Recovery from Serious Illness: Lyme, CIRS, & More – Page 72

The Day is Never Really Wasted

Published on June 22, 2015June 22, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Missing my Dad.

Closing my online jewelry shop.

Cancelling a dinner invitation for me with new friends.

Spending the morning and evening in bed with complications of illness.

Questioning the utility of a new treatment before it really has begun to make a difference.

Perhaps you can see where I am going with this? No where productive, positive, encouraging very fast. These are the kinds of days when I question the value of each breath (that almost stopped twice today). These are the evenings when I wonder why I try to plan anything away from our home anyways? These are the days that I cry a little more than usual. And these days are necessary, really, to grieve and move on.

When I worked as an occupational therapist in rehabilitation, we often told our patients that, “recovery is a jagged line.” Oh how I have found that to be true these past 3 1/2 years! Looking back to the beginning and middle of this period of time, there were many times when I am sicker than I am now. There were many unanswered questions, new treatments to try, expenses that exceeded our income, strains on all of my relationships, and lifestyle changes that seemed too much to bear. So many questions came to mind as the weeks extended into months and years:

I wondered if I could continue to get to know the gals I’d just met at my church or my husband’s adult children, make any new friends, or succumb to the ill-effects of isolation instead? How much suffering could my body endure without permanent damage to my brain, neck, back, or other bodily functions when the convulsive episodes were so violent? Would I embarrass myself in public, get into an accident in a public place, or be found on the floor some evening by my beloved husband (who was already stressed and sleep-deprived)? Why on earth did I have to endure such hellish nightmares, flashbacks, and heart-wrenching grief at this time in my life when I had worked so hard to become free of so much sorrow in my past? And most of all, would anything good come from all of this: would it be wasted time and effort after it was all over?

Some of these questions have been answered by now and some have not . . . yet. I have made many new friends. The process of getting to know my hubby’s children has been slower than I would have liked yet it probably is for the better; we are living a long-distance from all four of them which makes everything a little different too. My mind has actually become clearer with the extreme dietary measures, reduction in mercury toxicity/dental issues, and healing of my gut (since the brain and gut-health are related don’t ya know?). The physical consequences of illness will require some more treatment soon but at least my weight is stable and the overall deconditioning has still allowed me to perform most of my activities of daily living. Further, when I felt sick in public or driving down the road, I was always able to rest in my vehicle thus avoiding an incident, gratefully. These last two are amazing to me: the Lord’s angels must be protecting me when I am away from home.

Steve and I have found ways to cope with the nightly convulsive episodes, sudden physical collapses that require assistance with my self care, and challenges to our intimate life on occasion. It helps that Steve is wonderful! It helps that he relies on the Lord and fellowship with strong believers to see him through this season of our lives together. His faith strengthens mine too. Although we can’t be together as much as I would like to, it helps me to know that I can trust him and look to him for spiritual direction, spiritual leadership. This is God’s plan for the home, for marriage. And as that design plays out between us, I know that the Lord is strengthening me too.

The Lord has never left me or forsook my faith in Him. Even in near-death experiences, demonic attacks (and there have been more than I can count), and times of deepest despair, my Jesus has carried me through it all. The spiritual peace that developed certainly has served to clear my mind, bringing me to a place of clarity I had never seen before I got sick. Renewal of our minds is a gift and a promise only the Lord can give as we read the Bible. I am grateful for His work through this process.

I really don’t know if looking at the female hormone/menopausal connection with the onset of seizures (and its related testing and treatments) will be fruitful or not. Is it catamenial seizures? I do know that I am probably going to make some more new friends trying to figure it out! Some more new connections will also be made in the synapses of my brain as I study a whole new body of information. Letting go of my hobby business today and getting focused on a more professional venture will challenge these new skills, quite possibly moving me from this disabled state to one of productive living. Oh how I hope so! This incredible experience has inspired a new product that I invented and eBook that I am writing. That is cool, eh? Yeah God! Perhaps things will come together just as they need to and when the timing is right? This season of time will have served its purpose; it certainly will not be wasted. This Father’s Day will just be a microcosm of the larger picture with all of its days, its parts playing a role: good, bad, and ugly too.

