Author: Jesus is for the Wounded

“I did it my way,” sang Frank Sinatra.

“Just pick yourself up by your bootstraps” a high school teacher taught his students.

“Make it so” ordered Jon Luc Piccard in Star Trek.

“Fake it til you make it”   states a Twelve Step program slogan.

“Carpe Diem” was on the T-shirt of the Olympic decathlon winner,

Bruce Jenner

And the list goes on.  It is the way of the world, especially in America, to be self-made, self-determined, creating your own destiny.  If only that were true I would be in a much different place today.   I’d probably be dead.  No kidding.  Here’s the story:

When I had headaches as a child, my parents took me to a handwriting analyst.  Handwriting analysis was a popular psychoanalytic tool in the 1960’s.  Seems silly today.  One result of the test was spot on:  “you are a very determined person.”  The expert then cited some negative consequences of this personality trait and prescribed a treatment approach of writing a positive sentence 30 times each night for a month, crossing each “T” with a dark stroke of the pen.  Talk about reinforcing a sense of deTerminaTion!  That was a crazy time in the mental health field for sure.

But I’m sure it was determination that got me out of the dysfunctional home of my upbringing, to college, to move out of State for my first job, to graduate school, and to make a mess of my life as a single woman in a big city.  Without the saving grace that comes with a personal relationship with Jesus Christ, I would follow the whims of the world to make it or break it.  Finally in 1992, that determination did break me with a chronic pain condition:  perhaps a result of spending hours at the computer finishing my Master’s thesis and degree, three semesters late, striving for what I wanted.  I was actually a new believer in Christ then, but I was still living in my own strength.  My strength had run out.

It’s history now, the crazy series of events that followed.  I did not grow much in my walk with the Lord at first, although my husband at the time and I did try to lean on Him in our decisions, in our hopes and dreams.  I would find that to really trust in the Lord is to die to one’s own strength, not try to figure out what God is up to all the time then do what you feel is best.  When we truly wait on Him, He will show us, lead us, and orchestrate events and opportunities that in the end are right for us.  Well my strength given out.  The trials of life that followed in that big city became unbearable and efforts to make things work ended up making things worse.  In the end, life would start over for me, from scratch, as a single woman.

I must have been a very strong-willed person, for the Lord to allow so much tragedy in my life to ultimately change me, soften me, and lead me to the underlying desires of my heart.  As my own heart was breaking, He began showing me His heart, His love for me, His will for me, and goodness beyond belief, in due time.  Just about everything that I have ever wanted has now either come true or is in the process of coming true.  Yes, even the current battle with Late Stage/Chronic Lyme Disease.  Did you know that Chronic Lyme Disease can cause Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?  Wow Lord.  You have provided me a loving husband and a doctor who understands this in a life where I have the time and space to “bother to recover” (as we used to say in the Twelve Step program).  Your grace gives me hope for what you may be up to.  You are sooooo good to me.

I will trust you Lord. Even as I was sweating and thrashing about in bed this morning, missing another opportunity to worship you in my church home, I will trust You.  Even as I was shaking and bursting out gutteral sounds in the back seat of the car this evening, then getting up to have some dinner with friends, I will trust you.   Even as I sit up late at night on the computer, writing this blog, sharing You with others around the world.  Yes, it’s a crazy time, once again in my life.  I will trust you Lord as you have grown my faith in You.

The Bible teaches us to:

⁵ Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
⁶ in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

How do you measure, measure a year?  In daylights, in midnights, in sunsets, in cups of coffee . . . measure it in love.”  Opening song from the movie, RENT.

I have always been a work-oriented person.  To view life through one’s daily occupations, including work, is the hallmark of my profession of occupational therapy.  In this work, I would examine how people “occupy” their time and the skills needed to do it.  So when I meet someone and ask how he or she spends her time, or meet a task to complete, immediately my mind is trained to complete an activity analysis.  What are the physical, social, cognitive, emotional, and even spiritual skills needed to complete the task?  After 29 years as an occupational therapist, and 3 summers working in an O.T. department as a college student, this is in my blood, so to speak.

