Psalm 71

Psalm 71

In you, Lord, I have taken refuge;     let me never be put to shame. In your righteousness, rescue me and deliver me;     turn your ear to me and save me. Be my rock of refuge,     to which I can always go; give the command to save me,     for you are my rock and my fortress. Deliver me, my God, from the hand of the wicked,     from the grasp of those who are evil and cruel.

For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord,     my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you;     you brought me forth from my mother’s womb.     I will ever praise you. I have become a sign to many;     you are my strong refuge. My mouth is filled with your praise,     declaring your splendor all day long.

Do not cast me away when I am old;     do not forsake me when my strength is gone. 10 For my enemies speak against me;     those who wait to kill me conspire together. 11 They say, “God has forsaken him;     pursue him and seize him,     for no one will rescue him.” 12 Do not be far from me, my God;     come quickly, God, to help me. 13 May my accusers perish in shame;     may those who want to harm me     be covered with scorn and disgrace.

14 As for me, I will always have hope;     I will praise you more and more.

15 My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds,     of your saving acts all day long—     though I know not how to relate them all. 16 I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign Lord;     I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone. 17 Since my youth, God, you have taught me,     and to this day I declare your marvelous deeds. 18 Even when I am old and gray,     do not forsake me, my God, till I declare your power to the next generation,     your mighty acts to all who are to come.

19 Your righteousness, God, reaches to the heavens,     you who have done great things.     Who is like you, God? 20 Though you have made me see troubles,     many and bitter,     you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth     you will again bring me up. 21 You will increase my honor     and comfort me once more.

22 I will praise you with the harp     for your faithfulness, my God; I will sing praise to you with the lyre,     Holy One of Israel. 23 My lips will shout for joy     when I sing praise to you—     I whom you have delivered. 24 My tongue will tell of your righteous acts     all day long, for those who wanted to harm me     have been put to shame and confusion.

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Tonight as my body thrashed about I cried out to the Lord, asking “don’t you see me?”

Tonight I cried out for the Lord to take me, as in take me home.  He did not answer.

Tonight I cried out asking Him not to leave me here this way.  He did not answer.

The after burn of the seizure attacks, flu-spikes, chest compression symptoms making breathing labored, increased pain, and massive neck headache was unbearable once again this evening.  Things are getting worse.  This was my third episode today with over two dozen individual incidences!

My precious husband got out of bed after 1:00 a.m. to get me something to eat in an effort to end the tic attacks that would not stop after the seizures. 

It is now over an hour later and I am stable.  I am beat up.  I am still here!

 I will remind myself to have hope, to cultivate hope that comes through faith in Jesus Christ.  Sometimes He speaks and sometimes He is silent.  And for those who believe in Him, He is always present.

Psalm 71 puts it all together for me right now, so this is how I will pray as I go forth from this night.  And that’s about how far I have gotten.  My tummy hurts.  Time to go back to bed.  I think I can sleep now.

Sending in the big guns

As the old Kenny Roger’s song, The Gambler goes, ya gotta know when to hold ’em, know when to fold ’em, know when to walk away, know when to run . . . .

Today I chose to  . . . RUN!!!

Yes, it’s time for another crazy Lyme story.  Grab a cup of coffee and here we go:

The sharp neck headaches continue to be menacing, even with the recent slight slowing of intensity, duration, and frequency of seizure attacks.  Six months of intense daily episodes and a total of 1 1/2 years since they first began have taken their toll on my deconditioned frame.  It’s like having a little fender bender several times per day in a car that’s a little too small to support your head and neck correctly:  thrashing around, repetitively in one direction then another.  Enough is enough already!

Enter into the picture a new chiropractor.  He was referred to me by Dr. N because Dr. N thought he would provide a more comprehensive approach to treatment.  Dr. N has a no nonsense orthopedic practice that offers spinal decompression and traditional chiropractic care.  Dr. N had taken a long time to contact my Lyme Literate Medical Doctor (LLMD) so I kind of wrote him off after the first 7 treatments.  I wanted Dr. N to coordinate my care with the LLMD since I was experiencing so many tic and seizure attacks during treatment.  Paradoxically, even though I had seizure attacks during every chiropractic visit, I was feeling better!  The neck headaches had diminished, my range of motion had significantly improved, and I was back to taking short walks despite the ongoing episodes in the office and at home.  At least part of my body was functioning better!