And in the end I know that the good will outweigh the other two. How compelling of a story would I be able to write if everything was always hunky-dory? Nope. It would be boring. On the stage of life, we are to live fully no matter what happens to us. We are to live like the sign on the wall of the therapist’s office that I saw when I was searching for meaning in my life at just 24 years old:

Yeah. Evelyn at Catholic Charities had it right. And the gardener in me wasn’t even awakened yet when I read that banner! The motto of that poster has encouraged me over and over again, becoming the foundation of my life’s work as an occupational therapist and helping me to re-invent my career a half-dozen times. As a believer in the Lord, Jesus Christ, I can see that He is the God Who uses all things for His glory. Someday you and I will get to see how these gnarly threads of our lives have woven together to create a beautiful tapestry that characterizes the life of one surrendered to Christ. With that hope I can face tomorrow and all that it brings. With that hope I submit to the will of my Master Gardener, my Lord.

With that hope you can too, Gentle Reader. Bloom! With love, JJ

A Wittle Update

Published on June 18, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

I am grateful to announce that I sold my hobby business, Trinity Jewelry by Design! DeAnn got her package in Minnesota this week and is excited to learn about making handmade jewelry!

All macramé, leather, and friendship jewelry is 25% off until Sunday, June 21st with Coupon Code FINALSALE. This includes wholesale lots and Threads of Hope ministry jewelry featured in my shop at: Trinity Jewelry by Design.

Moving forward, I have obtained my LLC for my new company, Two Step Solutions and obtained legal assistance for my logo and business motto trademarks. And wouldn’t you know that after some prayer and Bible study, I realized that the initial logo just won’t do for the vision the Lord gave me for my company. So I’ve hired a great family friend to craft a new logo before submitting my application to the US Patent and Trademark Office.

I’ve changed the name of my upcoming eBook to Caring for the Sandwich Generation. With the sale of T J by D, I hope to have this guide for Baby Boomers completed early this summer. Stay tuned for your free copy!

Oh and on a personal note, I’ve learned that the most wretched and lingering part of my biotoxin illness may be female hormone-related. A new product from Quicksilver Scientific looks promising and has reduced the intensity of the convulsive episodes already. We are hopeful over here!

Thank you for your support during these transitions Gentle Reader. Summer in Indiana is looking up and I am both humbled and grateful . . . JJ

jewelry sets, friendship jewelry, Threads of Hope, handmade jewelry, macrame, leather, wrap bracelet, layered bracelet, cotton fiber jewelry, jewelry sale — Here’s a sample from my shop closing sale at: https://www.etsy.com/listing/237409229/wholesale-lot-nine-mix-n-match-party?ref=shop_home_feat_3

We must learn to let go

Published on June 12, 2015June 12, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

You must learn to let go to move forward.

“Keep moving forward” my brother, Mike, used to say when we were settling the estate of our dear mother after her death. The attachment and meaning of each object and task made moving in any direction difficult, confusing at times, and so very final. Then we decided to take them one at a time. Then we decided to learn to let go . . .

The unmade necklaces which would have surely been my best work needed to be disassembled today before they were ever completed. If I had stopped to make jewelry this afternoon then I would have never made my deadline for shipping Trinity Jewelry by Design to its new owner. I actually tried putting the beads back on the cotton fibers before realizing that I needed to stop and it would be o.k. to let these unmade designs go . . .

The 9-foot mural on the wall of my condo in Naperville, Illinois took a year to complete. I began with sunny colors of yellow tracing paper, pastel hues of unyru papers from India, custom-stenciled golden palm leaves, a few rhinestone swirls, lettering from a local sign shop, and a very important message about the bunny trails of life being such a very important part of the journey. “But what about the mural?” my friends would ask when moving to be with my intended beloved would take me 200 miles to the East of my happy place. Yes, finding true love required leaving the art of restoration behind: a different song of letting go . . .

