Yes, no, and wait

They say that the Lord answers prayers with three responses:  yes, no, and wait.  I believe I have experienced all of these in a big way this past week!

Yes.  The answer was “yes” to the question of whether or not I would like to be admitted to the Indiana University (IU) Methodist Hospital Neurology Unit.  After an intense appointment with a neurologist in the IU Neuroscience Center, Dr. R. offered an overnight “observation” stay for a video EEG.  The hope was to capture the tic and seizure attack episodes to clarify my diagnosis and treatment.  So with the clothes on my back (since we were 2 1/2 hours from home), my husband and I followed the epileptologist’s advice and proceeded with the admission procedures.  I’d had 2 hours of sleep the evening before and a major episode in the office of the neurologist that morning.  Surely I was primed for plenty of episodes as the day progressed!

And that is exactly what followed:  at least a dozen more full blown or brief episodes captured on video with dozens of electrodes glued to my head and a heart monitor attached to my chest.  The rest of my Tuesday was wretched.  One good part was finding some food to eat on the hospital menu fit my Candida diet, yes!  The staff was nice.  Many unfortunate frustrations occurred as well; you’ve heard enough of those on this blog so I won’t elaborate.  The biggest frustration was seeing the inpatient neurologist twice for about 60 seconds each time he visited my room.  He never looked at my MRI films or my medical records!  His job was to do the EEG study and nothing else so that’s all he did.  Perhaps that is all I could take anyways?  Who knows.

No.  I do not have epilepsy.  O.k., my Lyme/mold literate doctor kinda knew that already.  The hospital neurologist said I needed to follow up with the Neuroscience Center neurologist for treatment or any next steps in my care.  The answer was also “no” to having one of my 3x/week IV magnesium infusions while the IV was still in my arm.  I usually have a tic or seizure-like episode when it is inserted or removed so I was grieved when they could not help me with this; I would need to make up the appointment at Dupont Hospital in Fort Wayne, back home.   The nurse pulled the IV; another episode followed, off camera.

There were plenty of other “no” replies over the 24 hour stay in the hospital.  Perhaps you know what it is like?  I was ordered to be on bed rest and fall precautions, tethered with multiple probes, monitors, and a bed alarm.  Geez.  At least they let me use the bathroom after initially forcing me to take a bowel movement on a commode in the room within view of the video cameras.  Geez again.  Eventually I was too exhausted  to care if the back of my hospital gown flung open.  Finally, after 2:00 a.m., I got 7 straight hours of sleep.  A miracle for an inpatient setting, no less.  Thank you Lord!

Wait.  These past 2 days since returning home have required patience with myself as I recovered from the whole ordeal.  My dear husband drove a total of 5 hours two days in a row plus participated in the neurology appointment on Tuesday and completed a partial day of work on Wednesday.  Steve is a saint, I tell you!  So we both have waited for our bodies to recover from exhaustion.  I will need to wait to speak to the neurologist at the Neuroscience Center as well.  Her nurse was not able to return my phone call Thursday or Friday.  Steve and I are waiting and wondering what’s my treatment plan?  Do I have one?

My heart is breaking with another project that must wait at the moment:  publishing my eBook:  Hope Beyond Lyme:  The First Year.  I need to transpose the final edits into the document formatted for publication.  I’m about 3 hours from pressing the “go” button!  This must wait until I can concentrate better.  I just feel too traumatized and drained by the hospitalization experience.  Perhaps it’s all I can take now anyways?  Who knows.

I do know one thing:  writing is one of the best therapeutic agents for me to come back to my senses!  I am sooooooo grateful for you, Gentle Reader!  You keep me sane!  I am grateful to report that I had a 27-hour reprieve from noxious events yesterday and two less events overall thereafter.  Being away from home and in the hospital (with a limited pharmacy for supplements and compounded medications) forced me to go off most of my prescribed treatments.  This may have been a blessing in disguise!  I’ve started an elimination schedule, gradually adding back one item at a time and recording my symptoms.  Turns out that one of my supplements is made from mold!  Chucked that one last night after a bad episode.  Not sure what caused the one tonight.  Oh well.  It was around 10:30 p.m.  I always have a severe episode then anyways.  Got any ideas?

Yes.  No.  Wait.  Perhaps this week is no different than any other with these three answers to prayer, to the desires of my heart.  I am so glad that I can trust the Lord with any answer that comes from Him.

1 John 5  14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

And when the answer does come, the one we have hoped for with longing and expectation, it can be as joyful as a wedding celebration:

John 3:29 29 The bride belongs to the bridegroom. The friend who attends the bridegroom waits and listens for him, and is full of joy when he hears the bridegroom’s voice. That joy is mine, and it is now complete. 

I am somewhere between the themes of these two verses, knowing that He cares for my needs and has a Divine plan that includes all of the events of this past week.  In the meantime I must keep my eyes focused on Him lest they wander to places that will get in the way of healing.  I will rest in the promise that has meant so much to me these past 10 years.  His love prevails and will carry me through all that is to come.  Perhaps it will encourage you too?

Romans 8  38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

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