woman – Page 7 – Jesus is for the Wounded

Something old, something new

Published on October 3, 2018October 3, 2018 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Soon I will come up on the seven year anniversary of when serious illness entered my life. No, I won’t be kayaking in the Cedarville Reservoir to commemorate October 11, 2011! That’s the day I contracted viral hepatitis and never really recovered. It’s been a complicated journey since then, trying to get well.

Soon I will meet with my Doctor and see what he thinks about a new treatment with which I have been experimenting. Recently I wrote about how devastated I was when some vascular studies revealed no new information about why the convulsive episodes continue. Over the next week I dwelt at the foot of the Cross of my Savior and He showed me some things I had not considered before: many of the triggers of episodes have had something to do with my neck. The CT Angiogram helped me examine this issue more closely and led me back to a comment by an ENT specialist back in January. He said I should look into vagal nerve seizures and so I did. That process led me to pursue specialized dental appliances that helped take pressure off of most of the cranial nerves involved in episodes and they started coming down within a day or two. Adjustments in the appliances helped further then the improvements waxed and waned as time went on. It is now 7 months later. They are a pain to wear and look weird. What else could be going on?

Soon I may have more of an answer to that question as I experiment with specific stimulation of one of the 12 cranial nerves: the vagus nerve as it travels through my neck area. A person has to be careful with this as it lies in close proximity, distal to the carotid arteries, thyroid, and parathyroid glands in the front of the neck. Indeed vagal nerve seizures is a part of some forms of epileptic seizures and is treated with a surgically implanted vagal nerve stimulator. A person has to have a diagnosis of intractable epilepsy or migraine headaches with treatment failures from trials of two types of medications before it is deemed medically feasible. For me, no epileptiform activity was ever detected in EEG sleep studies even though numerous convulsive episodes occurred during two different studies in two different clinics. I now wonder if they should have been watching the heart monitor not the EEG monitor when the episodes spiked. Changes in heart rate and other vitals can accompany a seizure. I have experienced this. Were these factors recorded but missed in my clinical studies?

vagus nerve, vagal nerve seizures, vagal nerve stimulation, non-epileptic seizures, psychogenic seizures

Hopefully soon my experimentation with two different vibrating wands will stop these wretched seizure attacks altogether. I found 2 very simple devices that I could carry with me, experimented until I figured out which ones work better at a given time of day. The high-frequency wand makes me sleepy so I use it at night. The lower frequency wand is more effective during the daytime should I feel the symptoms of a pre-tic episode. How cool is this? Yes, I still need to avoid certain head-and-neck positions due to other cervical spine issues, get back into either chiropractic care or physical therapy, and review everything with my primary Doctor. I will continue wearing my specialized dental appliances. In the meantime, it sure is nice having a better option than Prednisone (which I can only take in emergency situations!) to bring real relief for daily involuntary head-banging!

Will letcha know really soon, Gentle Reader if this all leads to something GOOD. In the meantime, I am encouraged. And grateful. Thank you Lord, for bringing hope beyond what I can see once again. JJ

It’s like I’m writing my thesis again

Published on September 27, 2018September 28, 2018 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

A long time ago in another State, marriage, home, and occupation I was writing my Master’s thesis. As a matter of fact the weekend after I came home from my honeymoon (with the man who eventually decided he was Mr. Wrong), I spent over 20 hours pounding on the keys of an IBM computer. Remember word processing in DOS? No, not me either. That actually came 3 years later. I was typing at a TYPEWRITER and hired a TYPIST to create the final 125-page report! Back then a trip to the copy place was an event and choosing the right type of watermark paper could make a difference between acceptance and rejection of an important document. At least having it professionally bound was not a requirement back then . . .

All of that typing did not do me, my forearms, nor the first years of my marriage any good. Eventually I graduated with my Master of Science degree with a thesis that was as long as most Doctoral dissertations at the time! Oh well. That’s what happens when your first reader is a scholar in your profession and your third reader is the head of the Department of Occupational Therapy in addition to being a pioneer in the field as well. I remember Dr. Anne Fisher handing back to me the 11th total re-write of my baby: it was covered in red ink! “You are a good writer,” she said. Say what? Could you maybe mention that to your ball point pen my dear professor! Sigh. Back to the typewriter I went on my way to bilateral epicondylitis or whatever. I think eventually the repetitive motion injury from typing turned into fibromyalgia. So I got more than my “MS” degree in graduate school but I digress.

