One order of gratitude coming right up!

DSCF7927You all who are healthy out there listen up:  you got it good!

I finally had an evening that was nearly normal for most of it and it was indeed good!  Celebrating the wedding of the son of some friends of ours seems like an ordinary part of life to most of us.  The story went  like this:

We met our friends’ kid as a teenager, he fell in love and 3 years later, we were invited to a magnificent wedding banquet in the quaint Heritage Barn out in the country!  My husband Steve and I gratefully got one of the few invitations to the wedding.  We enjoyed holding hands together during the ceremony, gazing deeply into each other’s eyes from time to time while reminiscing own wedding vows not too long ago.  Shortly thereafter we were seated at our assigned place setting in the adjacent hall; a lovely table arrangement of hydrangeas nearly blocked the view of the other guests yet set the stage for a candlelit dinner as night fell softly outside.  The food was delicious and probably even tasted better because of the 3 -piece string ensemble filling the air with classical genre fit for a king.  The newlyweds smooched with a ring of a cow bell and as the mother of the groom squirmed.  All was well with the world.   White-on-white flowered wedding cake followed for the guests in the dance hall, followed by traditional ballroom dancing and some rip-roaring square dancing too!  The building was a refurbished barn so ’tis fitting to end the magical evening with barn dancing for young and old alike.   The couple later departed through a canopy of floating rose petals then drove off in a “smart car” just large enough to contain her wedding gown!  The night ended as the full moon shined through the thin cloud cover of the crisp evening sky.  Congratulations Brock and Hannah!  Your new life together has begun.

On the way home I realized that only once during the entire ceremony and reception was I aware that I am battling a devastating disease that could take years to beat.  Only for a moment did I wonder if I would find anything to eat from the dinner buffet that would match my Candida Diet requirements; the al dante’ green beans and baked chicken breasts would satisfy my hunger just fine.  Only once did I leave the dance hall to retreat to the stone fire circle where a bonfire covered me with as much warmth as my coat might have but it was in the car parked somewhere in the field beyond.  Only once did I wonder if the music was too loud for me only to realize that I would not be having seizure attacks upon returning to the car at the end of the evening.  The usual noxious after-affects of too much sensory stimulation, having not enough food that I could eat, smoke from the bonfire, sitting in an old restored building, and being out late would not bother me very much at all.

Wow.  You who are healthy and never think about such things got it good!  And tonight, so did I!

Thank you Jesus for an edifying wedding ceremony that focused as much on your sacrifice and saving grace as the wedding nuptials of two of your precious children.  Thank you Lord for working out so many details through the work of so many people and your Holy Spirit to bring such a lovely wedding ceremony together for all of us to enjoy.  Thank you my Jesus for allowing me to experience the wonderful fellowship of our friends in Christ as we celebrated this wedding tonight.  I am humbled and grateful for this afternoon and evening.   This taste of goodness reminds me of Your goodness.  It was and is just the right encouragement I need to keep going when the times are more difficult.  For your glory and in Your name I pray.  Amen.

Now I lay me down to sleep

DSCF7881 DSCF7883 DSCF7887Now I lay me down to rest

I prayed I’d pass tomorrow’s test

I did not die before I waked

Now one less test I’ll have to take.

And so I prayed last night, that regardless of the late hour that I went to bed I would make it through leading a craft at our local Lyme Disease support group meeting.  We made green hemp Lyme Awareness bracelets in recognition of Lyme Disease Awareness month.  Things went well and sometime later this afternoon will be time for some real sleep.  But of course there’s a few errands to run despite my fatigue.  No problem.  I’m used to functioning this way:  spacey, spent, sore, and half awake!

Bittersweet it s the experience of sharing a craft activity with friends on this same journey of recovery from Lyme Disease.   ‘Twas cool that I got to plan some of it with a dear friend earlier this week.  A sweet part of our time together today was the fellowship while sharing a simpler version of the jewelry that has become my home business. We got to talk casually while keeping our fingers busy creating something pretty.  And yet another sweet part was meeting a goal from my business plan for Trinity Jewelry by Design:  to teach a class in jewelry making.   Wow.  I thought it might be for a local craft store someday.  This works well too.  Check!

A more bitter part of today is the reminder of my inability to work as an occupational therapist.  Using therapeutic activities to help others recover in rehabilitation settings was part of my job as a Masters level clinician.  Today was a much simpler version of those type of activities without the billing, documentation, staff, or time pressures.   An activity analysis could show that the variety of exercises and tasks between the two would be similar but are usually more complex in OT.  To perform at a level needed for employment every day would be way above where I am now.  However I must say that it was nice to dabble in that realm some this morning.   And we did have fun!

You just never know what perspective a new day will bring.  Reminiscing on my former work life can be difficult at times.  Yesterday I watched a webinar on home safety for persons with neurocognitive impairments.  This used to be my area of expertise!  I had a small business 16 years ago teaching fall and injury prevention programs to community groups, sponsored by medical equipment vendors.  Then more recently I had used state-of-the-art evaluation and treatment protocols to assist patients and families with both physical and cognitive impairments to live in the least restrictive environments.  I enjoyed working with patients, families, caregivers, and colleagues to develop plans to promote the best function, the most accessible environments, the best quality of life.  I suppose those skills are still there in my background somewhere!  I suppose it wouldn’t take too much research and review to get back up to speed again.  I just don’t know at this time in my life if this is what I am called to do anymore when I am well?

”Tis a good thing that everything does not need to be resolved on a Thursday!  What I can say is that this morning was a decent one and good things happened.   I really appreciate praying with two gals afterwards and we could not do that in a work setting for sure!

Better get going.  There is shopping to do and two Lyme bracelet orders waiting to be filled.  I’ll sign off grateful in this moment and trusting the Lord for the ones to follow.  He is good and is already there in tomorrow.   ‘Tis a good thing that He is here with me now as well!

A Time for Prayer

The elders and some men rallied around Steve and I at church this evening to pray for us.  (James 5:14)  Very humbling and sweet.

Then they got back to business, teasing and cajoling one another in typical guy-fashion.

:J

Try a Gentle Approach

The late humorist Erma Bombeck published a book entitled, If life is just a bowl of cherries then why am I in the pits?  In her writings she had a lighthearted way of dealing with the unfair, confusing, satirical, unexpected, and simply crazy stuff of ordinary life and the people that can be responsible for it.  Oh to have the gift of humor!  Yeah that one eludes me a lot of the time these days when my world does not make sense.

Another author, Sarah Young encourages us in her book, Jesus Calling,  to let the Lord envelop our outreach to others when times are tough.  His love is infinite and transcends the strength and limited wisdom of our tiny brains, our earthly experiences.  This is a better approach and moves me in the right direction. 

But perhaps the place to find the best advice comes directly from God’s word.  The opposite of weakness is strength.  Searching for the word “strength” in the Bible yields 232 references!  Wow.  Finding this makes me realize that this must be something important to our God.  He must want us to seek Him first in dealing with the people and situations we face in our lives or He wouldn’t have inspired men to write it down for us that many times!  It makes sense:  as Creator of all things He is the ultimate source for the power to overcome the stuff of this world.  My favorite verse that helps me in my own times of weakness is Psalm 73:26:

26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Today the infilling of the Holy Spirit and His power helped me to do what I could not have done by myself.  The task was relatively simple:  make dinner for my husband and his good friend.  After all, we had made most of the items yesterday and offered to have his friend over last weekend and it didn’t work out.  All I had to do was tidy up a bit, set the table, make a salad, and put it all together.  The only problem was that my husband called me to confirm that his friend was coming as I was waking up from a recovery nap just after noon.  Nope, I wasn’t at church again today.  I was feeling very beat up from a total of 11 hours of seizure attacks the night before that woke me up several times overnight and early this morning.  My brain was still numb.  The number of attacks were too many to count.  I had wrenched my back in the process of involuntary shaking; the headache and back pain were piercing my frame.   The last thing a gal wants to do when her face is swollen, brain foggy, body hurting and running through hot-n-cold sweat episodes is entertain!  But if I did say yes, it would get me out of bed and going for the day.  A voice inside me somewhere agreed to the plan.  What?

As it turns out, everything came together regardless of how I was feeling.  I got to have a normal experience after an abnormal, nightmarish one.  I called upon the Lord and He sustained me, strengthened me for the task at hand.  The food was great and fellowship meaningful.  There was time to rest afterwards and take a call from another dear friend who understands what this journey through chronic illness is really like.  After eating lunch and taking two Tylenols, I felt better by about 4:00 p.m.  Whew.  At least the whole day wasn’t wasted!

The “gentle approach” I usually need is the one I must take with myself.  I must gently lay myself before the Lord at His throne of grace and let his love and strength wash over me.   When I am weak, when I am unable, when I lack a humorous approach to cope, He is able.  He is my Lord this day and always, my Emmanuel.   I don’t have to control anything or make anything happen in whatever shred of strength I may have at any moment.  He goes before me and it is always good.  Today I could even taste it!

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As an aside, today is Mother’s Day in the United States.  While many call it a Hallmark or greeting card holiday, it was actually signed into law after a woman wanted a woman in the role of motherhood to be recognized within her own family at least one day per year.  The Lord did not grace me with the role of “mother.”  Technically I am a step mother however that is not a title my husband’s adult children choose for me at this time.  They are adults and I am cool with this.  Recently I offered to adopt my husband’s grandchild as my own and was warmly received by the parents.  I am humbled and joyful for this gift of a grandson!  He now has five grandmothers and in time will see the benefits of the love and prayers of all of them.  The Lord guided me in not forcing the issue of being recognized as a step mother or grandmother.  Here we go again:  sometimes a gentle approach is best.  To Him be the glory in Christ Jesus when I do get it right.  I could not do it without You!