Jesus is for the Wounded

And then it gets real . . .

Published on July 28, 2013July 28, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded4 Comments

It is now 6:39 p.m. on a beautiful Saturday and I am grateful to be able to function at a low level once again. Sometimes your own posts become your best medicine! I am so glad that I had the opportunity to explore the topic of suffering before two hellish nights. Sigh. Perhaps this suffering shall pass in time . . .

Low Dose Naltrexone, a compounded medication used off-label to raise a person’s pain threshold and boost the immune system of someone with an autoimmune disease, is now ruled out for me. Just 1.75 mg taken at bedtime the past 2 nights was enough to set off violent seizure attacks! Oh yeah, I’ve had some of these attacks more often lately, but not for 1 1/2 hours in a row with hardly a break to breathe! The duration was much longer this morning with longer breaks in between additional episodes. After 2 hours then 3 hours then 4 hours of sleep, “I am able to function at a low level once again.” This saga is a bite in the shorts for sure. I AM FRIED.

So what did I learn here?

First, it’s time for more than one-half of a day break after completing one treatment regime before beginning the next one! Healing from a chronic illness is a process, not a race.

Second, it’s time to simplify my daily routine even more. Cleaning the entire house every week is just not going to happen for awhile. This is a bummer since I am paranoid about dust accumulating, since we completed the mold remediation of our home. Maybe the dust is cleaner now?

Third, it’s time to ask for help when I need it and not just from my husband. A few ladies have offered assistance over these past 2 years of illness and I have rarely accepted it. Maybe I could use help with a few things during this particular time.

Fourth, I must continue keeping my mind filled with scripture, Christian music, Christian messages and uplifting images to ward off the temptations and lies of the Evil One. I must not fall into despair. I must not keep apologizing for the effects of an illness that are clearly out of my control. I must live as though the Lord is creating a masterpiece from the fragments of my shattered life, picking up each piece as if it were a treasure and not another burden. God will use this for His glory and my good. I must hang in there for the finished work.

Fifth, I must keep writing, including the good, the bad, and the ugly. And when I do, I will continue to leave my gentle readers with hope by the time I reach the last period. To write has been an incredible salve for my wearied frame, my wearied mind. My soul, well that’s already in the hands of my Savior.

I am hungry again! But it’s more-than-time for an Epsom salt-and-baking-soda bath and a shower! Perhaps the Beanitos chips and unsalted dry roasted whole cashews I just ate for dinner while writing this will tide me over just a little longer? Hope so.

Seeya next time, perhaps with better news. :J

Footnotes on Suffering

Published on July 27, 2013July 27, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

To sustain us through the tough times, many of us turn to God and to prayer. In this short article from today’s e-newsletter of the Vision Beyond Borders ministry, we can find encouragement and strength. Let us allow God’s Holy Word to wash over us and consider Patrick Klein’s remarks as one who has seen suffering beyond what we can even fathom here in the United States of America. We are blessed to have the freedom to be able to read and share these sentiments today:

Hebrews 12:12-13 says, “Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.” This is talking about someone who has already been involved in the race. It is someone who has been pursuing the Lord and His purposes, but is growing weary and tired from the race. It is the point when they have hit the wall, and must dig deep to keep persevering.

When we feel burdened beyond our own strength to endure, it is then that we must remember not to rely on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead! We don’t want to start well then grow tired, but to be those who persevere, endure and finish well. We can’t do that in our own strength, but only through Jesus and only by setting His example continually before us; by looking to Jesus the author and FINISHER of our faith! (Hebrews 12:2)

This passage also tells us to make level paths for our feet. The word for paths here is “trochia”. It is literally translated as an imprint left by wheels – like a rut. We must realize that we are all leaving a rut in the ground for others to follow. No matter where God has us, there are people who are looking to us and our example. We must be careful that the path we are leaving is one that is level and straight, that it will not cause others to stumble, but it will be one of healing!