When the pain of running my life on emptiness, stress, unanswered questions of “why?” and never having enough to make a difference anyways I finally crashed into the arms of my Jesus. At the time I was 29 years old, single, working full time, and forever trying to finish my Master’s degree. Then a laundrymat attendant laid out the plan of salvation and invited me to come to the table of the Lord for refreshment, forgiveness, renewal, eternal life with Him. Later that night with tears the wasted meaningless living-for-me finally did let go once and for all . . .

The hurt of wretched divorce grieves my Lord and me, sometimes even now when I have known such goodness in my new life with Steve. It took me years of harboring what it would take to even the score if given the chance: holding onto the files that would prove the ways in which I was wronged. Then I realized that the one carrying the baggage too far was me not him. I was already forgiven years ago for my part in things. In due time and with lightness of heart I finally learned to let go of that other person too . . .

Who could ever imagine the hellish suffering of these past three years with my head banging to and fro day after day? Literally, I mean, with a yet undiagnosed illness that has had too many pieces to keep track anymore. Cries out for healing one thousand times have made little difference on the surface; it’s so easy to become discouraged, to give up in motionless brokenness of the worst kind. “Who knows if the trials will ever end?” I often wonder when up late at night. We cannot know much about tomorrow so we must move along in faith today. For through faith, through Divine intervention, I have had enough grace once again to get me through yet another episode, another day. And the smallest of sweetness has come that would have been missed had it come any other way. So to the throne of grace with great expectation I do most definitely let my achy breaky heart go . . .

For who really knows when the Lover of my soul shall return in glory or to take me home? When He comes for me I’m sure I will recognize His name, His face, His comfort from all the days I’ve seen each of these before. I cannot afford to be discouraged or waste much time groaning the pangs of sorrow in this life when preparation is what is now due. It is time for letting God direct my every word, my every task: my thoughts held captive as an offering in love nothing else.

Oh how I do pray He comes soon to take me home to His mansion with many rooms and warm embrace! Yet in the meantime, Gentle Reader, my Jesus directs me to keep my eyes on Him from here and the one step of the path (that’s all) in front of me as I go. Yes, I must learn to let go of more than I ever dreamed I would need to and let it all slip through my hands to be free. My happiness depends upon this for the lightness in my spirit that will carry me to the wondrous places in life you or I may ever go. I trust that down the road a bit it will be truly beautiful and worth lightening the load a bit don’t you think? JJ

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

¹¹For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

The Height of Fear

Published on June 3, 2015June 3, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Camplite, Camp Lite, fear of heights, roof vent, roof fan, cleaning roof vent, cleaning roof fan, roof of trailer, on top of trailer — That’s me up on the roof of the Camp Lite cleaning the covers of the three fans up there.

It’s all very simple really. The vent covers of the three fans in the roof of our Camp Lite travel trailer had not been cleaned and there was visible dirt. I had hoped it wasn’t mold but we just couldn’t be sure. The only problem was that to clean it, I had to climb up over the top rung of a very tall ladder to get onto the roof. “Just don’t look down,” became my strategy. So up I went over 10 feet into the air . . .

Before I knew it everything was as clean as it could be. Now it was time to figure out how to get down. “Just roll onto your belly and throw your legs over the edge,” was the coaching of my beloved Stevers safely on the ground below. Yeah right. Easy for you to say. I decided to reverse the procedure I had used to get over the edge and onto the roof, whilst clinging to the lip of the first open vent. The rubber gasket over the aluminum panel had held me once, surely it would hold me again? Yes it did. And with a few very clear requests to have my spotter stop cracking nerve-wracking jokes, I was able to make my way down the ladder and into earthbound civilization once again.

The view was pretty neat up there. The sky was painted orange sherbet with streaks of steel blue against the line of trees behind the homes of our neighbors. As long as I stayed away from the edge and didn’t look down, I was fine. Hmmm. I quickly remembered during my descent, one of the first times I had to employ such a strategy. It wasn’t on the roof of a travel trailer. We’re talking many decades ago . . .

