Tag: fibromyalgia

Footnotes on Suffering

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To sustain us through the tough times, many of us turn to God and to prayer.  In this short article from today’s e-newsletter of the Vision Beyond Borders ministry, we can find encouragement and strength.  Let us allow God’s Holy Word to wash over us and consider Patrick Klein’s remarks as one who has seen suffering beyond what we can even fathom here in the United States of America.  We are blessed to have the freedom to be able to read and share these sentiments today:
Hebrews 12:12-13 says, “Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.” This is talking about someone who has already been involved in the race. It is someone who has been pursuing the Lord and His purposes, but is growing weary and tired from the race. It is the point when they have hit the wall, and must dig deep to keep persevering.
When we feel burdened beyond our own strength to endure, it is then that we must remember not to rely on ourselves, but on God who raises the dead! We don’t want to start well then grow tired, but to be those who persevere, endure and finish well. We can’t do that in our own strength, but only through Jesus and only by setting His example continually before us; by looking to Jesus the author and FINISHER of our faith! (Hebrews 12:2)
This passage also tells us to make level paths for our feet. The word for paths here is “trochia”. It is literally translated as an imprint left by wheels – like a rut. We must realize that we are all leaving a rut in the ground for others to follow. No matter where God has us, there are people who are looking to us and our example. We must be careful that the path we are leaving is one that is level and straight, that it will not cause others to stumble, but it will be one of healing!
This passage comes directly after God explains how we are to persevere in the midst of our suffering, knowing God uses it to strengthen us…and not just us, but those who come after us! May He strengthen us to persevere for His Kingdom and His Glory. May we be a vessel of His healing as we leave a straight path for others!
I do pray that all of us wherever we are in the world will be healed of our infirmities in this life.  We know that by His stripes we are healed from the consequences of sin and death (1 Peter 2:24), by repenting and believing in the sacrificial death and resurrection of Jesus Christ (John 3:16).  We know that one day there will be no more pain and suffering (Rev 21:4).  While it is possible that it may happen in each of our lifetimes, there are no guarantees of this per se.  Rather than be discouraged, join me in being encouraged that all pain and suffering can be used for His glory if we but keep our eyes fixed on Him, persevere, and endure.  The trials can be used to strengthen us, lead others to the Source of our strength, and mature us (James 1:4) for our eternal reward in heaven (Rev 22:12).
And that, gentle readers, is enough to get me up and running again every time.  Even today when out of sorts.  How about you?
Thomas Kinkaid: The Cross
Thomas Kinkaid: The Cross

Beyond the Movie and the Video: Part 2

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In my last blog I shared the following resources for those wanting to learn more about the experience of Lyme Disease and the journey to healing:

— The movie:  Under Our Skin and

—  The video story of Christa and Justin’s experience with Lyme Disease.

Links to these two are in the References Section of the Categories in the right-hand column.  In this blog I’d like to go one step further.  In my humble opinion, the most important journey regardless of whether we are sick or well, however, has nothing to do with an illness.  The big, “It” in life to me is not determined merely by our attitude, our fitness, our success, our offspring, the work we do, the things we create.  I submit to you that what “it” is about in this life is where you land on the path to meaningfulness.

Research shows that on one’s deathbed many people ask:  was what I did, what I said, what I thought, whom or what I loved, what I experienced worth anything in the end?  King Solomon tells us many times in the Old Testament Book of Ecclesiastes that the stuff of this life in the end is all “meaningless, like chasing after the wind.”  Well if that’s coming from the wisest man that ever lived (next to Jesus Christ), putting our faith in the stuff of this life won’t get us anywhere!  So translated to my current life experience:  even if I recover from Lyme Disease and the associated illnesses, what does it matter if I have not wrestled with the larger questions of life?  And if this is true, why do I spend so much time and energy on the earthly things?  The answer is probably because I am weak and distracted from my Lord and Savior too much of the time.

I was reminded today by another blogger (The Busy Mom) that I would be wise to spend more time focusing on what the apostle Paul teaches in the New Testament Book of Philippians:

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (4:8)

Sounds good.  These thoughts surely will create a positive effect on my healing from the inside out.  And further, the words of Sarah Young in her book Jesus Calling suggested that a spirit of thankfulness awakens my awareness to a multitude of blessings, cushioning the impact of the trials of life (p. 215).  She pointed to scripture that teaches we are to:

18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.  (1 Thess 5:18)

Therefore if I were to dabble more in these words of scripture I would simply fill my thoughts as noted above.  Yeah but I still couldn’t do it in my own strength when the noxious symptoms and tasks of recovering from illness distract me from everything else, even God’s Word.  When I am so weak that I cannot lift my head off of the pillow, I submit to you that to fulfill these commands are impossible without the power, grace and love that comes from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  The Holy Spirit of the Triune God must speak them into my heart. It is only with God, James also teaches us in the New Testament, that we can:

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

And the rewards of following the Lord are worth it.  I won’t be lost in the rumination of my mind going over and over my sorry lot in life when I meditate on these words.  I will no longer be distracted by pain, my list of “have nots,” and my unfulfilled wish list for this stage in my life.  Exasperation will give way to peace.  And most importantly for me, the journey will not be wasted.  The journey will be rich with meaning, with discovery, with wonder.  The earthly emotions of emptiness, guilt, discouragement, despair, and so on will fade away.  Joy will come in the morning and in the night as well.

Those gentle readers who have died to self and trusted in the hope, promise, and saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, know what I am talking about.  We can turn to His Word that He gave us for countless reminders of how He loves us, sees us exactly as we are in the circumstances and circus of our lives.  We will never be alone whether in the midst of others or weary on our sick beds (Psalm 41:3).  The benefits outweigh the risks of letting go and letting the God of Creation enter into our hearts:  the One Who will come again in glory, restoring us to glory.  We will dwell in a heavenly realm with him forevermore and that is a time far beyond our wildest imaginations.  Forever with the Lord will be a time rich with meaningfulness!

Yes.  I have Lyme Disease and a whole host of things wrong with me and my life.  Yes. I am a child of the King Who goes before me, leads me, holds me, knows me, and is coming again for me and for you too.  I pray that you will join me in looking beyond your circumstances for a NEW HOPE BEYOND LYME.  It’s worth it!

Trading My Sorrows for the Joy of the Lord

Counting on Muscle Memory!

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Completing 30 minutes of the Metabolic Effects hybrid workout DVD with repetitively lifting 5 pound weights, reflected the highest level of fitness I had achieved in my life.  The increased upper body strength provided a great foundation for hitting the kayaking season with my River Bear husband just 2 months later.  We would go out with the local, recreational kayaking group virtually every Tuesday night from summer through the Fall.  I even sampled one member’s cookies after a night of paddling:  a sweet treat, in a peanut butter version for health reasons of course!

While everything was not perfect at that time, I mean I still had chronic pain and needed a couple of days to recover afterwards, life was as good as it had gotten.  I was working part time, enjoying gardening in a real home (not a condo or townhouse), and blessed beyond measure with a loving husband and church family.  My father had died earlier in 2011; that was bittersweet.  My dad died  2 months after I got to see him in person for the first time in 30 years!  So while  I was grateful for the reunion, the healing, and the new relationship with him, I was also very grieved for his passing.  And near the end of that year I had begun the Master Gardener classes at our local County Extension Office.   To become a Master Gardener was a new goal borne out of my mother’s love for gardening passed onto me.  All in all, it was a good and important year in my life.

What I did not count on was contracting viral hepatitis after kayaking in a local reservoir October 11, 2011.  I was deathly sick.  I never fully recovered.  After the holidays, my doctor when looking for other reasons for my illness and backed into a clinical diagnosis of Lyme Disease.  Within a year mold illness would also be discovered and a need to completely remediate our home.  The year and one-half of stress, illness, extraordinary expense, inability to work, and social isolation would take their toll.  My body became severely deconditioned as physical activity generally exacerbated most noxious symptoms.  To complete my basic self care, prepare my special diet, and to keep the house clean became my focus in addition to all of the activities related to managing my healthcare:  16 to 18 hours per day!  The remaining hours were crochity at best.  Dialing a phone and pressing 18,000 times the “1” key is not too far from the truth when you have to call so many health care providers, insurance companies and so on!

Today I am counting on muscle memory.  You’ve heard of that before, right?  Wikipedia defines it as follows:

Muscle memory has been used synonymously with motor learning, which is a form of procedural memory that involves consolidating a specific motor task into memory through repetition. When a movement is repeated over time, a long-term muscle memory is created for that task, eventually allowing it to be performed without conscious effort. This process decreases the need for attention and creates maximum efficiency within the motor and memory systems.

I am hoping that when I am able to work out consistently, the memory pathways will still be there to get me stronger a little more quickly than if I was starting from scratch.  Certainly I have experienced this, for example, when getting back into my kayak 2 weeks ago, for the first time in a year.  I do remember how to hold the carbon fiber winged racing paddle after all!  And I didn’t fall out of my 19 foot Kevlar Stellar SR surf ski.  Wow.  There sure are sweet benefits to being married to a kayak racer, by the way!  My equipment is very cool and exceeds my abilities for sure.  (With the chronic pain, the lighter, more efficient equipment helped me to participate in a demanding sport.)  Thank you Lord for this cool history and the hope I have in You.  It’s all good.  🙂

One week before this journey began

Thunder and Lightening

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“Rain, rain go away.  Come again some other day.”

The kid’s rhyme had it right for me this morning.  Oh at first the badda bing badda boom didn’t bother me as the bedroom lit up with a raging thunderstorm storm outside.  The thunder rocked the windows and I’m sure the pup in the kitchen was making her way to cower in the bathroom!  Yeah, I understand that.  It was time for me to retreat as well . . .

When I was a kid we used to say that the boom, boom, bang of a thunderstorm was the angels bowling!  We also said that the rain was the angels crying.  We Catholic kids had a lot of fairy tales we told to get us through the scary stuff.  (Smile.)  Now that I am a believer in Jesus Christ, I turn to the Bible for truth and have learned that angels are real, were created by God, and have specific tasks that they perform both here on earth and in the heavenly realm as directed by God.  Wow.  Angels have nothing to do with thunderstorms!

But thunderstorms have everything to do with my illness of late.  The tic and seizure attacks are worse when the clouds and weather systems collide out there.  I can’t control it nor stop it.  There ain’t no antidote neither.  I just hold on for the ride.  Perhaps it’s part of my sensitivity to electromagnetic frequencies these days, manifest in the computer router, various electronic treatment modalities, and extensive cell phone usage.  Sigh.  What will I be sensitive to next?  Yes, the smell of soap on my husband’s scalp last night came close . . .

And yet today I am grateful for the rain.  The grass was looking a little crispy and I hadn’t been able to water my gardens last night due to noxious symptoms.  So here I sit, earlier than I should be awake on a Saturday morning, feeling “fried” again, and wondering what to do with myself.  My husband left early to run the United States Canoe Association races at Rivergames, part of the 3 Rivers Festival in our city.  He will be racing his Mohican in the K-1 unlimited class against some stiff competition (if TED shows up today!).  I am so proud of Steve.  He held me close last night during severe seizure attacks that lasted about 1 1/2 hours.  Twas hell.  We had some tense words later about some of the difficulties managing this season of life that we are in then we each took care of various tasks before bedtime.  I’m glad to say that we “kissed and made up” too, and all is well again.  About 5 hours later, we are both up again:  Steve is off to the races and what is left of me is here with you . . .

The rain has now stopped and all I hear is the roar of an emergency vehicle’s siren in the distance.  Lord, go before them and be with those in need of your care.  As for me, I am grateful to report that I am now past the personal thunder and lightening that began this day.   For me to be of use for Your kingdom, Lord, I must rest and recover now.  Perhaps I can join my beloved later for the crazy raft races that will follow the USCA races at the Festival.  Yeah, a good laugh will be good medicine.

Looking forward to loving a rainy night one of these ‘ol days . . . Eddie Rabbit  got it right in his song decades ago . . .  Click on the link and enjoy!

Hanging in There!

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efu-hanging cat with dogOne more day and I will be free of this 29-day round of antibiotics.  A short course of candida treatment (6 days) begins after that and I’ll see what’s left of me when I’m done!  On this day, I am grateful for:

  • My beloved Steve whose faith in the Lord and faith in me never falters.  He is a precious gift in my life.
  • Precious friends within the Lyme community who “get it” as we walk through this journey together.
  • Our loyal Elle whose brown puppy dog eyes have met mine, melted me, and comforted me in the wee hours of many late nights.
  • A brilliant Lyme and Mold-Literate Doctor.
  • A lovely home with the time and space I need to recover.
  • And deepest of all is the indwelling presence of God through His Holy Spirit Who speaks truth into my life, covering the lies and fears.  Thank you Jesus!