And this ability is a gift from the Lord.  To analyze and adapt is a life skill I would need as the Lord worked through the events of my life to first, conform me more to the image of a Christ-like woman, and second, to survive and overcome these events.  So here I am in another “event.”  The event at the moment is approaching the one-year mark since I became sick and the 5-month mark since I have been unable to work.  So how do I measure my year now?  So much has changed since I was well and since I was working.  Even if I am able to make some jewelry a few hours per week and water a garden, it’s not the same.  Well, maybe like the song says, measure my year in love.

:J

This year has taught me what true love looks like, as expressed by my husband, Steve.  He just doesn’t get rattled by anything and turns to his faith in Jesus Christ if and when he does.  It has been the middle of the night sometimes when he asked if there was anything he could do for me, gotten up, and ran a hot Epsom salt bath to help me manage some noxious symptom.  The level of personal sacrifice, loving sacrifice continues to be measured by a love that transcends Julie-n-Steve.  He has walked in faith with strength that only comes from the Lord.  It’s just too hard otherwise.  I know and I think he does too from each of our own, respective life experiences.  I am grateful for his love.  I am grateful for the source of his love.  I am humbled.

:J

Love has come in other forms and not necessarily where I have seen it before.  New forms.  Quiet forms.  The more time passes when you have a serious illness or heartache situation, the more people leave your life or just go AWOL for awhile.  It’s just hard to watch someone else go through something yucky, I know.  And so many relationships are based on common interests, common gathering places.  That’s cool.  That’s cooler when you can do those things and go to those places together.  When they change, most of those relationships change.  I understand that; I have been through this before with major life changes.  It’s common.  What is sweet is when the contact, the connection, the love comes to you when you least expect it and need it most.  That’s a love ordained by our Heavenly Father and Heavenly Husband.  I love it!  So I say, thank you for the sweet card in the mail this week, the heart-felt email, the support of my new work, the look in my doggy’s eyes, the bath, and the energy to get out into my garden and kayak a bit for the first time in awhile.  Yeah God!

:J

My job at the moment is to get well.  When I get up in the morning and feel like crap, I must begin my treatment; it’s my job.  My husband goes to work in the morning and I go to my treatment at the other end of the bedroom.  It’s just different, that’s all.  Treatment is the occupation that structures my time, just like any other major activity in a well-balanced life.  Sometimes the end product, the outcome is unknown for awhile or forever.  That’s where my faith comes into play (Proverbs 3:5-6).  The Lord has used other bouts of illness, major life transitions for change that brought me to His throne of grace and more goodness than I could ever imagine.  He often shows me His heart, His purpose along the way and for this I am grateful.  His Word promises that He will never give us more than we can handle with Him, and that it is all used for good (Romans 8:28) in the end.  The trials are never wasted in the larger scheme of things.  If I don’t see it, I must expand my view.  If I still don’t see it, I must trust that someday, even in Heaven, I will.

:J

Besides, I’ve always prayed for better health.  What if recovery from Lyme Disease, the root of so many other diseases and unexplained syndromes, is the pathway to freedom?  Would I really want it any other way if this is the answer to prayer for which I have sought for so many years?  I think not.  Work is work and a necessary part of life.  These are the tasks I am called to complete today.  May I complete them with style and grace, my eyes fixed on Christ, my heart filled with His love and hope.

This just in:

Trinity Jewelry by Design is Here!  I invite you join me on a journey to create beauty and meaningfulness through some special jewelry designs.

For a first look, hop on over to:

http://www.JustJulieWrites.etsy.com

More designs to follow as local interest is growing.  Gratefully, two businesses have offered to carry several pieces and a dear friend purchased two bracelets this past weekend.  I am humbled and grateful more than you know.

Love it.

:J