My dad was always afraid of heights. They call it acrophobia. I suppose you could hypothesize that I somehow identified with his fear, taking it on irrationally at an early age. I really don’t know how that works. What I remember is his frightful reaction to taking a ride on the Space Spiral at Cedar Point: an amusement park in Sandusky, Ohio. He would not go near the edge to look out the window. He stood frozen like a statue with his back to the wall of the elevating compartment in which we rode up then down. He said nothing but to scold us when we asked what was wrong. Wow. That was crippling fear.

Space Spiral, Cedar Point, Sandusky Ohio, going up in the air, amusement park, fear of heights, overcoming fear — Space Spiral rotating observation tower (1965-2012). Cedar Point, Sandusky, Ohio

The Space Spiral was a central attraction of the Midway or carnival area at Cedar Point. When I worked at the amusement park my sophomore year of college, I found it kind of relaxing to take a ride up over the park as I “played animal” on my day off. The energy of people screaming from the roller coasters, indulging in sugary treats, and sun-burning themselves while running from one attraction to another was kinda fun, amusing even to watch. Later in the summer I spent more of my free time taking the ferry from The Point to Sandusky to shop for real food. The employee cafeteria menu tasted too much like the commons in the dormitories at Eastern Michigan University and many of us know what dorm food is like, eh? Eeeek!

The feeling of my guts dropping into my loins when leaning over a ledge or riding the Space Spiral had never left me though. Sure, I visited other amusement parks and even returned to Cedar Point over the years. I even rode in a 4-seater Cessna transport plane over the mountain tops of the Sawtooth Mountains in Idaho with the windows open in the late 1990’s with little more than a quick prayer to pass my worries. But when I got back on the ground this past Sunday after climbing over the edge of our camper, I felt that very old fear flooding to the surface. The emotion overtook me for a time.

I stood in our driveway bleeding with tears. I had chosen to face my fear of heights, or rather my fear of leaning over the edge of a tall ledge, and finally won. I made an adult decision and the child inside became less afraid; I’ll know for sure the next time I have to crawl someplace ridiculously out of reach if the task is really complete or not. For now, I am no longer sad but rather pleased. I did it!

Who knows where this stuff that holds us back really comes from anyways. Only the Lord knows if we will have victory when that day comes and our countenance is tested. As for me, I believe that He also knows the activities, the experiences, the fullness of living that I have avoided over the course of my life due to this fear or that. I can see clearly that to live in any type of fear is not the way to go through my days. My Jesus is with me always. I will be o.k. I can take a look around, like the 360-degree turn of a Space Spiral and take in all there is before me with my eyes wide open, my arms wide open too.

Gentle Reader, there is so much living left to do! Won’t you join me in embracing something new today? I tell you: the sky is the limit! Tee hee. JJ

Looking for a hobby? Summer fun for a teen? Home business? Read on!

Published on May 27, 2015May 27, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

After three years developing and sharing Trinity Jewelry by Design, I am gratefully moving on to a new company, Two Step Solutions! Before I close up this Etsy shop, I have two announcements:

Everything on the website is 25% off with coupon code “SHOPCLOSINGSALE” until June 10th.
Trinity Jewelry by Design is for sale. This sale includes all of the tools, supplies, display materials, and training needed to get started making jewelry as a hobby or as a home business in handmade jewelry. Head to the listing on the website for more details on this special offer. The entire shop will close June 21st.

Thank you to the friends and visitors of the Hope Beyond blog for supporting TJ by D. Some of you are customers, some have provided helpful feedback and training, and many came alongside my creative journey with me. I am very grateful for you and that the Lord allowed me to learn new skills, make new friends, and have my own “occupational therapy” to keep me sane during some major changes in my life. You all rock!

Two Step Solutions will be my focus including the launch of my eBook this summer, Making Life Easier for Baby Boomers. You are invited to follow our blog at Two Step Solutions for the Active Tips and free resources that will make life easier for just about everyone really.

Take care, Just Julie