The Perfect Moment May Never Come and That’s O.K.

(Imagine the song, Sitting on the Dock of the Bay)

Sitting in the lobby some

I’ll be sittin’ when the computer screen comes back on.

Watching the updates from home

Then I watch my life go away again . . .

(Refrain)

Oh I’m just sittin’ at the place of grace

Watching the time go away,

Sittin here with pup at my feet

“Wasting time?”  Oh yeah again.

(First Verse)

I left my home in Huntertown

Headed for recov’ry from mold

I had nothing to hope for

Looked like nothing would come my way!

(Repeat Refrain)

BREAK

Looks like everything’s gonna change!

Flooring, cleaning, meds, bills will ne’er be the same

I can’t do what 10 Facebook friends tell me to do

So I guess I’ll remain in Grace.

(Final Verse)

Sittin’ here resting my bones

And this loneliness has left me a bone

Enough hope to get me through the next day

With promise of a sunny recovery.  Oh yeah I’m just

(Repeat Refrain)

Here’s the song for reference.  One of the first I learned to play on guitar many decades ago.  Guitar?  Now there’s another story for another time . . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rd3rA89VhtA

Are we there yet? Part 1

When the going gets tough, many gals go buy shoes.  Today I think my response will be to go buy dog food and printer cartridges.  Geez!  I gotta get a life, eh?

My husband says that our current living situation (living in a hotel while we remedy my allergy to our home) reads like the childrens’ book Fortunately, Unfortunately.  In the book, fortunately a character gets to fly in a plane but unfortunately, the plane starts to crash.  Fortunately the passenger has a parachute but unfortunately it won’t open, and so on.  Yeah, this is the story of my life of late:

Fortunately, Steve had plans to go to Florida for a United States Canoe Association meeting in January but unfortunately he had to cancel due to the severity of complications of my battle with Lyme Disease.

Fortunately, I got energized after praying with our doctor and discovered I could have a few more food items but unfortunately he told me not to drive and I needed to go to the grocery store to get those items.

Fortunately, after Steve’s daughter, Christina, drove me home, I had started to feel better so I took a risk and drove myself to the store.  Unfortunately I was too weak to walk well and had to hang onto the grocery cart to make it through the store and back to my truck, my home.

Fortunately,  by this time I had figured out that I could stay in the house without seizure attacks and neurological collapses if I kept the windows open but unfortunately it was 20 degrees outside.  So I turned up the furnace and dragged my way through cooking enough food to sustain my special diet a few days on the road.   We had just cancelled a trip then reinstated it just hours before leaving town for over a week.

F:  within 48 hours of leaving town I was 25% better from all symptoms!  U:  The home we first stayed at had a history of water damage and mold, continuing my risk for exposure, noxious symptoms, and difficulty sleeping.  But the recovery process was now underway!

F:  within 3 days, I was 65% better as we continued to travel.  By Friday, I was grateful to be able to kayak in our two-man outrigger  canoe with my Aunt Lori on a bayou off the Gulf of Mexico!  From dying to living once again!  U:  it rained our last full day there and I had a resurgence in symptoms sleeping in the room with the windows open.  F:  the couch in the living room was next to a closed window and I was able to sleep about 2 hours.

F:  we were able to continue our trip to see some friends at their log cabin in the woods of South Carolina for some sweet fellowship and wild boar cuisine.  Hog is a menu item in my special diet and SC is the capital of hog hunters’ heaven, so to speak.  U:  fog rolled in the second night and kicked up the mold spores in the sleeping winter landscape triggering another setback.  Oh well.  We had a great visit anyways and I got another hour of sleep after we closed the windows, again.

F:  I was able to reserve a hotel room back in the Fort Wayne, Indiana area so my beloved could drop me off in a clean environment for our first two nights home.  This would give us some time to figure out a temporary living situation for me while we began the process of mold remediation in our home.  U:  I didn’t get to be with Steve again overnight until three days later.  He would begin commuting back and forth from home to the hotel, transporting needed items back and forth, taking care of the dog, visiting Christina (before she left town for 3 weeks) and so on.  Fatigue set in for him; stress began to mount for both of us.

