connection – Jesus is for the Wounded

Winning through losing is the title of an article by Pastor Sandy Adams in the Summer 2017 issue of Calvary Chapel Magazine that touched my heart and lightened my burden this day. Pastor Adams told the story of the Apostle Paul of the Bible who, after coming to faith in Christ, never had a “thorn in his flesh” removed despite praying three times. He describes it as follows with a passage from 2nd Corinthians, Chapter 12:

Paul learned to view his thorn as God’s gift. He rejoiced in the weakness it caused; for it became God’s opportunity to demonstrate His supernatural strength. Paul rejoices in verse 10, “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. for when I am weak, then I am strong.” He took pleasure in circumstances where he was no longer in control. A weak Paul empowered by God’s grace was more effective than a strong Paul at peak performance. Paul was confident that God’s grace was sufficient. (p. 52)

Pastor Adams goes on to encourage us that the Lord’s greatest work is in our times of defeat: a work that He intends to do all along. “Rest in this: When we are at our weakest, God makes us strongest.” (p. 52)

It is my hope that my writings here will exemplify this teaching. I have struggled greatly these past few weeks with episodes of physical and spiritual darkness too ugly to describe publically. To think that I may never be free from daily convulsive episodes is a burden to great for me to bear in the midst of these setbacks. At the same time, I continue to have a sense that perhaps soon they will stop. Should I not hope that they stop? I think not. My calling is to remain faithful to the moments in which I find myself: doing that which the Lord wants me to do, discerning the leading of the Holy Spirit, dwelling in the presence of my King often. If that means being obedient to the Lord’s call to get off the couch to take a rescue remedy while my head is banging, my legs aren’t working right, and pressured vocalizations are emanating from deep within my loins then I will trust that my Heavenly Father will keep me safe while I do so. It’s amazing how supernatural power overcomes my own inability to move my body correctly. His power is real!

I recently completed a course of antibiotics to treat a gut infection that may have a connection to my brain symptoms. The medication hurt me with damaging side effects. After 10 days I called my Doctor and transitioned to the first of two herbal protocols that would follow next. Tomorrow morning I will start the second of these two plans including dosing at an elevated level of an antimicrobial that I have largely tolerated in the past. I am hopeful that recovery is possible with this new plan. After reading Pastor Adam’s article today I will remain mindful that there is purpose and power in every moment of this journey no matter the outcome will be. The power of Christ has indeed rested upon me in my weakest, most breathless states. I have trusted Him completely albeit not perfectly. He has ordained these days for me revealed in other levels of healing that I cannot disclose right now: the longest held desires of my heart have been addressed, have been comforted. Through seizures!

In time, the Apostle Paul saw his thorns as a gift. “Imagine, a thorn gift” suggests Pastor Adams. “When Paul accepted his thorn as a gift, God gave him strength.” As I have come to my own level of peace with this serious illness, I have received many gifts as well. Another great blessing has come from my beloved husband, Steve’s, unfailing love, presence in the darkest of times, prayers, and gifts of the spirit. He is often my Jesus with skin-on, so to speak. This morning he anointed me with oil as he prayed for me in the aftermath of incredible difficulties. Oh Lord, please bless this man, this instrument of your peace! Help me to love and serve him as you would have me do so with your strength, with words from You to encourage his heart.

You know I never really thrived when posed with a competitive situation at home, with my peers, at work, at school, or in most places in life even though I know that it is o.k. to strive for excellence in all of these settings. I usually fell short before reaching the prize. Perhaps my focus was on the wrong place? Winning through losing brings us to the eternal finish line, the one that matters most, in second place behind the Lord, Jesus Christ who will share in the victory that He hath created all along the proverbial races of life. These are the ones that truly matter. The ones where we let Him carry us or infuse us with His grace, His power as we cross over into eternal glory.