That was 25 years ago. I now live in a different State with my Intended Beloved, a different occupation, pet dog, hobbies, gardens, vehicles, hair styles, family, friends, church, and dress size! It’s all good. And today I completed three different writing projects and it only took about 12 hours! Thank goodness for word processing, the internet, and Office Depot! The 3 projects included:

Editing and completing the photo layouts/covers of the Fall issue of Canoe News of the United States Canoe Association. My husband, Steve, is the Editor and I am the Assistant Editor of this quarterly publication; Fall brings the biggest issue of the year. It took me about a week to get into the right health state to do what needed to be done and now in the wee hours of the morning I am ready to send it back to my River Bear.
Revising the Huntertown Family Park Rain Garden Project proposal and submitting it to my contact person at the Department of Natural Resources Urban Wildlife Program in application for supplemental funding.
Finally figuring out the Microsoft Sway online software program enough to a) export the October issue of Across the Fence to Word then b) create a pdf file to c) email it to the Horticulture Educator at the Allen County Purdue Extension Office. This will be my first issue as Editor of the ATF newsletter for the Master Gardeners. The Educator has been answering all my questions and yet it has been frustrating for both of us. I hit quite a few snafus with the program not working correctly in our Chrome browser at home; going back to Internet Explorer appears to have solved the problems for now!

Tomorrow will be a rest day. A good volunteer must do her jobs then rest and recover the next day. Part of my day will be praising the Lord that I could even do these tasks with the lingering effects of serious illness. Thank you Jesus for sustaining me, clearing my mind, and helping me to do the tasks to which I am called. I do pray for restoration now as there are many unfinished chores throughout the house. Please help me to take care of the things you have entrusted to my life, to love and serve my Stevers. I know that You see my responsibilities and weaknesses and watch over all of the details of my life. I rest in your gracious care my Lord. To You be the glory for the good things accomplished this day.

In Jesus name, amen. JJ

Canoe News, paddling, competition, racing, wife, magazine, Editor, racing, USCA, volunteer — Cover photo from Canoe News, October 2018

rain garden, rocks, drainage, flooding, native plants, volunteer — Rain Garden model bed pending for the Huntertown Family Park

But the old friend has no name

Published on September 22, 2018 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

My hope went underground when the testing described in my last post revealed nothing of value. I was crushed. My beloved hubby had to take part of a day off of work and I had to take two drugs to be able to tolerate the contrast dye. My doctor sent over new orders to the hospital on the morning of the test, creating further complications. That new test was not yet authorized by my insurance company. So would I have to come back and take more drugs, Steve take more time off of work when both tests could be done that day within minutes? What shall we do? The radiology staff nor us knew what to do.

We decided that since I do have a secondary insurance, to proceed with both the CT angiogram of the neck and the CT angiogram of the head that day. The views would be with my head and neck in a neutral position, not in neck extension (which is the position that triggers convulsive episodes). So I decided to lie on the exam table with my neck partially extended. True to form, soon after they pushed the iodine contrast dye into my veins a tic then seizure attack erupted! I couldn’t speak. Steve let them know the course that these things take so the staff lifted me off the treatment table, onto a gurney, and into an empty room in the adjacent MRI suites. There we were in the dark until my personal hell decided to stop. (See here if you haven’t seen it yet.) Steve helped me to the bathroom via wheelchair, the tech wheeled me out to the exit of the hospital, and we were on our way home. Somehow I cleaned up once home and got myself to bed to sleep off the drugs for the next 6 hours! The stress, the drugs in my body diminished thereafter. All there was left to do was deal with the trauma of what had happened and wait for the test results . . . No problem, right?