F:  some dear friends offered me a lovely room-with-private-bath and generous kitchen privileges so I moved in.  U:  I had a few hours to kill in the afternoon between the time when a CPR class ended and they would be home.  All my earthly possessions to carry me through this time was in the bed of my truck or king cab.  The outside temperature was zero.  I simply couldn’t get warm and had no where to go.  I was beyond exhaustion, frustration, exasperation.   I went to a coffee shop to warm part of me then the library to use the computer and kill some time, cry a little.

F:  The lady of the house I was to move into called and offered an earlier time to move in and I was delighted!  This couple provided a place for me to stay 5 years ago when I was dating Steve; so many happy memories from that time.  U:  as soon as I saw them, instead of relief, I began to cry and could not stop.  The stress of my nomad life and uncertain future overwhelmed me.  Their love provided the safe place to let it all out . . .

F:  I had the best nap ever soon after I moved in.  U:  at 4:30 the next morning I had low grade seizure attacks that would not cease.  I got up and prepared a snack and sat at the kitchen table for awhile, hoping our friends would wake up and help me sort this out.  What went wrong?  We never really figured it out.  They had successfully resolved a water damage situation 9-10 years earlier and had “iron bacteria” in their water.  What was going on?

F:  since I had not reacted to the hotel, I made a reservation and went back for 2 more days of respite.  U x 2:  the room temperature vacillated, finally dipping to 58 degrees on a frigid winter night.  The maintenance guy was gracious to attempt a repair however a wire fried when he tested the system spewing smoke into the room.  F:  we were able to open the windows to air out the room and he brought a space heater to warm up part of the room.  U x 2:  the smoke smell was never fully eliminated and I woke up with marked seizure attacks at 2:00 a.m.   We called the office and relocated to another room just to sleep, in sub-zero weather.  More attacks followed in the freshly cleaned, highly chemically-scented room.  What now?

F:  a sweet family and friends offered for me to stay with them.  I packed up again and divided myself between various available spaces in the home for my luggage, food, supplements, and so on.  I had definitely gotten my routine down by now, made dinner and enjoyed visiting with them and their daughter.  She is such a cutie and playing with her was a great distraction from the events of late.  U:  seizure attacks returned as I awakened the next morning.  Guess I wasn’t meant to sleep in my cocoon in the gun room after all.  But I just couldn’t bear to move again.  Tried sleeping on the couch the next night and it didn’t go so well.  My hips hurt so badly I had difficulty walking.  Sigh.  I really enjoyed staying with them!

F x 2:  The very first room I’d stayed at in the hotel (where I did fine) was available so I moved back the next afternoon.  Some dear friends gave us a generous gift to help cover some of the hotel expenses, taking off the time-pressure, stabilizing my situation, so we could start focusing on remediating the house.  U:  almost every time a large item, number of items, or new smell was introduced into the studio room of the hotel, I would have a setback.  Multiple chemical sensitivity had set in and limits the progress.

F:  By this point I’D HAD A 60-HOUR INTERVAL, 72-HOUR INTERVAL, 60-HOUR INTERVAL, AND A FEW 48- HOUR INTERVALS without severe symptoms to date.  Praise the Lord for these, His provision, some sweet times in the hotel room with my “married man” and reuniting with my dog whom we brought to the room as well.  Puppy therapy rocks!  The healing process can also be rocky.  It is now here!

Stay tuned for Part 2:  The Fortunately, Unfortunately story of our home remediation.  This too has been a rocky process with some sweet possibilities as I write this.  Without my faith in Christ, I would be lost right now.  As it turns out, I’ve been displaced due to extreme circumstances twice before in my life.  I have seen the Lord, “restore the years the locusts have eaten.”  (Joel 2:25)  I will choose to “trust the Lord and lean not on my own understanding” for the promise that “he will direct (my) paths.”  (Proverbs 3:5-6)  I will, “press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Pillippians 3:14)

Someone once said that life is either a wild ride or nothing at all.  I think I’ve got one of those kinds of lives!  And we aren’t even “there yet.”  Hang on with me, k?  :J

The Life of My Dog

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It’s not that I don’t like a little excitement now and then.  Mixing it up keeps me alert and gives me job security as the protector of the home.  I know I’m making a difference when I do my rounds and find something I can bark at.  When I find a little activity out of the ordinary by some neighbor and can let you know about it, I feel alive.