This passage comes directly after God explains how we are to persevere in the midst of our suffering, knowing God uses it to strengthen us…and not just us, but those who come after us! May He strengthen us to persevere for His Kingdom and His Glory. May we be a vessel of His healing as we leave a straight path for others!

I do pray that all of us wherever we are in the world will be healed of our infirmities in this life. We know that by His stripes we are healed from the consequences of sin and death (1 Peter 2:24), by repenting and believing in the sacrificial death and resurrection of Jesus Christ (John 3:16). We know that one day there will be no more pain and suffering (Rev 21:4). While it is possible that it may happen in each of our lifetimes, there are no guarantees of this per se. Rather than be discouraged, join me in being encouraged that all pain and suffering can be used for His glory if we but keep our eyes fixed on Him, persevere, and endure. The trials can be used to strengthen us, lead others to the Source of our strength, and mature us (James 1:4) for our eternal reward in heaven (Rev 22:12).

And that, gentle readers, is enough to get me up and running again every time. Even today when out of sorts. How about you?

Beyond the Movie and the Video: Part 2

Published on July 26, 2013July 26, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

In my last blog I shared the following resources for those wanting to learn more about the experience of Lyme Disease and the journey to healing:

— The movie: Under Our Skin and

— The video story of Christa and Justin’s experience with Lyme Disease.

Links to these two are in the References Section of the Categories in the right-hand column. In this blog I’d like to go one step further. In my humble opinion, the most important journey regardless of whether we are sick or well, however, has nothing to do with an illness. The big, “It” in life to me is not determined merely by our attitude, our fitness, our success, our offspring, the work we do, the things we create. I submit to you that what “it” is about in this life is where you land on the path to meaningfulness.

Research shows that on one’s deathbed many people ask: was what I did, what I said, what I thought, whom or what I loved, what I experienced worth anything in the end? King Solomon tells us many times in the Old Testament Book of Ecclesiastes that the stuff of this life in the end is all “meaningless, like chasing after the wind.” Well if that’s coming from the wisest man that ever lived (next to Jesus Christ), putting our faith in the stuff of this life won’t get us anywhere! So translated to my current life experience: even if I recover from Lyme Disease and the associated illnesses, what does it matter if I have not wrestled with the larger questions of life? And if this is true, why do I spend so much time and energy on the earthly things? The answer is probably because I am weak and distracted from my Lord and Savior too much of the time.

I was reminded today by another blogger (The Busy Mom) that I would be wise to spend more time focusing on what the apostle Paul teaches in the New Testament Book of Philippians:

⁸Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (4:8)

Sounds good. These thoughts surely will create a positive effect on my healing from the inside out. And further, the words of Sarah Young in her book Jesus Calling suggested that a spirit of thankfulness awakens my awareness to a multitude of blessings, cushioning the impact of the trials of life (p. 215). She pointed to scripture that teaches we are to:

¹⁸give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. (1 Thess 5:18)

Therefore if I were to dabble more in these words of scripture I would simply fill my thoughts as noted above. Yeah but I still couldn’t do it in my own strength when the noxious symptoms and tasks of recovering from illness distract me from everything else, even God’s Word. When I am so weak that I cannot lift my head off of the pillow, I submit to you that to fulfill these commands are impossible without the power, grace and love that comes from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit of the Triune God must speak them into my heart. It is only with God, James also teaches us in the New Testament, that we can:

²Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,^[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, ³because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. ⁴Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. ⁵If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. ⁶But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

And the rewards of following the Lord are worth it. I won’t be lost in the rumination of my mind going over and over my sorry lot in life when I meditate on these words. I will no longer be distracted by pain, my list of “have nots,” and my unfulfilled wish list for this stage in my life. Exasperation will give way to peace. And most importantly for me, the journey will not be wasted. The journey will be rich with meaning, with discovery, with wonder. The earthly emotions of emptiness, guilt, discouragement, despair, and so on will fade away. Joy will come in the morning and in the night as well.