What followed represents the good and the bad of the patient having access to her own test results through the electronic medical record mandated by the Affordable Care Act. I got my test results 3 WEEKS before the Doctor appointment scheduled to review them! The test was on a Friday and on Tuesday I was reading the radiology reports. I was crushed. There were no vascular anomalies that would explain why tipping my head backwards, certain chiropractic adjustments, sleeping on my left side, and a host of other identifiable kinesio/sensory stimuli trigger violent convulsive episodes. Further, the question remained as to why these episodes are continuing, albeit of less intensity and duration overall, 6 months after treatment with specialized dental appliances? This treatment brought me an 80% reduction in seizure attacks. But after chiropractic treatment resumed, that number started to go down: the episodes had started to increase again. The “old friend” has returneth but still has no name . . . no cause.

In a future post, I may disclose the profound effect of this dead end in my seven years of battling a serious illness. Last week after yet another difficult medical process revealed no answers, I really wanted to die. Within a day that feeling changed and I continued on with my activities of daily living, some volunteer projects, and prepared to attend a women’s retreat within a few more days. The time away helped some. I don’t want to die I just don’t know really how to live this way anymore. There may be some clues in the test results of what to focus on next related to a thyroid condition — or maybe not. My veracious researching a cause, a cure has come to a screeching halt. Right now is the time for me to dwell in the eternal space of my Savior, Jesus Christ and lie this illness at the foot of His Cross. The lies of Satan and his tools of discouragement can go to hell with him, period.

Can’t say much more than that right now. Tomorrow I need to be up and energetic at an event I thought I could volunteer at in preparation for another project of greater interest to me. We’ll see how it goes. My alarm is set. But the get up and go, the drive in my heart is more asleep than I am at the moment.

Maybe something good will happen soon? I’ll letcha know if it does, Gentle Reader. You are always on my heart and the first to know as usual, k? JJ

The times inbetween

Published on August 14, 2018August 14, 2018 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Tis a time for more resting than doing

And it is unusual for me to give into the slower pace

But give in I must.

The rain garden project awaits an instructor’s touch

While our own landscape decides if bushes or an Amilsh “mini garage”

Will grace the outer banks of our bedroom.

Shall I attempt to rip out the red twig dogwoods,

My fav in garden beds here and the ‘burbs of Chicago

That don’t really like their sunny home but delight the view out the bedroom window til late summer?

The dog days of hot weather have sapped my zest for projects, most anything green

Or maybe it’s from having to stay home when hubby got to go without me

To his National paddling competition afar; yeah I was too tired to even go.

Yeah, I’m kinda down about all the failures these past 2 months —

Alas the Lord spoke to my heart; now maybe they shall give rise to something better for me?

The times in between the hills n valleys can bring a fresh new look

If I but heed the call to slow things down a bit, to rest

There are but a few tic zips here and there so I do believe something is going right at last!

Thank you Lord for seeing me through to this day

For allowing me to pass through the fiery tests, the times of despair, and hopelessness too

I may even get to go paddle locally tomorrow with my beloved River Bear. Now won’t that just be saweet if I do? JJ

The Battery Effect

Published on June 21, 2018June 21, 2018 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

A transition was coming. I did not know that at the time. I longed for a change of some sort yet continued to struggle. And then the Lord moved in a BIG WAY. Did the man the Lord used to help me know the difference he had made?

I was two years into the role of a divorced woman and much of the rough road had become smoother. The Lord provided a cute condo just for me in a nice suburb of Chicago, a “little black race car,” and good job. Physical limitations required me to work 3/4 time yet gratefully my profession of occupational therapy pays well so I could still support myself. It was still a tough time in my life. The stress contributed to a back injury that put me out of work without pay then right when I might default on my mortgage payment I was able to return to work. Amazing. And that is how the Lord provided for me during a total of 3 tough years: just in time, right on time, and only after completely submitting to my Heavenly Husband and Father.

The Thursday night Bible study at the home of Pat and Mary was an important refuge for me during those years. Pat brought to life the books of the Bible with detailed history and applications that made a difference for all of us. He led us in prayer where we lifted each other up before the Father in the name of Jesus Christ; the love was palpable. Members came and went yet were never forgotten. Most of them knew my former spouse from years together in that living room. It didn’t matter later on. I am grateful that Craig led me to the fellowship that would make a difference then and even this past weekend. Here’s why.

