Jesus is for the Wounded

Father Save Me From This Hour

Published on April 3, 2014April 3, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded3 Comments

Such was the cry of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ as He prepared to die a tortuous death on the cross at Calvary: before His glorious resurrection and what we have come to celebrate as Easter.

The sins of the world hung in the balance that day, separating us from the love of the Father in heaven. Until the time of Christ a Jew was required to bring sacrifices to atone for his or her sins and that of the family. Bringing sacrifices, keeping the Sabbath, and a plethora of Jewish holidays dominated religious life. These rituals and following the rule of law (including the Ten Commandments) was the only way to get to heaven before the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Then God’s Word teaches us that He came to save the world if we but repented and believed in His saving grace, His death and resurrection. He became the Passover lamb that was slain. Gifts of eternal life, indwelling of the Holy Spirit, spiritual gifts, fellowship with other believers and more follows for those who come forward. But it’s not all rosy living the Christian walk . . .

Yes, there is much good in the world, much happiness in this life. And then there is the bad stuff too. The reason for the bad stuff is an important topic yet it goes in another direction than my discussion today. Let’s just say that evil is here and it will always be here until Jesus Christ comes again. When bad stuff happens, someone suffers. Our Lord knew what suffering felt like as He was ridiculed, whipped within inches of His life, and sentenced to a horrific death for something he did not do. He came into the world willingly from the eternal realm out of love for us. Conversely, we rarely come to our suffering in the world willingly. Our suffering comes as a consequence of living in a fallen, imperfect world as sinners. Further, our suffering isn’t always fair. Sometimes it comes when we are close to God, working hard, doing good, loving others, and making the most out of our finite lives. Many times it just doesn’t make sense.

I just finished listening to a gentle message by the late Chuck Smith of Calvary Chapel Costa Mesa entitled, “Prayer of a Troubled Heart.” Pastor Smith developed this topic better than I can so I would encourage you to listen to the audio sermon if the subject is on your mind these days. I was comforted by his instruction that our suffering can be God working out eternal purposes in our earthly lives for our eternal glory. If we could somehow change God’s plan for our lives we would be obstructing God’s eternal purposes. “Even from the pain and suffering, eternal good is going to come.” We can point to the life of the apostle Paul who endured physical infirmity and still carried or “deposited” the Gospel message to countless peoples throughout the known world of his time.

¹²That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for shame, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.

¹³What you heard from me, keep as the pattern of sound teaching, with faith and love in Christ Jesus. ¹⁴Guard the good deposit that was entrusted to you—guard it with the help of the Holy Spirit who lives in us. 2 Timothy 1

The apostle Paul encourages us to trust, to have faith in the Gospel of Jesus Christ no matter what our “light and momentary” affliction might be. In light of all eternity, our time of illness is short indeed.

¹⁶Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4

Relying on the scriptures brings the power of God into our weary hearts and minds. We find stories of triumph over trials that encourage us. Hebrews 11 describes several pillars of faith, empowered by God to endure, overcome, and bring glory to God as they saw His plan unfolding before their eyes. Joseph was sold into slavery, imprisoned in a dungeon, mocked then ended up saving the nation of Israel from starvation as others recognized his Godly character and abilities. There are many more men and women from whose example we can learn as well.

Drawing from the scriptures Pastor Smith guides us first to pray about the things troubling our souls. Second, we are to “reason” that God really does love me and is wiser than I am. I am not to base my understanding of His love for me on my circumstances but on who He is. The events of my life work out His eternal purposes for both me and those around me according to His Divine plans for good, for His glory. And third, I am to commit myself unto the will of the Father knowing that:

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

This is difficult to do! If it’s too difficult then I must first ask myself: in whose strength am I trying to get through the suffering? Do I keep asking the Lord to do this or that for me versus asking Him to help me? Reveal His will for me? Encourage me with His grace? Strengthen me to endure? Submit to His will knowing that His good is coming? I must put on my eternal glasses even if I cannot see anything beyond my situation. I need to ask Him to increase my faith and He will do it!

This insight came together after another and extremely wretched evening. Only once before have I completely collapsed without warning at the kitchen table requiring my husband to catch me from falling. Moments after he carried me to bed I cried the most guttural tears of my entire life. The most violent convulsions I have ever experienced followed. Steve prayed then cried too. It seemed to me like I was “weeping and gnashing (my) teeth” as the Bible describes for those in hell. It took a long time to recover. I still do not know why all this suffering is here for me and Steve. I do know how I am to handle it, however. That insight came earlier in the evening.

Unfortunately I never was able to join the home group discussion in my own home tonight. After welcoming our brothers and sisters in Christ and setting aside the goodies they brought for later, I attempted to walk to my seat in the living room. I was aware that my speech had become strained already. Then all of a sudden I felt sick: the pre-tic set of symptoms ramped up quickly indicating that what was coming next would not be good. I whispered into Steve’s ear from behind where he was sitting on the sectional that I wasn’t feeling well and scooted off to our bedroom. As my head was hitting the pillow the seizure attacks began! They were bad. They persisted with vocalizations that risked alarming our guests down the hall. Soon I heard a guitar playing and people singing. The worship had begun and the sounds would cover my episode. Thank you Lord.

I had hoped that the music would also quiet my tender frame in torment. Not so. The episode quieted into tic attacks and I was able to breathe more easily. In my spirit I cried out to the Lord to stop the episode. I feared many scenarios that could happen next in which others would end up horrified, witnessing some aspect of the seizures. Our master bathroom toilet was out of commission for repairs requiring all of us to use the bathroom in the hallway between where I was in bed and the living room. If I collapsed and was unable to walk, Steve would have to physically assist me to the bathroom partially in view of where everyone was sitting. I would first need to scream to alert him beyond the closed Master bedroom door. Nothing would be pleasant about the fact that I really needed to use the bathroom down the hall from me . . .

It’s as if the Lord was sitting right next to me in that bed at that moment. It’s as if I could see the slight scowl on His face as He “looked” me directly in the eye and wondered why I was telling Him what to do again. Had He not been with me in prior episodes? Had He not used this illness to reach thousands of people around the world with the Gospel through this blog? Had He not gifted me to write and create in ways that brought joy to my heart even in the middle of the night? Had He not provided for both Steve’s and my needs these past 2 1/2 years? Helped me become an Advanced Master Gardener? Strengthened Steve to win his first national kayaking award? Yes, He had worked in both of our lives incredibly despite the extreme suffering.

No one in their right mind wants to suffer. I don’t like this wretched illness and long for it to be over. Yet if I miss the teaching moments that come along the way then this suffering will be no more than an endurance race with no prize, no glory, no hope, no real encouragement for others who will come after me. The lesson I needed to learn this evening was to simply ask for the Lord’s HELP and let HIM do the rest. He knows why this episode was timed during the heart of our home group meeting and I do not. I need to trust Him on this one as I have during so many times of need in the past. His answers, His timing, His purposes have encouraged me more times than I can describe here in addition to numerous other people watching the events unfold. As Pastor Smith describes in his message: I do not want to obstruct God’s eternal purposes that will be for my good and His glory!

I must persevere in faith no matter what the cost. He will strengthen my faith. I must ask my Heavenly Father in the name of Jesus Christ for help then wait on His leading, His answers. Jesus Christ did this very act of submission before the Father when Jesus was praying in the Garden of Gethsemane knowing that His torture and death were imminent:

⁴²He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” Matthew 26

The God of the universe, living among us as a man yet fully God, submitted to the will of the Father, the purpose for which He was born into the world. He cried out for the Father to save him from that hour in crisis, for help. Most importantly He then submitted to the will of the Father and the world changed forever because of it. I will live a life eternally with my Jesus because He died on that cross for me. My time of suffering is not too much to bear with His help to live the life to which I am called. Sure it feels like hell. My faith transcends my broken frame and will bring an eternal reward that goes beyond my temporary affliction. With this I can go on.

What say you, Gentle Reader? He loves you too you know . . . Might you call on Him too? It just might rock your world in a good way. No kidding.

All You Need is Love

Published on April 1, 2014April 1, 2014 by Jesus is for the Wounded1 Comment

Sometimes you just need Jesus with skin on, ya know?

Tis quite humbling to find true love in the midst of the most wretched time of my life. Even the worst of the trauma of my childhood cannot compare to the wrecking ball-like experiences of violent, waking seizures every day. During the bewitching hour of night my beloved often lingers nearby, checking in periodically or lies next to me to warm my chilled, freaking out frame. Perhaps he has carried me to the bathroom moments earlier or fed me some water to drink in my listless state after an episode. And then comes the silliness that only a River Bear can muster in the midst of yet another crisis. Seriously! He finds a way to laugh in the midst of it all.

Sometimes you just need Jesus with skin on and I am exceedingly grateful love my Steve every day. Making his lunch bag for work or cooking dinner a few nights per week is my meager contribution of late. Sometimes I can do housework, grocery shop and laundry too; not so much lately. It doesn’t seem to matter to my husband though. He appreciates any of it and celebrates when I can get out and walk the dog or create a piece of jewelry instead of completing the chores. Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches seem to fill his belly just the same! What further amazes me is his compliments and words of encouragement when I am at my lowest. I have never known this much love from anyone before Steve!

To those Gentle Readers who are single: be the partner for which you seek and wait for the one who will love you above all else after the Lord. I found Steve after 47 years of living and after kissing a few frogs along the way! Oh well. Sometimes you can’t tell a prince from a frog until it’s too late! Yet when we trust the One who knows and numbers each hair on our pretty little heads, He will bring your night in shining aluminum*, or is that armor (?) at just the right time. The trials and adventures of life come alive when shared with your intended beloved.

I used to say that I could make a relationship out of anything. I was dumb and wrong. Settling for less only brings heartache. I now see too how the Lord empowers me to love Steve beyond my earthly capabilities and he must be doing the same for Steve as he loves me too. In doing so we are drawn even closer together. How does one prepare a lunch bag, clean up the kitchen at 4:00 a.m., and make it back to bed when sickly, nauseous, twitching in pre-tic episodes, etc.? (How does Steve work full time, serve and worship at church, attend to household tasks, and keep up with athletic endeavors after staying up late with me?) By calling on the Lord to add His increase, He brings blessings beyond the tasks at hand. As for me, on particularly bad days I don’t do much of anything. The look in my eyes is all I can give, to say how proud I am that my husband goes to work each day for us, or for me to muster up the strength to take a shower and wear the jeans he likes the best. It is enough. It is love.

Thank you Steve. Thank you Lord!

Steve and Julie looking out over Lover's Leap, Starved Rock State Park, Illinois — Steve and Julie looking out over Lover’s Leap, Starved Rock State Park, Illinois

******************

* The “night in shining aluminum” story stems from the theme of many romance novels: the dashing young man will eventually scoop the young maiden into his arms and carry her off into eternal bliss as the sun sets. I believe I had a similar experience the day of my move from the west suburbs of Chicago, Illinois 200 miles east to be with Steve in northeastern Indiana. We met on Yahoo Personals and had a fairy tale long distance relationship for longer than my Prince Charming desired. Each time we parted to make the long drive home he would tease me about running off to be with him in Indiana! The tell tale moment finally came on moving day in November of 2007. The movers had packed the 24-foot box truck with all of the earthly possessions from my beautiful condo near the Dupage River. We were standing in the parking lot about ready to go when he popped the question. Steve looked at me and said, “Julie I’m going to ask you one last time: will you come away with me to Indiana?” I jumped into his arms with a resounding “YES” and off into the beast of shiny aluminum we went! My prince had come for me at last . . . :J

Thinking Spring

Published on March 30, 2014March 30, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

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The Waiting Game

Published on March 28, 2014March 28, 2014 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

TREATEMENT UPDATE: The new doctor I saw on Monday ordered more tests. My treatment plan is thus delayed. My response to high CBD hemp oil waxes and wanes. At least it prevents seizure attacks most of the time when I am in a completely controlled environment and can arrest them some of the time when they break through. But if someone enters my bubble at home with but a speck of perfume or exposure to mold in a water damaged building then there are fireworks! So I’ve got three more weeks of guessing what the heck to do . . . Holding on and talking to the Lord a lot.

Or holding it? Gotta laugh too.

The Genius Between Us

Published on March 26, 2014June 21, 2016 by Jesus is for the WoundedLeave a comment

If you lived in the Midwest of the United States in the mid-1960’s chances are good that you knew about slot car racing. It was the craze back then for hobbyists, car enthusiasts, boys, and the girls with brothers!

And if you were into performance slot car racing, then you would have selected either a Mura, Champion, or Dyna-Rewind motor to win. Not familiar with it? Check out these pictures:

A slot car racing enthusiast in the mid to late 1960s would bring his best cars in a wooden gear box to a local track. For about $.50 he (or she) could rent a lane and race whomever showed up that evening for 30 minutes. Competition was always fierce with fans and racers taking turns spotting cars around the track that had spun out or flown off in the heat of the battle. Each car had rubber tires, an electric motor, chassis, body, and plastic tongue-with-flat-metal-brushes on the bottom. The cars ran on a track with a groove in the middle of the lane and tiny metal or wire filaments on either side of the groove (which conducted the electricity as it made contact with the metal brushes). Each “driver” held a controller by which he (or she) could adjust the speed of the car by squeezing or releasing the lever on the handle. If you went too fast your car would either spin out or fly off the track! While the latter was quite spectacular it would often damage the car beyond repair — at least until the next Thursday night of racing!

Formal competitions and even professional drivers became legendary. In 1966 one racer in particular began beating the pants off of everyone in the Detroit area and carrying off all the trophies with his car powered by a special motor. Ted Lech had discovered how to make the motors faster by employing the adhesives, balancing principles, and rewinding concepts from his work at the General Motors Tech Center in Warren, Michigan. Soon others were clamoring to purchase the motors. Ted and his co-worker, “Bud” Stordahl created Dyna-Rewind and were quickly overwhelmed when orders came in from just about everywhere (including the UK and Japan) with each successive motor. In an interview with Pete Hagenbuch in the Car Model magazine of July 1967, “Mr. Motor” as they called him reveals the genius behind Dyna-Rewind motors. All was well and very exciting, however the slot car racing industry was beginning to diminish when toy manufacturers could not keep up with the performance output of the small-shop car guys. But the small-shop car guys couldn’t support the overall industry either. Then suddenly Ted Lech absconded with some of the business assets and vanished in 1969, never to be heard from again in the slot car racing world. Bud Stordahl closed Dyna-Rewind.

What happened? Well I guess you could say that not everyone handles success well. Ted Lech was my father: born March 30, 1937 in the Detroit, Michigan area. He married my mother, RoseAnne, in 1959 and I was born 9 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days later. We were living in a trailer park when I was born: a red and white mobile home at the beginning of the block. There was a sidewalk out front in which I rode my red and white tricycle with a bell and streamers on each of the handle bars. I loved riding my bike. Life was good for a 3 year old!

We moved into a house that my dad had selected in a new subdivision in Warren sometime in 1963. Michael was 2, I was 3, and Robert was on his way into the world thus necessitating the move up to a 3 bedroom ranch. We didn’t have much furniture so there was plenty of room in which we kids would play. The best spot was the basement: we could make all the noise we wanted to ’cause mom would just close the door at the top of the stairs into the kitchen! We had the coolest toys with which to play down there too. I remember a wooden train set on wheels that my dad had made where the cars hooked together and were big enough to hold each of us kids in our own train car. When we were lucky dad would whoosh us around the basement, carefully navigating around the black metal poles supporting the house upstairs! And if he would open the hamper shoot on us as we rolled under the hinged box he made in the ceiling, well that was really cool! Splat!

My dad built Dyna-Rewind in the basement of that house. I have come to understand that some of the operation was at the home of his business partner, Bud Stordahl, but I do not have any recollection of him or seeing the part of the operation that was in his garage in Birmingham. After all, I was a young kid back then. What I remember is all of the wooden tables that my dad had built and the increasing amount of tools and machinery that filled the basement. I remember playing with most of it, especially the rewinding machine, drill press, semi-circular magnets, black plastic display boxes with a clear lid, and even the motors. On a good day my dad would take us with him to race at “The Groove Raceway” in Royal Oak or perhaps another local track. In time he would take Mike and Rob more than me; perhaps I had developed other more girl-y interests too with my best friend who lived next door (Tammy Orlando). My brothers had a blast during their time with my dad. Mike became quite good at slot car racing and his ability to beat most anyone in games of all kinds continues to this day!