But by the time Dr. N finally called me to share the results of his consult with my LLMD, 3 weeks had passed.  Dr. N referred me to another chiropractor whom he felt had a more “comprehensive” approach.  He was convinced that Dr. H could help me.  Seriously?

After meeting with Dr. H today it is pretty clear that they probably barely knew each other.  Dr. H had worked in the chiropractic building that Dr. N purchased when Dr. H opened his practice over 10 years ago.  I doubt that Dr. N knew much about what Dr. H really did as a chiropractor.  Today I met a wacko pervert salesperson who barely knew typical chiropractic treatment lingo, for example, pushing off an “automatic activator” as a type of chiropractic care.  The device looked like a football mouth guard with rubber tips attached to an electric handheld jigsaw.  Frightful.  I wondered if he had made it himself?

Shortly into what I thought would be a chiropractic exam, Dr. H asked if he could pray with me.  He had already professed to be a “Christian” and pointed to the pictures with scriptures on it in his waiting room.  Well that is nice.  Usually I look for the framed college degree certificates and a current professional license document — I did not see either, anywhere.  I said, “I guess so,” about the prayer thinking that I would learn a little about what he truly believed.  I had already disclosed that I was a Christian.  Ever notice that so many people throw around the term “Christian” and it has nothing to do with a heart surrendered to Christ?  The prayer was nice.  Then the “shoe salesman” song-and-dance began.

Dr. H’s sales pitch began right away guised as checking acupuncture points whilst holding a bottle of this or that supplement.  Later I recalled that he seemed a little nervous and displayed a very intense affect touching the pressure points around my rib cage.  I have seen many different chiropractors and acupuncturists in the past perform a similar exam so this one was not unusual, except for the collection of bottles.  His mannerisms were also unusual however.  He had started my visit 20 minutes late while finishing up with another patient.  (That patient left with a big bag of new supplements.  Hmmmmmm.)  I had mentioned at the beginning of my appointment that I needed to leave at a certain time (to go to the hospital to have my external IV flushed) so before long he started speaking faster and faster:  repeating himself, referring to the time, and bringing out a few more bottles.  Dr. H pressed for agreement with his assessment:  that the chiropractic adjustments would not hold unless I started a heavy metal detox protocol before my first adjustment.  The appointment today would be for “just talking.”  Would I like to start the protocol today?  Could I come back tomorrow to finish up the physical exam?  Or how about later this afternoon?  He could even meet me at his office at closing time!

Did I mention that his prayer sounded good?  Yes, it sounded like a typical prayer except for one word:  undressed.  He prayed to the Lord something about wanting help to “undress” the issues that I was having to be able to help me.  Undress?  The word stuck in my mind throughout the appointment.  What kind of a prayer is that?  Undress!  What kind of a medical term is that?  Undress.  Where the h*%$$ is your mind Dr. H?  I certainly am not a bombshell these days and was dressed very plainly with partially wet hair.  I would assess he is approximately the same age as I am.  SO WHAT.  And where is your office receptionist?  Do you always see female patients alone in your office in a more secluded part of the office park?

I did what I could to state that I would not be interested in any additional products at this time since I had just started IV treatments and could not risk ingesting anything else new.  I was interested in chiropractic care by a chiropractor who was skilled in manual adjustments of the spine.  He mumbled something about “manual” adjustments.  He could do those too but sometimes a patient needs the mechanical treatments of a device like the “U” jigsaw device.  I gathered my things as he was speaking and prepared to leave the office.  I paused and clarified if I needed to make a payment for his “consultation” and he said “no.”  We were “just talking” and I could take care of that in the follow-up appointment.  I said that I would need to call him back and went out the door.

Sitting in my truck I felt a strong tic zip rip out of my frame and jerk me around.  At this point I was aware that the session I had just endured was very intense and that there was a strong essential oil-type scent in the office and even stronger in the examining room.  Dr. H denied the use of any scented products and had opened the two windows for me, after which I expressed gratitude.  He also said that he was not aware of any water damage to the office (that would indicate a latent presence of mold).  So what was I reacting to now?  A short seizure attack followed.  I was pretty shook up that I’d had another attack in the middle of the day!  Why is this happening when I was not bothered at the time by the herbal scent in Dr. H’s office.  Of course I was definitely upset about Dr. H however!

