Author: Jesus is for the Wounded

I was just wondering how I can change my diet so drastically and barely notice a benefit?

I was just wondering how we can blast through another savings account and still not be “there yet?”

I was just wondering how I’m supposed to get out of bed when I’m hungry, can’t move, can’t speak, my body seizes and don’t even know if anyone else is in the house?

I was just wondering how the Lord keeps moving my jewelry business forward when I can’t seem to get the kitchen floor cleaned?

I was just wondering how my beloved Stevers still keeps on loving me when I can give back so little?

Hmmmmm.  Talk about powerlessness.  Talk about flying blind.  Talk about living in humility.  Talk about laying down your sword, your perceived strength and strengths, your hopes/dreams/plans.  I was just wondering if this is what true love looks like?

³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Matthew 6

²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life^[e]?

²⁹ Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.^{[a] 30} And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. ³¹ So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

⁹ This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. ¹⁰ That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe.

⁸ The Lord is the strength of his people,
a fortress of salvation for his anointed one.

Psalms are songs.  Here’s a contemporary one that fits the theme today and a place to start to understand His love:   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JoC1ec-lYps

Yes, I am not left alone to wonder, to wander.  And through faith in Jesus Christ, the promises in His Word become true.

Hmmmmmm, I was just wondering about something else:  do you know Him too?

Still working with the new allergy free diet and have cooked someone’s pet rabbit three times now.  Just kidding!   Refer to Rascally Rabbit blog posting for details.

For four whole days I had fewer seizure-like tic episodes; most were tiny jolts for less than 2 minutes total at a time.  One day I HAD NONE!  I had not had a break like this one in 7 months!  Then everything changed.  Not sure what caused the change exactly but on Friday I had a two-hour episode plus the usual ones when falling asleep at night or for a post-treatment nap.  Geez.  I was hoping to take the dog out for a walk on the 60+ degree sunny day we had on Friday.  Instead I spent it in bed.  The headache was menacing.  I’m not able to take anything for pain right now so it was a major bummer.  The Epsom Salt/Baking Soda bath helped some.  Geez again.

In those 4 days I realized how altered my life has become.  I had no idea how much was altered until many abilities and returned to near-normal for a short time.  I was able to handle the many little frustrations that occur over the course of the day, like needing to get a tool to open a stubborn container or stop what I am doing to answer the phone.  I didn’t cringe when a closing door made a loud noise or the dog continued to bark at the neighbor kid coming home.  I went from one activity of daily living to the next without thinking about it ahead of time.  No need to plan what I would do next or to prioritize what was most important in case I got sick in the middle of something and couldn’t finish it.  I just got busy and got everything done without a “To Do” list.  My diet had become very complicated so I spent time making weird food and even got creative doing so.  By the end of the four days, I was making some food for my family as well as myself, not thinking about what I was missing.  The headaches, pain, ringing in my ears, nausea, etc. diminished and my sleep schedule started to become more regular instead of fractionated.  My sense of humor increased and I could begin to appreciate beauty, little things, blessings.  I got clarity on a grant project that has largely been on hold since April and presented a review in front of our homeowner association Board.  A new jewelry design came to mind and came to fruition just after the symptom-holiday ended.  (After all, I’ve made most of my pieces whilst feeling sick so I pushed to finish the task.)  And then it was over.

Tonight I tagged along with Steve to run some errands, feeling sick.  The Lord became my strength and my husband my confidant as we both faded by the time we were on our 5th errand.  (Steve has a bad cold and I pray that I don’t get it too.)  Times like these is when you really notice the high sensory stimulation/sensory overload of the grocery store!  Wow.  So I did what I had to do and put my mind on auto-pilot and finished shopping.  Then the race against my energy clock continued at home to help put everything away (thank you Christina!) make dinner, make my allergy-free foods, clean-up, and get to the computer before I would collapse.  Made it.  Here I am.  Doing it sick.  Just had another “sweats” episode.  Now I’m chilled.  Baby, I’m back.

Next week I’ll meet with the consultant who helped identify the food sensitivities as well as my Lyme Literate Doctor.  Hopefully we’ll be able to tweek a few things.  Oh how I want those 4 1/2 days back!  Well this is Lyme and its complications.  One step forward, then comes two steps in any direction possible.

I just don’t know how I would survive the crushing disappointment without my faith in Jesus Christ.  He is my Rock in troubled times.  He is my Shepherd, guiding me when my brain or body cannot.  He is my hope, my future, my reason for persevering.  He gets all the credit for the good and none of the blame for the bad.  I know He grieves for me in my time of illness.  I know He is close when I but say His name, seek His face.  He is with me, my Emmanuel.  Oh my Jesus, I need you tonight.  Meet me here and hold my heart.  This is all bigger than me and infinitely smaller than your Omnipotence, Omniscience, Omnipresence.  I need you to catch my tears.  Thank you, my King.  I think I’ll be o.k. now.

…we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not disappoint us, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit which has been given to us. (Romans 5:3-5)