Flash forward to 2013. Out of the blue, my brother Mike makes contact with a French gentleman, Philippe de Lespinay, who was writing a new book to expand on his first publication, Vintage Slot Cars. Mike met with Mr. de Lespinaly, and shared the wooden gear box he had gotten from our dad containing a collection of Dyna-Rewind motors, slot cars, and my dad’s own hand-painted favorite too. Within a year from now the LA Slot Car Racing Museum is scheduled to open in California. I’m glad Mike didn’t sell out the family mementos, caving to Mr. de Lespinay’s repeated requests to both of us! I have one motor with a wire still attached to it. This was my memento actually from my brother Robert’s mobile home in Monument, Colorado when we were settling his affairs after he passed away in 2003. I displayed that motor where I could see it each morning for a long time. I already had several empty black plastic boxes like the one pictured above. A couple of them still store my unused gum wrappers from my 300+ foot gum wrapper chain tossed out long ago. Sure wish I had some of those magnets used inside the metal motor housing. We used to see how high we could stack them up before tumbling over and . . .

My brother called me about the book after his interview with Mr. de Lespinay a couple of weeks ago. So when Mike offered the opportunity for me to fill in my own details of this story I jumped in too. Mr. Stordahl had misreported some facts and perhaps was still a little sore about the sudden closing of the business in 1971. Evidently my father stole some of the business proceeds when he left with his technical genius as well. I am sad about that. The details of his leaving left scars with me too for a very long time. He had gone to California with another woman and did not return for a few months. The heartache for my mother and us three kids continued after his return to the Detroit area, through their divorce, and deepened when he left a second time: for decades. No one really knew where he was when he finally left Michigan. When we did discover that he was in Florida (and I later learned that he had also lived in Texas for a time) there was really no need for me to contact him. I had grown up, gone away to college, and moved to the Chicago suburbs to start my career in occupational therapy. Life had moved on. Sure I missed him. But life had to move on you see. My Heavenly Father filled in the gaps.

Flash forward about 30 years and our father has since reconciled with Mike and me. In 2007 my mother passed away and would never have contact with him before she died. She had moved on as well so I am not sure that it would have mattered to her anyways. Thaddeus Lech Jr. died in his 30-foot travel trailer along the Gulf Coast of Florida in 2011. He had become a renowned local fisherman; I can prove it with a few hundred photos I inherited of him holding up virtually every kind of fish that either spawned or was native to the Florida panhandle region of the Gulf of Mexico. He was also renowned in the automotive industry: inventor and co-inventor for Borg-Warner Automotive, holding over 20 patents for various types of clutch assembly and drive train components. His genius had continued! It makes sense that it would. When I was a kid he’d crafted the most phenomenal gerbil cages you could ever imagine for our pets Agatha, Ralph, and Dee. If I insert the word “sundeck” here you might be able to imagine the other rooms, elevated walkway, and security door too . . .

Everyone has a “past.” Everyone makes mistakes. Sometimes there are reasons for those mistakes and sometimes it’s simply the manifestation of sin in our lives. My childhood is filled with a few more sad stories than happy ones yet gratefully the sorrow has faded away. There is much more to the story of my father that could be written here to fill in the details. Others have attempted to share the sordid details perhaps to give the retelling of Mr. Motor’s story a little more spice. I do not believe that is necessary at this time. When my father contacted Mike then me before my father passed away, we were able to both get re-acquainted and speak words of regret, words of forgiveness. I got to hear stories I never knew about myself as a girl and about this adventurous, brilliant, complicated man. His smile and sense of humor warmed my heart in a place I did not know existed when I had moved on so many decades ago. To hear the words, “I love you” was a salve I did not know I was craving for when they finally came at just the right time. Even my husband, Steve, was touched by my dad’s gentleness, incredible way of handling the characters of the travel trailer park he had managed, and sense of humor. They hit it off well: car guys always do.

I hope the sequel to Vintage Slot Cars is a success. I hope that racing fans from around the world visit the LA Slot Car Museum and talk about the amazingly fast Dyna-Rewind motors. As for the genius between my brothers and me in the photographs below: I will always love you dad. Thank you for the memories. With my orange motor labeled with the foil Dyna-Rewind sticker and stray wire hanging by a thread, I’m good.