I sat for awhile to allow time for my psyche and sensorium to recover.  Sometimes I never really know what sets off an attack.  Much later this evening I characterized the experience, the incident at “Health and Wellness” something or another as a form of spiritual warfare.  That guy was a fraud and weird!  He never smiled.  And he pushed products before ever completing a traditional chiropractic exam.  Yes, he completed a clinical interview of my history, reviewed the information that I provided on his intake form,  and threw up my x-ray films on his light box.  Yes there were two models of a spinal column on display in the corner and the typical educational posters on the wall that you might find in a chiropractic office.  But everything else was odd, was inappropriate.  Nope, I won’t be seeing Dr. H again.

One problem remains:  my x-ray films are still at his office!  I had not retrieved my films in my state of recovery after the seizures and time pressure to get to the hospital.  Well after talking to my husband about the whole ordeal tonight, what needs to happen next is perfectly clear:  it’s time to send in the BIG GUNS!  Steve graciously agreed to pick up the films for me.  Yes!  For me to go back could be an abusive encounter.  For my 6 foot 1 man of steel to go back to the office would be a different encounter altogether.  Tee hee!

Yeah, I was wrong when I was single, joking with my spinster girlfriends just 7 years ago:  sometimes you do need a man.  Sometimes you need to send in the big guns.  And this time I am grateful to have had some wits about me to get out of there before I made a bad decision or something worse happened.  As it turns out, Dr. H’s chiropractic license is current with the State of Indiana.   He has no sanctions or restrictions on his professional license.  Good for him.  Too bad for his next female patient.  I guess I’m going to have a neck headache a little longer.  This other headache is history!

Flexibility is Key

Yellow roses and purple irises for our anniversary!

Today is the five year anniversary for my husband, Steve and me.  I struggled to try to figure out how to “celebrate” since  I am still battling Lyme Disease and don’t feel well most of the time.  Let’s see, a little creative flexibility would be in order:

Dinner at Biaggi’s:  we checked local restaurant menus online, made a couple of calls then decided on Biaggi’s as there’s enough on my allergy-free list to comprise a dinner.  Once there, the host seated us in a quieter section of the restaurant (without even asking!) and the waiter was able to turn the music below my sensitivity level.  And yes, the waiter was able to have a salad made for me, picking and choosing from all the acceptable ingredients on the salad menu.  The coconut yogurt dressing came with me, packed in my purse.   Result:  a romantic anniversary dinner with my beloved Steve.

Movie date:   started having a headache (the pre-seizure attack kind) on the way to the theater so we stopped at Walgreens for some OTC meds.  Then we sat in the parking lot until the headache subsided but the seizure attacks came anyways.   I cried and Stevers drove us to two Red Box DVD dispenser machines.  Only problem was that most of the movies were either obscure or rated R.  Next, we came home with mixed emotions and Steve’s daughter, Christina mentioned that you can rent and download DVDs at Amazon.com for $.99.  Seemed like workable alternative then the seizure attacks returned.  (Guess the other unknown ingredients in the dinner got to me?  Hard to say . . .)  The attacks ended and we relaxed for awhile before staging a movie theater in the office with a ton of pillows and comforters. Result:  Pixar flick “UP” made for a sweet movie date.

So you can see how grateful I am for so many things this evening.  Steve takes even the weirdest, ugliest, most stressful things in stride; these qualities make a HUGE difference in this time of illness.  Oh how I am blessed to be his wife and partner in this life.  I hope that when I am called to serve him that I will be as gracious!  Just finally figuring out what to do to celebrate our anniversary was a huge gift since I wasn’t sure we could do anything at all.  Thank you Lord for guiding us and providing a sweet evening together.

Flexibility is key in celebrating an anniversary in a time of illness or trials.  Flexibility is key in living everyday with gratitude and hope.  There is sweetness not to be missed, we just gotta look for it and go for it!  If it don’t work one way, try another.  We can celebrate so much more than the special dates and events.  And if we have faith in the Lord and we let Him guide our paths and bunny trails, well, the outcome is Providential indeed.  Let’s see, what can we celebrate today?  :J

Habakkuk 3:17-19

New International Version (NIV)

17 Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights.