waiting on the Lord – Page 6 – Jesus is for the Wounded

I’ve been back in our home from a for just over a month now and generally feel better. We remediated our home for water damage and what turned out to be a minimal amount of mold. My noxious symptoms were better when I first came home and as of last night, they are much worse. May I explain?

While our home is as clean as it can possibly be, there are always multiple factors, internal and external to address when battling chronic illness. I was staring at the ceiling praying one afternoon this past week after a series of low grade seizure attacks for which I could not identify any particular trigger. The bedroom window was slightly open for fresh air and I had not changed anything recently in my diet, supplements, or Rife treatment programs. I talked to the Lord, praying, for a long time. Not sure how to describe what followed: a suspicion that the lingering yeast infection may have a role in the severity of my ongoing symptoms.

So I did what any dutiful patient would do, I called my husband at work! Well that’s probably not the best use of his employers time; it was the sweetest voice in the darkness that I could find at the moment. Steve looked up “yeast infection and seizures” and found a connection. We hypothesized that the yeast has crossed the blood-brain barrier, contributing to this seizure-like complication that has remained elusive. I knew that I had an undiagnosed recurrence of a urinary tract infection as well, again! (Labs results are pending.) Geez, what if there’s yeast in there too? Other lab testing has already showed that candida is still in my digestive tract. All this seems impossible with my limited diet: no sugar to feed it and several rounds of treatment in the past!

I do not consume added sugar in any foods; no desserts, sweeteners, 1/4 serving of fruit every other day, and only limited servings of gluten free grain carbohydrates. But there are sugars listed on the labels in some of my pharmaceutical-grade, doctor-recommended, and biomeridian-tested supplements. Oh my! At first, I felt betrayed. How could my healthcare practitioners who recommended these supplements and all of the foods that I was consuming not see that there still might be a problem? The feelings didn’t last long as I decided that I need to get to work FAST. These seizure attacks have gone on long enough. IT HAS BEEN A YEAR!

Turns out there are 8 grams of sugar in the daily dose of the powder probiotic I had just restarted. Turns out there were hidden sugars in other supplements and even the 4 ounces per day of coconut yogurt I enjoyed that is labeled as “plain.” Tuesday was a wretched morning after a nice dinner the night before with friends. Further investigation found that my dinner included a smaller-than-usual serving but slightly sweetener form of coconut yogurt, the 1/4 serving allowance of fruit, plus the probiotic later that evening. I did not usually have all of these together on the same night until then. Later in the week, my LLMD said that when the reaction is delayed until the next morning, it might be due to the fermenting of the sugars and yeast. When I woke up and got moving on Tuesday, the seizure attacks could have been triggered by the combination of activity, increased heart rate/blood flow, and the yeast having a party in my brain. I was ripe for an attack, literally.

I may not have all the details correct on how this all works. I don’t need to have it down exactly to know what to do! Immediately I replaced the probiotic; checked the ingredient label for all of my supplements and made adjustments; abandoned the plain coconut yogurt; and cut out even complex grains to one serving or less per day. Within a day I started running anti fungal and Candida programs on my Rife machine. Guess what happened? I felt worse. The first part of today was a nightmare. Is this what they call a herx reaction (i.e. symptoms caused by the toxins of dead organisms before they can be flushed from the body)? Who knows. I have to restrict my diet further anyways. This is still war. I am fighting for my brain and when I cannot breathe in the middle of an attack, it feels like I am fighting for my very life.

Steve wondered today if another factor to consider are changes in barometric pressure that occur when it’s stormy outside. Further research shows that persons with epilepsy and migraines often can have setbacks with changes in barometric pressure. Gratefully, I don’t have epilepsy. Only problem with the weather connection is that there is nothing a person can do about the weather! (We sang a song about this in Mott High School Chorale. All we can do is “just complain!”)

So the illness profile that is Julie is a nightmare these days with some nice moments occasionally! Everything appears to have the potential to trigger a pre-tic state or a full blown seizure attack; these generally come when falling asleep or waking up in the morning. Yes, it is common with Lyme Disease to have numerous noxious symptoms that change at will and vary with each individual. The LLMD has added the diagnosis of Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome to the mix which describes the sickness that can follow after exposure to water-damaged buildings. Fibromyalgia came as a diagnosis in 1992 with chronic pain and issues with fatigue. While I have had many very happy and active days over these past 20 years, the clinical picture has gotten quite complex of late. Thankfully, there is a new approach on the horizon: VIP. Here’s the latest research:

http://www.survivingmold.com/docs/VIP_published_3_2013.pdf

I’m not the kind of person that sees a T.V. commercial about a new drug and goes to the doctor demanding that it be ordered for me. This time, I have pursued VIP after seeing this new research and talking with another person online who has benefited tremendously. VIP stands for vasoreactive intestinal peptide, a naturally occurring hormone in the body. My LLMD recommended it to me a year ago and we were unable to find it in the United States at that time. I now fit both the research protocol and the compound pharmacy protocol I found online that issues VIP in the United States. I really want to try it and am hopeful for some relief of these complications of illness.

I’ll write more about it as the order is processed Lord willing this week and as I begin treatment. The average time for a person to notice a benefit is two months. Sigh. Regardless, I am looking forward to trying this new treatment approach, now that there is reasonable clinical indication that it could help me.

Thanks for hanging in there with me. I’m lying low this evening after “doing it sick” today and baking some treats for others who have helped us so much this year. If you are nearby (and you know who you are!), feel free to call me for a tasty treat. Or maybe I’ll see you on Thursday with my plate of cookies for the National Day of Prayer remembrance at our church. I do hope I make it this year . . .

Sometimes you simply have to wait for the next steps to be revealed.

Felt lost again today sitting in the hotel room, trying to function, and working my way out of the stress of being displaced indefinitely. My husband, Steve, was able to contact the insurance company about out potential mold restoration claim and the word continues to be, “we are waiting on management” to make a determination.

Tomorrow I’ll meet a friend at my home, donn the respirator mask, and take down the Christmas decorations. Thank you Cindy Jakacki-Null! Later I may have an appointment to fix my hair; long overdue. Life goes on, you know, and having things to do helps manage the stress of what still feels like a crisis situation. I pray constantly and feel the Lord right here with me, ordering my steps, keeping me calm, helping me to shower and complete a load of laundry today.

That’s all I can do today. Steve will be over later for dinner and stay with me. I love and miss him. I’m working on letting go of everything and living in a smaller increment of time than when I was very sick. This situation and these feelings will pass. I know this because I have been in this situation before and have seen the Lord’s incredible faithfulness, mercy, and blessing for His glory. “It takes what it takes” for His purpose to be revealed in me and you. I did enjoy some fellowship time at our church last night by the way; that was a huge accomplishment and the first time in many weeks . . .

My life was upside down in January of 2005. The divorce I was forced into was finalized; my mom was suffering 300 miles away, the effects of lung cancer treatment; my car had died and needed replacement within a day; I had just settled into a new rental condo and a fire in an adjacent unit displaced me in a temporary apartment for four months. I was traumatized by escaping through a firy stairwell. While some of the circumstances were different, I felt lost then like I do now. I was unable to tolerate the stress of working in a mental health hospital that requires each staff person to participate in take downs of out of control patients. I sought outside help to sort things out. Some time later, I confided in a couple of deacons at my church, psuedo-father figures, and asked them what to do. They advised me to stabilize my situation through purchasing a place of my own. Talk about a leap of faith! I had not yet recovered from the emotional and financial ruin of divorce when the new crisis occurred. I did what I had to do and moved forward on faith.

Soon thereafter, the Lord began the restoration process. The empty rental apartment to which the insurance company had moved me provided no reminders of my former life and every opportunity to reflect, pray, renew. Strange how things work together (Reference: Romans 8:28). I purchased a few simple items to make the place “home” and followed the Lord’s leading in re-creating my life. Within a relatively short time, I was in a lovely new 2-bedroom condo in a very desirable area of town. Financial blessings arrived in very unexpected ways: gifts, insurance settlements, and more. My new home was lovely and in many ways better than my town home in the past. My balcony overlooking a lush courtyard was a menagerie of flowers, a window box from my childhood, a restored outdoor mirror, native grasses, sparkly beaded garlands, and a tea set for two. The Lord provided me with yards and yards of cheap unbleached muslin from a local textile company to create a custom window treatment of which I’d always wanted. Rich ceramic tile adorned the powder room in chocolate leather-distressed motif and in a sandy beach-like texture in the master bath. My office reflected a Japanese company motif of which I had become fond with a sculpted cream carpeting. Then came the mural . . .

In the center wall bisecting the unit, the true healing work began with a 15-foot collage of natural papers. Words of poetic inspiration had become my writing therapy at that time and became the centerpiece of the design. I had never done anything of this scale before and have not had a desire to attempt another project like it since then. By the end of the year, the work was complete. I had also finished a course with a healing prayer ministry about this time. Yes, it was time to celebrate so much. We held a special service in my home with the inner circle of friends who had witnessed and the Lord used to facilitate the transformation within me. The inscription on “the wall” in drop-down area in the living room read simply in the words of Winnie the Pooh: “I likes me best when I’m with you.”

Within a year, the next party in my home was an engagement party. Wow! How much fun we had with the scavenger hunt to help everyone become acquainted with the love of my life, Steve Horney. The place was packed! When I look at the pictures of that special evening one characteristic was clear: everyone was smiling brightly! Me too. Tee hee. The Lord had restored the years the locusts had eaten (Reference: Joel 2:25).

So it is with great faith and a weak, recovering frame, that I wait expectantly on my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He was my strength in 2005 and is my strength now.

I think my laundry is done. Talk atcha later . . . :J

P.S. The week before the fire in the earlier condo apartment, I had just finished painting a different mural on a center wall. The design was a metaphorical representation of a bridge, symbolizing moving from one chapter in my life to the other. I had hoped to paint a silhouette of a woman on the wall, pointing towards an outside window but couldn’t find a suitable design to copy. Sunday night, January 19, 2005, I had just finished my laundry, cleaned my apartment and was settling down with my favorite snack when the fire alarm went off. Turns out I would never return to live at that apartment again. Many weeks later in relaying this story to some dear friends, they had a poetic explanation for me of the incomplete design: I became the woman on the wall, crossing over the bridge to my new life. Yes, I believe so! Thank you Jesus for my new life and for being there with me every step of the way. That frightful night you reminded me of my life verse that I gratefully depicted on the new mural in the new home. Please see Jeremiah 29:11 for the hope we all have when we but believe in Him who saved us.