurrection. He became the Passover lamb that was slain. Gifts of eternal life, indwelling of the Holy Spirit, spiritual gifts, fellowship with other believers and more follows for those who come forward. But it’s not all rosy living the Christian walk . . .

Yes, there is much good in the world, much happiness in this life. And then there is the bad stuff too. The reason for the bad stuff is an important topic yet it goes in another direction than my discussion today. Let’s just say that evil is here and it will always be here until Jesus Christ comes again. When bad stuff happens, someone suffers. Our Lord knew what suffering felt like as He was ridiculed, whipped within inches of His life, and sentenced to a horrific death for something he did not do. He came into the world willingly from the eternal realm out of love for us. Conversely, we rarely come to our suffering in the world willingly. Our suffering comes as a consequence of living in a fallen, imperfect world as sinners. Further, our suffering isn’t always fair. Sometimes it comes when we are close to God, working hard, doing good, loving others, and making the most out of our finite lives. Many times it just doesn’t make sense.

I just finished listening to a gentle message by the late Chuck Smith of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa entitled, “Prayer of a Troubled Heart.” Pastor Smith developed this topic better than I can so I would encourage you to listen to the audio sermon if the subject is on your mind these days. I was comforted by his instruction that our suffering can be God working out eternal purposes in our earthly lives for our eternal glory. If we could somehow change God’s plan for our lives we would be obstructing God’s eternal purposes. “Even from the pain and suffering, eternal good is going to come.” We can point to the life of the apostle Paul who endured physical infirmity and still carried or “deposited” the Gospel message to countless peoples throughout the known world of his time.

¹²That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.

¹³What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. ¹⁴Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us. 2 Timothy 1

The apostle Paul encourages us to trust, to have faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ no matter what our “light and momentary” affliction might be. In light of all eternity, our time of illness is short indeed.

¹⁶Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4

Relying on the scriptures brings the power of God into our weary hearts and minds. We find stories of triumph over trials that encourage us. Hebrews 11 describes several pillars of faith, empowered by God to endure, overcome, and bring glory to God as they saw His plan unfolding before their eyes. Joseph was sold into slavery, imprisoned in a dungeon, mocked then ended up saving the nation of Israel from starvation as others recognized his Godly character and abilities. There are many more men and women from whose example we can learn as well.

Drawing from the scriptures Pastor Smith guides us first to pray about the things troubling our souls. Second, we are to “reason” that God really does love me and is wiser than I am. I am not to base my understanding of His love for me on my circumstances but on who He is. The events of my life work out His eternal purposes for both me and those around me according to His Divine plans for good, for His glory. And third, I am to commit myself unto the will of the Father knowing that:

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

This is difficult to do! If it’s too difficult then I must first ask myself: in whose strength am I trying to get through the suffering? Do I keep asking the Lord to do this or that for me versus asking Him to help me? Reveal His will for me? Encourage me with His grace? Strengthen me to endure? Submit to His will knowing that His good is coming? I must put on my eternal glasses even if I cannot see anything beyond my situation. I need to ask Him to increase my faith and He will do it!

This insight came together after another and extremely wretched evening. Only once before have I completely collapsed without warning at the kitchen table requiring my husband to catch me from falling. Moments after he carried me to bed I cried the most guttural tears of my entire life. The most violent convulsions I have ever experienced followed. Steve prayed then cried too. It seemed to me like I was “weeping and gnashing (my) teeth” as the Bible describes for those in hell. It took a long time to recover. I still do not know why all this suffering is here for me and Steve. I do know how I am to handle it, however. That insight came earlier in the evening.

Unfortunately I never was able to join the home group discussion in my own home tonight. After welcoming our brothers and sisters in Christ and setting aside the goodies they brought for later, I attempted to walk to my seat in the living room. I was aware that my speech had become strained already. Then all of a sudden I felt sick: the pre-tic set of symptoms ramped up quickly indicating that what was coming next would not be good. I whispered into Steve’s ear from behind where he was sitting on the sectional that I wasn’t feeling well and scooted off to our bedroom. As my head was hitting the pillow the seizure attacks began! They were bad. They persisted with vocalizations that risked alarming our guests down the hall. Soon I heard a guitar playing and people singing. The worship had begun and the sounds would cover my episode. Thank you Lord.

I had hoped that the music would also quiet my tender frame in torment. Not so. The episode quieted into tic attacks and I was able to breathe more easily. In my spirit I cried out to the Lord to stop the episode. I feared many scenarios that could happen next in which others would end up horrified, witnessing some aspect of the seizures. Our master bathroom toilet was out of commission for repairs requiring all of us to use the bathroom in the hallway between where I was in bed and the living room. If I collapsed and was unable to walk, Steve would have to physically assist me to the bathroom partially in view of where everyone was sitting. I would first need to scream to alert him beyond the closed Master bedroom door. Nothing would be pleasant about the fact that I really needed to use the bathroom down the hall from me . . .

It’s as if the Lord was sitting right next to me in that bed at that moment. It’s as if I could see the slight scowl on His face as He “looked” me directly in the eye and wondered why I was telling Him what to do again. Had He not been with me in prior episodes? Had He not used this illness to reach thousands of people around the world with the Gospel through this blog? Had He not gifted me to write and create in ways that brought joy to my heart even in the middle of the night? Had He not provided for both Steve’s and my needs these past 2 1/2 years? Helped me become an Advanced Master Gardener? Strengthened Steve to win his first national kayaking award? Yes, He had worked in both of our lives incredibly despite the extreme suffering.

No one in their right mind wants to suffer. I don’t like this wretched illness and long for it to be over. Yet if I miss the teaching moments that come along the way then this suffering will be no more than an endurance race with no prize, no glory, no hope, no real encouragement for others who will come after me. The lesson I needed to learn this evening was to simply ask for the Lord’s HELP and let HIM do the rest. He knows why this episode was timed during the heart of our home group meeting and I do not. I need to trust Him on this one as I have during so many times of need in the past. His answers, His timing, His purposes have encouraged me more times than I can describe here in addition to numerous other people watching the events unfold. As Pastor Smith describes in his message: I do not want to obstruct God’s eternal purposes that will be for my good and His glory!

I must persevere in faith no matter what the cost. He will strengthen my faith. I must ask my Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ for help then wait on His leading, His answers. Jesus Christ did this very act of submission before the Father when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane knowing that His torture and death were imminent:

⁴²He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” Matthew 26

The God of the universe, living among us as a man yet fully God, submitted to the will of the Father, the purpose for which He was born into the world. He cried out for the Father to save him from that hour in crisis, for help. Most importantly He then submitted to the will of the Father and the world changed forever because of it. I will live a life eternally with my Jesus because He died on that cross for me. My time of suffering is not too much to bear with His help to live the life to which I am called. Sure it feels like hell. My faith transcends my broken frame and will bring an eternal reward that goes beyond my temporary affliction. With this I can go on.

What say you, Gentle Reader? He loves you too you know . . . Might you call on Him too? It just might rock your world in a good way. No kidding.

All You Need is Love

Published on April 1, 2014April 1, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

Sometimes you just need Jesus with skin on, ya know?

Tis quite humbling to find true love in the midst of the most wretched time of my life. Even the worst of the trauma of my childhood cannot compare to the wrecking ball-like experiences of violent, waking seizures every day. During the bewitching hour of night my beloved often lingers nearby, checking in periodically or lies next to me to warm my chilled, freaking out frame. Perhaps he has carried me to the bathroom moments earlier or fed me some water to drink in my listless state after an episode. And then comes the silliness that only a River Bear can muster in the midst of yet another crisis. Seriously! He finds a way to laugh in the midst of it all.

Sometimes you just need Jesus with skin on and I am exceedingly grateful love my Steve every day. Making his lunch bag for work or cooking dinner a few nights per week is my meager contribution of late. Sometimes I can do housework, grocery shop and laundry too; not so much lately. It doesn’t seem to matter to my husband though. He appreciates any of it and celebrates when I can get out and walk the dog or create a piece of jewelry instead of completing the chores. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches seem to fill his belly just the same! What further amazes me is his compliments and words of encouragement when I am at my lowest. I have never known this much love from anyone before Steve!

To those Gentle Readers who are single: be the partner for which you seek and wait for the one who will love you above all else after the Lord. I found Steve after 47 years of living and after kissing a few frogs along the way! Oh well. Sometimes you can’t tell a prince from a frog until it’s too late! Yet when we trust the One who knows and numbers each hair on our pretty little heads, He will bring your night in shining aluminum*, or is that armor (?) at just the right time. The trials and adventures of life come alive when shared with your intended beloved.

I used to say that I could make a relationship out of anything. I was dumb and wrong. Settling for less only brings heartache. I now see too how the Lord empowers me to love Steve beyond my earthly capabilities and he must be doing the same for Steve as he loves me too. In doing so we are drawn even closer together. How does one prepare a lunch bag, clean up the kitchen at 4:00 a.m., and make it back to bed when sickly, nauseous, twitching in pre-tic episodes, etc.? (How does Steve work full time, serve and worship at church, attend to household tasks, and keep up with athletic endeavors after staying up late with me?) By calling on the Lord to add His increase, He brings blessings beyond the tasks at hand. As for me, on particularly bad days I don’t do much of anything. The look in my eyes is all I can give, to say how proud I am that my husband goes to work each day for us, or for me to muster up the strength to take a shower and wear the jeans he likes the best. It is enough. It is love.

Thank you Steve. Thank you Lord!

Steve and Julie looking out over Lover's Leap, Starved Rock State Park, Illinois — Steve and Julie looking out over Lover’s Leap, Starved Rock State Park, Illinois

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* The “night in shining aluminum” story stems from the theme of many romance novels: the dashing young man will eventually scoop the young maiden into his arms and carry her off into eternal bliss as the sun sets. I believe I had a similar experience the day of my move from the west suburbs of Chicago, Illinois 200 miles east to be with Steve in northeastern Indiana. We met on Yahoo Personals and had a fairy tale long distance relationship for longer than my Prince Charming desired. Each time we parted to make the long drive home he would tease me about running off to be with him in Indiana! The tell tale moment finally came on moving day in November of 2007. The movers had packed the 24-foot box truck with all of the earthly possessions from my beautiful condo near the Dupage River. We were standing in the parking lot about ready to go when he popped the question. Steve looked at me and said, “Julie I’m going to ask you one last time: will you come away with me to Indiana?” I jumped into his arms with a resounding “YES” and off into the beast of shiny aluminum we went! My prince had come for me at last . . . :J