Those gentle readers who have died to self and trusted in the hope, promise, and saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, know what I am talking about. We can turn to His Word that He gave us for countless reminders of how He loves us, sees us exactly as we are in the circumstances and circus of our lives. We will never be alone whether in the midst of others or weary on our sick beds (Psalm 41:3). The benefits outweigh the risks of letting go and letting the God of Creation enter into our hearts: the One Who will come again in glory, restoring us to glory. We will dwell in a heavenly realm with him forevermore and that is a time far beyond our wildest imaginations. Forever with the Lord will be a time rich with meaningfulness!

Yes. I have Lyme Disease and a whole host of things wrong with me and my life. Yes. I am a child of the King Who goes before me, leads me, holds me, knows me, and is coming again for me and for you too. I pray that you will join me in looking beyond your circumstances for a NEW HOPE BEYOND LYME. It’s worth it!

Trading My Sorrows for the Joy of the Lord

A Movie and a Video that “Get It”

Published on July 26, 2013 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Watch for free, the movie that get’s it on the topic of Lyme Disease: a comprehensive story of the typical journey of diagnosis, treatment, and recovery.

http://www.hulu.com/search?q=under+our+skin

Keep in mind while watching the movie that, while many of us will choose to add other strategies to our treatment regime, most cannot get will without the use of antibiotics at one stage or another of recovery.

Another more personal story of recovery that mimics my journey a little more closely is the story of Christa and Justin. They are a Christian couple from Canada who married before Christa was diagnosed with Lyme Disease, moved to the USA for her treatment, and are now in the stage of reclaiming their lives as Christa is healing. Their story is kind of like me moving to Indiana to marry Steve when I was healthy yet had a chronic pain condition, then was diagnosed with Lyme Disease about 4 years later. Steve and I understand the stress that recovery from Lyme Disease can put on a new marriage. As you watch the video, note that I experience a somewhat milder version of Christa’s seizure attacks and incredible headaches. Fast forward the video to see what those are like.

www.justinandchrista.ca

I too am grateful for a God-honoring life partner in my husband Steve, whom the Lord selected to accompany me on my journey to healing. The journey has been extremely difficult yet I will treasure the precious words we exchanged just last night for the rest of my life. We have come so far and have more to go before our own Lyme story is complete. We have much for which to be grateful, despite the hardships too.

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See Part 2 for the Story that is not covered in the video: the path to meaningfulness.

When you know you have to make a decision

Published on July 24, 2013July 26, 2013 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

I suppose that each of us has our own process that we go through when we know that we must make an important decision. Some make lists of pros and cons on either side of the issue, others ask everyone else in their lives for advice, a few go “intellectual” doing exhaustive internet research, and there’s at least a couple of folks who hire an expert to make the decision for them! As Christ-followers, we are called to submit our will to that of the Father (“thy kingdom come, thy will be done”) for His glory, knowing that it will be for our highest good. The Father knows best and knows us best, through our personal relationship with Jesus Christ. This brings peace of mind, confidence in going forward, and hope. But it doesn’t feel very good in the moment sometimes . . .

The fateful night my former spouse was confronted with having an affair, he denied it then proceeded to blame me for having one! Unbelievable! In my shock and horror, I had to make an important decision on the same night that I found out about his affair. From somewhere inside of me I asked Craig to leave for the night. He did. And he never came back again. Well, I wasn’t expecting that for sure! Turns out that his personality would change completely that night. Shortly thereafter, he walked away from virtually everyone he knew, his church, his family, and of course me for a very long time. I understand now that he has reconciled with some of the parties.