To bark, eat, crap, pee, sleep, and walk around in circles, well, this is my destiny.  Don’t get me wrong; I do enjoy racing through the backyard at breakneck speeds retrieving that tennis ball you chuck into my elimination zone in the “back 40.”  Having you scratch my hips is da bomb next to licking my own paws (etc.) and your rubbing behind my ears or belly.  I just melt into your hands when you hold my beak and tell me that I am a “good dog.”  It’s easy to turn on my big brown puppy dog eyes at times like these.  It’s clear that if I do, the scratches will last longer and I do know how to work it too, you know.  I am a smart dog.

But what’s up with the hotel room?  Life was great with the lady alpha home because she spent so much time talking sweet nothings to me.  I don’t know why she suddenly was home so much after March of last year but I liked it.  Then that long red-haired gal came in and out of the kitchen and said a sweet “hey” to me inbetween naps.  My workouts with the tall guy were amazing as I leaped into the air rescuing that wretched green fuzzy ball from space and wrestling around in every contortion I could never imagine.  Plenty of naps filled my day, table scraps highlighted the menu, and I even got a little pudgy.  Life was good.

Now the square footage of my domain includes navy blue carpeting that shows off my shedding hair nicely and some kind of a big doggie bed on which two of the alpha’s take their own nap all night long.  I do like the two flights of stairs up to my new abode but not the soggy dog zone out back visited by who knows what kind of canine trash.   Where’s my pond?  Where’s my field?  Where’s my life as I knew it?

I guess this is the life of this dog for now.  At least that gal with the brown hair is more energetic and has started taking me out on walks in the parking lot of some concrete jungle behind this sea of giant dog houses.   And the tall guy ran me around a sand pit last night that was soft on my joints and a perfect spot to dump my stuff.  He is sooooo fun!

Better get back to work.  There’s someone dragging a case of something up the sidewalk and I must see if they intend to come too close to my reinforced territory.  Ah, to be needed.  Ah, to be loved.  Woof.  Woof.

Do we love the Lord a little?

Little-Girl-Dreaming-of-the-World--56003This article is from Dave McCarrell and the February 13th issue of PGM News, a non-copyrighted newsletter of Pacific Garden Mission in Chicago, Illinois

“Little by little, some Christians are growing a “Little” careless.  On Sunday mornings they sleep a Little late, and come to church a Little tardy.  Some doze a Little, listen a Little to the sermon and give a Little in the offering.  After dismissal, they argue a Little, gossip a Little, and go home and forget what Little they heard, and act a Little as if they care Little for the greatest, grandest, holiest, and most precious privilege on the earth — that of worshiping and serving the Lord Jesus Christ.

I may have exaggerated a Little, but very Little, and in some things I may have omitted a Little, “O ye of Little faith” (Matt. 6:30, 8:26, and 16:8).  ” . . . thou has been faithful in a very Little . . .” (Luke 19:17).  “Yet a Little while and that shall come, will come and will not tarry” (Heb. 10:37).

Little-by-Little, we can improve a Little by putting forth a Little effort in seeking to overcome a Little evil.  Little evils do not remain Little.  So a Little thought given to Little things may produce a Little improvement in a Little time.”

After reading the above by an unnamed author, I was challenged by the thougt of the many Little things I let distract me from the important things God has for me.  I am sure all of you, if honest would say the same thing.  Then I was challenged by the ultimate question that our Lord asked Peter, and the question we as believers all must respond to:  “Peter do you love me more than these things?”  (See John 21)15-17)

Instead of these things, in our case, I believe God is asking us:  “Do you love Me more than the Little things you have brought into your life?  Examples could be sports, TV, movies, material possessions, homes, cars, questionable friends, etc.  What a great opportunity to examin what Little things are keeping us from experiencing God’s best for us.

“JUST JULIE’S” ADDENDUM:  Thank you Lord for this reminder that You are not only Lord over all things big and little, You care about all of the things in our lives, big and little.  I can trust You with every detail of my life.  Yup, every one.  I lay my cares at the foot of Your throne of grace for your tender care.  You know what they are and in that fact, I rest this day.  Love,  Julie