Now that’s a medal I do want to take “home.” Lord, in your mercy, help me to finish well! JJ

Time for a treatment update and some good news! Yes, things aren’t as bad. 🙂

My major focus with my health since I started this blog has always been to stop the residual, daily convulsive episodes that have plagued me for over 5 years. More recently my treatment plan has centered around treating a gut infection that appears to be related. Some call it Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth (SIBO) and specifically for me it might be due to a clostridia species infection. Regardless, the gut-brain connection is real and affects neurotransmitters in the brain. A myriad of neurological issues can result when these chemicals are deficient or out of balance. Specific medications and nutritional supports directed by a functional medicine doctor in the past nor my genetic coach/naturopathic physician more recently seemed promising but did not help. Over the past 5 1/2 years, my medical doctor and I have also addressed or ruled out a plethora of other avenues (biotoxin illness, Lyme disease, mercury and lead toxicity, nutritional deficiencies, dental factors, epigenetic expression, pain/structural complications, the endocannibinoid system with CBD oil, psychological issues, ruling out brain or cardiac anomalies, sleep issues, etc.). But what about the dull ache in my tummy?

SIBO, small, intestinal, bacterial, overgrowth, abdominal, pain, tummy, stomach, appendicitis, clostridia, infection, test, OAT

I did an experiment with a hand held far infrared (FIR) device designed to treat pain. I used to sell the KenkoWave when I was an Independent Wellness Consultant for a Japanese health technologies company called NIKKEN. Pain in the right lower quadrant of my abdomen has persisted for over a year. A comprehensive medical workup yielded no clues so I decided to shine the FIR light onto my tummy. After just 2 minutes, I had a 2-hour, violent, non-stop convulsive episode that would not respond to any remedy we tried! I hung on for dear life! I experimented some more the next couple of days with the same result: an hour of non-stop episodes after only 60 seconds! Holy cow! Maybe the cause is in there somewhere? By this time I had gotten the results for the THIRD SIBO test coupled with an Organic Acids Test (from Genova Diagnostics and Great Plains Laboratories, respectively) with severe and high markers respectively. Over the next month, a plan of attack came together.

Somehow treating SIBO last year with an antibiotic (that stays in the gut called Xifaxan) was not enough to solve the problem. The current round began with about a week of a powerful bio-botanical followed by a nasty antibiotic called Flagyl or Metronidazole. The drug makes me nauseous so I take another pill for that. I am not fond of drugs but at this point I will do it if it KILLS THE BEAST!!! Gratefully, the abdominal pain has already come down. This leads me to the good news:

One-point reduction in the 1-10 pain scale.
Less reactivity to noxious stimuli and pain that used to trigger seizure attacks.
Shorter episodes that are generally less violent.
One less episode most days at my most vulnerable times: falling asleep or waking up.
Clearer thinking for some part of more days.
Less stress, fear, sadness, and anxiety.
Fewer headaches.
Less food sensitivities slightly expanding my food choices.
Increased ability to tolerate more supplements prescribed by my doctors per my test results.
Ability to work in the garden about once per week.
Ability to get to bed before midnight up to 3 nights per week. (I often stay up late to avoid seizure attacks falling asleep. Sometimes this has helped in the past.)
Movement in a better direction on several laboratory test and scan results.

The changes also appear to have been impacted positively by taking Low Dose Naltrexone. Persons with autoimmunity diseases and fibromyalgia often use it to reduce a variety of symptoms. I did not do well on a different dose in the past but I believe the Lord led me to do some research and prompt me to try it again at a lower dose. This started the list of improvements noted above with the reduction in chronic muscle and joint pain. Praise the Lord! Treating the gut infection followed and here we are.

I am encouraged and hope you are as well, Gentle Reader. Lord willing, I am going to get well!

If you are someone reading this who is struggling with severe illness, please let me know so I may pray for you. And please don’t give up! If I can make it through hours per day of head-banging, you can make it through what you are dealing with too. You are not alone. Keep trusting in the Lord to see you through each moment, to guide you and comfort you as only He can do so. He promises to never leave us or forsake us and will always be near if we but call upon our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. He sees us on our bed of sickness. He hears us. And one day He will come again in glory for us, taking us to a place where there will be no more suffering or weeping. He promised!

Thank you for following my journey dear one. Take care, JJ