seizures – Page 32 – Jesus is for the Wounded

When there’s no where else to go

Published on February 20, 2015February 20, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

Sometimes I am not quite sure why I am crying, this late in the game. I’ve been here before, I know my Heavenly Husband is in charge, and I haven’t died no matter how severe the symptoms have gotten. My husband and I have seen the Lord work amazingly through this illness. New skills have come, I am grateful to have met you Gentle Reader, and by the grace of God we have overcome tremendous trials together. Healing is on the horizon with a new treatment direction . . . I even have my own company on the drawing board to fulfill my entrepreneurial dreams. So how can I possibly be sad?

I am sad because it is normal to be sad when suffering. I am sad, grieving if you will, for all of the losses even if it was good to let some people, places and things leave my life once again. I am sad that Steve and I had to lose so much to gain so much goodness. We almost missed “it” so many times! I am glad that we are more in love now than ever before and it came though an extremely difficult path. No longer do I ask the questions “why” and “what if?” More often my question is “when?” When will this hell be over?

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Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage. (Galatians 5:1)

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. (Colossians 3:2)

For God has not given us a sprit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)

And let us not grow weary while doing good for in due season we shall reap if we do no lose heart. (Galatians 6:9)

. . . but we also glory in tribulations knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. (Romans 5: 3b-4)

. . . being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6)

But I want you to know, brethren, that the things which happened to me have actually turned out for the furtherance of the gospel. (Philippians 1:12)

Therefore I ask that you do not lose heart at my tribulations for you, which is your glory. (Ephesians 3:13)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (Philippians 4:13)

Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)

And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

For we walk by faith, not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:8)

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I was hoping that somewhere between copying these lines of scripture and writing this blog that I would feel better. Well, not yet! When all else fails, I shall crawl up to the cross of my Jesus, place myself at the foot of His throne of grace, collapse in the shelter of His mighty wings, rest in the promise that He is always with me: now and forever. Yes, this is the best place to go after all. Here is where I belong. JJ

He loves me

Published on February 13, 2015February 14, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

“Why wouldn’t I?” he doth profess of his love to his bride

When the nightmare is lived whilst both still awake and the hour is well past midnight.

The softness in his blue eyes

Shines brightly even in the dimly lit room

As once again the nightly ritual of enduring madness

Takes them both to a place they could never imagine before . . .

Once upon a time in a land 200 miles away

A fine gentleman found his love then lured her away with his sincerity.

She could not possibly know the trials in her tender frame that awaited,

Testing everything she knew about life itself and sharing it with another.

His strength in the Lord, His leadership in their home

Brought agape love, bigger than life and transforming them both

Such that nothing when her wretched, convulsive late night episodes groaned on

Could shake their faith in the One who endeared them to Himself, to each other, no less.

So when will the darkness end? They often wonder night and day after night

When hope is dashed once again as the optimism of the moment gives way to defeat.

Perhaps they will know someday: a loving embrace will return unmarked by demons or tears

And in the meantime one thing will remain as clear as crystal with the Redeemer’s love blazing through:

HE loves her. HE loves him. And they love them both, no matter, not mattering when.

Indeed how could they possibly ask for more?

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Happy Valentine’s Day my beloved Steve.

Happy Valentine’s Day Gentle Reader.

With love, :JJ

The decision to be tooth-less?

Published on January 29, 2015January 29, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

It’s not like I am planning another wedding or something. I’ve done that twice and twice is enough! If a couple of teeth are missing I just can’t smile or laugh really BIG so the void in my mouth is noticeable. Not that anyone would be looking at my molars anyways! I suppose there are the exceptions for some of you out there . . .

Then my beloved teased me that I might have trouble eating bacon and potato chips. Not! I grew up with a GIANT bag of Better Made potato chips on the refrigerator and a dad who had to have a generous helping every day plus ice cream. When we visited his parents where they lived in the Irish Hills, between the view of the lake and the country kitchen was another HUGE bag of Better Made potato chips on the frig. So if I have two opposing teeth anywhere in the yard then there will be Unsalted Kettle Chips too! And bacon, just because we can.

Don’t you love Facebook? Or maybe you hate Facebook? Perhaps you would love to hate Facebook a little more since it can be such a “time eraser” extraordinaire. Well anyways, I have joined many groups who have the answers to this or that ailment I have faced over the past few years. Recently I joined the “Bottoms Up” group to learn more about digestive health, only to realize that I did not want pictures of worms in feces gracing the screen of my smart phone if I were to check it when dining out somewhere. Yuck! TMI for sure. Delete! The mercury, root canal, mold avoidance, Lyme disease, methylation, candida, etc. peeps have all greatly contributed to my vast brain swell of mixed anecdotal/psuedo research information. There’s a cause and cure for everything right there in my newsfeed. Even business opportunities, rudeness and meanness fit in where pretox/detox really should dwell. But I digress.

These forums have been part of my lifeline too. I have made some sweet friendships with gals who run in the same groups. Members have helped shorten my learning curve and evaluate relevant research, news articles, and success stories. Many folks really do get well! Then they drop out of the group and the rest of us left behind try to figure it all out before we also leave the comfort of the group nest as well. Hey, I won’t mind moving on if I can take a few happy FB Friends with me, eh? Currently they are helping me navigate the potentially painful decision of whether or not to have two teeth with root canals extracted. These puppies may be a source of years of discomfort from hidden infection, possibly contributing to some of my chronic health issues. I am already in the preparation stage of mercury chelation which certainly wreaks havoc in one’s brain and body. Gratefully my brilliant functional medicine Doc is leading the way along with acute spiritual discernment from the Lord and my beloved hubby.

This treatment crossroad is more confusing than some others. Extensive testing has not revealed hard data on the need to extract two teeth (yet it just doesn’t seem like complications of a sinus infection or trigeminal nerve inflammation either). Travel would be needed to a skilled biologic dentist who can meet my needs for extra TLC should we decide to proceed. The requirement for all of this extensive screening became extremely clear this afternoon after a very bad appointment with a recommended, local oral surgeon in a musty office! Bad, bad. Steve and I prayed about all of this as we navigated a particularly rough evening for me tonight, placing our trust again in the Lord to guide us. I’ll make a few more phone calls tomorrow. At least a dear friend gave me the tip of a concoction with cloves to manage the moderate pain in my gums. Cool beans. It worked quite well!

So for now I’ll be eating bacon and potato chips on the right side of my mouth and cutting up other delicacies into small bits so as not to trigger seizure attacks or pain. Thank the Lord for our VitaMix which chops, whips, cooks, and practically washes the dishes for you afterwards! Like teeth, little things can mean a lot to a gal like me. See how good my Jesus is: providing for my every need and heart’s desire too. Avocado-coconut smoothies anyone?

As I close I must profess that through it all God is good. All the time. God is good! JJ

Great things He hath done

Published on January 22, 2015January 23, 2015 by Jesus is for the Wounded2 Comments

⁵Many, Lord my God,
    are the wonders you have done,
    the things you planned for us.
None can compare with you;
    were I to speak and tell of your deeds,
    they would be too many to declare.

⁶Sacrifice and offering you did not desire—
    but my ears you have opened
    burnt offerings and sin offerings you did not require.
⁷Then I said, “Here I am, I have come—
    it is written about me in the scroll.
⁸I desire to do your will, my God;
    your law is within my heart.”

⁹I proclaim your saving acts in the great assembly;
    I do not seal my lips, Lord,
    as you know.
¹⁰I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
    I speak of your faithfulness and your saving help.
I do not conceal your love and your faithfulness
    from the great assembly.

¹¹Do not withhold your mercy from me, Lord;
    may your love and faithfulness always protect me. (Psalm 40; NIV)

