Category: Recovery from Serious Illness: Lyme, CIRS, & More

In my neighborhood

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If all I could see most days was that beyond my window

I would delight in the four seasons of color, of life given the neighborhood.

If all I could hear was the barks, creaks, whirring, whoosing inside our home

I would be reasonable for the solace of being alone brings peace between each one.

If all I could smell was the beast under my feet in our mostly clean house that we share

I would concede in the relative order of things that hasn’t gone to awry in my senesence.

If all I could feel was an occasional cool breeze blowing in from the opened blind beyond

I would love that this Fall has been quite mild, keeping my toes a wittle warmer at night.

If all I could sense was the softness of my baby blue-colored robe as I write these words to you

I would be glad for one area of comfort that stands out amongst the rest . . . in gratitude.

And if all of these things came true as they have this day in our home, in our neighborhood

Then I say that I am at peace with the world:  God is good.  All the time.  He is so very good.

For it is in the ordinary things of life in which we live and find our meaningfulness each day

On this street here with my hubby, our pup already asleep, with me saying “good night” one and all, and Godspeed too.

Psalm 121, peace, coming and going, gratitude, rest, forever

I miss you

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A Letter to My Former Self:

I miss you dear one:

Your silliness, creativity, spontaneity, occasional complaints.

You have left me here quite empty

With shards of who you once were hanging in a forgotten frame.

If only she would come back

All things would be right again with the world, no?

Yeah that is a definite nada

Since we can never retrace the exact steps that brought us here anyways.

“So what to do with my longing?” I ask.

That’s a tough question barely understanding the answer that has come,

For we will not be happy back there

This foolery we must shed to fully be present in the “now.”

For Christ alone provides the joy within

Not circumstances nor that driven by the shallowness of this life.

Better to place one’s heart in the Lord’s hands today

And consider the blessings that would have been missed had we gone another way.

I cannot get back what has been lost all these years

Better for me not to miss the opportunity before me this very hour,

 

Than to have myself facing the wrong way when my Savior comes to take me home.  JJ

ephesians 5, 5.17, ephesians, Lord, will, my life, let go, let God

Things come into focus

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The recipe just wouldn’t do:  this brew concocted for my veins

I winced in shock when I saw the potential for disaster next week

And made the call to express my concerns, my fears in shaky voice.

The Assistant was gracious, no complaints there but what about him

Whom had not been available yet directs my care via messaging

And has way too many details engaged to respond to my simple needs?

Just to stop the seizures and minimize the suffering is all I really want

But that is the golden coin just beyond my reach now matter how long

And how far, how often, how many, how little, how far-reaching the attempts have been.

You’d think after nearly 5 years since this hell on earth began in my tender frame

That one of these brilliant folk would have figured it out by now, but NO(!), longer I wait —

And believe me I have tried, have prayed, have laid down my sword along the way too.

Nothing of  note has come to pass although the hell is generally shorter and less robust

I still live in impending doom every day, still waiting for the spike that rocks my world

And consumes me as much as it frustrates; I hold on to the moments in time I have here or there.

Someday this suffering will be over, I am assured since it was not always here

My Lord, my Savior is coming back for me and His to make all things new and right

And that includes an end to my daily trials:  oh how sweet that day will be, maybe soon!

Until then Gentle Reader, say your truth whilst asking for what you need

Let those in the know hear you and stick with those who bother to care

And one day soon, the focus will be on something else than your strife, my dear, guaranteed, guaranteed.  JJ

Ecclesiastes, 3:11, beautiful, in His time, waiting on the Lord, patience, waiting, burdens, trials, God, Lord, Jesus, trust, Christian, answers

 

 

Now for some horticulture therapy!