The follow-up decision was more difficult: the decision to file for divorce. I wondered how in the world would I support myself in a large city, working part time for health reasons, dealing with two deaths in the family and my mother’s cancer diagnosis, and then losing my job altogether? From somewhere inside of me I found the truth I needed to take the steps needed to reclaim my life. The process took dreadfully long and much more heartache would follow before I was finally independent again. One and one-half years later, I landed in my own place with a new job; I was starting to resurface from the mire, rebuild my life. Then one more devastating blow followed with a condo fire that required me to become displaced for a few months without most of my personal belongings. At this point I was completely lost. Who was I now? The treasured things that provided comfort during one of the biggest transitions of my life were gone, being ozonized in a warehouse somewhere! I crumbled into a shell of a person and would never be the same again.

The next big decision to make was: where to live? From somewhere inside of me I got the idea to ask the elders of my church for guidance. My own father was estranged from my family and thus not available and the ideas of friends and family were all over the map, so to speak. I moved forward with purchasing my own condo with virtually all of my remaining assets and turns out that it was a good choice. The chaos in my life finally stopped and the most important decisions lessened to paint colors and flooring styles. I had a blast decorating my new home. It was beautiful. Even the balcony became a secret garden getaway with some of my favorite flowers and antiques.

And just when I was telling my single girlfriends how much fun we were going to have in the new year, 2007, I came into contact with Steve. Two years after the finalization of the divorce, I decided to return his invitation to call him and before long, my life was moving in the direction of Indiana. Eeeek, Indiana? Folks in Chicagoland equate Indiana with the dirty industrial town of Gary. Steve lived in a relatively small town, 250 miles from where I had been living for 23 years. From somewhere inside of me, I knew that I would be moving to Indiana. Steve’s history resonated so much with mine it triggered a child-like sense of wonder. He flew radio-controlled model airplanes and I grew up with all of the men and boys in my family flying their predecessor: line-controlled airplanes. Steve cycled and so did Craig. Steve had been a leader in his church and so had Craig. The men at church and his sons looked up to Steve and this is where the similarities to Craig ended. Steve’s character exceeded that of most men I had ever met at any time, of any age. I may have fallen in love with him before we even met. We became friends over the phone lines. From somewhere inside of me I knew that Steve was set apart for me.

As time went on, my process of making decisions would change. From somewhere inside of me I learned to ask Steve about the decisions in my life as a way of honoring him, improving communication between us, and bringing us closer together. I learned that it is the Lord’s design for a man to lead his household and his wife as an expression of love, obedience to Christ, and his protection and care for her. This independent-minded Chicagoland healthcare professional would be transformed into a loving wife who seeks to please her husband as the Lord leads and empowers me to do so. I am grateful, I am humbled to say that submission to Steve has made me a better person. Wow. I am still a work in progress in this regard and that’s what grace brings.

So why did I write this blog anyways? It is rather shocking perhaps to bare the hairy details of a painful process of divorce and maybe uncomfortable for others to read how the Lord may actually have had a hand in such things to bring about a greater good. Even the goodness does not cover the pain that can remain until it gets worked out, let go of over an indefinite amount of time. So many people got during hurt these past 10 years in addition to me, in addition to Steve. I grieve the loss of family life that Steve’s four children had to endure through the heartache of their own divorce story. Tis pretty clear why God hates divorce. He wants to spare us these wounds and give us much goodness through the joys of family life. In the end, from somewhere inside of us, we must decide to trust Him, know that He is God, know that He loves and knows us intimately, and that “thy kingdom come, thy will be done.” It is our decision to use that which God allows in our lives to grow us into better human beings, better stewards of His gifts, grace, and promises. He uses the very hurt that grieves us to bring unspeakable joy if we but bother to recover from that hurt, let go, and keep moving forward until His return someday in glory.

For those who know Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, the Holy Spirit is that which can move “from somewhere inside of us.” He is my Heavenly Husband, my first true love who knew me before time began, before I was born. My decision today is to continue to look to Him for things big and small, following the lead of my earthly husband as well. If the Lord is faithful in the crises of life, as this blog shows that He has been so exceedingly, He will be faithful in the breath-by-breath wonderings I face today as well.

Ahhhhh. Such a great reminder from You inside my heart on a wacky Tuesday. Thanks Lord.