After speaking in adoration, gratitude, humility, and transparency, King David seeks compassion from his Lord and savior Jesus Christ.  He has been literally chased by his enemies to the cold, darkness of living in caves.  His very life, his promised kingdom, and all he knows is at stake yet he begins this song with faithful praise.  Thereafter he presents his request for the Lord’s mercy and protection.  Although not quoted here, this psalm of King David goes on to pray for the salvation of his people and desolation of his enemies.  In the end his hope that the Lord be glorified through it all.  Yes indeed.  Wow.  What a tremendous example for me!
Adoration.  Thank you almighty God for all that you have provided to this day.  I see your omnipotent power in the sequencing of events of my life to bring me into the best of fellowship to you my Lord and King.  I praise you here and forevermore.  You have provided exceedingly for my real needs.  The greatest evidence is in love of my life that is now here; I am honored to be at his side, his beloved too.
Gratitude.  For my times of sickness you have given me a warm bed in which to convalesce, healthy food, good medical care, and infused your strength into my weary frame to do the tasks that are needed each day.  No matter how I may be feeling, the facts remain true that you care for the details of my life and are here with me.  I am never alone.  Most of all your love changes my sorrow into joy.
Humility.  The striving, the determination of my youth were eventually broken well into my adulthood so that I might realize the plans you have for me.  Hurt has yielded to forgiveness and freedom.  Following the lead of my earthly kinsman redeemer instead of my own desires has brought me into the fullness of what it means to follow you.  Much goodness has come from all of these.  The motto that began the leap of faith to finding Jesus years ago has come true:  letting go and letting God reign in my heart must remain above all else.
Transparency.  You gave me a fondness for writing long ago, mentored by my own mother (a naturally gifted writer).  This blog has seen me through much suffering and challenged me to return my eyes to Your majesty, Your creation, and more.  I have learned that the truth about life is often separate from what I can see.  Lord keep me soft to submit to Your ways like the clay who gives its essence to the master potter craftsman.  Surely goodness shall be the result for Your glory.
 Prayerfulness.  I do ask for healing of this wretched illness that plagues me for hours each day.  Guide me in my interactions with others when frustrated by so many things; may I be a light for my true hope that is in my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  Bring rest and lead my husband, Steve, in the decisions we are facing.  Grant him wisdom at home and at work, as a father to his four wonderful adult children, and as a leader in our church.  Thank you for his faithful witness to so many of what it means to be a man after Your own heart.  And please bless the fellow sojourners you have brought into my life, especially my Skype Bible Prayer partners Karan and Sherry.  Such sweet fellowship is salve to my soul.
Great things the Lord hath done in my life since I met my first Gentle Reader about three years ago.  Thank you for coming alongside me for the ups and downs, bunny trail side trips, victories, and more.  Know that I am praying for you as I write this, that the Lord be with you this day too.  He is so good and worthy of our praise.  Perhaps King David said it best later in Psalm 40 like this:
16 But may all who seek you

    rejoice and be glad in you;

may those who long for your saving help always say,

    “The Lord is great!”

The knife in the soup pot

Published on January 19, 2015January 20, 2015 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

Just when I thought I could get my act together and get a little cooking done, some absent-mindedness took over.

It’s not that I meant to cook the paring knife in my stock pot filled with bone broth. Oh no, that would not enhance the flavor or nutrition at all! Tee hee. It’s just how it goes sometimes. It fell in after cutting up the one carrot allowed on my low oxalate diet and I was too foggy in the head to pull it out. “I’ll do it later,” was my thinking and later came in about 5 hours. Sish.

Ever have a day like this? Sure, we all have. You find the salt shaker in the frig or your boots in the car. After travelling with TWO 15+ hour stretches plus another 10+ hour jaunt these past 8 days, this issue was actually our “new normal!” Where is the hair blow dryer? Well it’s behind the driver’s seat in the truck of course, attached to an extension cord. (And this saved everything when multiple locks froze on the camper more than once!)

Sometimes a little insanity is just what a person needs. Keeps things fresh, right? Here’s an extreme example that is my reality today. When I start convulsing it might just be due to a need to clear some satanic warfare and not the mold residuals from my husband’s breath and trip to a known water-damaged building. After all, when the convulsions continued this afternoon it wasn’t long before we discerned that he had already de-contaminated and more was going on here. We probably had chatted a little too soon after the exposure to the mycotoxins I cannot tolerate. Yet I love talking with my beloved River Bear! It’s so easy to forget the insane myriad of details that must be followed in the normalcy of everyday life actvities.

This time there was a battle going on. Not just at stake was a fluke of mismatched tasks in following our protocol. This was real. We knew from other episodes that Satan has used this illness to temp us with divisiveness, to misplace anger and bitterness, to doubt God’s soveignty and more. Praying through it, keeping me from harm in the process, citing scripture verses, and singing hymns set me free once again. We deal with this NOT because I am not indwelt the Holy Spirit by the way. I belong to Jesus. The Lord will always be the victor for those who believe. Even Satan cannot snatch us out of His hand.

Spiritual warfare can sway us from the hope we have in Jesus Christ. So that is the test here. Yet I will never be moved. (Ephesians 6:13) No amount of hassle, suffering, horror, or weirdness will ever change my mind. Such is the power of faith in the One who will trash Satan and his demons into the lake of fire someday. Jesus remains THE VICTOR on the throne and delivers us from evil. I just get extra doses that strengthen this spiritual gift needed for the life crafted for me. And then you get to read about it!

Hey thanks, Gentle Reader. And be encouraged. THERE IS NOTHING that can separate you from your Heavenly Father’s love either: no matter what happens on this earth. (Romans 8:38-39) Come into a personal relationship, a closer relationship with Him through His Son and dwell in His house forever. And don’t worry. While things will never be perfect here, they will be in heaven. No knives in the soup pot! Just bliss, joy, peace, love, happiness, and the spiritual food of the angels as we sit at the feet of Jesus taking in His glory.

Oh yeah. And the Bear who loves me will be there too. So glad. :j