His name escapes me of the younger-than me gentleman who was a part of the Bible study who offered to help me with my car. I understood that he was happily married with children and thriving in the IT field. I needed a new battery for my Honda Civic but could not find the money for it. Through Pat within the following week, I learned that the guy whom I barely knew had offered to pay for it! I was grateful and humbled. Life went on and the car worked great however I did not see this man again for many weeks on a Thursday night. I’m sure I sent a thank you note but never got to tell him in person the difference and encouragement that came from his actions.

And then my life changed again: my mother passed away. I was already exhausted from the grievous circumstances surrounding her death and, at the same time, grateful that I got to see her out-of-state the day before she died. Incredible. Then much to the surprise of my brother and I, she had left behind an inheritance that would meet all of my needs in the near future. Whew. Such a paradox! So many mixed emotions. I had no idea; I thought she had squandered her hard-earned income that came from years working as an office manager at Hercules Machine Tool and Die in the Detroit area. There was more leftover. My brother and I had more to focus on than this so we each proceeded as we thought best while dealing with our childhood home, his ultimate need to find another place to live, etc. An extended family member’s role saw to all of that for sure as my Mom’s chosen Executor of her estate. (No, that was not me.)

So I decided to purchase a new car! And then I felt guilty! So I sought the counsel of my Bible study leader who taught me to enjoy the Lord’s financial blessing yet hold it lightly. As a Christian the stuff of life has no eternal value yet we are to be good stewards of the resources bestowed to us. I tithed then proceeded with my purchase, enjoyed my saweet Hyundai Tuscon. Sure was nice having a good vehicle to take me to-and-from my new love interest in Indiana. Things started looking better in some ways, in others there was still a cauldron of confusing emotions.

The gentleman who bought me the new battery for my old Honda Civic showed up sometime later at the Thursday night Bible study. I was at the stage of purchasing the new car and trading in the old one, sharing my incredible mix of events. The look on his face seemed to express “incredulous.” Not sure if he was happy for me or sad. His donation of a new battery was now in the hands of an unknown party. The look on his face stayed with me for the next ELEVEN YEARS. Did he know that his encouragement gave me the courage to go on with my life? To trust in the provision ultimately of my Heavenly Father? I didn’t think so. And I never got an opportunity to thank this man in person; he left shortly after the end of our prayer time that night.

Eleven years later I ran into Pat and Mary at the Memorial Service of a brother in Christ: this past weekend. We laughed, we reminisced, we spoke of our mighty Lord and how He had restored the years the locusts had eaten in my life, twice! (Well, probably more than that actually!) My intended beloved, Steve, and I enjoyed a lovely time of fellowship with Pat and Mary in addition to many others who helped walk me through those important years when I worshiped at Village Bible Church; many were there on Saturday. Before we left I had to ask Pat one more thing: did the gentleman who bought me the new battery ever knew the incredible blessing he gave me? Did he understand that I really needed it at the time? That his actions gave me the courage I would need to move on when a time of financial restoration would follow, albeit quickly? Pat said that he did. He said that it was a blessing for him to help me. Sigh. Really? Oh Lord, I do hope so.

The gentleman’s name is Rich. Lord, please bless Rich and his family, work, and life this day. Let him know the generosity and goodness that you brought to me so many years ago and lead Him in your ways always. I pray that he continues to seek you and bless others with what gifts you have given him as he did for me. May our Lord be glorified in all this goodness that comes to any of us amidst the trials of this life. Your fingerprint is here for me, for Rich, and for you too, Gentle Reader. In due time for those who believe in the name and sacrifice of Jesus Christ, we shall be lifted up and made new one day, sharing in the glory beyond our wildest dreams. Tis a decision worth making, a journey worth taking. Thank you Jesus for Pat and Mary too. I pray that you bless them as well for their faithful teaching and living every day for You.

1 Peter 4:8-10 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Beep! Beep! :J