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Some good things noted in our gardens this year included:

  • Plants from our local Master Gardener Plant Sale did really well at bargain prices; patience paid off by the end of the season for the new rose bush ($5) and 2 tomato plants ($1 each).
  • Variegated liriope (with the purple flower spikes) was a great addition to our newest island bed (until the rabbits found them!)
  • Around the flagstone patio, the hydrangeas, Japanese maple, dwarf mugo pine, and Golden Thread cypress have matured to form a nice screen between us and the neighbors.
  • We got a nice showing from the (clumping) bamboo through continuous soil enhancements and 7 years of waiting.
  • The hydrangea vine that now covers a great deal of the trellis by the front door bloomed for the 2nd Spring in a row after waiting 6 years.
  • Elle continue to love drinking out of the bird bath almost as much as the birdies.
  • The anise hyssop re-seeded itself at the base of the trellis on the left of the patio instead of the right this year.
  • Walker’s Low Catmint is the most profuse blooming perennial I have ever seen.
  • Painting the planters black that adorn the bird bath was a good idea, helping to keep the focus on the annuals planted within them.
  • I got to make a lovely Fall wreath from our hydrangea blooms (picture to follow).
  • Dahlias never disappoint; I’m glad I planted all 3 of them in the front yard this year.
  • We are grateful for our first, ever-bearing harvest of blackberries since establishing the raised bed 4 years ago.

Footnotes for improvements next year:

  • Put hardware cloth (wire fencing) in front of the mulch pile to keep out critters from dining on new additions.
  • Move the wisteria by the left trellis and the cannas from between the trellises to sunnier areas.
  • Install a new and permanent mylar deterrent above the bluebird house to scare off intruders.  Ours blew off!
  • Coach our plant sitters a little more carefully when we are away to keep the cucumbers from perishing.
  • Thin out the native plant bed to help keep ahead of the lemon balm re-seeding and Catmint spreading.
  • Re-work the new strawberry bed area to save time trimming around everything.
  • Oh and about 15 other projects!  Is a gardener’s work ever really done?

Thank you Lord for your bounty and beauty, the grace and strength to keep things going as best as I could, the blessings of sharing our harvest with others, and for a lovely view out my window on the days you know I needed it most.  You are so good to me!  JJ

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Slow but sure

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Whenever my Dad’s mom was facing a setback in her health she had one phrase regarding her progress, “I am getting there, slow but sure.”  She might be in the hospital with an exceedingly painful case of shingles but her response was just the same.  Surely this attitude endeared many of the medical staff to care for her just a little more.  I sure appreciated her more when she reassured me with these words over the phone 300 miles away.

slow but sure, slowly but surely, senior crossing, traffic sign, grandma, grandmother, sign

I have decided to borrow this attitude for myself.  Perhaps it will help with another temporary setback as I recover from a recent biopsy of my thyroid.  My neck hurts!  The procedures and resulting discomfort have triggered more noxious symptoms including those related to hormone fluctuations:  temperature dysregulation, blood sugar swings, occasional tearfulness, etc.  But it had to be done:  my third round of biopsies over the years at least this time was performed under conscious sedation.  Gratefully I did not have to be awake when they pushed that very long needle into my neck.  Eeeeek!

My recovery is coming along, slow but sure.  Today I was able to be upright more hours than yesterday and hopefully I will be able to leave the house tomorrow for an appointment before my infusion of antibiotics in the afternoon.  The latter continue 3x per week as they will very likely for the total of a year of IV ceftriaxone.  We are trusting the Lord to provide for all of this; we have had to pay thousands per month ourselves for most of this year.  With treatment by a naturopath and genetic coach, compounded medications and supplements, and every kind of co-pay there is, we should qualify for a medical tax deduction for the year without any problem!

At least now I am not failing unto death any more.  What good would I be to anyone to allow my health to decline without a fight?  I believe the Lord gave me a brain, five years, and an unusual provision of resources to get this job done so getter done I shall with my beloved Stevers leading the way.  Slowly but surely this train will reach the proverbial “Station*” just in time someday with a little less baggage for having fought the good fight.  And it looks like things may be looking up soon (provided the biopsy results indicate that the thyroid nodules are benign!).  Regardless:  God is good.  All the time.  God is good.

I hope that you know that to be true too, Gentle Reader.  Feel free to tell me about it below . . .

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*https://justjuliewrites.com/2013/03/24/the-station-by-robert-j-hastings/